All Comments on 'The Training of Kiva'

I really likes the writing and the concept.

While a novel idea for a storyline this piece was a real chore to read. without thorough and professional review by a competent editor, it will never get the appreciation the writer's imagination merits. The too long list of errors and omissions include: court yard with many hand rails (courtyard) (handrails)

smiling intend on making a good impression. (intent)

outside the door way (doorway)

patch of dried plants and ruble (rubble)

door bell ring (doorbell)

toying around with (a) cell phone

on the couch next (to) a cousin

steep and smooth sand stone (sandstone)

Above the water fall (waterfall)

sat down on the arm rest (armrest)

Than, she smacked him (Then)

down to her most feet (moist?)

She hand cuffed him (handcuffed)

daughter looked (at) the floor.

He was in the same place, better of an eighteen year old girl chained to his wrist. (???)

It felt good to grow his muscles become sick on his chest and back. (???)

like a fountain of youths (youth)

They were like a holly triangle (holy?)

The mother was over joyous (overjoyed)

very different morale ideas (moral) than the prudent religious settlers (prudish)

to see, what he would found (find)

His penis war raging hard (was)

true odors in her arm pit (armpit)

He alternatingly pinched her nipples with his tenses lips and his teeth (alternately) (tense/d??)

glided around (her) hips to her side to holder up (hold her)

kicked of her unlaced boots (off)

golden and luscious warms overcame him (warmth?)

a when you get a sudden burst (as)

have them dongle back and force (dangle)

good byte on the panty band (bite)

pulled out a single (-of his) hair (-on) from his head

get a good (grip with his) teeth (-grip) and tear the darn thing of her body (off)

sucked (her) clitoris hard

suck it with (-your) (her) exploring mouth

barely covered her ass chicks (cheeks)

wearing make up (makeup)

glossy lip stick (lipstick)

school bag with books (schoolbag)

he lay splay naked (splayed)

You are in the ante chamber (antechamber)

matte and sweaty face (matted)

load of white seamen (semen)

she braised herself for her own intense orgasm (braced)

than conference called (then)

her knees half bend. (bent)

between the side walk and the street (sidewalk)

I've edited the story. It usually takes a few days for the site to review and release the edited version. Thanks again!

An interesting and enjoyable scenario that appears to be nicely unusual, proofreading and editing are required and should be completed prior to publishing.