Trust and Respect

"Can I have a copy of that?" she asked.

"Yes, I'll get a copy to you."

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When I got to my office I sat there and thought about what I was going to do for about an hour then I made a decision. I needed to get away from Lois and the whole sordid situation. I couldn't look at her lying face again.

I hand wrote a letter of resignation effective immediately and left it on my bosses desk while he was in a meeting. Then, I called and made an appointment with my lawyer for later that afternoon. Heading for the bank I withdrew ten thousand dollars in cash from half our savings and put the rest of my half into five year CDs in my name. I took half our checking account and then headed to our investment representative and split half our investments into my name only. I cancelled all joint credit cards and and took out one in my name only.

My lawyer, Bill Jackson, was surprised when I asked to have divorce proceedings initiated against Lois immediately based on irreconcilable differences and signed a power of attorney for Bill to handle the divorce and changed my will to leave my estate to our kids if I should die. I told Bill that if she balked at a divorce to let her know I had video evidence of her adultery that I could make it public. Then I left his office telling him I would notify him where I could be contacted when I got settled somewhere else.

Back home I packed only jeans and casual shirts, shoes, etc.; gathered up my computer, the two DVDs showing Lois and Phil and loaded them in my car. Then I headed west after leaving a note and my wedding ring for the her.

Dear lying slut/bitch,

This is the last you will hear from me. You can continue your affair with Phil now as I'm leaving you and this town for good. You'll be hearing from Bill Jackson shortly. All contacts between us will be through him in the future. Penny told me about your 'long term affair' with Phil.

Mark

I dropped a copy of the video at Penny's place and then headed west. Lois would be home soon and find my note.

I drove until 9 PM and then stopped for the night at a small motel in the next state. I was exhausted and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

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The next morning I got up, had breakfast and continued driving west. When I reached Denver I sold my truck in a small private car lot and picked up another used pickup then headed south toward Mexico. Two days later I crossed the border at Juarez and headed down to Chihuahua. Finding a small hotel there I checked in and then laid back to rest a few days. I took most of the cash I had with me and opened a checking account in a local bank. I knew a few words of Spanish, having done business through my old company with Mexican companies, so I was able to get by as I worked at getting more proficient in the language. After a week at the motel I located an small furnished apartment and moved in.

Checking around in a few cantinas I found an individual who could fix me up with a fake Mexican drivers license with a fake name, Carlos Martin, and I went job hunting. A small local trucking company was looking for someone who was proficient in English to work part time and I thought it would be a good foot in the door until something better came along.. A month after leaving home I was settled anonymously in Mexico as a resident.

One day I bought a prepaid cell phone and called Bill Jackson to give him the phone number to contact me.

"Mark, where the hell are you. You've got to get in touch with Lois as soon as possible."

"Bill, I don't even want to talk about that bitch. If you say one more word about her I'll hang up. Now what about the divorce?"

"Mark, she refuses to agree to a divorce unless you talk to her. Unless you have proof of some other grounds besides irreconcilable differences she can drag this out forever and it could get very expensive."

"Did you tell her I had video proof of her adultery?"

"Yes, and I don't think she believes you."

"I'll send you a copy of my proof on a DVD and you can judge for yourself. I'll call back in a couple of weeks to see where we stand."

"OK, Mark."

I packaged up a copy of the DVD and gave it to one of the company drivers making a run to Denver with $50 and asked him to mail it from there. In two weeks I called back to Bill.

"Bill, it's Mark. Did you get the DVD?"

"Yes, and after looking at it myself I ran a copy and sent it over to Lois' lawyer. We're signing the divorce papers next week. Where do you want to send your copies?"

"Can you hang on to them and I'll let you know someday."

"OK, Mark but your kids really want to talk with you."

"Tell them I'll be in touch when I feel like talking with them again."

Twenty five years of my life were over.

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CHAPTER 3. A New Life

So life went on. A year after I'd started working at the small trucking company it has doubled in size thanks to my contacts back in the states and my business expertise and I was working full time. The owner of the trucking company and his wife were good friends and I was invited over to their home for dinners and fetes quite often. I met a few single women at those affairs and had sexual liaisons with a couple of them. One, Dolores in particular, was almost wanton in our couplings. She reminded me so much of Lois that I almost cried when we were together. I would have married her but I couldn't chance putting my fake name on legal documents like a marriage license. Also, I couldn't get Lois out of my mind as the person I'd really like to be with if she weren't such a slut/bitch. I think Dolores knew that I had someone else in mind while we were fucking because one day she commented about it.

"Carlos, you have a someone looking over your shoulder."

"What do you mean?"

"You have someone you still love with us all the time. Whatever she did to you, I think you ought to go back to her and resolve it."

"You know me pretty well don't you?"

"Who is she?"

"My exwife."

"What did she do?"

"She had an affair with a good friend and tried to lie her way out of it. I can't forget her and I can't forgive her."

"You must still have some questions in your mind, otherwise you'd let go of her."

"Maybe your right. I don't know."

"Please go back and confront her so you can let go. Would you do it for me?"

"I'll think about it Dolores."

After Dolores left I did think about it. It was close to two years since I'd left home and I thought the dust may have settled a bit and I could confront her without the rage I'd been in when I left. The next day I asked my boss if I could take a couple of weeks off to take care of some personal business. He readily agreed and I called Dolores to let her know I was going.

"That's good Carlos. Let me tell you that if you don't come back I'll understand. If you do come back I'll ask you to marry me."

"That sounds like a deal Dolores" I laughed., "Either way, I'll let you know."

We parted as friends. The next day I was in my truck heading back north.

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CHAPTER 4 Going Home

Four days later I pulled back into my hometown and got a room in my old name at the Holiday Inn. I called my son Jeff as soon as I was settled.

"Dad, where are you? Where have you been? We've searched for you a long time."

"I'm at the Holiday Inn out by the interstate and I've been living out of the country."

"That's why we couldn't find you. Can you come for dinner? There's so much we have to talk about. I'll let Jill know and she and her husband will want to be here too."

"Husband?"

"She married to a great guy dad. She's pregnant and so is my wife. You're back in time to be a grandparent. Mom is excited too."

"I don't think I want to hear about your mother Jeff."

"You've got to see her dad. I think you may have made a terrible mistake leaving two years ago and not letting anyone get in touch with you."

"A terrible mistake? I don't think so. What you're mother did is unforgivable. I just came back for a final closure, then I'm leaving again, probably for good."

Dad, please go and see her. She's still in your old house. She's never seen anyone else that we know of while you were gone. We kept close tabs on her."

After we hung up I sat in the motel room and thought about what I should do and finally making up my mind I headed for our old house. She was standing in a front window waiting for me when I pulled into the drive. I guess Jeff or Jill must have alerted her I was back in town. When I entered the house we didn't speak as I followed her into the living room and sat down facing one another. She looked really good and I recalled why I was so attracted to her.

"You look well." I spoke for the first time.

"Thank you. You look good too. You have a nice tan."

"All right Lois. The pleasantries are over. I want to tell you that I've thought about you often over the last two years and wondered how you were doing. I'm glad you didn't fight the divorce."

"Divorce? Mark, we're not divorced."

I was stunned. "We're still married? The last time I'd talked with Bill you were on the verge of signing the papers. What happened?"

"I couldn't do it. You left me with the idea that I'd had a long term affair with Phil and that was totally false. So, I thought the only way I could get you back to tell you was by refusing to sign the divorce papers."

"Why didn't Bill tell me?"

"I don't know. You'll have to ask him."

"Penny told me that you'd had a long term affair with him. Why would she lie?"

"I talked with Penny after you left and apologized for my indiscretion with Phil. At that time I asked her why she told you it had been a long term affair. She said that she knew Phil had been cheating on her for some time and when you told her you had discovered us together she assumed that he had been seeing me the whole time."

"Oh god, I'm so sorry. In retrospect though, I needed the time away to think about what had gone wrong in our marriage. I guess we'll never know if we could make our marriage work again if I'd stayed. But, I'm back for awhile anyway to see if there's closure or a new beginning I guess in our situation. I hadn't considered we'd still be married in planning for this trip. It adds a new factor to consider in addition to the fact that you may not have had an affair."

"Do you want to get back with me?"

"I still have feelings for you, but the old issue of trust and respect is still with me. Do you want me back?"

"Oh Mark, I want you back more than anything in this world. I can never say I'm sorry enough times for what I did, but it doesn't change the fact that it happened because of a moment of weakness. I know it will never happen again but I don't know how to assure you of that."

"I've got to have time to think this out. Why don't we just go and have dinner with the kids tonight and enjoy our family. I don't want to give them any false hopes that we're getting back together again but I think I'd enjoy being there with you. I understand our family is growing and I'd like to see them again."

Lois looked at me teary eyed. "Yes, our children are both married now and both are looking forward to being parents soon."

"I'm really looking forward to meeting them. Are you ready to go now? We can go together if you like."

"I'd like that.," she smiled.

"Can we plan to get together here tomorrow evening about seven and discuss our future?"

"I'll be home."

That afternoon we went over to Jeff's and joined our family there. I realized that much had happened in the two years that I was gone, but I had a wonderful time meeting my children and my new son-in-law. We were a little uncomfortable at first with one another, because Lois had told them what she'd done, but as the afternoon progressed things became more comfortable again. Jeff and Jill were especially glad that we had arrived together. To them this meant that we may be getting back together. However, I explained to them in an aside that we had only reached a temporary compromise until we could reestablish our bonds of trust and respect for one another. I also told them that I hoped that they had taken our situation to heart as far as their own marriages were concerned. They both indicated they'd had long conversations with their spouses on the matter and had all agreed that they would never break their wedding vows after seeing our problems.

Later, after dinner I took Lois back to our old home and dropped her off. She wanted me to come in, but I begged off. I was tired from traveling and didn't want to reestablish a relationship until we could have our talk the next evening. She really looked good and I found it hard to not hold her and kiss but, but I forced myself to hold back. Before we had our talk I wanted to talk with Penny to confirm for myself what Lois had told me and I needed to do a lot of thinking about how we were going to assure mutual trust and respect in any future relationship.

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After a restless night thinking about the matter, I got up in the morning, showered and went to breakfast. Later in the morning I called Penny. Lois had told me that she'd divorced Phil and she was living alone in their old house so it wasn't hard to find her. She was surprised when she found out it was me on the phone.

"Mark, its good to hear your voice again. I wished many times that I could tell you what a mistake I'd made about Lois and Phil the last time we talked. Lois told me, and I later confirmed it with Phil, that they'd only had that one time together. Phil admitted who the other woman was that he'd been seeing when he was cheating on me. So I'm extremely sorry about any misinformation I gave you based on an erroneous assumption on my part."

"I don't regret going off and letting time heal some wounds, Penny. So maybe it was for the best. Hopefully, we can get back together again. I'm sorry to hear about you and Phil. For just a few minutes in a meaningless liaison so much damage has been done."

"Phil had done too much cheating that I couldn't forgive him anyway. I have a new love life now and we plan to get married next month. Phil moved to California after our divorce and I haven't heard anything from him since."

"Congratulations, on your upcoming marriage. Hope to see you around sometime."

I accepted Penny's confirmation of what Lois had told me as I didn't think she's have any reason to lie. So, I now knew what I needed to do when I talked with Lois that evening.

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CHAPTER 5 Resolution

At seven that evening I was ringing the door bell at my old home and Lois answered right away.

"Come in, Mark. I've been waiting for you. Do you want a drink or something?"

"Do you have any scotch?"

"I have your favorite, Cutty." She told me with a smile

"A little on the rocks, please."

"Coming right up. I'll have a glass of wine. Do you want to talk in the living room?"

"That would be fine." I said as I went into the living room and sat down.

Shortly, she came in with the drinks and sat in a chair opposite me. I took a sip of my drink and spoke:

"Lois, I want to be back with you more than anything in this world. I love you so much that I have a hard time sitting here and not take you into my arms. However, if we don't set some new ground rules I don't know how we can establish a relationship again based on trust and respect. I was so happy that I could confirm with Penny what you'd told me about it being a one time thing with Phil. But you told me you had done it in a moment of weakness and I've struggled to come up with a means of assuring you will never have a 'moment of weakness' again."

"I don't know how I can reassure you, Mark. I can only tell you again that it was just sex and I'll regret it to my dying day. When I think about breaking my wedding vows to the man I love, I get sick inside."

"I've given this much thought since I came back and I've come up with a way to restore my trust in you again and bring mutual respect back into our marriage. Its based on a promise from me to you."

"A promise?"

"Yes, a promise. I'm going to make you a promise and then I'm asking you to think about it for 24 hours before giving me a response. Before I do that you will have to understand that I had a loving relationship with another woman while I was gone. However, in my defense I thought that I was divorced from you when I was with her. She knew that I still had feelings for you and she was the one that urged me to come back here for a final confrontation with you and to end any feelings I still had for you. She didn't want to marry me with you between us."

When I told Lois about Dolores she paled visibly and listened intently until I finished.

"She sounds like a fine woman. It hurts me to think about you with someone else, but I guess I deserve it."

"Now, I need to ask you, have you had any extramarital relationships while I've been gone knowing that you were still married to me? I know you are a warm, passionate woman and its hard to imagine you were faithful to me the whole time I was gone."

"Mark, I have been faithful to you. I knew you'd come back to me someday and I wanted to be able to tell you that I've never broken our wedding vows again."

"I'm glad to hear that, but it must have been very hard on you."

She blushed as she responded, "I'll show you sometime how I was able to cope."

"Then here's my promise to you that you must accept and give some thought to before we can get back together. If you ever have a sexual relationship with another person while we are still married, I will kill you. I will release the rage I felt after I caught you with Phil and when I thought you'd lied to me about it."

Her eyes widened but she didn't say anything as I continued.

"That is my promise to you as the consequence of any infidelity. I know I will be tried and convicted of that killing and in this state I may receive the death penalty. That will make no difference in my promise to you, I will kill you. You can imagine the impact this will have on Jeff and Jill and their families and the legacy we leave them. This promise also extends to the time I was away when you claim you wanted to remain married to me. It may sound an extreme and harsh punishment but I need you to understand the possible consequences if we get back together. I'm going to leave now and we'll get back together here tomorrow evening at seven and you can give me your answer. If you respect me at all, you know I will keep that promise."

She had sat there stunned as I finished my drink and stood. We didn't speak as I left.

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The next evening at seven o'clock I rang the doorbell again and she promptly answered it as before.

Her face was expressionless as she asked me in and I followed her into the living room. A new glass of scotch on the rocks sat on the table next to the chair I'd occupied the previous evening and I sat after she picked up her glass of wine and sat down facing me.

"Lois, I spoke last night and now its your turn." I told her.

"Mark, you really scared me last night. I have no doubt in my mind you would do as you said. I have given it some thought and I either believe everything I told you about my past and future faithfulness or its all a lie. I love you so very much and want you back even with the full understanding of what your promise means if I am unfaithful to you. I trust and respect you as my husband and will be faithful to you as long as we're together. I only ask that if you have any doubts about me that you talk with me before you do anything."

I breathed a big sigh of relief and went over and got on my knees in front of her.

"Thank you, my darling. I was so afraid you would not want me. I'll move back home tomorrow."