by NotDoctorPhil
I love that it was written in a way that was realistically relatable, it was so easy to put myself into this story, that delectable taboo seduction really did me in with him sharing his porn with her, had me ridiculously wet and thinking back to my own experiences
I came so hard. I can't wait for you to lick my young pussy
Just a suggestion... have someone proof read your writings.
Other than that... a very hot story!!! I hope you continue it from here.
Did he make it back in time to shut the DVD off??? Lol
i thought that was amazing , because it brought back so many memories of my self and my daughter ,,,i want to hear the next part ,,,, i can still remember kissing and touching and working up to feeling and licking and her first orgasm ,, mmmm so hot ,,, continue please
Keep writing, dude. It was a highly enjoyable story because of the reluctant pacing of the narrative. So often incest/taboo writers write stories in a way where there is no reluctance to take that final plunge. You did a great job with that.
That was fucking amazing and real and possible.....firing my own fantasies....and deepest desires to experience this uniquely intimate relationship.
Long, too long, introduction. Wordy middle. No ending (climax). A man washing his hands is not a climax.
But your grasp on eroticism is amazing. You know how to tease.
God I loved this story! The reluctance and seduction is what made it so Hott! It really drew me into the story line and made it feel realistic. Please give us a part 2 where the daughter has reluctance to repeat her actions due to her conscience from almost being caught by her Mom!
Sooo,what is EDIT complaining about? I didn't see a missed message anywhere, the plot is pretty clear (if dragging a bit) ...I'd have moved things along a bit different but it was ok considering I really don't like the drawn out tease type stories. Not having a part two posted is the only crime, lol.
If it's worth writing, it's worth doing it right. Too often the meaning depends on the reader being able to guess what you are trying, unsuccessfully, to get across. As the writer it is YOUR job to communicate your message. If you make the reader guess what you're saying, you aren't communicating effectively. Good idea, mediocre execution. If it's not important enough to you to polish your work up, why should your reader care??
I agree with a previous comment. This story deserves to be finished. Dad needs his, too
This story is so good it is deserving of completion-- especially for that daddy.
How I would love to do this with my own 19 year old daughter. I would love to see a part two!
Ok, first, explain to me why father and daughter were watching porn toghther? I mean, just plop down on the sofa and decide theres nothing better to watch, so you pop in some porn?
Second, you stretched a page and a half story into three very long, very stretched out pages. I literally got bored and skipped sevral aragraphes at a time and i didnt even miss anything. You could read the first and last few paragraphes and basically get the whole plot.
Third, god. Edit! Proof read! Get someone else to proof read it if you're too lazy!
It couldve been a great story if more effort was put into it.
It saddens me that I had to give a two (2) for a score when it very easily could have been; should have been a five (5). Not only do I agree with "Don't con your audience," but I would like to know if you even bothered to proofread this 'work.' It saddens me that I had to give a two (2) instead of a five (5) because you not only didn't bother to proofread your own submission, but because you failed to utilize any of the excellent editors that are your beck and call. Simply put: it saddens me that you dragged it out just for the sake of having a "long story." One other quick note: instead of using quotation marks, [""], italicizing a word or words puts greater emphasis on your text. Yeah, it really saddens me, but if you take these suggestions as well as those given by "Don't con your audience," you could very easily earn, and the operative word here being 'earn', at the very least, a five (5).
My name's Mike, not Anonymous.
very hot sexy story... made my cock nice and hard.. would love to see this continued..
Really, nothing happens in this story. We're led through a maze of misspellings, ignorance of word meanings, weird tense shifts—often within a single sentence—only to find that you can make your daughter come while finger-fucking her.
Pretending that this was just a "rough draft," which you managed to submit "by mistake" is a cheap excuse for your illiteracy. How did you plan to re-write it if you didn't catch all this while you were writing it the first time?
I can't believe anybody really thought this was the best incest story they'd ever read. Must be your cousin in Philadelphia, writing.
That was great - thoroughly enjoyed it.
With the various improvement suggestions it would be "Simply The Best!"
Sure you'll continue and wish you all the best in doing so.
Hot. Hot, Hot - and Oh so beautifully done!
Geoff - Western Australia
I'm a little surprised that when she went to change she didn't come down wearing a large T-shirt and undies as most teens do .
Well written, hot build-up. It needs a continuation. Nice uninterrupted sex + another interruption perhaps, which leads to… where?
Please complete this story it's great but it needs a climax to coin a phrase. Consider a chapter 2 or 3 with and affair between the daughter and father with maybe a pregnacy or where the wife becomes involved to. So many ways for you to spin some suspense in this story and maybe even some submission from the wife and daughter. Please go for it this was a great read that needs more chapters. Thanks
Well we all know that a GOOD STORY was well read by all. Fine job! Hope to read more of your stories. Thanks.
Had me so hard! I fantasize about fucking my 18-year old daughter all the time. She knows I want to also. We have messed around some, but no intercourse- yet. We might this weekend though. She wants me to eat her out again this weekend.
Really nice build up to a big nothing at the end. Was really disappointed in the ending of it. Why don't you re-write the ending and have the Mom drive up as they are "in the throes"?
This is not porn--it is pure erotica. What a wonderful story--it kept building and building. I am so wonderfully tense right now. Thank you very much for such an intensely erotic story. I hope you write more. You really express thoughts and feelings better than most that I've read!
I loved this story. One thing, though: I really hate the word, "cuntal." I don't think it's a word at all, and it completely pulls me out of the story. I don't mind, "cunt" at all, but "cuntal" is just awkward and distracting.
That was perfect! I abso-fucking-lutely loved it and hope to god that you write more soon - I wish more men would take the time that Robert did in your story instead of ploughing ahead lol xoxo
this is one of the most sensual, incredibly sexy stories ever! Please write more.
And look forward to more if you pursue it. But make sure you take time to proof-read a bit more. A few obviously glaring errors that detracted from the excitement (a tiny bit). Otherwise, not half bad.
Thank you.
When will you be expanding on this story? the dad needs to get a little!!!
The sex was hot, the dialogue believable, the characters full and fleshed out. This is one of the two or three best first submissions I've ever seen on this site, and let's just say I've been reading for too long. I'll be watching for future submissions from you for sure!
Below is a comment I submitted in the “help us improve” suggestion box when attempting to sign-up as a Literotica member…
PICTURE THIS!
My wife, who’s up in the morning while I sleep away in the other room for another four more hours, starts reading my email (which I know she does occasionally). And, what does she find? You got it! A FUCKING EMAIL FROM LITEROTICA!
The sign-up page needs a big red "How To Be Discreet" button with a pop-up window, telling me how to hide emails from literotica. Well, I suppose I'd need to get a web-based email account first. But, which one’s the most discreet?
Come on! Give me a quick how-to tutorial!!
Signed - "long time reader"
P.S. I never thought of “joining” literotica before, until just now. Wanted to favorite a new author I just read last night. Come to think of it, this is really the first time I wanted to “save” an author. Well, except that one time youbadboy got his own little hidden bookmark. Shout out to you, youbadboy! Your stories pleasured me-long-time. Nevertheless, I think I found a hot new storyteller!
Wait a minute! Have I been writing in this stupid suggestion box for over an hour? Wow. I must think I'm a pretty good writer. Hold on; let me open up box up a little more... hmm, after rereading this prose, not bad! I’m gonna copy & paste into Word.
Ahh, much better. Wide open territory. This must be what it’s like to be a literotica writer. Spell check, grammar, and a whole page to fill!
(let me step outside and take a hit; ok - I'm back)
On second thought, I’m just going to be a “reader” and not a “writer”
BTW, who is the hot new storyteller? Non other than NotDoctorPhil
- in fact, i'm gonna copy and paste this into his comment section of the one and only story he’s written – hopefully many more stories to come!
this story was a great balance of temptation... that almost got to satisfaction for all parties... and screams for more... i can't wait!!!
I don't normally read this kind of story but decided to give it a go and I have to say it was one of the most erotic stories I've read in a while. The build up was excellently done and the whole scenario of watching the porn just made it all the more naughty. Excellent first story. I will read more as you post.
Great story with wonderful build up to her climax... I wasn't paying any attention to grammar, typos... etc....
Good job on the slow build-up of the story (though I couldn't "make it" to page 3). The pattern of [ his-thoughts, her-thoughts, live-action ] is pure genius! A style of writing I've not seen here before.
MORE! MORE!
P.S. Next time, I'll try to make it to page 3.
This is an excellent seduction story except for the writing problem discussed by other respondents. The seduction is so exciting that what I would like to read is a new story that starts "from the top" as it were, in which the build-up of sexual interest leads to a scene in which the pair reach some climax. Very interesting would be some exhibitionism/voyeur component that stimulates them (and us!) until finally .... Perhaps dad could watch a dvd and arrange that she can observe him while he masturbates and whispers .... There are variations galore -- yours was one of the best yet, by the way.
That was a great story! I agreed with the constructive criticism about the grammar( I don't think they spelled "grammar" correctly if they want to be picky..unless you spell it differently over there) up until they said you didnt care about the readers.....That was harsh! You do care,thats why you have got so many readers begging for more! I sent you a private comment also not realising I could put one here as well. You have done an excellent job...left us all hot n begging for more...just like poor ol daddy! Good on ya!
Nope - their story continues. In fact, I am working on it at the moment, and should have one posted by the weekend. ;)
If you have scenes or situations you'd like written about, let's talk. I'd love to write stories of your own fantasies!
Excellent build up, great climax & VERY well written. I only read incest & gay male stories with a "HOT" rating & this one definitely fits the bill Thanks so much & I look forward to more.
Without a doubt the best fantasy on this site. So realistic. Patient, moving forward as they each got hotter and closer. Wonderful writing. Will there be more?
Fantastic story telling. Great build up from both perspectives. One of the hottest stories I've read on this site, just tell me this is not the end!
I thought it was very well planned out and described. Thank you sir.
That was one of the hottest stories I've read on this site. Please continue this story; I can't wait to see what happens next.
Don't worry about the negative comments! Douchbags! One of the HOTTEST stories i've ever read here!!!!!! Keep Going!!!!
wonderful build up, pretty realistic, great prespective taking, very hot. One of my favs for sure, and Ive read a lot
Author here - feedback noted. In haste, I submitted the copy of my original draft, rather than the finished product. I'll do better next time.
More stories coming. I am also interested in roleplay and sharing fantasies, so contact me if you'd like. ;)
More like this one! Just follow the advice of the poster above me. Proof read a little harder.
Good job!
Have you ever tried reading slowly what you wrote ? You mis-spell words , you wander between his and hers in the wrong tense , you said she changed into her shorts without panties and then you talk about getting into her panties ? You either have to read your own work over and over or have someone else who knows grammer do it for you . I get the impression that you wrote this in a hurry and didn't care about the readers .