All Comments on 'Twin Angels'

you are going to finish the story

Very strange ending. what was the spanking about. what happened to the predators?

it is the fuzzyness of this story that bugs me.

it seems the wives went out looking, flirting, trolling. this had happened before, and the husbands got mad enough, so the wives promised not to do it again. but they did.

we are not told, nor husbands told, if the wives had affairs. and that is the fuzziness #1.

this time they got raped, with date rape chemicals.

fuzziness #2 is the poorly expressed emotion:

a) the men are torn between anger against their wives being raped, and anger against their wives for breaking their word so they could get raped. BUT that anger is very poorly SHOWN. mentioning that anger in passing doesn't cut it.

b) and emotions of the wives are again mentioned in passing, but are not SHOWN. rape has consequences, but their emotions are not loosed. huh?

fuzziness #3 is at the end, when a year later they are bouncing babys on their hips. were they 3 months old/rape children? or the children of their rebuilt love/husbands? we don't know.

Grey Eagle, you are a better writer than this. this story was like reading a high school assainment from someone who was forced to write it.

3/5

This story made no sense. What message/moral/p[ot was the author trying to get across/

Should have whacked the two whores and found good women to have children with, not these two sluts. No honor in these bitches.

What a great imagination you have but your focus is sometimes fuzzy. Almost as though 2 or more people are writing for you.

Did you mean to allow wifiepoo that wimpy kind of tolerance?

Did you mean to imply the acceptance of bastard children?

Kind of a sick fuzziness accidental or intended that most writers would have corrected or coyly intended.

What are you trying to tell us - that the worst options were in your mind the most erotic??? To you perhaps

Really great idea and a lot of possibilities with it. It almost seems if you were rushed to finish it and left out some parts that would be pretty tantalizing and erotic, as well as some pretty hard core stuff.

Eagle - - -

I liked your work up until the Steamboat Series when you seemed to start losing it. The series was protracted out way too far with some rather inane plot twists which detracted mightily from the rather welcome references to older craftsmanship, entrepreneurial efforts, etc. You turned the ladies into some manner of sluttish bimbos and the hero into a bumbling cad.

This current bit of ecrivical malpractice makes one wonder why Uncle Chuck doesn't put out a contract on the babes, and send the guys to a looney bin for some cranial coathanger therapy administered through a small hole in their respective foreheads.

Take a break and go back to the Grumman Goose perspective, and give your characters some balls with more ruggedness than an old Polish Christmas Ornament.

Your background and education as evidenced in your early efforts is admirable. The recent forays into wimpishness and character fallibilities have put you in a standing where I personally think you are trying to pander to too many lifestyles and socially deviant interests.

Please try again, but with your old verve and flair.

Yer Friend,

Prof. Ramstein

If your story is now what is coming to Lit that women who go out love to be raped and the husbands not only enjoy it but enjoy playing pop to the bastard kids, then the editors here are as sicko as the chronic posters. What could have been a great story is just more shit from the vent of this site.

Grey Eagle, you write well; and your character development is great. I like your five people in the story alot. The twins (which in fact they are not) are delightful. Oh, they like to be naughty and act as rebels without a cause. But their actions alone are not meant to be nothing more than pranks (at least that's the way I read it).

However, what is this about each girl holding a baby walking into the house near the end of the chapter? And Don implies that the kid Andrea is holding is not his?? Surely you are not implying that both sisters were impregnated on the night of the dual rapes by those guys? The probability of that happening, come on, is almost NIL. You don't believe that both sisters ovulated and were the most fertile at the same time of the month when the rapes occurred! Slim to no change of that.

Now that you have committed, it is required by you to continue the story, explaining that the babies are in fact the children of Don and Charlie. And then to take the story from there.

With wonderful wives like Andy and Betsy how could this story have anything but a happy continuation and finale?

RAG

from a nice story flow to a "grey area" rushed ending. Could have been much better as it leaves too many questions unanswered. I agree with most of the other comments. You can do a lot better than this. Maybe a conclusion ?? G.Belgium

THIS MAY END UP BEING YOUR DOWN FALL WRITING STUFF LIKE THIS

TIME TO REVALUATE.

Your creativity has gone off and left your audience. This is an excellent story about the kind of thing that happens in real life. It is the basis for a general-audience book. It obviously is not what most readers on this site are seeking.

To the end but W.T.F. was that? No mention of what happened to the guys and the comment about the kid not being his ruined the story. Please finish this.

I understood the story until the end - Not my son? That has bothered me since I finished this story. I just don't believe Donny would be that accepting of Andrea popping someone else's kid out - morning after pills are there for a reason with rape cases.

character developement. But right back into the cuckold genre at the end with the cuckold willing to have the bull get the wife pregnant for him. The ending of all your stories have the wife fucked by someone else and you make the dialogue sound like you only accept what happened because you have to. Yet you give yourself away with your own dialogue at the end. You have a very sneaky way of writing a cuckold story...

both wives went back out to flirt and put them selves in that position again. Are women really that fucking stupid seriously. The both deserve to be divorced and kicked out i wouldn't even give my wife a second chance for that shit.

if the dna says not daddy then dump the wives and the bastards.

The last couple of paragraphs ruined the story for me.

there is always a little bit of a Devil, TK U MLJ LV NV

The guys did what they should as far as it went - the story missed out on the morning after pill - depending on the time setting and possibly religious issues.

Raising a child born from rape is not being a cuck - the baby has no guilt here - they ad some as pointed out - BUT - there was no indication they would have cheated intentionally just been stupid cock teasers - bad but not fatal.

So to me the guys were the strong ones - I am not sure I could have done it but it is still strength.

I have to join the ranks of the confused.

I have no idea wtf to make of the ending.

Why in the hell would she say "grandpa" ?

Why did he say "Andy you know I don't like being called 'grandpa', especially to my son" and then the very next thing say "... he may not be MY son.."

Why is MY capitalized twice?

Is the kid the rapist's son then? Are both kids the rapists' sons?

If so, WHY?

Everyone that I know that is morally and/or religiously opposed to killing babies agree that the morning after pill is fine for cases of rape. Why the fuck not have the sluts take it? Why are they raising bastards?

That "grandpa" thing is just so damn dumbfounding.

Ending? WTF

...I just don't know.

It wandered all over the place, it kept shifting gears or changing in odd ways, much of it simply made no sense....like a young teen describing a tiff with their boyfriend of the hour and blaming his being mad at their flirting on everyone and everything else on the planet.

Try reading your dialog out loud. If it sounds bad to your ears, it's because you haven't made it sound like people talking....

Oh, never mind, best you drop out for awhile and take a couple of writing classes as soon as you get to high school.

WTF?

First of All, your story doesn't follow any series of events. And it's not co-ordinated either. Andrea is all drugged up when she gets home, But yet, she's lucid enough to be more concerned about her sisters safety. Next you saw the guy pull a packet out of his shirt? and pour it into the girls drink. Then one of them half carried Andrea out, while the other took Betsy out the side door. But in that same page you look at the pictures again And the girls don't look drugged, So apparently they went to the guys rooms before they were drugged? And why have them drive home in seperate vehicles? So how did Andrea know Betsy was home already? Well what it appears like is that they went with the guys, had their fun, then took the drugs on their way home so they could have a good excuse. At least it seems that it's what you're telling us, "He might not be my baby, but I'm the father." Does that mean they got pregnant from the other guys? Oh!! and let's not forget Angelo's First it's an Italian restaraunt and a very high class place that caters nothing but *(According to you) the best foods. But when the girl go there it's a bar and dance hall. So which version would you have us believe? It's so contradictory from begining to end. Just don't make sense to me. If the hospital did a date rape test, wouldn't they check for std's also? Why would the girls have to go to their doctor to be checked? Just to much to put it all down.

Where is.the ending. As a matter of fact where does.It begin. Pretty disjointed story.

The author needs to delete this story, then either start all over, or just trash it. Two stars.

Being cute is not an excuse.

Story sucked. All over the map. No clear explanations.

Suxxx! No beginning and no end. mostly just meandering around without intent. N o star.

Made no sense. What a hot mess.