All Comments on 'The Shoebox Ch. 04'

Very good start, but your chapters are too short

you sure you've got a PHd? You sure don't write like somebody smart.

I was glad to see that the author was finally able to get to substance at chapter three. You could have gotten to the theme of BDSM right away and get your story started on the right foot. Perhaps you could do that with your next story. Other problems are still present, and probably are harder to fix.

1. The theme of the interaction between the personal life and the professional life of the therapist. It is a great idea in theory. In practice it does not work. I could not buy the BDSM influence penetrating (so to speak) the therapist life as a result of seeing BDSM photos. She is a mature adult. On top of that she has been dealing with issues touching on sexual identity as part of her ongoing work. It feels like it came from a good IDEA rather than from an actual FEELING on the part of the author. That last comment touches on the deepest problem of this author.

2. The problem of over ‘TELLING’ vs. simply ‘SHOWING’. One does not have to make a giant leap in order to connect the dots between the author’s day job and this stylistic obstacle. True, it’s not an obstacle which one could not overcome. For some fiction writers the professional background is not a problem at all. In addition, there is no doubt that the body of knowledge and experience from which one draws, are always an advantage. Yet, it is not uncommon, and that is the case here as well, that one carries some professional habits to their non professional engagement. Theorizing; analyzing; giving brief clinical profiles and most of all: providing ongoing self observations (not unlike notes which a studious therapist would take as he/she goes through therapy with a client) do not make for material which one usually identifies as ‘fiction friendly’. A lot was written about the difference between a scientific text and artistic or fiction writing. With the latter you want to activate the READER. Make the reader take much bigger role in the reading compare to the act of reading a scientific text. To reach that goal, most fiction writers use suggestive, evocative language rather than the language which is deemed best for science- i.e. the most explicit detailed and accurate. Along the same lines it has been observed that most great philosophers were not great fiction writers and vise versa. Again, this is not a stylistic gap which could not be overcome, but as it stands, the language seems awkward and out of place. It does not allow the reader to be involved emotionally and even intellectually as he/she should in fiction. Emotionally you keep us in the dark and intellectually you try to feed us with a spoon. My purpose here is NOT to denigrate or insult the author but to share some background knowledge, and advice. IMO it would serve your fiction writing to take off your clinical glasses; explain less and let more of your feeling come across.

You will love this series! You need to read all the chapters or you short change yourself!

I guess the next chapter we will learn from this doctor character of what every Dom is in psychological terms.

Every perfected Dom is a submissive in reality. It’s the power and need that drives the Dom to feel the slaves pain and pleasure. It’s always been called the escape or persona of control they have to perfect to survive their own insecuties. A perfected Dom is in control of their emotions, bordering on passionless expressions of disgust. If the Dom breaks this pretense in front of the submissive slave it will kill the allusion that must be real to both. This role-playing requires a mind set of the pain and degradation is real or the game is up between these two players. The Dom may show mercy but never show weakness.

The reality of the husband not being able to entertain the Dom facade is a reasonable assumption of a normal male or female, whose own balance of love and hate is controlled by societal norms. Self-control and self respect go with love and compassion in the collective normal world. Causing pain and showing disgust towards the love object is a path most humans find repulsive and hateful.

The good doctor character in the next chapter will obviously tell all of us what being into BDSM is all about, and the feelings of those involved. Is it a curable disease or is it a lifestyle engrained in the genes?

Looking forward to this fantasy of BDSM characters in the life of a Psychiatrist.

Your writing is very good, though as stated by others the chapters are a tad short.

With respect

PT

another very exciting part to this very erotic hot horny build up to a real hard cumming . i just knew this was going to be a and awesome very erotic kind of story.

now who's to blame and whom will cure. TK U MLJ LV NV

At this point I am much more interested in Joe and Beth. Spending so much time with Sid and Susan doesn't make much sense. Maybe the last chapter will shed some light to help me.

Her patients are two fucked up people who should never have married each other and should certainly never have reproduced

Just strange psychological crap, not much story here.

Obviously, the good doctors are going to end up members of this BDSM Society.

The good doctor Susan is going to find out she is a sub who also enjoys having her bum cropped and then being fucked by other men and women, probably all at once.

3/5

This story couldnt be any stupider no matter how hard you tried.

Talk about the idiotic foreshadowing.

It wasnt like this hack even tried, he, she, it knew which septic tank it wanted to end up in and carved the story to get there regardless of how badly the route was put together.

Thank the Lord this author bailed out on us.

Thanks for the heads up as usual 26thNC.