All Comments on 'Two Fridays in one'

You're a good, clear writer and you have an ear for dialog, so, thankfully, your story wasn't drudgery to read (unlike many stories floating around out there). However, it seemed to me your story needed more... something. I think it breaks down to two things. 1) Characters. I think it might have served your story well if you had started it back a the bar so you'd have another 1000 words or to let us get to know Mona and Michelle better. As it was, they seemed kind of samey and their dialog sounded interchangeable. 2) Sex. Your sex writing is good - the millions of little stars and massive waves of bliss was a good - but I think increasing the dosage would be an improvement. A scene where all three get intimate together would have pushed it over the top (the girls wouldn't even have to be bi, I assume Jean has a face as well as a cock). Even providing more detail on what you've described would turn up the heat a bit.

Anyway, thanks for the effort, I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

If you feel I have been unfair, feel free to read some of my stories and nick-pick to your heart's content.