by sethp
crap I really really need a proof reader. anyone want the job. good benefits lousy pay.
they deserve to get fucked up the ass hourly for the rest of the year
You really need to fully read your story before you submit it or get someone else to do so.
In the story you confuse Lori and Nancy then Lori turns into Cindy and back again to Lori.
Other than that the story is not bad, maybe could do with a part 2 where Lori gets her own back on her sister.
Pete
Lori! Nancy! WTF: Cindy? Maybe one of the five "kidnappers" was a TG?
The urine turned me off! I wouldn't go there and wouldn't have read the story had I known.
Another stupid scenario.
You’ll get no more 1 star rating from me, I’m deleting you.
Bill
it was terrible to read
only an ignorant man can think an anal virgin girl would enjoy her first time and that too repetitive assault
her selfish sister more worried about her kink to be secret than actually caring about her well being
that larry laughing and behaving as if it was no biggy that they just raped and sodomised an unwilling girl who might put them in jail as there is semen its open and shut case
she never even tried to told them she is lori and not nancy
and the worst you keep on interchanging the sisters name as if you yourself were confused about their identities
in all poorly constructed ,rushed 0% erotic story
1 star
It was good. 5 stars. It was short, which is great. I hate reading 3-4 pages. The only issues:
- When she had a chance to say she was Lori, she didn't say. So that was odd.
- When they realized they raped the sister, they still continued role-playing, which didn't make sense.