tagHow ToThreesome Guide for Couples Pt. 07

Threesome Guide for Couples Pt. 07

byroomfor1more©

Chapter 7 – Moving from being social to threesome and beyond


Introduction:


To begin with, this is the last chapter and any future chapter will cover a topical issue, thought pieces, relating to a threesome. This chapter will cover transitioning to a threesome, having a threesome, and after the threesome. If we are to use the journey analogy for the last time this part of the journey would involve arriving at the destination, building on the site, and ensuring that it will with stand the elements.

Planning for the couple:

At this point in the couple's journey they realize that there is more than a 90% chance that a threesome will happen and before meeting the third person, it gives them one last opportunity to look at their map of their journey and deciding how they will reach their destination to ensure that afterward the memory they built for themselves of this experience is one that remains positive for them. The

From a practical standpoint, by this time it is difficult for them to make significant changes to their boundaries without creating some confusion and it is best to make some tweaks versus making major changes to the plan. Any major change to a couple's planned threesome requires the couple to ask should it should go forward. It does not mean, for example, a boundary that is not workable cannot be changed nor does it mean that if something comes up last minute that the plan could not accommodate it. Instead it means that the couple will need to accept that with any last minute changes, it may bring about other changes and they will need to be ready to cope with them. Should a couple be prepared for this eventuality then, this author feels, there is nothing wrong with making changes.

Lastly once a couple reaches this point it does give them one last chance to review miscellaneous their plans for safety, give each other another chance to say 'no,' ensure that they have everything needed, and agree to work through any issues that may come up. Also it means taking some time to review any last minute changes or tweaks to anticipate any possible results from them. Thirdly it means ensuring that they have what they need for the threesome and any arrangements are in place. This may range from booking a hotel room, ensuring that they have a babysitter for the evening, and condoms. Finally this opportunity is a chance to address any possible missed issue like how to divide attention and rule regarding intercourse with the third person.

Meeting the Third Person

Nothing in life is guaranteed nor should something happen just because some effort has been invested in making an event happen. If a couple expect a threesome to happen only to find out their planned threesome becomes shattered because of a lack of compatibility, for example, it can leave them feeling jaded by the experience. Instead the couple should be ready, should the threesome happen but at the same time be prepared in case it does not.

Once the third person has arrived it is the couple, for the most part, is in control. This means the couple will dictate the speed at which things progress and if the threesome will happen. For a couple that is new to this it may mean cues may be missed and things might happen a bit slower.

Transitioning to the threesome

All of us have different ways of dealing with an event that is possible but lacks certainty that it is going to happen. For couples that are new with threesomes this point can be difficult due to the fact this is a point where any suggestion that this is a fantasy, is immediately replaced the reality that it is going to happen. Being confronted with the reality that a threesome will happen can create allot of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear of rejection because like many of us when we are in a new unfamiliar situation our confidence begin to fade. Along with fading confidence, having a threesome can bring about a flood of emotions. Before the flood of emotion begins to overtake, it is a good point to have a discussion regarding boundaries and expectations if this had not already been covered.

After agreeing about expectations for the threesome and boundaries for it there are several ways to bring about the threesome. One way is through a game like strip poker, naked Twister, or by drawing cards with sexual activity written on them. Another way would be to change into something "more comfortable" like a negligee or a teddy. It does not need to be something designed to look sexy. However it needs to be something that is easily accessible for exploration, loose fitting, and something easily removed without much effort. Third way would be a porno movie. Fourth all three of you taking a shower together and last way would be being direct by suggesting all three of you move to the bed. In all of these situations the issue is not what is done, instead it is finding a way to cue that as a couple you are ready for the threesome to start and finding a way to remove some of the apprehension.

The Threesome

If the reader does not what goes in a threesome or does not have an idea of what do then in all honesty a threesome is the right choice. This section will talk about the threesome from the couple's perspective and some of the issues that can come up. Reality is for a couple that is having a threesome for their first time, nothing can completely prepare them for the experience. It is best thought of as a rollercoaster ride of emotions and experiences. Such an experience can create a cornucopia experiences that can range from exhilaration to sheer horror/ Therefore, it becomes important, this author feels, not to act impulsively / emotionally based on what is being experienced and to act logically. Having been through this experience it is not always easy to know how to act logically and if you feel safety (your safety, your partner's safety, or there is something not safe about the environment) is becoming an issue then it is best to play it safe by ending the threesome then to risk your safety. Short of feeling that safety is an issue, threesomes can change your perception of things. By this I mean seeing your partner having sex with someone else can elicit very strong emotions such as pure eroticism or sheer panic. When watching your partner enjoying themselves sexually with some else is easy to think that your partner will leave you for them. However logically that may seem, reality tends to be if as a couple you have a strong caring and loving relationship then it is more probable than not that the feeling is being influence by what you are seeing. For a couple at this point it means they have to rely on their knowledge of the partner and their history together, instead of what they are experiencing, in order gage their reaction.

Another way things can be influenced is instead of watching your partner having sex with someone else is actually having sex with someone else. In a threesome situation it is easy to equate having sex with having feelings for your extra lover. Granted you may feel an emotional bond with the person that you had sex with but it is important not to lose sight that the purpose of the encounter is about physical enjoyment, not emotional attachment. It is important that you find a way to reconnect with your partner as soon as possible. This may mean that you do not have the third person stay in the same bed with you, if they are staying the night or they return to their hotel room if a room was rent. Additionally it may mean that you develop a circle of people who share a similar interest in order to prevent attachment to one particular person or you limit your encounters to one-off situations. Finally this means if you feel an attachment beginning to form with someone, it is immediately brought to your partner's attention along with ending the relationship with the third. Reason for providing a few suggestions is to prevent attachment is and to preserve your relationship with your partner by keeping emotions separate from sex.

Final way a threesome can bring issues is by the emotional turmoil it can create, especially after the threesome. Up until the threesome happens each participant has the ability to stop it from happening but once it happens there is no way it can be undone. Furthermore there is no way that as a participant in a threesome you will exactly know how you will react until it happens. This is in part due to be being a new experience for you but it is also, in part, due to the activity is readily publicly discussed because it goes against what we have learned about relationships since we were young. The lack of public acceptance of the activity for some can create an emotional dissonance. Emotional dissonance, conflict of feelings, can cause a variety of reactions from anger, to withdrawal, and destruction of the relationship. There is no way to prevent any of the above problems. However a relationship that is stable, with good communication, and a relationship that has matured over a few years can help in alleviating some of these issues.

After the threesome

Many people feel that once the threesome ends and if it ends successfully then there is nothing more that needs to be done. Reality is as you begin to come down the "adrenaline high" from having the threesome and begin facing the reality of what has happened means your perception about what happened may change. Over the coming days, weeks, or even month afterwards there may be some unresolved issues. Unresolved issues can be feeling unsure about an action, feeling guilty about enjoying the experience, being aroused by the threesome to something more involved such as dealing with a boundary that was crossed or development of feelings for the third. This means taking the time to talk about the experience and do "spot checks" to ensure that there are not unresolved issues that have not been brought up. Should an issue be brought up then it needs to be worked through, understand why it happened, and how it can be addressed. From there determining the next step for you as a couple and if a threesome will be something you want to participate in again Should as a couple you want to consider participating in a threesome again the process begins again by re-examining the boundaries, the choice of the third, and structure of the threesome in order to decide what needs to be changed. At this point communication is about preserving the relationship and learning from the experience so that the relationship can move forward.

Conclusion

The first sever chapters have been written to provide a framework of discussion for the couple in order to highlight the some of the possible risks, some of the possible benefits and a possible framework to make it happen. This author hopes by showing a generalized frame work of how a threesome works it gives couples some idea of what is involved and if it is right for them. It is impossible to cover every situation, it is impractical to write a treatise on this subject and this guide has been written based on an opinion. For some who have read my series and may disagree with it, they are within in their right. Nonetheless it is my hope that those who have read it realize the depth of the decision to have a threesome can involve for a couple, hopefully this will help them to plan a threesome that works for them and minimizes any risk. Finally this has been an enjoyable journey for me and it is this author's hope that it was for you too. Remember to watch for more topical discussions as they relate to threesome but unlike this series which covers having a threesome from beginning to end this series will address each topic independently.

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