All Comments on 'The Truth about Reluctance'

I think you have captured the thought processes of some women, who are afraid to really let go. For whatever reasons, they hide within themselves and frustrate both partners, because each knows something vital is hidden away from the light.

I am in my 50s - successful career woman, married for > 30 years with 2 grown kids. I also have reluctance fantasies. If that makes me wierd - fine! But remember it is reluctance - it is being forced to accept what is inside me - not being forced to do something or receive something I do not want. Rape is not sex - rape is violance. I want sex from someone who understands the difference

I can enjoy certain stories where the heroine is reluctant. Step by step she is coaxed out of her comfort zone, giving her what she needs to completely let go...BUT if the story slides into rape or any kind of violence, I'm turned off. Like anon from Canada said, "reluctance is NOT rape." These kind of fantasies are not unusual for women. Years ago, Nancy Friday wrote a book called "Secret Garden." This book was a scandal when it was published because supposedly women did NOT have sexual fantasies. And one of the top fantasies was "he forced me...it's not my fault...I'm innocent...he forced me..." The explanation more or less for this popular fantasy was that nice women could let go, they could come over and over, still remaining nice because the culprit had forced her. This book was published more than 25 years ago. It was also the first time that I read something written for women that was erotic...so can we say "we've come a long way, baby?"

I do not enjoy reading stories where the woman is humiliated, hurt, or raped. But the reluctant female/strong, demanding yet ultimately tender male story is one I enjoy time and again. So often, we women have paid consequences for enjoying our sexuality, whether it be the whispers behind our backs in high school of being called a slut because you went all the way with your boyfriend, or made fun of by your own boyfriend because your sensuality or sexuality frightened him. <br><br>

I still vividly remember my first time with a former lover. I was determined not to have sex with any male, and certainly not upon our first meeting. And he coaxed me little by little, until we both got what we really wanted. However, I know at any point if I had really wanted him to stop, he would have. The point being, I was still dealing with coming to terms with my own sensuality and love of sex, fighting those inner sanctimonious voices that said "good girls don't", and then he came along and said, I like my crazy sweet naughty nasty Catholic girl, just like you are. He's the man who helped me understand that all men are not created equal :)<br><br>

So I understand where you are coming from. Sometimes those barriers and boundaries that society and our own sense of fear have imposed on us, they need a little help being broken down so we can actually do what we wanted in the first place.

"These moments parallel my entire life. I'm the strong one. The independent one. The good one. There is great control in pleasing others, even at the expense of my own pleasure. No extremes. Follow the straight path. But what I really want is to see what's down that crooked road. And what I really want is for someone else to take that control with my needs in mind. Lead me. Make me. Not always. But for a little while."

This paragragh parallels mine. You are so right about there being great control in pleasing others. I have to say the few times my man has taken the control, I have loved it. I thank you for writing this and the story about Eric taking control.

Keep up the wonderful writing.

Thank you for writing the beliefs and thoughts of which I often suffer. I agree that the most freeing feeling is to be able to verbally communicate the specifics when we're with a lover....sometimes it's just nice to know I'm not the only one who's lived the lie of the beast.....

This is exactly, perfectly and utterly right. Thank you for explaining in a way that people who don't share this can understand.

I've been getting crap for my stories and I've been posting for five or six years now. I have two FAQ posts about it and I've had to delete comments from those as well. I finally found the man I want and I'm five months pregnant with his baby and I don't regret ANYTHING. I guess I'm blessed because while he won't take no for an answer he is also very attentive to my needs. I kinda get my cake and I eat it, too! All I can say is what you feel is REAL and anyone who rides you for it needs to go look at stuff on a different site. All my best love to you, Sister!

You expressed it wonderfully.

Thank you for expressing what I have never been able to bring myself to say. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

You are writing the words written on my heart, not yet spoken to my brain. Thank you for this; this is wonderful, and another one of those things that helps me to learn a bit more about myself.

Very smartly written and very sexy, too. Kudos.

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Having been with a reluctant lady or two, they can be such a joy when they feel safe enough and loved enough to let go. They're so innocent, so pure, so inhibited yet so needy and so sexy. I got one so excited about what we were doing in public that she peed herself. Talk about mortified! Her total humiliation that she could get so excited made me love her all the more. After she got cleaned up, I gave her panties back so she wouldn't die of embarrassment. Trust me, that was a first for me and for her. :)

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Thanks for an interesting story.

You did a great job of expressing what so many of us feel. I have just started admitting to my desires much less saying them. Makes me feel better to know I'm not alone

Thank you for giving me the words to express why I enjoy fantasies of reluctance (the well-written, semi-realistic, don't-go-too-far ones). Me, who can't even talk dirty to a boyfriend. I was starting to wonder if I was a little bit weird for my fantasies, but reading this, and the comments...it seems like there's a strange sort of absolution that comes from not being in control. Hopefully one day I'll find the right man, and not need the fantasies anymore!

Thank you for writing this and well, explaining myself to me. I'm still a virgin, in my late teens, when most of my peers are already fucking left, right, front and centre. I'm not particularly sexual, and I don't even care for masturbating, yet I just love reading these dirty nonconscent stories and imagining myself to be that damsel-in-distress. I've always been a very strong woman in real life though, so, well, my love of this particular genre really baffled me. Thank you for explaining myself to me.

Fan-bloody-tastic!!! Beautifully written and those critics who said your rubbish at writting reluctance are rubbish at knowing what women truly want. This is who I am and thats what I want... a bit of primal dominance for once plus options!!! bravo!!

It's insane to me how accurately this describes how I feel. I've always been more of a sub, wanting to be dominated. And stories of of the type you write that people are calling "rubbbish", reluctance that changes to acceptance, are the most appealing to me. But I can't bring myself to even talk dirty to my boyfriend; I feel like I sound ridiculous, and I'm embarrased, thinking he'll think the same, despite his stated willingness. Maybe with enough coaxing our relationship can take the turn that yours does in this fantasy. Thank you for finally giving my innermost thoughts their voice.

Excellent! Thank you so much for writing that :)

I felt like you were reading my mind, this is exactly how I have felt for years. This is such a great explanation for ppl who don't get the nonconsent stuff.

Yes yes. Amen to that!

ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY

... very well written. I loved it.

fanny x

Oh, my god, yass!

Resonated with this one right here. It was formed well, thought out, and just so vulnerably honest! Delicious! Waiting to meet my own faceless lover too!

You never had a man that really cared enough to pay attention to what was happening to you. My thing always was to peel away the layers of what excited and pleased the woman I was with. The better she liked it and responded The better it was for me. And there is nothing as beautiful as a woman lost in pleasure. 1954 Hall

Thank you

This is a great explanation. Thank you.

This was beautifully written and powerful. It mirrors the sexual journey and fantasies in my own life. I resonate so much with the inner turmoil of wanting to be "good" and pure vs. wanting to have pleasure. Well done.

not sure if this is fantasy or reflected experience

very original story/view point, but im relatively new to this site and identify with the ladies background and struggle to be passionate, frank or open n worse still confident

Great story! I have similar fantasies. I think being pushed beyond my boundaries or limits is the part that I like.