There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 09

"You would not do that to me Fred. You haven't seen the merits of those cases. You have to recuse yourself anyhow. You wrote those opinions."

"Who me, I was a sick at the time."

"You lying sack of shit. You were on the phone with Sondra, telling her what to do, and what to write."

"I have no knowledge of those conversations at all. I was a very sick man."

"You still are a very sick man."

Payne asked, "Are you two secretly married? It certainly sounds that way."

Fred answered, "I was attached to this man's hip every day and night for over a quarter of the century. He breathes, my body takes in the oxygen. Every word that came out of his mouth during that time was mine, not his. He never made a promise he couldn't keep because I wouldn't let him say it. That's why his popularity as president never dipped below 50%."

"Is that true Mr. President?"

"Yes it is. I don't know what I did to deserve having Fred drop into my lap while he was at Harvard, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Until he met, and married my niece, he never worked less than 80 hours a week, or took day off. He stepped in front of two bullets that were meant for me, and nearly died because of it. He is and was as loyal to me as a golden retriever."

"Oh good, now I'm your lapdog."

"That's not what I meant Fred."

"It's what you said."

Celeste said, "We should record this conversation. We could make a fortune selling it to the scandal columns. Can't you just see it now, "Former President, and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court are secretly married. Listen to their live conversations, and you will believe it."

Clarke asked Antonia, "I believe I know the answer to this, but what do you call those things that protrude from the front of Celeste's chest?"

"I call them many things Mr. President, Udders, milk jugs, and backbreaker's, but the one I think you're looking for is Michelin's."

"That's the one. I will call those same newspapers, and put an ad with a picture of your Michelin's, but without your head. I will put up a $10,000 reward for anyone who can tell me who those Michelin's belong to."

"My lawyers will sue you for every penny you have."

"Just in case you haven't heard, two of my granddaughters have been made partners in a prestigious Washington law firm. I will take on your two lawyers, and raise you two of mine."

"Clarke you are a pain in the ass."

"Antonia, check her tire pressure for me."

Antonia reached out and pinched Celeste's nipples.

Philip yelled, "You are not allowed to touch those. They belong to me."

"You are only her husband. The President of the United States gave me an order. I am a citizen of the United States and I take that honor and privilege to heart. If my leader tells me to do something, I will do it regardless of how hard it is on me."

"Where is Frank when I need him to keep you in line?"

"Yes, just think of my ill-fated husband now. He is at home, in Milan, watching seven children. I'm sure he's having a joyous vacation, while we are here without our troublemakers."

"Marlon is with him."

"Marlon is 91 years old. He can't drive his scooter any longer, because his vision is so bad. I know his hands still work, because we can hear his aides scream every time he grabs their asses or their breasts. He is still a dirty old man, but he loves our children. God knows how he put up with you."

"He put miniature microphones in my jewelry. He knew where I was and what I was doing every second of every day. I wanted to kill him the day I found out how he kept track of me."

"Are we finished playing who is going to do what to whom, and get back down to business?"

"Even you are no fun."

"You are wrong. I am newly married. My son is out with my daughter and her fiancé. I have a room in this hotel that is empty. I know what my wife would like to be doing in that hotel room. I would like to be in the room helping her do it. Unlike many people in this room who started having sex in their teenage years, I didn't start having sex until this month, and it was with my wife. I have a lot of catching up to do. If you want me to start on this table, I am not adverse to it. However, I am not so sure about my wife's opinion on this subject." (I was sure a moment later when she hit me.)

Clarke Atwater said, "Has anyone decided where we will have our main offices?"

Stephano said, "I have to be in Charleston to work with Dycke at least twice a month. I have a built-in staff there, and there is plenty of room to grow. I can put additional staff in that office specifically for this new venture, and go there more often. Our telephone, microwave, and satellite communications systems are all secure networks. We only speak on scrambler's which makes it impossible for anyone to hear and understand what we are saying. I believe Charleston is the obvious choice."

"Julia will love you. She will get to fly me up and down the coast in her new airplane. She complains it sits on the ground more often than she flies it. If it's okay with everyone else, Charleston is fine by me."

Reluctantly Harold Chase agreed. "Okay, but I have to go back on that damn diet. If she sees me like this, she will put me on that exercise program that nearly killed me last time."

Dycke said, "How many times do I have to tell you to keep walking on the treadmill. When you have sex with Callie once a month, it's just not going to work for you."

"Once a month, you are an ass. We are like bunnies."

Payne giggled. "Have you ever watched rabbits fuck? It's not even 1, 2, 3. It's 1, 2, and goodbye."

"Payne you used to be my friend."

"I still am your friend, Harold. I want to be your friend when we are 90. Get that weight off. Do it the right way, and keep it off this time."

"Callie, we are going on a diet again."

"Do I look like I need to go on a diet, Harold?"

"You could stand to lose 6 or 7 ounces."

"I'll go to the bathroom and pee."

"What did Doctor Thyme call Delicious?"

The room exploded with one word. "Bitch!"

"That wasn't very nice."

"No, but it was true."

"Dr. Luck, we will have a meeting in Charleston the first Saturday in October. We will hold a news conference Monday morning. We will explain what we intend to do, and how we intend to do it. You will tell the world about your new engines, although I believe they should be patented first. What do you think?"

"The only problem I have with that is the United States Government has been known to go into the patent office and steal patented ideas for their own use. As Dr. Thyme has informed me, the Orion capsule is well on its way to being completed. However, it is so heavy; they do not have a rocket powerful enough to get it into an orbit that will send it into a Mars trajectory. If they steal my daughter's ideas that will no longer be a problem for them. They will be at Mars in 17 hours, instead of 87 days."

"I can see where that would be a concern of yours. Celeste do you want to get your hound dogs into this?"

"There is a contracts lawyer here in New York, who wrote the patent for Harold and Patti's inventions. No one has been able to duplicate the process even if they have seen the patent."

I said, "I will have my attorney, contact yours to work out the details. If they can agree that it will be safe, we will patent all three engines."

"Excellent, we will reconvene in Charleston in a few weeks."

"Mr. President, should I leak this to the press?"

"Keep your damn mouth shut Fred."

"As always sir, your wish is my command."

"Why don't I believe you?"

"You wouldn't know the truth if it hits you in the head."

"You are a lying bag of crap."

"I got you elected president didn't I?"

"I will never live that down."

"You are correct, oh great one, because I will not let you live it down."

"Shut up Fred."

"Okay dad."

"You are not going to say a word about this to anyone Fred."

"Sharon and I leave for Barbados in three days. We are stay with you until then. Ms. Julia is flying us down there. How much more secure do you need to feel about my whereabouts, if these are not good enough?"

"You are right Fred. I am sorry I doubted you."

"You welcome sir."

"I still don't trust you."

"Why don't you tie me up and put a muzzle on me."

"I thought about that while I was Attorney General. For some reason I knew it would not work."

"You must have terrible nightmares."

"Yes, and they all include you."

************

The End