All Comments on 'Tuition Time'

Hot! Hot! Hot!

Content was good, however the structure was rather choppy. Multi-POV in the first segment could leave your readers confused instead of engaged. Also of note, are the series of two characters in dialogue in the same paragraph, IE: ["Oh I know. Annie mentioned that, but she also mentioned you have received rave reviews from all her other customers. You come highly recommended for your, well let just say, your attributes." Again, I got the 'look' that ended up with a not so casual gaze down the front of my jeans again. "Also, besides doubling your normal fee, I expect you'll pick up some very healthy tips with a good performance tonight. My friends are mighty generous." (Needs line break here.) "I'm very glad to hear I have a good reputation with my prior work. I'm also glad you feel I can do this job for you."] This became a MAJOR distraction as I found myself having to go back and re-read segments to separate 'Who was saying What'. Overall, it's a good story -- and if taken from RL, becomes a totaly HOT one -- however, cleaning up the structure could easily turn this into a great story. Best of luck in your future endeavors.

And he does - what a vision to experience such a dream!