by LaPatitMort
I really liked the Tony character in the beginning. He was fun & adventurous. By the end, he was a different character. The orgy ending was not believable to me.
Harold became Bob, became Tom - that's just careless and ruined a decent and unusual story. Better proof reading needed
Now Sue's ex-husband is called TOM? Harold, Bob and now Tom...
Chapter 1 was a really good story, full of errors but pretty well thought out, chapter 2 was not. Confused, disorganized and not thought through.
Plus of course a third name for Sue's ex.
I was totally engrossed in the characters and plot. I looked forward to the second chapter. I could feel the high emotions and sense the misery. But then it was like someone stepped in to finish the story. It started with Sue calling her husband Harold, Tom. Then spun into an incoherent ending. Thanks for starting this story, wished you had finished it.
I would love to read how the next 5-10 years of their lives go. I hate people like harold and have worked with and known a few over the years including my brother. Boy his ex wife has a great pussy though.
I gave it 5 stars but wish you'd finish more of your stories instead of leaving it up to the readers imagination.
THis 2nd chapter has to be only the beginning of the rest of the story. THere were a couple of errors such as calling Harold different names, but it was well written and definitely leaves open a chapter 3 and more.
I loved the story except for the name changing of Harold to other names!
Although the changing of Sue's ex's name was distracting, the story and writing was much better than I could have done. Please give us another chapter. The characters seem to be patterened after ladies here in my town that I know.
I Think a Follow-up is called for to Explain how everything and Everyone comes out of this Do Lynn & Terri have More Children and are they Tony's . Doe's Sue have Children and is she ok with Tony Fathering Lynn & Terri's Kids?
I had hoped for improvements over part 1 but this just went downhill with Tony completely changed and all this dark crap. The dialogue is more natural at least. Could have been a good series but it's time to bury it and start on something new.
I loved the story except for the name changing of Harold to other names,where was the proof reading
I really enjoyed part one, and thought it was very well written - but this was strange. It seemed rushed, disjointed. I had a hard time understanding the impregnation scene, or what its purpose was. All of the characters except the main were wooden.
as the opening chapters. I revert back to when he first tasted her in his garage. I thought that was was exceptionally well described with lots of deep feelings.