All Comments on 'The Story of Us'

I sure as hell don't come on here just browsing for poetry, and romance in porn is merely well-needed foreplay for my private time, but wow. You brought it. You brought it big. I mean, the speaker seemed intelligent, philosophical even, which tells me the same must be true of the author, more or less, and that's awesome! I guarantee that any writing would be good coming from you, regardless of the sex factor. Also, I'm snowballing in my love for LOTR every day, so that was an addition much appreciated. Thank you!!

Wow, talk about making my morning! Thank you for your lovely feedback. I have a very difficult time writing the so-called PWP (Porn Without Plot) stories that I know many users come here for, so to get a thumbs-up on my effort here fills me with squee. :)

And besides, who doesn't like LoTR? Gotta give a nod to the master now and then, right? ;)

What an excellent little slice of life. Thank you for your efforts. A well deserved 5 stars.

Anon #1: Any tips for improving the story, or am I just the lucky winner of a random slagging? :)

Anon #2: Many thanks for your feedback and rating. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

Very well written, sexy, just an intense, in-the-moment erotic blast! You have a better way with words than I do. It came across as genuine and very, very real. There is someone who is owed an orgasm, though, so Part 2 will appear soon, hopefully! Definite 5 stars!

I wrote the story so it would stand alone, but I suppose I did leave that bit open. If people are interested, I could expand for a second chapter. Thank you for suggesting it! :)

And don't sell yourself short in the writing department. We're all growing and learning, and one day I hope to see your five-star scorcher here. One of the best pieces of writing advice I've ever been given was: "Don't compare yourself to any other writer. Compare yourself to where you were before you started your most recent story, and if you see growth, then you're winning the competition." I'm fortunate to have wonderful beta readers who aren't afraid to hurt my feelings and point out what doesn't work so I can make it better. :)

Lots of people have tried their hand at erotica. Not all that many have succeeded. You wrote a wonderful story, with an actual beginning, middle and ending. The sex wasn't rushed, and your prose captured the magic of 'The First Time' with a partner. Excellent job. Looking forward to your next tale.

As I mentioned earlier, I have a very difficult time churning out erotica that doesn't have a plot because it's a massive turn-off to me. I know many readers here don't share that view, so I love finding out I'm not alone in my beliefs that a well-written story doesn't doom one to low ratings from everybody. :)

So glad you liked it, and doubly glad you took a minute to comment! Hopefully my next one, whenever that comes, is up to your standards as well. :)

That try to drag you down by saying Rubbish. They are so clueless I'm sure they wouldn't know good from bad. Well done! Enjoyed it. 5.

Areala,

I write erotica for Lit on occasion, and I - like you - can't bear writing sex solely for the sake of sex. I need a genuine story, whether writing or reading, though I enjoy working great sex into a great story. Your style is absolutely wonderful, revealing both a deep intellect and a romantic heart. I very much appreciate both. I will look for more of your stories in the future - please drop me a line when you're submitting! My first Lit story in several months, If You Like Piña Coladas…, was submitted a couple of days ago and should be posted in a day or two. Keep writing - you're terrific!

All the best,

Average Bear

I don't mind negative feedback, since it means someone took the time to read and wanted to help me improve. But I don't understand people who offer a blanket statement then melt back into the shadows. I've been around long enough to appreciate the former and ignore the latter. :)

Enjoying the good stuff is easy though, so thank you for letting me know you liked it! :)

Mmmmmm...yours is the type of comment every writer loves to get. My ego's gonna be 'larger than the average bear' if you're not careful. :)

I'll be happy to read your newest story (message me when it pops), and I'll tag you in when/if I produce any more. :)

That fool posts the rubbish comment on every story he reads. He's just a troll looking for trouble. Your story was very nice. A good read on a cold winter's night...

overall it was an amazing tale of two sisters becoming lovers. The bits where you talk to the reader for a paragraph at a time steal away from the moment for me. I had to scan past them but that is just me. Others will say it fits this perfectly. I would love to see what happens between Allie and Kara next but as is it can stand alone just fine. Whichever you decide to do will be up to you as always. look forward to seeing more of your stories on here :)

I don't bother with posting comments on Lit (which is why I don't have an account), but I just could not help myself after experiencing this tale. Your writing is among the best that I have seen on this site, other open submission forums, and in published literature. As a bibliophile, it is very easy for me to be taken out of a story by poor spelling, shoddy grammar, ill used, and unused punctuation. The Story of Us was flawless; pleasantly descriptive and the breaks in the story from the actual sex were so profound that I found myself hoping for more thoughtful interruptions from Kara.

It would be foolish of me to even attempt to match your prose with a feeble offering in return. Suffice it to say you are a wordsmith extraordinaire, and I am now off search for more of your work. Dear God please let there be more.

Thank you. I'm not fond of the writer addressing the reader directly, as in "have you ever..?" but that wasn't too distracting as the overwhelming pictorial quality of your words overcame it. Beautiful.

I feel like a broken record here, but thank you to everyone new who's left a comment on my story. :)

Goddess_Meridia: I really appreciate your honesty in letting me know what does and doesn't work for you. I too have done my fair share of 'skipping around' when a story isn't meeting my needs, but I'm so glad you stuck with it and were moved enough to post your feelings. I'm not promising anything, but it's looking more and more like there might be a second chapter here thanks to reader demand.

Anonymous #4: And there's the other side of the coin. One of the most difficult things about writing a really good sex scene is trying to get the reader involved emotionally as well as physically, and the more 'taboo' you go with the subject matter, the more important that emotional connection is in my opinion. I know what it's like to lurk long and lurk hard, and what it takes to draw a comment from people who never make them. All I can say is thank you for de-lurking long enough to deliver that verdict. :)

Anonymous #5: More? Well, I have a couple other submissions up here, but they're closing in on 12 years old next month and I'd like to think my writing's gotten sharper since then. "See Her Pleasure In My Eyes" is the better of the two in my opinion, but it's very different from this one. If this is another vote for a sequel, then I'm one step closer to penning it I suppose. :)

Anonymous #6: Glad you were able, like Goddess above, to push beyond the bits you didn't care for in order to find the good parts. You don't know how good it feels to log in after a long day at work and find a slew of new comments awaiting response. :)

Personally, I'd love to see the dad get involved, but I know this is not what this here is about. It's a very nice, sensual story as it is. Well done!

...but you're right. No daddy issues in this one. That's the bad news.

The good news is, somebody else might read your comment and go fly with their own tale of three-way lust all because you planted the idea in his or her twisted little mind. Even if I don't write it, someone else will, and then we'll all win. :)

It's such a welcome change to read a story that's about more than just the physical act of having sex. It's such a relief to not see all the crude and vulgar jargon that litters most 'smut' fics. I love the imagery, the innocence, the realistic progression of things. All-in-all, a very enjoyable story. Thank you.

please write some more you are very very talented! thank you so much!

First to the author, thank you for leaving a comment on my How to, because otherwise I would not have found this piece!

I love lesbian incest I've yet to write any because I love it so maybe I don't want to mess with my own guilty indulgence. This story had a great sexy feel to it. Slow sensual...it really made me feet the "taboo heat: of their encounter.

well done! Looking forward to some more.

Beautifully written, great imagery and descriptions. Very impressive writing, and like others who have commented, I like the fact that you created a sexy story without excessive sexual description. This is the kind of story that I love to find!

I really liked reading this,very..very well written. I would like to see more from these two sisters.

First off, since your last story was back in '03, I'd like to say a big welcome back to Literotica! I'm not sure if you've been lurking about but welcome back :)

And onto the story. Very nice, I'm no English major but I haven't picked up on any really big mistakes and it was a very enjoyable story. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

I can seriously say I've got the nicest commenters in the world. You guys (and gals) rock, and I love seeing how many people out there enjoy a romance-themed story. :)

Those of you asking about a second part or wanting to see more, well, your wish is in progress. I've got the noodle churning...we'll see what happens.

@lovecraft68: Can I just retire now? Getting a thumbs-up from you is like winning the Literotica lottery. Where does one go from there? :)

@SPEN STERLING: It's the kind of story I love to write, so between my imagination and your eyeballs, I'd say we've got a good thing going. :)

@Anon #8: You may get your wish soon...stay tuned...

@frombleedingtoreading: Thanks for the warm welcome back! I've stopped back from time to time to 'admire the scenery' as it were, but yeah, this is my first submission in nearly twelve years. A lot's changed since the last time I wrote, but I'm glad to see the community is just as friendly and helpful as ever. Of course, now as I'm going back through it I've caught one spelling error and one instance of accidental word repetition, so now I just need to figure out how to edit the thing and I'll be golden... :)

Thanks again to everyone who's given me thumbs up and encouragement. You've exceeded my wildest expectations with this short piece. :)

First, G.R.E.A.T.; well written with excellent development - very believable.

I read this because it's excellent ratings. I'm late for comments but I only read stories after they've been out for a few days.

It lived up to it's ratings. One of the best out there, IMHO.

Now, one very minor quibble. I couldn't tell if the 1st person narrator was a sister or brother until her name was mentioned after they finished watching the video. Looking back, your comment "sisters'" in the description should have clued me in but I missed it.

Thanks for the story, keep at it!

Ttom

I really appreciate you taking the time to add your voice to the comments section, Ttom76, especially since this story has been out for a few days as you pointed out, and is no longer on the front page. And I'll take a "G.R.E.A.T." score any day of the week. :)

You missed one thing though: Allie addresses Kara by her first name within the first few lines of dialogue in the story. Look nine 'paragraphs' down on page 1, and you'll see, "Why would he do that, Kara?" :)

I don't blame you though. It's easy enough to overlook, especially in a piece of erotic fiction where it takes a little build up to reach the goods, and I really should have made it clearer in my opening paragraphs that the narrator is another woman. No one should have to wade through 1/3rd of the story unsure of a narrator's gender, and when that happens that's entirely on my shoulders as a writer. :)

Wow this story was soo hot I came twice on the same night!!! You Maam are a genius at writing erotica.the poetry and the verisimilitude,metaphors OMG it was just an unreal,surreal experience. Thank you for writing this. Eagerly wating for a part 2 and hopefully a full series to follow. I also hope you will find enough time and put effort to become a novelist. Regards.

You my dear are a magical writer. That was without a doubt one of the most romantic and beautiful stories that I have EVER read! I enjoy giving a writer that deserves it just dues, and it is what drives a writer to do even better, but this in not just praise, it is adoration for a wonderful author of a truly remarkable story.

I don't know about anyone else, but in my mind this was one of the most pure, most perfect explorations of innocent love ever to be put to text, thank you!

You've taken what many people might consider a distasteful subject and made something beautiful out of it. You really can write which counts for a great deal (I'm an old stickler for good English and I don't think I spotted any mistakes in this story). And I'm in full agreement with you and many of your other readers that the plot should be everything. Literotica contains many brilliant and well-plotted stories but, sadly, far more where the sex starts before you even know the characters' names (and usually such tales are for one page only). Anyway, Areala-chan, I'm listing you among the brilliant ones. Keep writing and strive to keep writing as well as you have done here.

Brian

one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read, found it..awesome, emotional..caring...I simply loved it..wish it never ended...

loved it..too much...please continue it as a series

klint_k

Romantic, erotic and poetic! You are a very talented author.

Anon #9: I wish I was Sidney Sheldon! Actually I don't, because he's been dead for several years, but I'm nearly the same age as Tilly Bagshawe who's been writing the books set in his world for several years now (and is gorgeous to boot). Can I be her instead? :)

Anon #10: And I enjoy when my readers give their due in the comments section, so thank you very much! Authors live and die by feedback here, and you've no idea how much each comment means to us. :)

Anon #11 (or Brian if you prefer): I agree with what many other writers have said here before me: if you're going to write a story where the subject matter could be seen as "gross" by others, you have to work extra hard to overcome those preconceived notions. This was the only way I felt comfortable approaching the story, and I'm glad so many people agree with that approach. But save 'brilliant' for the really great writers here who consistently score on the top lists like Lovecraft and PacoFear. They're the true greats. :)

Anon #12 (or klint_k): No promises, but let's just say chapter two might be in the planning phase... ;)

Anon #13: Thank you so much! Music to my ears, or rather my eyes since I'm not reading these comments with my ears... :)

*huggles*

Areala-chan

This really worked, I am surprised. It was sort of a thin, well-worn premise. I don't mean that as a criticism. You made it feel new and interesting. I saw you saying you were thinking of writing a sequel. If you have a good idea or a continuation, I say do it. But don't force anything either, this works as a self-contained stand-alone story.

Mother/daughter and sisters lesbian incest stories (and so much more intense for me if they're true experiences) are my hottest inspiration, and I've read a large number of them, but this is by far the very best I've ever enjoyed! It's so sensitive, so believable, so emotionally and even intellectually satisfying and fulfilling as to be in a class by itself, far superior to all others. Thank you so very much for sharing yourself in this beautiful way!

So much MORE I could say in heartfelt appreciation of the way you handled (caressed!) this masterpiece of sisters' discovery of sensual love; for me, even more intense and emotionally satisfying would be your way unique, beautiful way of allowing a mother and her daughter to enjoy the ultimate expression of the love they feel for each other. You make it so very real, making my pleasure peaks all the more spell-binding, the urge to keep reaching for more so compelling (am in the middle of my second reading, my third very appreciative pleasure- quest) ...

But, oh, it's the thought of your loving treatment of a mother with her daughter that's about to flood my soul (and my bed!) all over again ...

Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, and maybe one should not feel this way towards erotic literature, but I can honestly say the story made me tear up because I could feel the love she had. The story was arousing, but in a way that makes you want to cuddle and protect it more than anything else.

Thank you for this story that made my cold and lonely heart glow if but for a moment.

P.S. The last line is perfect.

Sheesh, I need to check my comments more often. Thank you all for your kind words!! :)

*huggles*

Areala-chan

I'm a lesbian, trapped in a man's body! This story makes me wish I had a sensual, tender, erotic, passionate, and utterly fulfilling romance with the beautiful sister I never had! But seriously, in my opinion this story was beautifully written! I felt like I was right there in the room, experiencing everything through Kara's perspective.

Outstanding, thank you for a great read!

Love and sex!

I love to read well written and plausible erotica like this. More needed!

I'm so sorry for not replying to these comments sooner. Please forgive me, anonymous wordsmiths... :)

@Anon#17: Isn't that pretty much what we all wish for? *giggle*

@Anon#18: I will certainly do my best to continue writing intelligent erotica. Thank you for letting me know what I did right here. :)

I've had this kind of a relationship with my sister (we're both female) during a particularly hard time in our lives. This captured the feeling perfectly.

You're most welcome, Anon #19. You aren't the first person to tell me this, and in fact I was friends with a woman who had a similar 'relationship' with one of her sisters when they were younger. She lived in Sweden though, so I wondered if the culture there was slightly more permissive about such things. I'm glad I was able to do it justice in your eyes. :)

This was a great story, and beautifully written as well. There's a kind of poetry to the way you write that elevates this above a lot of the erotica I've read, and it made this story surprisingly poignant and touching. I look forward to reading more from you. :)

Everything about this was so wonderfully, accurately descriptive! Too bad there are only five stars!

This story was breathtaking. I had to take a bit when I finished reading just to collect myself because I was completely there as Kara. It was so beautifully written, so vivid and lyrical. Thank you for sharing your words.

Very well and beautifully put. Can't wait to read more!!!

Very moving. A simple story, beautifully written.

Excellent! You have an amazing gift with words!

What a lovely story. Magical and familiar, in equal measure.

Thank you for sharing!

That was incredible! You have a gift for writing.

That was so beautiful.

A great story. Vividly described and full of emotion. Thank you for writing it.

Superb. I've run across this many times and even started it before. I had it in my head that the Dad was destined to get involved after they discover the DVD. I just couldn't go there. I'm so glad I pushed through this time. I was rewarded with a sexy, sweet tale, that was beautifully written.