All Comments on 'Tough Love'

Which came in too soon (first paragraph, how to make friends and influence people, huh?) . After that, you were always on a knife-edge. You could have delivered, but you didn't. Shallow, samey and uninspired. Doubt anyone will trawl past page 1 which, admittedly, is the best of them all. So you might get an undeserved high mark for the first page. Most people will have given up by then.

Long feedback, because I think someone who puts this much time into a story deserves something more constructive than the usual comments you get on here. Especially on the femdom stories which seem to get heavily and unfairly abused.

So here goes:

I can't say it gripped me. I skipped pages at a time. Some of it was alright, but some of the non-sex bits were too dull to keep me engaged. Two dimensional, predictable and not realistic at times in tone or action.

My major issue though was the switch from first person (i) to third person (she/he) when the narrator wasn't present or unable to see/hear the action. If you're going to narrate the story you have to frame the parts your narrator isn't present for. Or if not you need to make just a line break or a new chapter for it...

Even just putting 'unbeknownst to me Lucy was at that point....' or 'I didn't know until she told me later that Lucy was.....' etc would help. Switching without a frame makes it hang very oddly and takes a reader out of the moment, ruining anything that might be happening. It jars.

Personally I think you should stick exclusively to the first person as you seem to write better from that vantage.

Also you need to understand that a paragraph and a sentence aren't the same thing. Paragraphs can have a fullstop or two before the end! Way too many paragraphs early on ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran. Comma after comma.

Other than that, there's a few little things such as people constantly using each other's names when they converse. Quite unrealistic to me. An over abundance of clichéd terms. Husky voices, soft lips, torn clothes. Have you ever kissed anyone with rock hard lips? Or seen anyone try to tear off a well made shirt? The more realistic the background is, the more exciting the fantasy elements of the story are.

You do tend to basically repeat the same scenario over and over, rather than start and build, with each sex scene getting progressively more... extensive. Though as I say I didn't read all of it. If you only have one or two ideas for the sex scenes don't turn them into 16 pages. Make it 6 pages and explosive.

Small errors.

Ma'am not ma,am. That crops up a few times. Needless mistakes due to self-editing (no-one can spot all of their own mistakes, weird but true) or a poor editor. You can get an editor through literotica if you did self edit.

There's a heard instead of a hears somewhere early on too.

'It is' goes to 'it's', due to the loss of the letter i.

The possessive 'its' doesn't have the apostrophe (despite most possessives having one).

'The dog stood up, its tail wagging, it's a nice day for a walk, he thought.'

http://garyes.stormloader.com/its.html

Despite all this I think you should keep going and hone your stories. I admire the scale of this story, so please keep writing. Just watch out for clichés and repetition.

I tried to stay interested in this story. I should have known it was going to be a novel when it took you at least 6 paragraphs to talk about your love for Lucy. Then the unannounced shift from present time to the incidentals that created John's unemployment and Lucy's promotion messed me up. It made me think I misread something I ended up wasting more time going back to re-read it. I know if it happens like that in film, at least most of the time, they let the viewer know "2 months earlier" or something. I ended up not even finishing the read so I really have no idea how it ended, nor do I care. I got the feeling this was submitted as a college assignment with a specific amount of words due by the end of semester.

2 stars.

Lost it for me.Lynn and any went beyond cruel with.him and he just let's them go on?And he forgives lucy that easily and for god's sake would give her power over him when she totally turned him into a nothing? Sorry but the ending was just too easy,no sane person,sub or not, would so easily love or trust someone like lucy after whst she did.A good story,as dark as it was but the resolution lost it for me;I could respect reconciliation but John,who beat Stephen, then goes on to act the fool,nakes no sense he might as well have let her continue to abuse him and not acted.

I actually read this story from start to finish in two sittings. I suppose I was hoping for some big revenge at the end but it only half happened. It was quite dark and if anything just made me feel a bit depressed.

However, I think it's very impressive that you so extensively detail how somebody could be broken down into a slave, and the story is so long that it never seems to jump too fast from one stage to the other, which would have made it less plausible.

There were several bits which were quite hot, I liked the bit where Lucy and Amy were spanking John and giving him questions which had no answers which would please both parties.

I did however begin to get frustrated with John's submissiveness, much like Lucy did. I usually enjoy it in a story if it's consensual or at least the unwilling submissive is fighting back, but in this story I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd do if I was John, specifically: rip Lucy's face off.

But, it was just a story, and I feel it highly successfully achieved what it probably set out to do. Minor spelling/punctuation errors and the occasional jarring change in narrator don't take away from this impressive accomplishment.

I won't be reading it again in a hurry though!

I just realized that two men get sent to jail, but all of the women get off practically scott free. I've got a feeling that the author may be a woman.

This is what this sites all about x and next time go into detail what people are wearing when there giving and receving pleasure :) xx

Hi guys. I`d like to thank you all for your comments, both past and future. We all like praise, I`m no exception, I also don`t mind receiving any negative comments if they might me to write better.

But I would like to address a couple of points.

To anonymous. If you have an issue about ` buck tooth` appearing in a story, I really believe you should be careful about what you read and even what movies you watch. F.Y.I. I got the idea because my wife had the exact same condition, and it has indeed left her with a very sexy pout. she had no objection whatsoever with me including it in my story.

Again to anonymous. please don`t give any story zero points. No story deserves that. You don`t even say what you don`t like about my writing.

Was it the subject or content? Surely you read the synopsis?

Was the grammar or writing that bad? You are on a site for mainly amateur writers my friend, you will not find `Lord of the rings` or anything by Dickens.

Please read the stories for what they are. Stories written by ordinary Joe, Hoping somebody will like them.

If you don`t like a story, just say so, and please give a reason. Please take into account the type of people who are writing, we are not all English Majors. Just people doing our best and trying to share.

I hope my comments didn`t come over as too aggressive, that was never my intention, and anonymous, please don`t feel insulted by anything I`ve said here or in my story. Shit happens, and it will be written about.

Otherwise thanks everyone, whether good or bad. I promise I will try to improve.

I was addicted to reading this and once I began I coudn't stop. I'm going to read it again soon and this time take it slowly and relish every line.

Thanks Graymangazer

Great story...despite it's length, I couldn't stop reading it...Well thought out plot and at times, got my juices flowing, as i imagined myself as John. I've had curious thoughts through the years about becoming submissive to my wife, but she never wanted to pursue that lifestyle. While I'd be petrified to become a person like John, it was thrilling to read about him adventures, and wonder "what if...?"

Loved it. Great read. The only bit I didn't like was the retribution. I'd have preferred it for John to live in permanent subservience.

Loved it. The transformation of Lucy was shown in much detail and the point where she explains to Stephen the difference between him, Barry and John was superbly dealt with. That she loved her husband John the most and yet would dispose him in a heartbeat if Stephen so desired was hot as chillies. Such stories will go a long way in showing men their true place which is beneath their ladies' feet. Keep up the good work.

Hi- This story turned from a lurker of several years here to a commenter. I LOVED the story, the writing, especially the switching narratives between the characters.

The scenes in the opening when Stephen seduced Lucy into the plot were really necessary, as was the repeated return to her thoughts when she was having doubts about the plot. Most stories of this kind make the domme into a cardboard cutout; Lucy seems more well-rounded if not entirely sane. The repeated references to her love and John's suffering for that love are what make the story stand out.

My only qualm is that you wrapped things up too quickly after John's trap is sprung and Barry et al get their just desserts. I really want more of Lucy's point of view in her voice, especially when John breaks from submissiveness to tell her what he did.

I wanted to share her experience of fear, etc when she finds out the company is being closed, what her real emotions were when she feared John would leave her, maybe her realization that he only acted out when it was in the interest of protecting her, not himself. Finally, does his enslavment at the end mean a continued life of savage punishment at Lucy's hands? Will she cuckold him with other men know that Barry and the Italians are out of the picture? Will she still fuck with Lynn and Amy?

Help!

What an awesome story!!!!

Thanks

Two thumbs up!!!!

I hated it and I liked it, in either case couldn't put it down. I would have left once Lucy showed my slavery to Lynn and Amy. Maybe LOL. But it made for a good story, I hope Lynn stays as the servant as I don't want to think what it would be like if she got the upper hand again over John AND Lucy. Good Job. Wish I could write as well as you.

Can't tell you how much your story means to me. Every time my wife whips me or belts me, every time I find it a torture to sit even on a plush chair, every time she makes me suck her boyfriend, every time I feel like running away, I read some fragment of your story and I get reinvigorated. You have shown what true submission to one's lady means. Thanks a ton and keep posting. You are an amazing talent and a torchbearer to those who truly wish to serve their wives.

Again, this story is much more noncon with the BDSM elements just a tool used. You toss around 'love' in this story. I see no love beyond the first few paragraphs, many things but not love. It is elaborate and well written.

Why oh why do men who obviously hate femdom insist on reading and commenting on femdom stories. Is it that they see themselves there and are just a little insecure. Slagging off a story shows a lack of intelligence and understanding, at least give a reason not to like it and please be confident enough in your opinion to put a name to it, there are far too many people out there called anonymous.

We all enjoy feedback but aimless slagging is pointless.

Agreed. I get comments on my stories from the very same Anonymous (at least he sure sounds like the same guy). I actually wish they would take away the ability to comment anonymously. I doubt they would have as much to say with a little bit of accountability.

As for the story, great read so far (I'm not quite done -- it's long -that's not a bad thing)

I really enjoyed this story, thank you so much for sharing it.

There the wife and her friends (Lynn, Amy) finally get the power they deserve, with John serving them as his destiny should be, and in the end that boring Eisenhower Years hubby patriarchy is back in place. How sad,

I loved how it started it was a decent read, Not liking the ending though 1year is way too little for all that pain and the other 2 as maids nah, for me that's too much pain and too little revenge other wise it kept my interest to read it all.

Why does he decide to have no pride or self respect? Why doesn't he realize she has no real feelings for him other than contempt? Why would he allow her to abuse, debase and humiliate him? This story is so totally implausible as to make it laughable. I'm only sorry that I wasted my time reading all 16 pages and hoping for a decent ending. BAH!

This story really had me in knots, I found it to be so twisted and disturbing and yet it was amazingly erotic. The desire to give ones self to someone for their twisted pleasure was fantastic. I loved the ending, it resolved the way I'd hoped it would.

So disturbing and unbelievable to go through all that and keep her around, thinking to give her control again. I'm sorry. BARF!

You just can't stop reading because you can't believe John is letting her do all of this and you just keep waiting for her to get her own. You also kept reading because you want to see what else she was going to put the poor man through. Can't say I didn't like the ending because it wasn't what you expected to happen. You figured he would make all three of the girls his slaves to pay them back, so I must commend you on you ending.

You really think that's how he wanted it to go? That the abused husband was just going to give up an accept her torturing him for the rest of his life? I can't imagine a more worthless, spineless cuckold or a more disgusting, cheating slut.

GOOD WORK!

I can not stop wonder about some readers and their inappropriate comments. I do not understand why you readers, so honored peoples, reads stories about cuckolding, BDSM, chastity and similar stuff and after that you spit yours poisonous saliva on the story and the author. I think that it is that you can not write nothing, nothing similar and nothing better. Please do not read these types of stories and spare your nerve!

It is true that about 70% of stories are lost quality BUT that is “Literotica”, the place where everybody can post their writing and see if he/she has the possibility or to learn to do some good work in the future. In the first place, writing some story is WORK! Demanding time and thinking.

Therefore I say THANK YOU very much Graymangazer for your good work! Your stories are in the top best stories here, you are talented. Please do more of those stories, take your time by descripting more detailed situations of humiliation, torture, feeling and thinking of your heroes. By that the Though Love can have 25 – 30 sites of good and interesting story line.

Have a good time

The Reader

How can these macho males not believe your story is possible. The more I read the more I wanted to be like John and do everything I could to make a woman happy, especially obey her commands and receive her punishment. I now have found a woman like Lucy and we are in the early stages of my enslavement. I do enjoy pleasing her so much and taking her whippings. I look forward to taking it a stage further. Thanks again for your inspiring story.

I can't believe I actually read all 16 pages of this crap! (Well,I sort of skimmed through most of it.)

WHY didn't John just break up with Juicy Lucy when she STARTED to shit all over him?! Come on,how in Christ's name could he continue to love someone who increasingly treated him so poorly?!

WTF is it with these Cock Cages anyway? There are really moronic assholes who agree to/like wearing them?! Dumb,sick,fucks if you ask me!

Also hard to believe that John wouldn't just escape once the heavy-duty pain started to be inflicted.Again,how does that indicate to him that his wife loves him?She sure as shit doesn't respect him!

I realize that there are a few sick,demented characters like these lurking in the shadows of society.I just hope I never catch the stench wafting off any of them in my lifetime!!!

Hi Goodhew, it's good to hear from you again. I'm sorry that you didn't particularly like my story but you really should take it as its meant: one man's fantasy, shared and enjoyed by quite a lot of people.

How long do you think it'll be before you're back to read it again? :))

The longest lit story I've ever read

....find bdsm a bit boring when it goes towards extremes.

as there is no release till the final act and then only partially so for me it should have been a few different stories that wouldn't stretch my suspended belief beyond breaking too many people had control over him which for me is less sexy

so why did I give it a 5 ?

If the ending can be re-edited into a machiavallen , winding , torturous ( for Stephen , Lucy & Lynn) process the story would have been beautifully symmetrical .

Now it's beautifully unbalanced , but your writing skills , your submissive masochism , your descriptive prose are all awesome but as a writer to achieve recognition you have to rise above your own fetish to give even the vanilla reader balance & it would then rival Doestovosky's Crime'n Punishment !!!

your story with that ending. If you're gonna throw something like that in you owe the readers an explanation. Why would he ever submit to her again? It doesn't make sense even within your own story.

Outside of the ending I enjoyed it.

What a nice tale! Yes, the twist at the end is maybe unusually optimistic, but it's your author's choice, and in any case the rest of the story is really a must reading.

He keeps her chained in the basement for 10 months? And that's supposed to do what? Make them forget? Or does it serve as a constant reminder of her betrayals? Another awful ending that ruined a story with potential. UGH!

1 star

And you think after what your protagonist had done to the husband he can forgive the slut! Only if you are a real cuckold/wimp!!

I both like and hate your story at the same time. Parts of it make me angry but they are suppose to. You get angry at the injustice done to the "hero". The ending feels rushed with how long you took to develop the rest of the story. The ending should have been the most powerful part of the story to bring these to back together because they felt worlds apart. the ending felt more like a silly twist ending that you see in a movies bonus features.

Just awful characters. And it took you 16 pages to reach the point where she's locked in the basement and he's wearing a cock cage (which is a toy by the way and removable at any time without the key). The worst part of this story is that he wanted to have anything to do with her. She's an absolute bitch at every level. Why bother to imprison her? If he's got the evidence, send her to jail, get a divorce, keep all the marital assets and move on. No way he sleeps under the same roof as her. He might wake up missing his dick. No way to trust her ever again. This was just an awful story at every level, with disgusting characters doing stupid things and spouting unbelievable dialogue.

1 star

Anonny, just where exactly does it state that the cock cage is a toy? And besides, when chastity is used within a relationship it's mostly mental as well as physical.

The author clearly writes that John and Lucy agree to a solution, that was his decision, he is the author, nowhere does it say he calls the police, at no point does he have her arrested and takes all their assets. If you don't like the plot write your own. There are way too many commenters who think they know better but never put pen to paper.

Enjoy the story for what it is, if it's something you don't like move on to a different story. Why Mark a perfectly good story down just because you don't like the plot or characters?

Everybody is welcome to their opinion, I don't like incest stories but I don't slag them simply for the content, I just don't read them, and if I did I'd mark them on merit not on what I like.

Five stars and more if I could to counteract anonny.

Loved reading the story. Not one I’d want to live though. The husband first comes across as being royally deceived. But then he just seams like another unbelievable stupid unwilling cuck. Glad the ending gave everyone their dues.

An amazing read from the very beginning. I really wish I could be in John's shoes for life. Been reading literotica for nearly 20 yrs, Question, why have I only just discovered your stories well done I give this 29 out of 10 stars

After spending so much time writing about the husband’s problems, why didn’t the author spend some more time writing about what husband did to her during the 12 months he had her chained in her dungeon??

Couldn’t finish reading this garbage. Tried really hard, but you made the husband instantly ball-less. It lost all interest way too soon because he just went along with anything they did to him. Maybe it got better, I couldn’t endure anymore of his absolute wimpiness by the 9th page. If he had resisted more it would have been far more interesting. If she had gone more than a brief thought that she loved him… if if if.

Great premise. I give the premise a 5.

But he becomes a pointless slave with no self respect, whining all through it but never making a stand. He deserved everything he got

And she was just a trashy slut. More humiliated and subservient than he was. Here she is the supposed boss, making tons of money and she pays a stupid teenager to dirty her house. While she becomes a slut to people beneath her, to clients, and of course to the ceo.

He doesn’t question overnights, weekends away. Were they ever in a loving relationship? Seems not.

A very long story showing a total lack of empathy of subs or doms or people in general

Wife and Boss in prison - husband wealthy and retired. You imagine nothing going bad. That rarely happens.

Really liked this story, it's just hard to believe that all Lucy was waiting for was John to refuse or even fight back or just say no to stop all of the Abuse In torture In a temptation to make him a slave..

The "Italians", Invested and all their investments disappeared ? with the Italians, Stephen was in way over his head. He may have lost the company and all the money he had invested, but the Italians ended up with his personal fortune. After all, they did make an offer that Stephen couldn't possibly refuse...

WTF is wrong with this husband? After finding out what she had done to him, and how much he let her do to him with out fighting it. He still Kept her, with only 12 months locked up. Fuck she was on her way to completely Destroying his whole life. Fuck that kill her, and feed her to the fish....