The Talented Taxidermist

Deer season rolled around and I spent a few mornings in my tree stand with my bow. Yeah, I’m one of those guys I told you about. My dad took me on my first deer hunt when I was ten, and except for a couple years with Uncle Sam, I’ve hunted every season since then. Yeah, I have a couple of deer mounts in the family room, too. Well, actually, there are six, but each one is special in some way. So was the buck I killed on the third morning. Jenny had threatened to make me live in the garage if I brought home another mount, but this buck had the biggest rack I’d ever shot. It seemed a shame not to have him hanging with the others.

Jimmy was at the hardware store when I brought the buck through town. My intention was to drive on over to Johnson City to Tyler’s and let them skin it out. I’d keep the meat and Jake would make a nice full shoulder mount for me. I hadn’t counted on Jimmy being around.

“Golly, Sheriff, that’s the biggest buck I ever seen. Gonna get ‘im stuffed?”

“Well, yeah. I was thinking about it.”

I knew what was coming next, and I knew I couldn’t say no. My heart sank a little, but if it turned out bad, I could always mount the antlers on a nice walnut plank. Jenny’d probably like that better anyway.

It was a month before Jimmy called me to say the buck was done. I drove over to his trailer that afternoon hoping it wasn’t too bad. I didn’t know what I’d say if it was.

Well, I didn’t know what to say for a while, but not because the buck looked bad. It was just really hard to believe. You could almost hear that buck snort and paw the ground. Jake, over in Johnson City, was good. Everybody said so. Jimmy was an artist.

All mounts are touched-up here and there because the natural skin color of the animal changes during the tanning process. All mounts are made over some sort of form and the taxidermist uses stuffing material to fill out the shape of muscles and fat the animal would have when alive. The skill in stuffing and painting is the measure of the taxidermist. The rest is pretty much a careful skinning technique and the right tanning bath. Jimmy grew up in the woods of Chelsea Ridge and had probably seen more deer than all the hunters in Tuckahoe County put together. He’d put his memories of all those deer into my buck. Every line and every muscle was exactly as I’d seen them that morning.

“Purty good, ain’t it””

“Damn, Jimmy. It’s not just good. It’s perfect.”

Jimmy just said “Thanks, I thought he turned out real nice fer my first ‘un”. I paid him what I’d have paid Jake and took the buck to my office. I figured I’d let Jenny see it there before I tried to talk her into letting me bring it home. She’s a great little woman, but once she sets her mind to something, I have the very devil of a time changing it.

Since every hunter in the county had heard about my buck, they all came to my office to see it. They usually asked where I had it done, and just laughed when I told them about Jimmy. I showed the Mayor the little tag Jimmy had pasted on the back. It said “Jimmy Joe Jackson, Taxidermist, Buck Lick, Tennessee.”

“Well, I’d never have believed it of the boy. Did a real good job on my septic tank last fall, but I figured that’s about all he was good for.”

“Try him out if you don’t believe me.”

Well, Dwight did just that with a pair of geese he shot the next weekend. He brought them in for me to see before he took them home.

“Don’t they look like they’re ready to take off? Never seen any geese that looked so real. Not a feather out of place. Know what else? He didn’t charge me any more than Jake would have.”

Well, by the end of that winter, Jimmy had done about a dozen deer mounts and a whole passel of ducks and geese. Word was getting around fast. He had hunters from Johnson City bringing their game to him. Gloria even brought in her favorite rooster when he died. Strange woman, that Gloria. When the spring season opened, he started getting turkeys. Jimmy was doing so much business he resigned his position with Cyrus and rented the old bait shop down at the landing.

It was one morning along about then that I happened to be in Jolene’s diner on official business. Jolene served meals to any of the county residents who happened to be residing in the jail, and I had to renew her contract. I walked in and sat down on a round stool at the counter. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a waitress back at a table of farmers. I knew that would have to be Martha, but she looked thinner and I was going to have to tell her that when she came for my order. The fresh pie in the glass case on the counter caught my interest, and I decided I wasn’t in any big hurry. I was making up my mind between blueberry and peach when I heard a voice that wasn’t Martha’s.

“What kin I git fer you, Sheriff?”

The woman who stood beside me was not Martha, not by a long shot. Martha’s about thirty-five, and kinda pretty even if she is a little chunky. This girl looked to be about twenty, and I caught a flash of long blonde hair and a kind of plain looking face. It was only a flash, because the bulging front of her waitress uniform jerked my eyes right smack dab down there to her red, plastic nametag. Her name was Lucy Jean and her figure was fascinating. Once I managed to tear my eyes away from her bust, I saw she had this tight little butt, and a little narrow waist and…, well, as Jenny said when we went to Jolene’s for lunch the next week, it was a wonder the girl could sit up by herself. Her uniform had a definite problem getting around those breasts. The collar gaped open all the way down to her bra because there wasn’t enough material to button it up any farther.

“Oh…, yeah…, uh…, I’ll…, uh…, I’ll have a cup of coffee and piece of blueberry pie.

Lucy Jean smiled and walked behind the counter to get a cup. She moved like a female cat in heat. I was getting kinda hot myself.

“Well, whatcha think of Lucy Jean?” Jolene giggled at me when I turned around. “Aw, hell, I don’t even have to ask. I seen that same look on every man’s face that’s come in here this morning. She’s my niece, from over at Bald Crossing. Martha got herself pregnant again and quit last week. Don’t know what she’s gonna do with another one.” Jolene chuckled. “You’d think after five she an’ Tommy’d uv figgered out what causes it. Anyway, Lucy needed a job, so I said for her to come over to Buck Lick ‘till Martha comes back.”

“I think your business is gonna get a lot better, that’s what I think.”

“Yeah, maybe. I kinda feel sorry for her. From the neck down she’s got it all and then some, but the poor girl’s as plain as a mud fence. I was kinda hoping she’d meet some guy and git married before now, but once they get past them knockers, they just keep on a walkin’. Lucy’s pretty smart, too, if they’d just take the time to git to know her. Ya know, they say there’s somebody for everybody. Maybe if I can get her to put on some makeup or something, it’d help. Think so?”

I said it might. I figured Jolene was an expert in makeup and hair stuff because she always looked pretty nice in a spray-painted sort of way, but I wasn’t sure she could do much for Lucy Jean.

Well, I was right about Jolene’s business. Pretty soon, every man within ten miles came in about every day for a cup of coffee and some pie or cobbler, and they usually stayed for a second cup. It was most likely Lucy’s little short uniforms and the way she bent over when she poured their coffee. I was there the first day Jimmy saw her.

Since Jimmy’d been making money from his taxidermy business, he’d taken to having lunch at Jolene’s. He walked in the door at eleven-thirty and started toward his favorite stool at the counter. He’d have made it, too, if Lucy Jean hadn’t walked in front of him on her way to a table with three plates stacked on her arm. Jimmy took one long look and tripped over a chair leg. He reached for something to catch himself, and since she was the closest thing around, he grabbed Lucy Jean’s shoulder. The three plates flew up in the air, Jimmy kept falling, and Lucy Jean landed right on top of him with her chest in his face. Two of the plates hit the floor with a crash. The third landed in Harold Jeffers' lap. He didn’t seem to notice for a minute or so. Lucy’s uniform had ridden up her little round butt and old Harold was staring at her black lace panties.

I jumped off my stool and rushed over to help her up. Lucy Jean wasn’t very big except for the part of her that was plastered all over Jimmy’s head, but those breasts had to be smothering him. I lifted her up by the waist and sat her on the floor. She smoothed the uniform back down as I helped Jimmy to his feet. He was all eyeballs when he stammered out an apology.

“G - Golly, Ma’am, I - I’m awful sorry ‘bout that. Guess I’m clumsy as a cow today, er somethin’. I’ll pay for them plates an’ everthin’.”

Lucy Jean’s eyes got all moony and she had this really funny smile on her face.

“Aw, that’s all right. It wasn’t yer fault ya tripped. Aunt Jolene won’t wantcha to pay fer anythin’. Are you OK?”

“Yes Ma’am, I reckon I am. I don’t hurt nowhere ner nothin.”

Lucy Jean took him by the arm and led him over to a table.

“Now you sit right here while I get Aunt Jolene to cook them folks some more food. Then I got to go clean up this mess, but I’ll be right back. You think about whatcha want while I’m gone, OK?”

I went back to finish my hamburger and watched Lucy Jean flutter all around Jimmy like a mother hen with only one chick. When I left, she was filling his glass with some fresh sweet tea. She bent over and gave him a straight look down the front of her uniform. Jimmy just sat there with his mouth open. I could understand how he felt. Every girl he’d met lately had run the other way until Lucy Jean. She was doing her best to make him feel comfortable. The poor guy just didn’t know what to do. It was only natural that he’d come to me for help, and he did the next day.

“Sheriff, iffen I was to git me a girlfriend, how’d I go ‘bout asking her fer a date?’

“Well, Jimmy, you just go up to her and ask, that’s all, just like you did with Becky Sue.”

“Aw, that was just askin’ her fer a milkshake, not fer a real date. What should I say?”

“Well, where would you want to take her?

“I dunno. Where’d ya take yer missus when ya was dating her?”

“Oh, we went out to eat, or went to a movie. Sometimes we just went for a walk and then watched television.”

“Mebbe I’d take ‘er fer a walk down t’the park by the river then.”

“OK, then you say you like to walk in the park and ask her if she’d like to come with you sometime. If she says yes, then you pick a day.”

“That’s all? I thoughtcha hadda be all romantic and take ‘em flowers and stuff.”

“The flowers are a nice touch. Women love to get flowers. As for getting romantic, that usually comes later, when you’re out on the date and all by yourself.”

“That’s when I’m s'posed ta kiss ‘er, right?”

“I really wouldn’t do that on the first date. Most girls don’t like it. They want to get to know you some first and see if they like you. Mostly, you just talk on the first date.”

“What should I talk about?”

“Just start talking. Ask her what does she like to do, what’s her favorite song, things like that. Say, you got a particular girl in mind?”

Jimmy looked at the ground, twisted one shoe, then looked up at me and grinned.

“Yeah. That Lucy Jean what works down at the diner. She’s awful purty, don’cha think?”

It looked like Jolene had been right about there being somebody for everybody.

“Well, now that you mention it, I guess she is at that.”

I wished Jimmy luck and he went back to his shop. That Saturday night, I saw them walking down by the river when I made my rounds. They seemed pretty happy. It looked like Jimmy had washed up his overalls and shirt, and Lucy Jean had on a pretty cotton dress that was strained to the breaking point. Jimmy waved when I drove by. I saw them holding hands in my rear-view mirror.

Jimmy mounted fish all summer long. I thought Harley’s bass turned out real nice. Jimmy put a brim just inside the big largemouth’s jaws, like it was eating it, and it looked really natural. The more Jimmy did, the better he got. Squirrel season came and the mayor’s office soon sported a couple climbing up a section of oak branch Jimmy had cut up on the ridge. I didn’t see him much anymore. There were lights in his trailer most nights when I drove by, and the old sedan Lucy Jean drove was sometimes parked outside. I thought of knocking on the door just to say “Hey”, but I figured when Jimmy wanted to talk some more, he’d find me.

By mid-October, they were somewhat of an item around town. It appeared things were getting pretty serious. Jolene told me Lucy Jean had taken to going over to Jimmy’s shop or his trailer every night after work.

“It’s like Jimmy’s a big magnet and just draws her over there. She comes home smelling like God knows what with this really odd look on her face. You sure Jimmy’s all right? I mean, he wouldn’t…, do anything to Lucy Jean, would he?”

“Jolene, Maude taught him right. He won’t do anything that Lucy Jean doesn’t want him to.”

“Well, that’s what I’m afraid of. She’s been floating around here for a month like she’s in love er somethin’, and the apple don’t fall far from the tree. Her mamma’s my sister, remember? Cindy Mae was kinda wild when she was young. Matter of fact, she still is. I just don’t want Lucy Jean to get herself in trouble, if you know what I mean.”

I looked at Jolene’s massive mane of red hair and the tight fit of her short uniform and how many buttons she’d left undone. If Jolene thought her sister was wild, Cindy Mae must have been a real hit with the boys in Bald Crossing.

“I’ll go talk to Jimmy if you want, but they’re both old enough to take care of themselves.”

“Yeah, I know that. I just worry, that’s all. Cindy’d never forgive me if anything happened. She, uh…, well, let’s just say it was a good thing she married Jack when she did. Another month and she’d never have fit in her wedding dress. They’re still together, so I guess it worked out all right, but I know she doesn’t want Lucy Jean to end up that way.”

The next Sunday was one of those great Tennessee fall days. The sun warmed everything up just enough it was almost like having summer again. Gloria sounded frantic when she called me that afternoon.

“Sheriff, you have simply got to come out and stop them this very instant. They’re indecent.”

“Whoa, Gloria, who’s indecent.”

“That Jimmy Joe and Jolene’s niece. They’re out in the crick together.”

“OK, just sit tight and don’t do anything. I’ll be right out.”

I took me only a couple of minutes to get to her house. Gloria was fuming and her face was flushed.

“It’s bad enough that I have to look at him traipsing around naked, but she’s just…, just…, well, she ought to be ashamed of herself, thats what.”

I followed Gloria up to her attic and looked out the window.

“Gloria, I told you if you didn’t come up here, you wouldn’t have to look. I don’t see much anyway. They’re too far away.”

“Here, use these. Then you’ll see what I’m talking about.”

She handed me a brand-new pair of binoculars. She was right. Jimmy and Lucy Jean were skinny-dipping in the crick. The leaves were mostly gone from the red oak, but I still couldn’t see much because of the branches. I could tell they were both naked, though.

“See, Sheriff. It’s like I said, isn’t it? They’re indecent. Now, go arrest ‘em.”

“Just a minute, Gloria. I have to get some evidence before I can do that.”

They’d just walked out of the crick to a blanket in Jimmy’s back yard. I couldn’t think of any law they were breaking. There’s a city ordinance against public nudity, but Jimmy and Lucy Jean were on private property and pretty much hidden from anybody but Gloria and her binoculars. Jimmy’s trailer was outside the city limits anyway.

“Sheriff! Are you going to arrest them or not?”

“Gloria, please go downstairs and wait. I haven’t seen them do anything wrong yet. Just as soon as they do, I promise I’ll take ‘em to jail.”

I pulled up an old chair and sat down. I figured I might as well be comfortable while I investigated. Besides, I didn’t want Gloria to see what was happening to the front of my pants. That blanket was centered up in a big gap between the oak’s knarled branches, and I could see everything Jimmy and Lucy were doing. Gloria huffed out a “Well, I never”, and went down the steps. I thought she was probably telling the truth about that.

Now, I didn’t have any intention of arresting them, but I had to look like I was doing Sheriff stuff, didn’t I? I mean, they weren’t hurting anybody. From where I stood, I mean sat, they were a long ways from hurting anything. Both of them were grinning from ear to ear as they walked hand in hand from the crick.

I had a pretty fair idea of what Lucy Jean probably looked like under that waitress uniform. I’ll admit I’d somewhat underestimated the proportions, but all in all, she was about what I’d expected. The way she’d trimmed her bush into a heart was really cute. I’d have to tell Jenny about that. I wasn’t going to tell her about Jimmy. I’d never seen such a root on a man. Jimmy was hung like a young mule. I was impressed…, and a little envious.

It was obvious that Lucy Jean was also impressed. They’d no sooner hit the blanket than she grabbed that half-hard shaft and started stroking away. Jimmy got even bigger. Lucy had this little sparkle in her eyes right before she leaned over and kissed him. Her big breasts sort of flowed all over Jimmy’s chest and he started rubbing and squeezing them as they kissed. I’m pretty sure Lucy liked that, because she threw a leg over Jimmy’s and started rubbing herself slowly against his thigh.

There was no doubt about it. Jolene had a lot of reason to worry. Now, I consider my Jenny to be a pretty hot little number between the sheets. Sometimes she gets going and we don’t stop until she can’t get her little deputy to stand at attention any more. Oh, that’s what Jenny calls him – her little deputy. You know, Sheriff – deputy…? The deputy works for the Sheriff…? Well…, Jenny thinks it cute. Anyway, Lucy Jean looked like she was hot enough to blister the paint off a tobacco barn, and she was doing her best to get Jimmy that way. He wasn’t having any trouble keeping up, either. He was already straight as a pick handle before she sucked him into her mouth. I had to give the girl credit for trying. Lucy got about half of his cock in there before she had to stop.

She seemed to pause for a moment, and then I saw what was happening. Lucy gently took Jimmy’s hand and pushed it down between her thighs. Evidently I wasn’t the only teacher Jimmy had and it looked like he was a quick learner. Before long, Lucy was bobbing up and down at both ends. I don’t rightly know how she managed that, but she did. Her hips just started pumping away at Jimmy’s fingers at the same time her head pumped away at his cock. Gloria’s yell up the stairs shattered my concentration.

“Sheriff, have you seen enough yet? Are you going to go arrest them now?”

Damn. Just when things were getting interesting.

“Just about, Gloria, I’ll be down in a mi….“

Lucy had just straddled Jimmy and was in the process of lowering herself over his big cock. I knew it was wrong, but damn, I had to see this.

“What was that, Sheriff? You got all garbled there at the end.”

I was thinking that she ought to have somebody get her all garbled once in a while. Then maybe the old biddy’d be a little easier to get along with.

“I said I’ll be down in just a few more minutes.”

“OK.”

Lucy Jean had to lean over until her breasts flattened out on Jimmy’s chest to get him started in. To tell you the truth, I was kind of worried. Lucy wasn’t a big woman, and I didn’t know where she was going to put all of Jimmy. She took a deep breath, and pushed back very slowly. Jimmy was grinning like a possum eating grapes. He just laid there as Lucy slipped him inside her, a half-inch at a time. Hell, I’d have been grinning, too, if I was built like that. Lucy finally sat up, smiled at Jimmy, and pulled his hands to her nipples. Jimmy had done this before, too. He started making little circles around them with his fingertips. I saw Lucy close her eyes and shiver.