Two Years Later

I thought we would sit on the deck, but Lenny led us down the stairs off to the side. I nodded in understanding when I saw the old fire pit set up and prepped to go.

"Okay, what do you want to know?" I asked. It was none of their business, but I was too tired to argue. Besides, the truth was that maybe it was their business at least a little. After all, they were family and they loved me.

"Take it from the top," my brother Lenny answered as he went to the fire pit and used the long handled lighter he grabbed before leaving the house. "From the very beginning. I want to hear all about this girl who stole your heart."

"Why?" I asked. "I'm sure Maggie gave you all the highlights by now anyway."

"Stop stalling. Spill it!" Arlene put in after taking a long pull from her beer. Her outfit was a bit out there as was her hair, but that was my little sister for you. She saw my reaction to her words and added, "Look, I'm sorry you're hurting, but this is the first serious crush you've ever had and I want to hear all about it. We all do."

"You know," she continued as we sat around the slowly building fire. "I almost didn't make it home today for your party, but at the last minute I changed my plans because something told me I needed to be here. I'm almost certain that this is why." That sounded so much like Arlene that I actually smiled.

"Only you would change your plans and travel thousands of miles last minute because of a feeling," I snorted.

"Says the man who took a bus half way across the country to chase down a girl after two years," Maggie put in pointedly.

"It's not the same thing," I argued, losing my smile. "My decision wasn't last minute."

"Whatever," my older sister said, not so much agreeing as not wanting to argue. "Just tell them what happened."

"Okay," I sighed. "But I'm going to give them the short version. I'm too tired for the long one."

I spent the next few minutes talking. Frankly, I spent more time sharing what Maggie told me in the car on the way home then I did on what actually happened.

"Maggie's right," Arlene said as once I was done talking. "You blew it big time. You're doomed."

"Thanks," I said, shaking my head. "That helps a lot."

"Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it," Arlene shrugged.

"I'm not so sure it's as black and white as you make it sound," Lenny said thoughtfully. "In fact..."

'And they're off!' I thought, not quite shaking my head. I loved my siblings, but they could be a trial at times.

It didn't take long for the lines to be drawn. Maggie and Arlene felt I'd made the biggest mistake of my life by leaving before talking to Olivia one last time, but Maggie thought I still had a chance while Arlene insisted I'd crashed and burned so hard that there was no hope. Lenny seemed to think that I'd made the right choice to begin with by slipping out. I remained silent and just listened.

I quickly realized that the whole discussion was pretty pointless. They were just voicing the same arguments that were bouncing around in my head and had been since I left Olivia at the hotel. I got out of my chair and tended the fire while they continued to argue. I faded out of the conversation for a while and let my mind drift. It didn't help. Eventually, I ended up back in my chair listening to them once more until I finally had enough. They were repeating themselves.

"Look," my brother was saying. "We really don't know this girl. You can't be sure that her sleeping with Neil was anything more than just sex."

"And I'm telling you that Neil couldn't fall for a girl like that in the first place!" Maggie snapped back. Arlene looked ready to throw in as soon as our older siblings took a long enough breath for her to interject her thoughts.

"Enough!" I snapped loudly, having finally had more than my fill of this conversation. "I love you all, but enough!" They instantly fell silent. I'm sure it wasn't because I yelled. In our family yelling didn't amount to much. Everyone did it, except maybe mom and even she had been known to get loud upon occasion. No, it had to be something in my tone.

"First off," I sighed when I had their attention. "I think Maggie's right. Olivia isn't like that. I let my cowardice confuse my judgment, but after Olivia shut me down cold at the hospital I didn't want to put myself out there again. It hurt too much. I'm still not sure why last night happened, but I should have stuck it out and found out for sure."

I heard the sliding door to the house open. I could hear my mom talking to someone, but I was too focused on my own thoughts to pay much attention.

"And second," I added, before one of them could interrupt. "If Maggie and Arlene are right and Olivia does care for me as much as I hope she does, then I'm betting Arlene is also correct about Olivia's reaction to my leaving."

"I blew it 'big time' as our little sister insists, but tomorrow I'm going to make my way back to Olivia and see what happens. Honestly, after everything that's occurred I figure that there no chance in hell it will work out in the end, but I have to try."

"Um Neil," I heard my mother say from the top of the stairs, obviously aware that she'd interrupted something. It was difficult to see her in the dim light because I'd been staring into the fire so I stood and began walking toward her. "A friend of yours stopped by and wanted to say hi." As soon as I got close enough to recognize who it was I froze in place.

"Olivia," I said softly. That got my siblings attention. They all stood and moved next to me. They obviously wanted a look at the woman I was so crazy about. Their blatant staring would have been embarrassing if I wasn't so completely stunned.

"Olivia?" Arlene asked, looking back and forth between us. I nodded as mom and Olivia came down the stairs toward us.

Mom had obviously caught the end of our conversation because she looked at Olivia in a totally different light. I remember seeing the same expression on her face when she met Marie, Lenny's wife, only in this case it might not end up half as well.

"You're here," I said, swallowing with some difficultly. "Why?"

"Because you're wrong," Olivia replied succinctly, ignoring my family for the moment. "There's a chance in hell we might end up together, but probably only one, and not a particularly good one at that, so don't blow it." I guess mom wasn't the only one who overheard the end of the conversation. Still, Olivia looked angry and I didn't blame her, but that didn't stop me from smiling. She was here.

"Don't think that smile of yours is going to help," Olivia added. "I'm still trying to decide if I should forgive you. I'm only here because you left before we said everything that needed to be said. In fact, before we get started, you owe me an apology." She was right and I knew it.

"Wow!" Arlene interjected. Her eyes were big as she said yet again, "I'm so glad I made it home for this."

"I'm sorry," I said to Olivia, ignoring my sister's interruption. "I thought at the time it was the right thing to do for both of us, but I should have had more faith." I meant every word, but I was afraid she wouldn't believe me. Her eyes never left mine.

"Do you have any idea how I felt when I woke up to find you gone?" she asked. My mother's eyebrows went up at this, but she remained silent. Mom was always the smartest one in the family. "Frankly, I wouldn't be here if you hadn't left me that note."

"Note? What note?" Maggie interjected. I would have ignored her as well, but she stepped in front of me, blocking my view of Olivia. I frowned for a moment and decided the best way to get her out of the way was to answer her question.

"I left a note explaining how I felt," I answered.

"And of all things, you decided to leave that part out?" Arlene interjected, now standing next to Maggie.

"There didn't seem any point in telling you about it," I shrugged, annoyed at the interruption and only half paying attention to my siblings. Maggie and Arlene shared a look and then shook their heads in unison.

"Men!" Maggie snapped, sounding very much like she did during our trip back from the bus depot.

"If I'd known you left a mushy note then I would have agreed with Maggie from the beginning about you still having a chance," Arlene added, clearly exasperated for some reason. "How could you not tell us about that?"

"Look, we can talk later," I sighed. "Maybe you guys can give Olivia and me a little privacy?"

"Little brother, you have a lot to learn," Maggie sighed before turning to Olivia, smiling and adding, "Good luck. You're going to need it with him. He's a great guy, but Neil can be a little slow when it comes to some things."

I looked to my only brother for help. Lenny took one look at my expression and laughed. "You two have to come over for dinner tomorrow after you sort things out. Marie is going to insist on hearing the whole story from the beginning." So much for brotherly support.

"Alright you three," my mother interjected. "You've had your fun, now let's leave these two to talk things out."

"Nice meeting you," Arlene said to Olivia, still grinning. She turned to me and added, "By the way, have I mentioned how happy I am that I made it home for your graduation party? There's probably a song in this somewhere for my band. I bet it will be our break out song!" I thought she was joking, but with Arlene you never knew.

"Little brother, whatever you do, don't wimp out this time," my older sister said in a conspiratorial whisper that Olivia could obviously hear. "I have a good feeling about you two." She then turned to Olivia and kissed her on the check, adding, "It was a pleasure meeting you."

Okay, at this point the shock of Olivia's appearance had dulled just enough for the embarrassment to kick in. That's why I fought hard not to cringe when it became Lenny's turn to leave. He had a tendency of finding the most embarrassing things to say. Sadly, he didn't disappoint me.

"Welcome to the family!" Lenny grinned, walking over and kissing Olivia on the other cheek. "I have to go find Marie!"

I'm sure I was bright red by this time, but Olivia didn't seem bothered by any of what my siblings said. In fact, although her eyes were still locked on mine, I could see that her lips were fighting not to curve up. I was relieved to see she was amused by everyone reaction and not upset. Of course, she fought letting it show since now clearly wasn't the time to laugh.

"Olivia, there's a guest room upstairs, first door on the right," mom offered. "You'll be sleeping there tonight no matter what you two decide. It wouldn't be right for you to try and find a hotel this time of the night."

"Thanks," Olivia said, but still her eyes stayed on me. My mother smiled and nodded to herself before following my siblings up the stairs and onto the deck. Olivia waited until we were alone before adding, "What are the odds that all four of them are standing just out of view waiting to see what happens."

"Six of them," I corrected. "By now, someone went and got my father and Marie. And I'd say the odds were pretty high."

"Damn near one hundred percent!" Lenny called from on top of the deck. You could hear my sisters shushing him. That was the last straw. Despite the seriousness of the situation we both started laughing. The release in tension was a gift in its way.

"It's actually probably just my brother and sisters. Let's go sit on the far side of the fire," I said to Olivia, and then faced the deck and called, "And you three go inside!"

"Now see what you did!" Arlene's snapped at Lenny. I was betting my older brother would be getting quite an earful for his little joke from both my sisters.

"Let's," Olivia said with a shake of her head, but she was still smiling. We moved around the fire and I heard the door to the deck open and close. I placed another log into the fire pit to keep it burning bright. Olivia was sitting in one of the chairs and I moved next to her. I caught myself grinning and shook my head. Just being near her like this made me feel better and more alive, but nothing was settled yet despite my siblings' antics.

'Please God,' I thought. 'Please don't let me screw this up!'

"I like your family," she said into the uncomfortable silence that followed. "They're very much like you described."

"Wait until you get to know then better," I sighed. She smiled and shook her head, but didn't say anything else.

I knew she was waiting for me to broach the subject of us. I also knew what I wanted to say, but that didn't make it any easier. Instead of blurting out how I felt about her I took a deep breath and added, "I see you're not wearing your engagement ring." She didn't respond at first and it felt like my heart stopped beating as I waited for her to explain.

I lot depended on the next few minutes. Olivia didn't sound particularly convinced that we were meant to be together and that scared me because after the day I had I knew just how much I needed her in my life. My only saving grace was the fact that she was here. I kept focusing on what my older sister said on the trip back from the bus depot. I needed to listen with more than just my ears. It's not just what Olivia says, it's what she does. Following me this far said a lot.

"Two years." Olivia's voice was calm, but I could feel the emotions behind it. "You show up out of the blue after more than two years. That was quite a shock. I was pretty much in a daze that entire day. People at work thought I was ill."

"Yeah, sorry about that," I said, rubbing the bump on my nose briefly. "I thought it would be better to approach you at work rather than home. I figured it would be less threatening if you thought I was crazy or didn't remember me."

"Didn't remember you?" she asked, not bothering to hide her dismay, but then she took a deep breath, let it out slowly and continued talking about my visit to the hospital. "I tried to get past the shock of seeing you all day, but I couldn't do it. We never did anything more than talk back in school, but there were so many good memories from that time and they kept popping into my head no matter how hard I tried to forget. "

I felt my heart start to begin to beat again as she talked. Her words were finally starting to match her actions. She clearly still cared for me. The question now was, was it enough?

"I can imagine," I said with a shake of my head. "I was the one who surprised you and I was pretty much overwhelmed when I saw you. It must have been far worse for you."

"You have no idea," she replied, looking into the fire. "I refused to accept what I was feeling. Yet, despite that somewhere in the middle of the day I started tracking you down. I told myself it was to apologize for hurting you, but the truth was that I just wanted to see you again."

"I was so nervous when I finally decided to visit you at the hotel that I was distracted when I walked into my last patient's room. One of the nurses had just finished giving him a sponge bath and somehow I knocked the water onto myself. My top was soaked and the water wasn't particular clean so I took a shower after my shift was over."

I was watching her as she spoke. Olivia's skin glowed in the firelight and her eyes reflected the light beautifully. I reached out and took her hand. She let me, but still didn't look at me. She clearly needed to tell me everything that happened which was good because I wanted to hear it all.

"The only clothes I had in my locker were an old, favorite pair of scrubs," she continued. "Speaking of which, don't expect me to return that sweat shirt you gave me back in college. Think of it as payment for my scrubs top."

"You still have the sweatshirt?" I asked in surprise. And yes, I was rubbing the bridge of my nose in embarrassment as I remembered what I did to her top. In answer, she unzipped her coat.

Olivia was wearing my sweatshirt. It was clearly well worn. I grinned happily. She almost smiled in return, but instead rolled her eyes and became serious once more.

"I wanted to go home, change, fix my makeup and redo my hair before visiting you in the hotel, but I knew I'd never go through with it if I did. Besides, I was just going to check on you. What I was wearing shouldn't have mattered, at least that's what I told myself. "

"Still, I was a little embarrassed looking as bad as I did, but then I saw the way you were looked at me when you opened the door and I knew it didn't matter to you."

"That's not quite true," I offered. "I actually liked the way you looked. It reminded me of that day you came into the restaurant soaking wet and I gave you that sweatshirt."

"Did it?" she asked rhetorically. This time she did smile, at least briefly before going back to her story.

"Seeing your emotions in your expression was too much for me at the time," she continued. "My own were so confused that I panicked. That's why I blurted out that I was still marrying David."

"The doctor," I sighed.

"Yes, the doctor," she said, letting out a sigh of my own. "David is a good man and didn't deserve what I did to him. He also didn't take my returning his ring this morning well."

"You returned his ring?" I asked, surprised for some reason despite her being here.

"What choice did I have?" she replied. I was elated by the news, but now wasn't the time to show it. This David guy was someone Olivia clearly cared for and wasn't happy about hurting.

"What do you mean?" I asked. Sure, I was pretty certain I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear her say it. Olivia let go of my hand and stood. I quickly followed her up, but gave her some space.

"I mean, I almost had myself convinced last night that my visiting you was a mistake, but then you went and told me you loved me. Worse, I believed you."

"Was that so bad?" I asked.

"Bad? No," she replied. "But shocking? Definitely! It forced me to reevaluate what I was feeling. Actually, it forced me to reevaluate the direction my life was taking."

"And?" I prompted. She knew what I was doing. I could tell when she looked at me and shook her head. She didn't answer me directly, at least not at first.

"Do you think I kept every sweatshirt some random guy gave me?" she asked. "I admit that I didn't date a lot growing up because I was pretty focused on my school work, but it's not like I didn't date at all. I'd go out with a guy for a few weeks or months and then it would end. Except, you and I never really dated. We just met and talked, and each time we did, it felt more and more right."

"Then why did you turn me down when I asked you out?" I asked, honestly curious.

"I could say it was the age difference or the fact that I was moving away for my residency the next semester. I could say a lot of things that would be true, but they all boiled down to one simple fact. I was afraid," she admitted. Olivia smiled at me once more as she added, "But don't think for a moment that you were the only one who regretted my decision, especially as time passed. I never did find anyone I could talk to the way I did you."

"Not even David?"

"Not even David," she answered. "He was a good man who treated me well, but he wasn't you. It's not his fault, but being with you just feels better. Everything with you is better."

"Everything?" I couldn't help asking. Olivia shook her head and refused to answer, but the blush that followed said it all. I started to reach for her, but she stepped away.

"So there I was pacing in your hotel room trying to come to grips with everything," she said, going back to her story. "And then you went into the bathroom. I knew that when you returned you'd be leaving if I didn't do something."

"I think I made the decision subconsciously before I did consciously," she added, looking into the fire once more. "I took off David's ring and put it on the end table. You came back into the room and I knew it was decision time. I could pick up the ring and leave, or I could leave it on the end table and stay with you."