This Time...

Juliana was always puzzled emotionally that while she had almost no reciprocation that night from Carol, that she had felt so emotionally attached to that moment in her life.

She could still recall the faint smell of raspberry body spray.

Juliana's mind wandered; Does she still wear that scent?

Juliana suppressed a curious shudder.

Sitting across from Carol was a type of torture that Juliana her extensive knowledge of sexual torture that Juliana had completely underestimated. To have a sexual desire that could never be fulfilled and would have to remain unanswered.

Juliana lingered over the breakfast table. She wanted to curl in the chair that held Carol's warmth and feel it over her body. There wasn't a question that Juliana could have formed that didn't feel like she had swallowed sandpaper.

"Is there anything else you need Lady Juliana?" asked a servant very quietly.

"Leave. I want to be alone."

"As you wish." And the servant disappeared.

Juliana headed upstairs to where Carol has slept. There was a servant putting the towels in the laundry.

"Get out." The servant scurried away with the laundry basket. Juliana snagged the wicker basket lined with linen.

"Leave it."

And the servant let go. Who was he to comment on the conclave's fetishes? And he continued out to the servant's level.

Juliana sunk onto the unmade bed and clutched a damp towel in her hands. The towel that had been warmed by Carol's curves, and the sheets lingered of a scent of lavender were barely still warm by her body.

The tears were slow, long sobs.

Mr. Jacob came up and closed the door leaving Lady Juliana alone.

Part Five

Carol climbed into the carriage, being helped in by Mr. Jacob. And then it was silent again until Carol arrived in front of Sir Glen's Conclave.

Sir Glen greeted her as the carriage pulled up.

"I trust your journey was well." He smiled all too aware of Carol's bright smile and her red eyelids.

"Yes." Carol's heart began to thunder, unsure of what she would see. Once again, she was ushered back into the opulence of this world that they created for themselves. Sir Glen was well dressed, and relaxed in silks and leather.

Sir Glen took Carol's arm. At the top of the stairs in a black dress covered with a navy blue lace, stood a woman who waited patiently for Sir Glen.

As they climbed the stairs to the main entrance, Carol noticed about her neck was a pendant that matched the head of Sir Glen's cane. "Carol, this is my Laurie. Any questions you might have, you feel free to ask her. She has been helping with your mother's care."

"Thank you so very much Laurie." Carol offered her hand to shake and then remembered it would be impolite. How Laurie was introduced indicated that there was ownership of a greater cause. Carol could ask nothing of Laurie without Sir Glen's permission.

'It is strange after all this time, I remember these rules as if I were bound by them myself.' She wondered to herself.

"It has been my pleasure Miss Carol."

Carol looked about the grand entry with marble columns.

"We do have plenty of rooms upstairs, but your mother seems more comfortable in the solarium. She likes the to see the outside, and there is a terrace off the back that we move her to when she wants." Laurie followed Sir Glen and Carol as they walked down the main hallway to the solarium at the back of the hall.

"Do you want me to join you or would you like some time to yourself?" Sir Glen asked right before the wood door.

Carol looked at the door and hesitated. Fifteen years was about to come colliding back very quickly. Just like this very morning.

"I would like a few moments please." Sir Glen nodded and opened the door.

"As long as you like Carol. If you and your mother need anything, there is a bell. Laurie will be there." And with that, Sir Glen and Laurie walked away.

Carol looked at the door again and then pushed it open. Lying on a pink chaise lounge was her mother. Or what was left of her mother.

"Momma." Carol's voice cracked and crossed the rich carpeted floor.

The woman looked over. Her remaining locks of hair were brushed back and it was whiter than Carol remembered.

"Carol?" Her mother tried to sit up.

Carol hurried to her mother and hugged her tightly.

"Oh my sweet baby, what are you doing here?" she asked hugging her daughter tightly.

Carol cringed under the pressure of her mother's stick like arms. She wondered privately if her mother was like this underneath the lush blankets that cocooned her small body.

"Sir Glen came and visited me a few days ago." She said softly. "I couldn't say no to seeing you."

"He must have worried you something horribly!" Lady Sara said softly not wanting to let go of her daughter.

"I could have come to visit if I asked, I know that. I never took advantage of it. I'm glad he came to get me."

Lady Sara kissed her daughter's head.

"Let me look at you."

Carol stepped back and took the moment to look over her mother. She was frail. Carol never imagined that the current vision of a woman that Lady Sara or even just as her mother would be.

After a million heartbeats, Lady Sara smiled and reached for her daughter's hand. "You look lovely."

"Thank you."

"How long are you staying?"

"As long as you need me."

Carol looked at her mother as she bit her lip nervously.

"How much did Sir Glen tell you?"

"Nothing Momma, he waited for me to ask you. And I am ashamed to say I do not know what to ask."

"It's just as well. I am dying my dear. And there is nothing I can do about it. We all must pass through to another world no matter where your heart lies."

Tears welled in Carol's eyes. "I feel like I've missed out on seeing you and I know I can't make it up now."

"No tears right now." Her mother reached out and plucked a tear from her face. "You were out living your life. And that's what every mother wants for their child."

"Can I spend the next few days with you Momma?"

"I wouldn't want anything else." Sara kissed her daughter's forehead with her paper-thin lips.

Carol stayed with her and chatted endlessly about "the other world" until her mother sighed wistfully.

"It's okay Momma." Carol whispered softly.

"Just a nap until supper time." Her mother's eyes closed and she had a smile on her face.

Silently, Laurie came up behind Carol.

"Sir Glen has lunch waiting for you in the dining hall, if you want to eat."

Carol had lost all sense of time. Her stomach reminded her that she had eaten almost nothing with Juliana at the breakfast table a few hours ago.

"Thank you. I would love to. If she wakes, please let her know where I've gone."

Another servant came from the shadows to sit with Carol's mother.

Down another series of halls Sir Glen was standing at a bay of windows and there were a few platters of food on the table.

"Ah, Carol." He held the high back wooden chair for her to sit near the head of the table.

Carol sat and watched as Laurie sat next to Sir Glen.

"Please, help yourself." Offered Laurie as she took a napkin and then first served Sir Glen then herself.

"Did you have a pleasant chat with your mother?" asked Sir Glen.

"Yes, thank you for arranging for me to come here."

Part Six

"Laurie, I have a small confession to make." Sir Glen said when they were alone in his office. He walked straight to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a scotch into a crystal tumbler without any ice.

"What is it my love?" she asked softly.

"We never knew who Carol's father was, but I took the role. And like any father, I wanted to keep her safe. When Carol last was here, I found her in the bed of, at the time, she went by Miss Julie."

"Lady Juliana?"

"Yes. And I pulled Miss Julie out of bed and threatened her back right into the lower levels of Lord Xavier's conclave. I believed, and I still do believe, she seduced Carol into her bed."

"But she offered to put her up in the transition zone."

"And I allowed it. But it is painfully clear I may have done Carol a horrible disservice by not being allowed to wake with her first lover."

"You know it was her first?"

"Leave a father figure his pride?" he said sinking into a black leather chair.

"Does Carol know you took that role for her?" In the question hung other conversations but from Laurie, they disappeared. Sir Glen was indebted for his Laurie's skills and her avoiding the more difficult judgment that would be eventually from Carol that

"No, unless Lady Sara tells her." Laurie took the chance to climb up onto his lap and kissed his chin.

"You did what you thought was right at that time. She'll probably be angry, but not as upset over the lost opportunity you put between them. However it was meant to play out love, that will be something they will have to settle between themselves."

"I love your wisdom Laurie." He whispered.

Lady Sara awoke, and saw a silhouette sitting by the bed. And then very shortly it was gone.

Seeing Carol again strengthened her. She wondered why she hadn't allowed Sir Glen to go see her daughter before this.

And then she remembered the gift she had given her daughter when she had left. She wondered if her daughter still had the cloak. It was silly to give it to her.

Miss Julie had come up from the shadows that day while Sara had been strolling in the garden, trying to console some of her loss that her daughter was really going to spend this last day packing to return to the other world.

Lady Sara herself hadn't quite been sure of her motives of bringing Carol here to her conclave after all these years. Carol had been free to go at any time, and especially now, but she knew her daughter had not been comfortable here. While Sara had reveled in the change of her life and had been very happy to return to the world she had left to raise her daughter, Carol seemed like the puzzle piece that had not fit very well at all.

But with every invitation that came and was extended to Carol, Carol said she would attend. So Lady Sara had been happy when Carol and Miss Julie had developed a friendship. Maybe once or twice in their early days did Sara wonder if Julie and Carol had crossed into something more than good friends, but never did she feel that Julie would have asked those things from her daughter. And even if Sara had known, she might not have cared any more than if Carol had. Carol was not privileged to comment on Sara's sexual encounters; the respect went in the other direction as well.

But there stood Julie clutching a brown paper package tied with a simple yellow ribbon.

"I heard that your daughter is returning to the rest of the world. I was wondering if you would give her this for me."

Sara paused wondering why Julie herself had not wanted to approach her daughter.

"She'll leave early tomorrow. I can make sure she has it."

"Thank you." And then as silently as Julie had appeared, she was gone again. Sara wondered and looked down at the package she held. She did not want to violate her daughter's privacy but she couldn't help but wonder what was inside. And then the nature that Sara was the messenger made her wonder even more of what transpired between the younger women when she was in other parts of other conclaves.

But she gave her daughter the gift at their private dinner that night in her offices over looking the moonlit garden.

Carol had looked at the simple package and the yellow ribbon. She pulled the simple bow and pulled back the paper.

"It's a cloak?" she asked.

Sara raised an eyebrow and said nothing. "Just to remember your time here. I know there will be some that will scoff at you wearing a symbol of the raised companions, but I think that you wearing this will remind you of your mother's place and then tell others that you are to always be honored, no matter your status."

Carol's hand rested on the soft black leather.

"How do you ever tell them apart?" she asked. "Everyone has one."

"We have our ways. Only our companions truly know how to find ours. That is something we pride ourselves on."

"Is this one like one of yours?" Carol had asked.

"Yes." Sara had said quickly without examining the cloak. If Julie had one made for Carol it was one thing. But if Julie had one made with her own marks, it would result in punishment for someone who was so very promising and talented as Julie. But it meant another thing to Sara and she wasn't above using that leverage when the time was right.

Part Seven

Lady Juliana wanted to hurt someone. But things were just out of her control. She wanted Carol. It just mattered if Carol wanted her.

Juliana reached for her robes. The last symbol that that completed her station.

The cane was the easiest to earn. It was the crutch that would hold her up when she found the burden of her station too hard.

The signet ring on her left hand contained her initials. This gave her authority to mark anything as hers.

But the robes were the symbol of the weight of responsibility that was given to her with each person who swore their honor and total trust to her. It was not only for their life but also for their welfare. The chain was a symbol of the never-ending commitment for all the burdens that the risen companions carried.

For women, the robes, like Juliana's, were styled as a cloak. Each would have their own specific style. Lady Daire's had been the most famous: a red velvet lined cloak for the most formal of occasions that would just kiss the ground as she walked across in amazingly beautiful high heels. Lady Daire was a classic woman and she left large shoes for all the other women who were her peers.

"Are you ready Julie?" asked Lord Xzavior. He was formally dressed as he was about to present someone for their robes, he looked upon Julie briefly. He had seen her naked, dressed, and at her most vulnerable. But today, she looked nervous.

She shook her head. "I'm worried that I cannot bring myself to find someone to be my second."

"Sir Glen did not find his Laurie until six years ago. His second is the rouge Sir Leif, who wasn't appointed until several months after he had joined Laurie. And Sir Glen has had his holdings and robes longer than I have been Lord here."

"It's been a while. I just don't think I can find my satisfaction with anyone."

"As long as your heart is open, and you follow good training practices, there is no reason why you should not have your robes Julie."

"There is one other thing Lord Xavier, I am unsure about leaving 'Julie' behind."

"It is a big step. Formality, and full name are a burden of the risen."

"Some are completely happy to remain where I am. I understand the limits and I never came here with the intention of rising this far. But the opportunity arose and now I am here and there is no reason why I shouldn't take robes that are offered to me."

"And you know the oath well. Rising just means that. Symbolically and emotionally. You've always been higher than others, looking out for companions when it wasn't your job to. You see things and details that others often miss. That is a quality that cannot be overlooked. Julie you can certainly be a great companion, but I would not have submitted your name if I did not think you could be even greater once you take your robes and companions to follow you."

Julie leaned in and hugged Lord Xavier.

"There's my girl. Not much time left now, you have earned this."

Julie's first robes were all black leather with a white bead around the very edge of the robes. A trademark that was easily overlooked. Now she preferred black velvet for most occasions. They were easier to take care of and did the job even in the warmest events in the darkest recess of even Sir Glen's dungeons.

And then tonight, she paused looking at the leather robes nostalgically. She turned and pulled it out and went to a rope she had by her bed. In a few moments, a servant appeared.

"Yes my lady?" she asked.

"I would like this cape prepared for tomorrow."

"Yes my lady." The servant took it from Juliana's arms; hiding all the questions she wished to ask but would wait to hear reasons another time.

And with that, she headed downstairs where her carriage awaited her to head on the journey for tonight's event.

Lord Xzavior had finally agreed only five years ago that she had earned her own conclave. She had not lingered long as a companion. Lord Xzavior and Sir Glen had seen her leadership and her thirst for more than any other companion.

She had watched so many joinings, so many induction ceremonies, she wondered if she would ever be gifted with her own ceremonies.

She did take comfort in the fact that Sir Glen and his Laurie had only been joined for the past four years. He had led the conclave for nearly twenty years. A man with his credentials should have been completely

Would Carol be submissive too me? Would I be willing to submit to Carol? Would Carol be asked through the Induction ceremony? Would she be mine to join in the end?

The questions plagued Juliana, as she continued to prepare and then walk down the hall.

Juliana would do just about anything to talk to Carol and know that she wasn't going to leave again.

Juliana looked as she pulled her robes about her shoulders and fastened the chain that settled the article against her body.

Would I be willing to leave for her? Juliana looked back in the mirror.

Her heart stopped, but the answer was clear. Anything, anything for Carol to be with her again. Juliana would give up everything to live with her for whatever their happily ever after would be.

Part Eight

Sir Glen stared at the garden, as the rain trickled down. And Carol stood beside him, looking out, wishing to be anywhere than here.

"I have a confession Carol. And when I am done you may not like to hear what I tampered with when you were young."

Carol paused unsure of where this was going. As far as she remembered, Glen had been a very nice man who had visited when she was a child. And when her mother returned, it was Glen who had welcomed her back with open arms. It was Glen who offered to house them until her mother could settle and return to the lifestyle that they valued.

"If you have any misgivings over Lady Juliana, I want you to know it was I who found you and she in bed together. I took it upon myself to discipline her without asking her how you came to be in her bed. What happened between you two, is something that is completely between the two of you and I had no place in determining what was to happen between two beautiful, consenting, women."

"She was gone that morning because you had told her to leave? Were you watching us?"

"No, I assure you I had been fully ensconced in my own little evening, but when I came down the halls to check on my guests' welfare that evening, I found you and she sleeping together. She went without a complaint. Not to make things worse I imagine, but the reasons for her lack of protest you will have to clarify that with her. I want you to know though that because she did not have her robes yet that she was under obligation to follow my orders, no matter what. And she did that admirably. My only regret is that it seemed to reflect poorly in your eyes. And for that: I am truly sorry."

Carol turned away, tears forming in her eyes thinking about what might have been denied briefly. She sniffled once and then blinked away some tears.

"I had come to terms a few years ago that the memory of that night would just be a memory. And whatever had transpired was what was going to happen. I couldn't bring that night up again with anyone, not even Lady Juliana. I should forgive you, you never meant to hurt anyone and you didn't even know what had happened."