All Comments on 'The Ties That Bind Ch. 01'

My 75% rating is mostly due to the neat cliffhanger. I don't want to pass final judgement until I've read the full story.

What would absolutely ruin this for me would be the same old garbage of "she was deceived by an Evil Man, hubby realises this and forgives her, they both live Happily Ever After". Its been done, not by this author but by several others on thise site. No amount of good writing on the part of Blue88 (and the writing is good, let's not deny that) can avoid the feelings of "been there, done that".

There's also the fact that such a scenario is not 100% likely. Mostly because it ignores the fact that this event is not a flash in the pan - its taken months to develop. Months of "faithful wife" being fed a line of bullshit and believing it. Furthermore, she never once confronted her husband about it, or even did the usual trick of hiring a PI to follow him. Given the total lack of faith in her husband that she's shown, added to her incredible ability to be a truly vicious monster in her revenge, any continuation of the marriage seems unlikely (to me at least).

Not that it couldn't happen. But it would take months or even years of counselling for that pair to be able to regain trust...and a marriage without trust is a dead, empty thing.

Any rate, all of the above is just my opinion. You finish this story the way you see fit.

An echo of "Hildy" but different enough to make it interesting.

Nicely crafted, flows well... just a great story.

Regards, DJ

I love this authors work. But why do some authors insist on giving the story, peice by peice? Why not the whole story? When I go buy a book, I do not buy it chapter by chapter.

You're going to blow this one. You've been writing awhile now, but you still seem to get your inspiration from "Soap Operas". You won't be able finish this story in any way that makes sense.

On one hand what happened to the husband early on was just wrong from all accounts, and you gave the husband some real balls at the beginning of the story and had him move out and start the divorce before he did anything wrong. For me that seemed to be the right thing to do, instead of cheating to make himself feel better.

On the other hand you introduced in part one of this story the broad path and ground work that I hate to call reconciallation at any cost into the story. By that I mean you developed her with some mental problems, the employee admiting that he set her up with faked evidence, her crying after she had sex with that guy, and her seeming to come unhinged after what she did. That combined with how often you had the husband commenting on how attracted he was to her. See ground work. Like there wasn't anything she could do to him that he wouldn't forgive and explain away.

I can understand some happy endings in story, but this one has one it will be totally out of left field because of what she has already done to him: Drugging him, tying him up, made him watch her have sex with another man, and even degraded him over and over as she made him watch her cheating on him. You could used the mental illness defense to create a happy ending out of this, but in the readers mind what's to keep her from snapping and doing it again? After all of what has happened so far, what's to balance out everything in the readers mind what she has done to the husband to make the reader feel comfortable with her again being viewed as a valid canidate to be his wife? For me just saying "Because I love you" isn't enough to balance out everything she's done up to this point. Because it was really cruel and deranged. For me as the reader she has lost all rights to that title. She has become the creature that she hated for years at the cost of her husbands self respect and trust.

I hate to offer an opinion, but the story feels like you could take it either way, but you seem to have more ground work in for the reconcilation than you do for a divorce and I have to admit some curiousity over that. But so far it was an intresting read. I just hope the husband doesn't get screwed over by the end of the story for one reason or another.

-Risq

I just hope that its not a reconcile at all costs story. I don't care if the wife was tricked. There is no way in hell that i would forgive her for what she has done before, and during this whole mess. This woman is one braindead bitch. Why people believe others that their spouse is cheating of them is beyond me.If someone came to me and told me that my girlfriend was cheating of me, i wouldn't believe them, but i would check into it myself. I would make sure to get hard facts about her cheating myself.

Leaving the reader in suspense makes it very dissatisfying.

As for ending, it will depend on what happened to her and how she was manipulated. Bob, of course, must lose his balls. Doing so literally would be best.

This story is bringing out emotions, which I thik is what cheating stories are for. The comments are pretty good so far, but they seem to be guilty of the same thing they accuse of the author - forcing the ending. I agree the marriage is over, but I do not see the wife as a villain. 1. She avoided sex for years after her divorce. 2. She made it clear at the start her feelings on cheating. 3. Her previous experience scarred her. The co-worker knew this and took advantage of it. 4. She was damaged goods even before she cheated on him. I doubt she will ever recover, especially when she finds out she is wrong. The Author pretty much countered the arguments right up front, the commentors seem to overlook them in their arguments (I do respects the comments, they are well thought out and so far not a "fuck you scum" among them.).

That said, it will be tough of ether the wife or the husband to get back together. Or to ever get married again. The co-worker is dead meat and deserves to rot in hell. I trust Blue will put him there.

thank you!

energystar

This reaction of the husband who states he tried in vane to talk to his wife about and got nothing in response all of a sudden runs out of the house when she gives her first inkling of what is going on when she accuses him of cheating. This makes no sense at all, as she has now let out her problem in a form of accusation and he retreats without any query. You would think he would have been stopped in his tracks and sobered by her remark and sat down and said what the hell are you talking about.

This is a remake of so many other wife thinks wrongly the husband is cheating and without comment restrains husband and makes him watch her have sex with another. A lot of these stories have been done and with the cheating loving wives there is little new, but a new angle is needed. I will await what that new angle is.

Why does the wife have to always be so brain dead in so many stories? The build up of her past would actually make her persona more of questioning then reaction. The last one of these stories put forward was of a wife saying she wished she had paid her ex-husband back by having revenge sex and would again if it ever happened. This is not built in this story.

I have no idea how you will complete this story line, but it sure has a dumb wife and not really a man who wanted to communicate as he said he did, as he just walked out.

Well written piece though a little too abstract for me.

Please keep letting us read your stories as you do write so well. I will be in the minority on this critique.

With respect

PT

WHY NOT POST THE WHOLE DAMN STORY?????????????????????????? 00 for incomplete work!!!!

nothing wrong w/ the writing, its the story that is startting to get me. i know the author got the idea from another story, but there should be more 'twists and turns' to make it not very similar from the original one.

also, he is ready to divorce his wife. why having such a hard time deciding what to do when she collapsed and the asshole made his getaway? hello!! she needs medical attention and the asshole needs to be locked up. what is there to be decided?

oh well. i guess, we'll see how it'll turn out in chapter 2.

who wants a dumb shit for a wife.she didn't trust him so the marriage wasn't real.a woman that weak how can he ever trust her.let her go,but bob would pay dearly i mean dearly.bodily harm bob would receive.walk away from dumbass wife,that would be revenge enough.let her no the true.

it would be too much for the husband to forgive all and stay with her in her coma for 32 years forsaking all others. She went too far in deciding not to communicate with her husband, just accept what her old friend says, then drugging the husband and tieing him down while she prepares what could be an Internet video story. The revenge fuck by the person who told her about the non-cheating husband take it too far for a return to the happy marriage.

She made her choice on whom to believe, makes no effort to talk to her husband, just believes the worst and drugs him to watch her revenge fuck. If he lets her get away with this, she has her passport to screw anything male. She planned on this revenge for sometime and had already decided on what to tell the lawyer so she could set up the act. This guy will probably lap it up and stay with his unfaithful wife and wait for the next guy to screw his life and forgive her again.

Wether he should wimper away decide to the the other man in her life for the rest of the marraige, or call 911 get the police adn medical people there, have his blood checked for drugs, had her and her old friend DNA taked from the bed and computer memory, press charges then tell the lawyer for his part in aiding and abetting, he wants free legal for the divorce. Then get on with his life without a wife that is sane and hasa mental health.

No matter what she believed, she did not give him a chance, she deserves nothing. He should walk away from this fucked up woman.

it's really about a wimpy man who wouldn't have known what to do with his life, so he binds, ties, and knots himself with a rather simple-minded woman,,,,

the "level" of supposedly "inteligence" betwen the "Bob" guy, the idiotic wife and her dimwitted husband, is almost worlds apart: e.g.,

bob: this, davy, is one stone for two birds; the dumb bitch believed every fake photo I gave her

wifey: (though not telling the dumb husband) "i've seen the pictures; and you can't tell me nothing that will disprove of their unreal! i'm gonna have myself fucked sill, not behind yourback but in a situtaion you are a witness to, except you're tied up, so you can't do shit but juts enjoy

hubby: please, honey, you are sick, sick, sick; you need help.

wife: fucky you, cheating bastard; you WILL watch me being fucked to death!

bob guy: yeah, davey, you will watch me and will fuck your dumb wife like a dog, a bitch in heat; and you will enjoy it!

LOL,,, the whole idea is so stupid, it's unreal!

I can't believe how superficially and lacking in emotional depth some of your commentators seem to view stories like this.

Sure she's sick, but she has every reason to be that way given her history. She's been betrayed by the men she loved and trusted most, and now it seems to her, it's happening again. Give her a break.

Finish it your way Blue, I trust you.

GOod story, but not for nothing, what the ruck how realistic is that? any of these based type stories...do you really thinkg a woman would do something so idiotic, not only will the husband be enraged, you did it with someone he knows, and can find, you know revenge is in order, you know a man with a hurt pride such as this is going to go for it, but she also records herself as she's doing it? umm why not jsut do it in front....2. evidence? and yea it was written well, and it didn't lead to fast into it, overall good story, but man in real life...a women would be brain dead to do something so stupid as this. SHe should be fearing for her life.....cuz if that where me, i would have let the bitch die and gon after bob......or hmmm...let the bitch die and call the cops for murder...being that Bob's DNA is all over his wife, and the husband is tied up,...abduction, rape and murder...yea let his ass get raped in jail....thats a fitting and realistic ending...cuz who could love a women like that?

I'm going to wait for the rest of the story. She has Problems that needs to be addressed before he decides what to do, But Bob needs to pay dearly for his part in this.

I await part 2. Bob

Blue, I like your writing. I can't see this couple ever reconciling. As pointed out before, she accused him without evidence, or any talking. Then she drugs him, and makes him watch her committing adultery. She could have killed him, if he had been allergic to the drug! Hopefully, she will find out the truth soon, and then will be unable to contest the divorce. Whether this snaps her hold on reality or not doesn't really matter. He is done with her. What does matter is that revenge is taken upon the co-worker. The co-worker needs to be implicated in all of this (finger prints on the steak knife will help), and destroy this guy financially, and his reputation, and hopefully jail him for causing the wife's mental break down, and the end of the marriage. I hope the main character is able to find love again.

Ahhhh, Bob the text book sociopath <g> Bob has bitten off more than he can chew. His twisted mind and the plan he came up with to get what he wants most, was terribly flawed from the beginning. And what I like most about the whole situation is the 'Fact' that there is more to this womans history than anyone knows .... Including her .... Repressed maybe ? <g> Dave and Shelly both are victims in this scenario. Bob was the key to unlock Pandoras Box. Now in typical sociopathic behavior, he places the all blame on Shelly. He is the better person. Better than either one of them. He feels no remorse for what he has done, but now that the box has been opened, he thinks all he has to do is threaten and run. He really is a shallow and stupid individual, but dangerous to anything walking that gets in his way ..... I like what you are doing here, and will follow it to the end .... I said Something Ain't Right ? <g> I think you have a trick up youe sleeve Blue <g>

is enough, enough? The husband had enough of trying to break through to his wife. By the time she accuses him of cheating and shows so much hatred towards him, he is done with her. There are people out there who will believe what they are told instead of asking their spouse. I had someone try this to me and my husband several years ago. I didn't believe the cheating had occurred but still talked to my husband about the information. If I had been less sure or insecure in my marriage, I probably would have thought it was true since the teller had been very compelling. On another note, if he had cheated, he would have been in a world of hurt not to mention what would have happened to who he cheated with. There are people who will do the revenge thing. I know I could be one of them so don't think it can't happen.

Come on Blue, this formula has been written and written again to dust. What have you added or changed to justify waking this oldie and jumping it’s bones again? You have all the usual elements of the formula: the disinformation which some self serving enemy of the husband and/or the wife feeds the wife, who naively (she is ALWAYS naïve) accepts it. Then the wife traps the husband. From there we move to the usual show and torture, with its aftermath down to the small details of the formula - including the cutting of the ties on one hand...

I can’t believe I am reading THIS by YOU. I am not rating this part by the lowest score just because it is only a portion of the story. I hope that your next stories will wipe the memory of this one soon...

But I think dear friend Bob has also been giving Shelly some sort of mind altering drug that allows her to readily believe what he tells her. I'm also guessing that it has really messed her up now and THAT'S what Bob was so worried about. This asshole even gave the knockout drug to his own wife. This is one rotten individual that needs to be taught the lesson of don't touch married women. Maybe a nice prison sentence, if they can get a toxicology report.

I rather doubt that Dave will be too receptive about not continuing with his divorce. I don't believe the drug situation will make much difference to him. Especially after she drugged him. Or can Dave understand that her problem is more than just her own emotional dysfunction and get past it? I think he will.

the recorder, bobs toast if dave's not a pussy & will use it agianst both of them. the best defense is a good offense he has enough evidence to see bob behind bars as bubba's bitch on rape & conspircey charges.

you sure as hell have my attention!

I'm looking forward to the rest of this story. I hope we won't have to wait too long!

I can't believe a fine writer like Blue88 has written this story. I think Peggytwitty summarized it very well. This theme of wife believing phoney info about husband cheating and then drugs or otherwise incapacitates him while she has revenge sex with lecher has been done to death. As Peggytwitty pointed out, after weeks of askimg her whats wrong and getting no answer, when she finally screams at him about cheating so that he knows what her problem is, he walks out the door and files for divorcewithout ever discussing his so-called cheating with her.I don't know who is dumber; wife who believes lechers story or dumbo husband who walks out with no discussion about his alleged cheating. So far, this is not one of your better efforts Blue88. 60 year old George

Can't give you better than a 50 on this one. I like most of your writing and it is accomplished. But, this storyline while novel the first time through, somewhat amusing the second, tedious the third and now, just plain worthless. It has been done to death. While I have no idea where you are going in the second chapter, I am sufficently annoyed that I don't even care.

First, the old "tie up hubby while I fuck" is bullshit. I don't know of any man who is going to place himself in that kind of situation. Next, other than getting a promotion he thought he deserved, there is no logical reason for what's his face to want revenge on the husband. Did hubby pee in his Cheerios and you not tell us about it? And these folks are always such big ass bad guys! "Don't come after me or I will beat your ass". Get real! My reply would been along the lines of "Well, mother fucker, you better be prepared to do more than that! You better be prepared to kill me, because when I get lose that is exactly what I am going to do to you!" And I would not be bullshitting! All three lives were over as of that moment so you need to get some get back!

Then, you had the wife go into a cataleptic/fugue episode, straining credibilty to the breaking point! How can this possibly be salvaged?! What? Is she now going to just sit in the corner and rock, saliva dripping from the corner of her mouth?

Then to make matters worse, you have it broken up in chapters! I have done it myself, but at least most of mine can be read stand alone.

Of the many stories I read here this has got to be in the top 10 totally unbelievable! That is really saying something.

C

Let's pile atop each other, while we can,,, Just for pseudo criticism's sake, as we have nothing better to do here! ;o)

Note, Blue's writing is fine; his story telling is also fine; just the dialogues here that are just too silly to be believable,,,

Why not believable? Not only Bob the lover and the simple-minded wife but that HE, an educated Professor, does not know that drugging a man and tying him up (it does not matter where those things happen) is a serious crime, NOT a misdemeanor!

Now, as the last reviewer said, IF the Dialogues had been something of the following nature, then it would have been somewhat believable:

"Of course, [to Bob or the wife] you two will likely have to kill me, after this, for which a murder charge will also be applied,,, But even just this alone you will be charged with drugging, kidnapping and torturing a man in his own house...

"The authorities will know that this IS NOT MASOCHISTIC activity I willingly involved myself in; it'd take some time for them to uncover the truth; but it will be done! That is, IF you choose to kill me, soemthing you TWO know I'm helpless to do any thing about being all tied up like this...

"However, [to the Bob alone now] you must know that by killing me, my wife also becomes part of a murder crime, that is, assuming, hypothetically, she's AGAINST killing me. Say, she just wanted "revenge" or "humiliation."

"If, on the other hand, she agrees to my murder, if she thinks me fucking around --- a silly twisted idea YOU, Bob, came up with, with FAKED pictures easily un-authenticated by a professional --- THEN needless to say you BOTH will be found and charged with murder.

"Again, it may take the police a while, but the crime is straightforward enough, they will figure it out, even if you two make my death a elaborate or mysterious murder. And that's what this is, if you two kill me: it'd be a cold, blooded, PRE-meditated murder, as YOU KNOW I have nothing to do with you or her, in forging this crime,,,

"Let me give it to you this way, if you have not thought this through, Bob: Life would be, interestingl enough, easier for you, believe it or not, if you KILLED ME! But if I don't die from this ORDEAL, you two WILL SUFFER very painful repercussions!

"the authorities and I WILL COME AFTER YOU. This crime, though you two love birds think is merely a "revenge" (for my wife: she doesn't know the truth, which you, Bob, hid it from her) and a "humiliation" (for you, and for what?, as I have never done you any wrong, Bob!),,, this crime IS DRUGGING, KIDNAPPING, and TORTURE.

"Needless to say, I will divorce her immediately and put her in a mental institution, IF necessary. She had previous bad encounters with men, her former husband particular, and this might have made her susceptible to your devious plan, which you THINK has succeeded,,,

"But you, Bob,,, again, if you don't kill me, you will surely suffer long and uncomfortable imprisonment. I will personally make sure of that, to my last dying breath. Even as you are in prison. I hope we both know what I am implying here, Bob...

"So, again, your best option, from this moment on, is to go ahead and torture and THEN kill me."

A KIND of delivery like this from the deeply wronged husband --- though mostly a PSYCHOLOGICAL bluffing now, as he's helpless --- may or may not get him set free (depending on her DEVIOUS the lover and the wife [who is CLEARLY not devious to that degree, even if she's mentally unstable]; but it is the MOST logical, most sound dialogue, in a situation like the one,,,

Any other sort of dialogues would result in an unbelievability, as it's been shown here by Blue, a capable story-teller,,,

Does any of the commenters who want more dialogue of this last night realize that the victim is gagged as well as tied up?

Good Story

In response to the poster below who gave a long ass , drawn out phychodrama dialogue schpeel about critcism on the dialogue, he obviously, if his name is any indication, does not understand the American psyche. You see, we are the baddest mother fuckers on earth! :-) No disputing that. And we are, although most fail to admit it, one of, if not the most violent nationality on earth. We do not tend to sit back go into long drawn out diatribes about this or that. I hunt you down and we fucking kill you. That simple. Period, end of story. :-) See reaction to 911 as an example. And while you can piss and moan that might does not make right, it will do until something better comes along. :-D

I still maintain the dialogue was unbelievable, full of great psychological insight (psychobabble) and little explaination for the actions of anyone in this abortion other that the fruitcake wife. with luck, she will be a vegetable and he can pick her when she's ripe. Meanwhile, he still needs some get back.

I've lived well over a half century, served in 2 wars and know that contrary to that Blue88 wants us to think no one is helpless. Gutless, maybe but never helpless.

KublaiKhan is amazed protracted "exchange" (like this) among "commentators" become more "heated", attract more attention, use up more space, than pseudo analyses of the ORIGINAL story itself!

Focus on the freakin' story! Praise it; criticize it. Leave others alone! Let them say what they want, however they want it!

Whether you are making 2-lined, divined praise (like Chagrined did) or writing a diatribing treatise (like KublaiKhan) on a 2-page story, live and let live! Just don't bleedin' read long pseudo analyses (diatribes)!!

All you have to do is just say "In my opinion, this story is DIVINE" and leave it! (On the other hand, it is these iditoic comments about these idiotic stories that garner the author what might be called Andy Worhol's 15 minute fame/visibility, no? lol!)

"American psyche" is CRAP; it's a cliche. There's no such a thing. It is CLEAR fighting in bloody, self-serving wars and being old don't make you, or any one else, any more wise, intelligent, or reflective!

The writing is very good. The fact that this broad line has been done before is a mute issue. There is nothing new in this world save Clinton's description of sex.

There were some variances and Bobbie gets off if there wasn't a tape as she drugged him and tied him up. Bobbie was just the hired sword without the tape.

Prejudging chapter 2 pretends your crystal ball works and won't you be apologetic(?) if wrong. Patience!

Gosh this is emotional stuff author - which is fine and since it is only half time - the 5th inning - etc. - give the man who writes well an opportunity to win - lose - or draw - hold the ropes and tar with feathers - stop building the gallows or sharpening the blade - or etc.

Now I will agree that the reconcilation corner is microscopic and with the brush of reality still wet with the blood of revenge pumping fiercely and emotionally (his and ours), if he doesn't neuter Bobbie and divorce the malicious hate driven vigilante wife the natives will revolt for less than a reason I can't think of.

But we aren't there yet are we or he? So don't get your rits in a tinger - - - yet.

Carry on and forth author - we need Bobbies spleen and other assundries - don't you?

With Tentative High regard

is so good that the story is redeemed and everyone proclaims the author as the best ever, it then becomes clear that what is happening here is total reader frustration with the fetish of some authors to break stories up into chapters submitted at different times.

The simple solution is obvious: submit the whole story at one time! Let the whole thing stand or fall on it's own merit. Please!

Anyway, thanks for writing.

Phil

we have this STUPID author fetish of drip feeding us with a story line by line.

Are they incapable of writing more than 100 lines at a time?

I only read this because I saw some mention of it in another place.

Now, I'm sorry I bothered.

If I were a writer...I would never write again. Say what you say -- agree or not, comments can be made without making insulting remarks. A critique can be made constructively in gratitude for the entertainment. To write is to expose yourself to criticism and it seems to the scorn of a few. So why would they do it? Because they're generous people who need to write. Few of us will understand that. Lighten up, folks.

Kanga40--I only found one story from you--write more instead of being a "Master CP." Not elegant to do so when you have so few stories under your belt.

Chagrined, same answer, write more. Next I'm going to tear apart your stories. I have a couple of gripes in regards to editing and believable characters.

A fan

Yikes, I am really getting roasted on this. I always open for reader's comments and I do read the comments, positive and negative, complimentary and insulting. It looks like I inadvertantly opened a can of worms with this "make believe" story and I am stunned that it evoked such passion. Go figure.

I kind of like the serial format; I guess that stems from the days, long ago, when I used to watch the "chapters" on Saturdays at the movies. What really puzzles me, is the loathing heaped upon me for writing serial stories. I indicate that the story is in parts by placing "Ch. 01" in the title as a clue to the reader. So why would someone, who hates serials even begin to read the story? A reader could choose to wait until all the parts were submitted and read it then, or not read it at all. (Shaking my head!!!)

Anyway, not to make this a boring defense of the story, I end this by thanking everyone who did comment, good and bad, and I am "girding my loins" waiting for comments after the concluding chapter.

I knew that this story would be controversial when you declared in the first sentence that you were going to base it upon elements from Hildy. In Hildy the marriage survives, however, whether this couple remains together or divorces is premature based upon your storyline to date.

What you have provided us is a woman with troubled set of past relationships who is vulnerable to exploitation in that area and who is probably mentally fragile because of her revenge. You have also left some ‘bread crumbs’ for us to follow in the next chapter.

If I were to offer any criticism, it would be to see if you could flesh out more of the wife’s internal dialogue and fears. It is too easy to identify with the husband (and even the villain) in this story, whereas the wife is the most complex character and deserves the bulk of our attention.

As far as the serial nature of this story, that is completely in your purview. As a reader, I assume that 1) there will be more than three chapters and 2) there will be some predictability as to when they will be published. If either of those tenets is not followed then I tend to get antsy with the wait. The better the story, the more annoyed I am.

If it is any consolation, the folks complaining most about waiting are doing so because they like what you have written.

First Thanks for writing. 90% of those who are bitching to you don't have the nerve to try it so if they want to complain, ignore them. As for the rest. See most below.

Second. Yeah this is a 'tired, beat to death' plot line. That just means two things. 1: the first tale was GREAT and inspired us all and 2: You just want to do a tribute of your own to the author.

Heck I have around 4 different variations on this theme myself in various stages of being written. Why haven't I finished them? Becouse people like YOU are able to put the main parts of my plots down and I feel that I shouldn't step on your toes. ;)

Third. The serial format. Now this is MY take. As long as each part is of a good length, around 2-5 Lit. pages long (preferabley on the longer side but that's me) AND each chapter comes out in a timely manner (one a day or every other day accounting for some of Lit's particularities). Then it's ok.

I think you accidently fell into a 'trap' here.

We have several GREAT authors that give us this short, Short, SHORT stores where anyone can read the daily offering in about 5 minutes and they then stop so that they can draw out the 'drama'.

Unfortunately it's like a time out in basketball. All it does is stop OUR enjoyment as the tale goes on by making us stop JUST as we start getting into it.

You liked the old serials, me too. BUT in each of these serials we got some MEAT to the tale each section. Not just a sampling of tastes before the plate was taken away. Then we got a build up for the next course. But some people seems to want to talk about the great marrage then the husband comes home to find a car in his drive space, he opens the door and..

end chapter 1.

shoot me now.

Athours, PLEASE! Give us some meat.

I personally think you did...not as MUCH as I PERSONALLY would have wanted BUT at least it was better than most. Again, 2-5 pages....preferably 3 or 4. Now that can be a pain, for me, I noticed that is about 14-21 pages of stuff in Word. That is a LOT of work. But the complaints calm down when we feel that we got an honest amount of reading down in each chapter.

The other trap is some authors write a 'chapter', no matter what the length, edit it, post it, go on vacation/have a few kids/vanish into the twilight/whatever, then start the next chapter.

Again, imagine a basketball game where after every foul you took a day long break. You lose interest. There have been PLENTY on tales were I have read chapter 1, been all fired up to read chapter two. And three weeks later when the next chapter comes out: I don't care.

My interest is GONE.

Personally I think an author should write the entire thing at one (long)time, EDIT it at one time all chapters together, then post it daily or bi-daily.

That way you can keep your writing momentum. When you edit you can catch some of those "but in chapter one you had them do...". AND it will stop people from bitching about waiting.

if you want to make some tension by waiting OR give each chapter it's day or two in the lime light, just post it every other day to lit. It will probally come out every other day and then MOST people won't complain. Notice how MANY complaints came AFTER a day or two went by WITHOUT the next chapter hitting.

I know PERSONALLY the first thing I check for each day is the next chapter to this tale.

yes at least ONE person is knawing at the bit for chapter 2.

Can't wait and again, thank you.

As for that tale it's self...I'll wait till it's over then tear into ya... ;)

Not to stretch this out, just a thank you to Dr. Wyldcard and Salamis for your comments. They were contructive and helpful. Now, FYI I had submitted Ch. 01 on a Sat. Had an emergency visit to the ER Sunday morning (jeez, I hate hospitals) was dischared on Tues. when I posted Ch. 02 and then posted Ch. 03 (the concluding chapter) on Wed. So, sorry for the gap between Ch. 1 and 2, but the remaining chapters should be out soon.

you posted 29/31 comments to date - quite a lot of work - even for you!

Now, especially for the "If I were a writer" commenter, can you show me where it says anywhere hereabouts that one must be a writer (do you mean author??) to post a comment?

I haven't seen even one story posted by you - yet you are free to comment - so why shouldn't I comment as well?

I am entitled to my opinion as is every other person who takes the time to comment

Saying someone cannot comment on something which they themselves do not do is just so silly it defies any logic.

By your own admission you are not an author, yet you posted a comment.Makes you look a bit stupid for saying I should not comment because I have posted only one story under "Kanga40".

You can't have it both ways - either we both can comment, or if I can't - you can't either.

there is a lot of crap on this site lately and you have prove yourself as a good writer.it looks like writers are taking short cuts in there stories.a few paragragh and leave you hanging for weeks at a time.it there choice,but we don't have to like it and we say so.if they as writers choose to write this way,we a readers have a choice of a good or bad comment.now kanga, who ever she is the comments she write are the soul of this site.her comments are better sometimes than the story.its' a new time and the cliffhangers for me have out live there use.thanks kanga for getting the attention of this writer.

the correct numbers are 21/39 for my comment just under this - I should proof read my comments a bit better.

sorry if the extra comments worry you - well, not really.

Where did this idea of restraining the 'cheating' spouse and making them watch the non-cheater cheat come from. Let's be realistic - if the guy has cheated as badly as these women always seem to think they have, why would they care a shit if she screws someone else?

One thing is certain, he will not be experiencing the heartache she did over his cheating. He already wrote her off as bad deal when he cheated on her.

So, apart from maybe some distress from a proprietry point of view - like someone stealing his car and using it - why would he be suffering? There would be pain and humiliation from the tying up, but no gut wrenching sense of betrayal the stupid woman wants him to feel.

This man from the 11th century had the right attitude toward negative comments:

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,

Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit

Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,

Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

The rubaiyat - omar khayyam - 11th century

My best regards

I have barely started reading this story. I am having a difficult time reading it because of these type of errors.

"I leaned over slowly and we shared their first real kiss. It wasn't that passionate; it was rather gentle but certainly not a kiss of friendship. I also professed his love for her and it wasn't long before we married."

Please get an editor or at least read through it a couple of times before you submit the rest. This type of error is not necessary for a good writer like you and very distracting to the readers.

I will probably comment again on the story itself after I finish it.

Charleybear

This story is verrrrry similar to Hildy. I see a couple of different twists in the way you are developing it and we all just have to wait to see how you finish it.

I rarely attack the husband in these types of stories and didn't either in Hildy, but in this story, the guy is a total moron. In Hildy all this takes place in a short time. In this story it has developed over months.

With his knowledge of how she has been hurt in the past he is totally negligent in not just blurting out. "DO YOU THINK I HAVE BEEN CHEATING ON YOU?" He clearly knows that something has been bothering her because he keeps trying to get her to discuss it. If he had half a brain he would have recognized that the only problem that could cause this is the same problem she dealt with emotionally two times in the past. He is brain dead. She is sick. Not too good a combination to allow a marriage to survive.

I don't know where you are going with this in the long run. I can see it going either way as far as the survival of their marriage. The one thing we all feel for certain is that Bob must pay.

Keep up the good writing Blue. I am looking forward to the completion of this story and many more in the future from you. Your efforts are appreciated.

Charleybear

p.s. I am sorry about my last comment. Things actually did get better and it wasn't as difficult to read.

This is a classic case of the "Idiot Plot." It relies on the characters' stupidity to drive the plot, because if they act in an intelligent or rational way, the conflict would have been quickly resolved and the story would have ended.

If Shelly ever confronts David about his supposed infidelity, David will naturally ask why she believes this. When she tells him that Bob is her source of information, David, knowing of the "friendly advice" he's been receiving from Bob, would immediately put two and two together. With Bob's sinister deeds uncovered, the story ends and David and Shelly live happily ever after.

but different enough to be interesting.

You did add some new twists. It is an interesting read and well written.

Regards, DJ

I really liked this story until the scene where the husband agreed to meet with the crazy wife who hated him. Sounds like a really dumb idea, being alone with a crazy persom who hates him. I can overlook that though since there needs to be some excuse to enter the trap. could have had better bait though.

But it gets worse. The husband's response after he's tied up is absurd given the circumstances. It's not the same as 'Hildy'. He's decided to divorce her, so he's already distanced himself. He shouldn't be that vulnerable, so he shouldn't go to pieces. The husband should be angry or even enraged. But the author apparently decided to make him a wimp. (Or he blindly copied it from 'Hildy'.)

Hi,

I see this story mentioned on the Feedback Portal so much, I was like I have to read this for myself. Loving Wives really isn't my thing, but I gave it a read.

Except for some typos here and there, your story kept me interested. I think everyone in the story reacted believable for the character. I know a stupid Shelly in real life. Also I felt for Dave because sometimes you can both love and hate someone after they've done you wrong. Anyway, I heard that you were going to stop writing. DON'T YOU DARE!!! Even if it turns out I don't like the conclusion , I still think you have lots of talent. I looked at the other stories you've written and I see all those little H's. Not everyone is going to like everything you write, but that doesn't mean you quit. I'm gonna go read your other stories too. Take care *hugs*

Decent writing, some grammatical oopsies that a good editor would catch. Good character descriptions and development.

The problem is the plot. I don't mind that it's a takeoff on "Hildy" but I can't understand the hubby's reaction to her intended cheating. The marriage is over, he's done with her so why should he give a flaming toot whether she screws someone else or not? Okay, it's technically adultery since the divorce isn't final. Fine. In his own words, David "had had enough of her" so I find it not credible that's he's racked up emotionally by Shelley's infidelty. I could understand him being furious at being drugged and tied up but that's not what the author focused on. The author's attempt to say "love conquers all" is a bad gaff and it damages the quality of the tale.

Excellent fiction this almost is. Here's a 75, Blue, for your effort.

The set up for this is so unrealistic it's impossible to suspend disbelief. The guy is supposedly well educated, yet there's no real move for professional help at all. Just having the male say he tried over and over isn't enough.

The action is too over the top to accept and the rest of the story can't carry the poor plot line.

he has to sit down and think about it? god i hate the plot device of turning the husband into a retarded woman.

WTF does he mean he doesn't know what to do? It's simple, leave the dirty slut lying in a fetal position , call the police have that bitch arrested & continue with the divorce & get a restraining order... You're turning the husband into a chic dude... I'm a woman & wouldn't of hesitated to file criminal charges against this demented non trusting vile slut. Fuck that-- the bitch would have to go! There's absolutely nothing to think about, she cheated, she drugged him, she tied him up, she refused to talk to him when he questioned her recent change, she has no fucking trust for him as well as no fucking respect... She believed a complete fucking predator instead of her husband... Why do men make things more complicated than they need to be? The bitch is trash... Divorce the slut.....

But what does he have to think about? I guess we'll see...

stupid bitch cheated and believed everyone else over her husband.

no way i would touch that bitch again or talk to her and i would file charges for drugging, unlawful detainment, and kidnapping. Let her and her fuck buddy rot in jail.

When intelligent characters act stupid the story runs aground. At least in this tale hubby claims he's tried to make her tell what's bothering her. That's about all that can be said for this over written plot.

..say again?

when the trube helped i knew this was going to be a cuckie story. what you do is cut the guys cock off and sew it up into his wifes cunt.

Cuckwimp story all the way.

A compelling and emotionally charged tale.

...and cut her throat, but do it without wiping off bob's prints.

Then call 911.....

Please fix the POV shift. "I leaned over slowly and we shared their first real kiss. " I mean is English your 4th language.

diferent, imaginative, believeable.

glad to see the usual suspects of Haters&Flamers spitting Vitriol.

lol you must have really made their blood boil with this story.

p.s

keep taking your medication guys , try deep breaths & relaxation , don't want your blood pressure going to high .

I hope I can make it. I'm not so certain I would help her. And, how is Bob going to ruin their reputations. Really?

call an ambulance

call your attorney

move on

Still five stars.

For the read.

I know more university egghead types are a bunch of arrogant pussys, but come on! He couldnt get out crashing the chair? He didnt punch the bastard after he got free? He didnt call rhe police?

Call the cops. Get a drug test save the glass and go get your recorder. It seems simple enough for me.

The first one to hear the recording should be Shelly - to hear how she’d been duped. Then call the Cooper’s - to get his attorney’s advice. Then challenge the cops, send them to Fallow’s house where they can get a blood sample to prov he drugged his wife. Finally go to a seedy part of town and hire someone big to get arrested and sodomize Bob Fellows in jail.

What he gets. Now paying stupid tax for marrying Betty Baggage

Definitely call the police, then have Shelley admitted for a psychiatric evaluation.

Why thinking fuzzy now

there be a RAAC after she pulled this shit, whether she was conned, or not.

The woman is definitely 'Looney Tunes'.

Call 911.

Again , this is a good start for the story. There will be bliod.

But Bob is dead meat, even with his "alibi". His semen is forensic evidence of his being there. And , of course, the tape. But what will happen with Shelley, who clearly got no joy from this ? And , of course, their marriage ?

Shelly and Bob should be killed slowly and painfully...

Simple. Retribution on Bob. Preferably using pliers and a blowtorch.

Fucking ridiculas! This entire story lays the blame on the husband when all the wife had to do was a talk with him. HER fault entirely. Get rid of her

Hi David, I am a criminal and I am compelled to confess my crime fully to you, because that is what criminals do. Please enjoy the rest of my crime.

Yikes, that is low level stuff.

fucking moronic author 1*