All Comments on 'To Clumsy Feet and Prada Knockoff's'

No, he means "To clumsy feet..." as in a toast.

This story has issues: grammar and point of view foremost. It is somewhat redeemed by the intensity of the feelings, the awe for the woman and the act. I hope the writer keeps writing. There is heart here and story telling skills. The mechanics can be worked out.

Interesting strategy.. Some of the world's best Righters are terrible when it comes to details, that's why editors were created.. you'd be kidding yourself if you thought there weren't different levels of talent in english. You just cheated yourself out of a pretty good story. Not to mention that if you get confused by "to" and "two" it's probably more clear why you can't read a story for the creativity, organization and clever comparisons.. because those take more talent and work to understand than the simple act of memorizing a few rules.... Your a piece of work.. and to the fine writer .. I love You're work and you made little to Know mistakes.

-Love, the drama squad

hey

sure there were a few grammatical errors but quite frankly i loved this story, i hope you write another one

This story was awesome. I didn't notice any grammarical errors, i was too busy making my own music if ya know what I mean ;) Keep up the good work!

I liked the story a lot, but if you're going to use acutal places, make sure you get the name right. The University of Montana is in Missoula, Montana State University is elsewhere and Montana University doesn't exist.

Well written and VERY arousing. I nearly came, Alainn! I just had difficulty believing that farm-Boy VIRGIN could do such a HOT woman, is all. Maybe things are different in Montana, what do I know? Heh, never been there actually. NE way, it was sensuous, bud! Keep writing these vignettes 4 us, OK! Mm, sexy stuff M8.

:P

You should pick a POV and stick to it. You can still switch between characters, but be consistent.

Perfectly superb story and writing, Alainn. I enjoyed the train of thought of Devlin as he sacrificed his virginity to the lust of Tina, interspersed with their seductive conversation. This let me share in the minds of each of your storytellers. Reading this primarily from the perspective of of the male nutbuster, led me to thinking of the potential of a chain of stories by a serial virgin, a lustful young lover who never acknowledges to their prey about their prior experience, but continually offers themselves as a fragile virgin seeking their first engagement. But I've given up my venture into storytelling. I've become a consummate reader and I deeply appreciate your contributions.