Ultimate Nightmare

Slowly, she quit crying and said, "Jason, I didn't start out to cheat on you and I won't offer any stupid excuses now.

"It all started with the simple fact that Tonya, Emily and I had a habit of visiting different dance clubs over the past year. About six months ago Emily met a band member who was performing at a Country and Western nightclub where she enjoyed the music. His band wasn't a headliner, but they were local stars in their own right. When I first met Bart, their lead singer and bass guitarist, I made sure to explain I was very engaged and in the beginning I acted accordingly.

"Over the ensuing months we kept returning to the same club because Emily wanted to see her guy and listen to their music. That turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life. "I became good friends with Bart, too good it turns out as our teasing and flirting slowly turned sexual in nature.

"One night about three months ago we stayed and helped the band pack up after the club closed. I suddenly found myself all alone with Bart when Emily took off with her guy and Tonya went with the other two members. The next thing I knew, Bart and I were kissing.

"That's all that happened that night, but on the way home, I found myself confused, ashamed, and at the same time, embarrassingly excited. Both girls kept telling me I needed to cool off and get away from Bart. I knew they were right but for the moment, the thrill of the forbidden was enough to keep me playing with fire. I was so sure I could control it. How could I have been so fucking stupid…?

"Anyway, about two months ago I crossed that line of no return by finally allowing myself to become sexually involved with Bart. We've met five times, including the weekend I was away, but never at any of our places, the places you and I go.

"Before you ask, this wasn't about him being better than you or more capable of satisfying me, which he wasn't by the way. It was more like a high school crush and I made the mistake of allowing the infatuation to turn into lust that evidently became too irresistible. Please don't ask me the details, I'll tell you if you really want to know, but it just makes me sick to think about it now.

"Jason, I just want you to know that I'll regret every minute of this for the rest of my life. It has not only cost me, but also hurt what I love most…, you." He had been taken aback by the strange sound of finality in her voice, deep, mournful like the forlorn cry of a distant seagull.

Her voice had sounded almost mechanical as if she were reading off a teleprompter. But from what Jason was able to recall of the PI's report, Addie's confession rang true.

Suddenly it dawned on him, 'Her methodical delivery was not to down play the situation, but to get through it without a meltdown.'

Jason realized, 'Everything she just said is tearing her up emotionally.' He watched Addie shiver as she wrapped her arms around her body in what appeared to be a physical attempt to actually hold herself together.

With that thought, Jason felt a rush of sympathetic tenderness, which he immediately suppressed replying, "Addie! I think you already know the wedding and the engagement are off, at least for the time being. We need some time apart, and please… no contact of any sort until I get my head around this. It may take awhile and it will only get worse if you try to pressure me into making a quick decision. Right now you would lose."

As Jason finished speaking she began to sob in earnest and her body convulsed with the spasms. He waited for her to regain her composure before asking, "One last question Addie… Why?"

After fighting a losing battle to keep her tears at bay, she replied in a breaking voice, "Jason! That's the one thing I haven't been able to figure out. All I can say is that I went out with friends and let everything get out of control.

"I've been so guilt ridden that I couldn't live with it anymore. Tonya and Emily thought I had gone to the spa this weekend just to be with Bart, but I only went there Friday night to break it off with him. Before he even got out of his car I told him to go away and leave me alone. He threw a fit and made a big scene calling me all kinds of names, telling me I was a cock tease, and cussing me for wasting his time.

"I spent the entire weekend alone, thinking about you, us, and our future. If you want to confirm what I've said, all you have to do is call the spa. They had to get the police there before he would leave.

"On my way home this morning, I turned my cell on and saw there were several messages from Tonya and Emily. I knew my world had ended and I almost wrecked, when I heard Tonya say, 'Oh Addie, Jason knows it all, he knows everything.'

"Believe it or not Jason, I love you dearly and always will. But by betraying your trust, I made a mockery of that love. Now I get to live with the gut wrenching pain while reaping the bitterness of what I've sown. You will never know how much…, but believe me… I am so sorry for what I have done. Yes, it was an exciting rush, but now I know it wasn't worth losing you, the man I truly love."

Jason had not been able to shake her words from the transcript out of his memory, and now couldn't resist smirking as he sarcastically mocked, "Yeah! I'm glad you're sooo sorry. Evidently sorry enough that you'll find a way to get back with good ole Bart after the honeymoon and not just once, but more than he can handle."

Reacting to a wave of grief stricken shame, in a shrill voice she hysterically shrieked, "Oh God no! I'm… I'm so sorry! Yes I told him that, but it was only in the heat of passion. I knew how wrong it was the instant it left my mouth because I didn't mean a word of it. I knew I wanted…."

Jason immediately interrupted, "Enough Addie," not caring to hear any more as he stepped forward. "There is absolutely no need to make this more difficult than it already is. Just give me back my ring and I'll be on my way," Jason firmly said in a voice devoid of emotion.

In total despair, she finally realized it was over. Addie had truly lost him. With her head still turned, she held out her arm and with trembling fingers handed him her engagement ring.

After taking it, Jason said, "Addie, you have a few more of my things that I would like back."

In a small and scared voice, she quietly replied, "I'll have Tonya bring over everything I have. If you don't mind, I need to get my things from your house. If you want, you can sort through them first."

He replied softly, "That's fine Addie. Just leave a message on my cell and I'll have someone at the house when you're ready."

She nodded, quietly weeping.

In the ensuing silence, the short distance between them turned into an impassable gulf. He finally broke the spell with, "Good-bye Addie."

As Jason turned and began to walk towards the house, Jason heard a strangled sob followed by, "Good-bye Jason…"

Tonya looked up as he opened the door. Jason could see the last bit of hope fade from her teary eyes. After crossing the room to kiss him on the cheek, she whispered, "I'm so sorry…."

After a sympathetic shrug, Jason headed for the front door and from behind him heard Tonya say, "Oh Addie…"

Her strained voice was almost hoarse as he heard Addie cry out in pain, "My God Tonya, I've lost him… I've lost my love… I've lost Jason."

As he opened the front door Jason heard Marc Racine's aggravated voice clearly say, "Constance, just give it a rest… at least for a few days. Then I will look for a good marriage counselor or something."

After closing the door behind him, Jason started down the steps, shaking his head thinking, 'I don't know how… but that sounds like a possible reconciliation to me. I guess it's understandable considering they have more than twenty years together. If Addie and I had that kind of investment maybe things would be different. But now, well shit, who gives a rat's ass?'

Jason gazed at the Racine manor for what he felt would probably be the last time, then said to himself. "I was right that first day… I am completely and royally FUCKED!"

**********

Weeks later Jason felt in a quandary when he experienced yet another of those memorable moments where his strong feelings for Addie painfully surfaced once again. What immediately came to mind was an old Bee Gee's song, "How can you mend a Broken Heart." Everywhere he turned there was something that reminded him of her.

To her credit, Addie had not attempted to make contact, thereby giving Jason the space he had requested. But no matter how hard Jason had tried, he just couldn't get past the casualness of her betrayal.

After weeks of struggling, Jason came to a painful conclusion. In order to move on with his life, he would have to relocate. And it would have to be a place that held no memories of Addie. Thankfully the structure of his business was such that it would allow Jason all the flexibility needed, without impacting his clientele.

A few days after making that decision he finished packing for his move to the coast. Jason wanting to tell Addie good-bye and tried to call her that night before he left, but she didn't answer. As his only remaining recourse, Jason sent an e-mail to inform Addie that for the foreseeable future he wouldn't be back. She never returned his call or e-mail.

**********

Jason's decision to relocate proved to be a good one, and he slowly began to recover and move on. Over the next few months Jason started dating a nice young lady named Caryn Rossi. He was quickly captivated by her smile, wit, intellect and finely toned body.

When they both decided to take the relationship up a notch, Jason sat down with her and explained the baggage he still carried. After hearing his story Caryn understood his feelings, but now knew that in order to win his love, she would have to slowly and gently help him expand all his boundaries. It turned out to be just the thing Jason needed to learn how to trust and love again.

**********

Having just celebrated the second anniversary of their first date, Jason and Caryn were now into an extremely happy and loving relationship. The depth of their love and commitment was obvious to everyone around them.

Caryn had met Jason's parents, but he had never been able to get together with her mother even though he'd spoken to her several times on the phone. Her father had passed away when she was a little girl. Now that Caryn's mom, Tegan Rossi, was flying in to see her daughter, Jason was finally about to meet her.

While holding tight to Jason's arm Caryn searched the sea of faces pouring through the security gates. All at once, she started jumping with excitement, waving her arms, and yelling, "Mom, over here!"

Jason watched as a dark haired woman with sunglasses setting on top of her head suddenly waved back. She made her way to them and even though wearing a light flowered dress, lifted Caryn up in a big hug.

Tegen took the time to admire her daughter at arms length before finally saying, "Baby you look good. I'm glad to see you've been taking care of yourself."

Caryn quickly chimed in, "Mom this is Jason, the man I love."

After tentatively extending his hand, he was caught by surprise when Tegen stepped forward and grabbed Jason in a bear hug. He squeaked out, "Nice to meet you ma'am."

With her eyes narrowing into slits, the small wiry woman stepped back and stared at Jason intently. It made him feel very uncomfortable until she said, "Jason, all I ask is that you treat my daughter well and both of you do everything you can to ensure each others happiness."

He pulled Caryn tight and replied, "I will do that Ma'am, I promise you."

The intense look on Tegen's face gave way to a huge smile as she responded. "I've been informed that in spite of your youth, you are an honorable young man with strong convictions and the courage to act on them. I was also told that once I met you, all my concerns for my daughter would be put to rest."

Her daughter asked, "Mom, whatta ya mean? I've told you a lot of great things about Jason, but don't recall ever saying anything like that."

"You didn't Caryn, I did," came a strong male voice from behind Tegen. A stranger walking up behind her continued, "And I think I can speak from experience."

Tegen turned slightly to look up at the man and said to her daughter, "Honey, I know that this is a total surprise, but as of last night, I want you to meet my fiancé, Marc Racine."

Jason didn't utter a sound other than a slight gasp, as he stood with an open mouth, just staring in shock.

Stunned Caryn watched as Jason and Marc locked in a strong embrace. Tegen smiled and said, "As you can see daughter, the man you love already knows Marc. It turns out that they share a long and interesting history. Destiny, it would appear, intends to have them continue it."

As they looked at their smiling men, Caryn's mother hugged her and said, "It seems we're the lucky ones. We get to share it with them."

Jason nodded and replied, "I agree ladies. But for now let's get the luggage and find a quiet spot to eat lunch. Then… Marc and I can catch you ladies up on 'the rest of the story.'"

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