All Comments on 'Two Sisters, One Second'

The story built well, there were spelling errors throughout and the use of "en" seemed odd to me.

The ending was in my mind unbelievable and really left the story lacking. It totally detracted from an otherwise well thought out plot and story line. Less the ending it would have been a 4, with the ending.... a 3 at best.

This was cruising along pretty awesomely until the end. I was loving the characters, setting, tension, seduction, all of It. I'm a sucker for the happy ending, and wouldn't have liked the "we went back to normal" or "it fell apart" ending. But this ending just seemed to come out of nowhere. This was still very good and am looking forward to your next writing.

You're right. After reading the comments, I realized that the ending wasn't that good so I've already edited it and submitted it and I think it's better.

When their parents come home they call them wanting to know why their daughters aren't home, greeting them.

The two love birds tell them about them running away and their reason for doing so.

Their parents then simply ask them why in the world would they think that they would be hated simply for finding the love of their lives, much less by their own parents.

They all laugh over their silliness and then they drive home the following day.

Pleeeeaaaaase tell me we get to find out how their parents find them??? If they managed to scramble up off the sofa and assemble some clothes onto their bodies, how the truth comes out and WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.. !!!!!!!!!

still no proper end and from now on WARN THE READERS WHEN POSTING LEBIAN SEX IN THE INCEST AREA. that is why there is a subtitle use it properly.

I too am looking for more on what happens between the sisters with their parents.

Very good story, definitely needs a sequel or some kinda continuation.

I noticed in a lot of sentences u had the wrong grammar u should check that the next time u write a story, but other than that it was great.

Very hot great ending !!

Thank you!

" Sun shining, beautiful weather, but being the silent, indoors girl I am, I stayed inside. I was 18 years old and had just finished high school. Window open, sitting on the bed, controller in my hand, Xbox 360 on, playing a first person shooter."

This is from the beginning of your story, the structure seems off,. It doesn't flow.

I suggest :"The sun was shining. It was a beautiful day:" .

your sentence is awkward., unnecessarily complicated....The sun was shining, It was a beautiful day, but i decided to stay indoors.

I'd suggest keep the sentences simple. let them flow and tell the story.

later you can tell us you are a quiet person who prefers being indoors. you don't have to cram everything in one sentence

Please dont get me wrong, I enjoyed your story immensely. Good build up, nice character development, and good reveal for the sex scene. However, like most readers here o Lit, they will tell you that spelling, grammar and sentence fragmentation will kill a good story quickly. Maybe check around and see if someone else will edit for you (dont feel bad, I've heard the same thing over and over). But overall this was an enjoyable read and I implore you not to stop writing. Cant wait for the next one from your mind!!!

Nice. I enjoyed that.

clever character name! Lana = anal spelled backwards. Hot stuff, good story.