All Comments on 'The Tides Of War Pt. 02'

I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more. This is easily worth 5 stars. Thank you for sharing it with us.

I like the story. I can hardly wait for more.

As an old master sargeant, I thought that waking up to the sound of a 'revelry' bugle was quite entrancing. And, while admitting it has been over 35 years since I answered a bugle call, I think that what you really meant to say was a 'reveille' bugle.

I really do enjoy your writing but, please (as has already been suggested) turn off the feature of whatever word processing package you are using that anticipates what it thinks you want to say instead of letting you actually say it.

But, that said, a very good story so far. Well worth the 5 I gave it.

is longer than is usual for the upcoming hostile invasions. TK U MLJ LV NV

very enjoyable reading - please may I have some more sir?

Not until I started reading these chapters did I realize how eagerly I had been awaiting them. Story still has a wonderful aura and such great detail. I am noticing the language subtleties less and less. Keep going!

I am enjoying your tale - very captivating.

The constant mis spellings and homonyms are irritating. One last read before posting would probably correct these.

Please get someone to proof the story before you post it! The constant misspellings are actually a major distraction from what is shaping up to be an outstanding work of heroic fiction. That I finished the tale, given all of these distractions, should tell you that you are a very good storyteller. If you fixed the mechanics, this would be a very engaging tale!

Your storyline has held my attention, although it has been a real struggle to overcome your grammar and spelling. Please, please get an editor. Obviously, you are extremely creative, and have a great vocabulary and extensive knowledge of the things you write of. Unfortunately, those gifts you have to offer your readers will be largely unappreciated because they are wrapped in rampant grammatical and spelling errors. Also, this really should be classified as non-erotic.

Love this story could care less about spelling or grammar just keep the story coming!

The story is very good, a great read. But it is marred by poor spelling and grammar. Please have it edited.

A good read spoiled by sometimes incomprehensible syntax. It is not grammar that is your problem it is your sentence construction. In my 3 years as a professional editor I did not see any worse syntax. Setting is top notch. Plot is well done and makes the reader want more. Plot details add to the setting. Character development is being done naturally including that of the horses. Love that part actually. Now the problems. This is only an irritant but fix your keyboard or something so that when you need to write as it does not read as "has." That was done many times. There were other spelling errors or typos. Now for the meat of the criticism. As an aside I wonder if English is not your second or third language. I say this because your word placement in sentences be it subject verb object or adjective to noun make the sentence lack comprehension. Ex." First of all walked around mounted in the inside of the paddock, the two horses then he dismounted and unsaddled." Huh?? I assume you meant to write something with this meaning. The colonel walked his horse around the inside of the paddock. He wanted Kahn and Selkie to see the example of a horse being ridden. To reinforce the concept he remounted so as to ride around once more. Another example-: Kahn snorted when he lead him sat on Sulkie, she almost seemed to preen at her new position." From she to position is really a new sentence with its own construct as such. By the way it has good flow to it with the sound of preen and seemed giving it lyrical flow. The reader has to read the first part several times to understand what is meant because the syntax is completely garbled. I assume you mean something along these lines. While seated on Sulkie David led a snorting Kahn around the paddock. Another ex- Ashar Kahn had been interoperating to the man has he spoke. Several problems. First the spelling of interpreting makes this hard to read. Has instead of as increases that. He used as the subject makes it hard to know who is meant. Use of David or Colonel would help in knowing who is speaking because as is is seems Kahn may be both. There are instances where the use of a different preposition would help. For instead of to here for instance. Have many more examples but this is long enough.

I agree with those who compliment your story yet suggest strongly you need a good editor. Many of the misspellings and bad constructions are a total hoot -- I get good laughs! Otherwise, keep it going. Very interesting stuff, with good accurate detail.

Also wondering why this story is on the Literotica site at all. Nothing erotic I've noticed.

So the protagonist wine the love of a horse, it's an interesting story, I don't mind the language issues, it's clear what you meas to say. And no sex, nor is anybody mature, meaning over 55, but it's a good read

Chilley

So the protagonist wins the love of a horse, and the only woman so far is the blacksmith's wife it's an interesting story, no sex with anyone, nor is anybody mature, meaning over 55, but it's a good read. Your grammar/syntax is guide readable, so I have no problem with that.

Good read

Chilley

CONGRATULATIONS Your story is captivating. it needs better proof reading. Using has for as gets tiresome for the reader.

THANKS FOR SHARING

Why did I read 10 chapters of this? I stopped back on page 2 cause I have a life to lead and it's boring. I don't mind waiting if the story has (not as) promise but this one does not.

While I'm sure David is an interesting character your readers will never know it because other than building a fort and training some troops, which you must find fascinating, we don't get to know anything about him.

Maybe the other chapters are super, but with the only love interest so far a female horse, I don't expect much.

Anyway, you lost me as a reader on page two and it kinda pisses me off you couldn't do better than this and make it worth my while.

Has long has you refuse to get an editor this, is mostly unreadable.

please get someone to proof read before you print. It spoils what could be a good story. Pointless quoting errors as there are too, too many

The plot is new and novel, but the details are cumbersome. But the worst part is the poor proof reading! As or Has?? There are too many spelling mistakes and grammatical errors which spoil the reading. I'm reading on in the fond hope that maybe things would be rectified in the forthcoming chapters, otherwise the attempt is amateurish to say the least.

Thanks, Mr. Lane. Your territory, mountain pass buffer state between Afghanistan and late 1800' India is kind of rare, your plot, the building of a small 'native' army interesting, your spell-checker/find and replace or verbal to written word program needs to be checked out by a good editor. On the whole, to use an American English acolyte, "You done good."

but the spelling and grammar issues are taking a lot of the enjoyment away...

Anony 3/22/19. Good, potentially great story if not for the spelling and grammar issues.

once again a good detailed story, spoiled by consistant errors. Is the author an Indian or an uneducated Englishman?; either way it is irritating me.

You need to do something about this. the difference between has and as is so basic a child knows it.

It is very disappointing that you would release this story with such awful spelling and grammar. Please take more pride in your work.

DOS

Good yarn. Worth the 5 stars but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD the word is as, not has!

but the editing leaves a lot to be desired

As with the other comments, good story, badly needs editing.

Is your native language French because I noticed the word order sometimes goes astray and you also have a lot of trouble with prepositions and the like

Thank you for the story.