All Comments on 'Toby Gets It!'

Well-written and nicely erotic. I, for one, would like to see another story where they continue the relationship, possible to marriage and children.

Thank you for the time and effort in writing this story.

you need to keep a close eye on detail. When she firsts takes off her clothes, she is shaved.

Then later, when she is on top, and her pussy is rubbing his cock, the boys says "your hair is ticklig my balls".

I do enjoy your stories, tho. They are good writings.

Screw the details... I loved the story - it was hot enuf to make up for anything!

OK there was a build up but the ending did not quite match the long slow drawn out build-up. I don't think it was quite worth the wait. I would say - get to the point in 500 fewer words - but not bad overall.

great story how about a chapter two

loved it!!

I did. I read the other comments too, and there's one about details. I think the author meant that the character had long hair, and as she tilted her head, it tickled his balls. That's the impression I got, not that it was her pubic hair tickling him.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this, and I like that it's not six paragraphs long, but I also agree that it ended too abruptly. Well done though.

I liked the way you took your time in fleshing out the characters and describing their surroundings. It only added to the realism of the story.

In fact, my only constructive suggestion (not critisism) would be that you could have spent some more time and detail in describing this couple's first actual intercourse.

(More of their thoughts, feelings, and actions as they inserted Tab A into Slot B.)

I can't wait to read more about them 'foaling around' in part two.

Good Luck,

WAY too much uninteresting backstory! Then it suddenly ends! OK but far from great...

We need at least a happily ever after with kids