All Comments on 'True (Forbidden) Love Ch. 03'

Could u make anotha story? Bro/sub, Sis/dom?

That is an interesting concept. I think I may be able to work with that idea, especially considering this submission was a little light on the sex. Currently I am working on another project but I will give this some thought and see if I can tease a good story out of your suggestion.

Thank you to all who have voted and commented thus far!

you sir are a gifted writer. the first chapter, i thought it was written by a woman from the beauty of it. then the MMA showed up! LOL! i like stories like this, with drama and fights, love the way you detailed the fight scene. amazing. i want to hear more stories from you. will there be more tales of jericho and samantha? they're so perfect, fit the title True Love. @anonymous: really like the idea.

don't change , if write like this all the time you be famous . you ended the story just right . thank you

I truly enjoyed both chapters. The action of the fight scene coupled with the tenderness of the sex scene made this into one hot story that left me saying "Wow."

The story was absolutely delicious! I REALLY liked how the subplot with the douche football guy wasn't dragged out, that he never actually laid his hands on her again, but especially the cut scenes finishing it rather quickly, like a news bit. I wasnt overly drawn away from the erotica by the conflict. (Meaning the entire subplot, I liked the fight!!)

Looking forward to more stuff from you! :)

just my opinion but the title has nothing to do with master slave shit. you can not have true love in a master slave relationship one will always end up getting mad or hurt and leaving or telling on the other, true love has to be equal and consensual.

he's just think she does like he thinks he knows everything else. So I agve this a 5 and say fuck you dear annony!

(This refers to the whole story, incl. chap. 1 &2.) The plot construction is good, I think, although I was disappointed when things kinda turned all S&M at the end. Up until that point, the relation between the siblings was really very sensual. The roles of the two fathers were brilliant. Mark seems a bit unbelievable, simply because he's SO evil, with no redeeming characteristics, and consequently is kind of cardboard.

Technically, however, the story was a disaster. Despite some advice you were given after Ch. 1, you never figured out how to write sentences or to punctuate them. I could go on, but . . . . Bottom line: you have some real potential as an author because of your imagination and plotting, but you have to work at polishing your writing in order to realize that potential.

I also appreciate your attitude toward the comments you've received, not all of which were tactful or courteous. That gives me hope that you will in fact work to improve what needs to be improved.

Thank you for your thoughtful feedback. I hope I have improved in my writing in the time that I have been posting on here. This was one of my first attempts. Admittedly, I am not the best at deciding where commas go and the like, but I do try to give my best each time. As an author with little money to put toward my writing at the moment, I take full responsibility for my mistakes as everything is personally edited. I hope to hear more from you in the future.

If you like lesbian stories, please check out Falling For A Girl (Which is a full-length novel on kindle for 2.99 or you can read Falling For A Girl, Too for free on here.

Please, if you would like to talk more about my stories, follow me on Twitter at @McCauley_Eden. This invite goes out to all of my readers as well.

one of the best here

Story is slow, confusing, boring. Could have been told in one chapter.

I think you should redo it, put more into it not just the sex but more to the story to the people involved you created the characters and there likes dislikes more so with the siblings, but introduced the friends once then they were pointless your good and I would love for there to be more of the story.

Do NOT heed those Anonymous clowns. You are a truly gifted writer. The endings are a bit abrupt and leave us clamoring for more......but that my be a good thing.

10 stars if I could!

This last chapter was very rushed.

Great story. Glad the jock got what was due. I like a happy ending

He loves his sister so much that he trounces the creep who would defile her. Then he treats her as the sex slave, same as the creep intended. To top it off, she imagines being treated worse than a pet dog. This isnt love, not even incest. It's depravity.

Comments like the one under this always make me laugh. My favorite thing about lit!

Don't heed the critics and keep writing. You have a wonderful gift and thank you for sharing. I would give ten stars also.

I don’t know much about BDSM as I am not into it but I do know actual rape and role playing master and slave during sex is 100% different. Comparing a rapist and 2 people in love who are exploring a kink is not the same and to do so is idiotic and offensive to both rape victims and people who engage in BDSM.

Only negatives for me were the master/slave crap and I prefer a woman not a little prepubescent little girl. , I don't like shaved, just my preferences. Great writing!

But rape *fantasy* isn't usually about actual rape - there's a difference between being helpless and used which is most rape fantasy ( and is really just informal intense S&M ) and actually being violated.

Anon - "Pre-pubescent girls" - if you can't tell the difference between a woman and a child unless they have pubes, I think you should keep yourself away from children...

The only thing I didn't like and lost a star was the Dom/Sub crap.

, good job , plus 5 points for no added girl on girl action, keep this exact thing up

Love it! One more sweet and sensual chapter please!