All Comments on 'Under New Management Ch. 03'

Love this story so far but iam wondering if his beautiful neighbour is finished or will e continued. Maybe he buys a new house where he can have all the women? Hehe

I really like the turn of events.

Brett should be with Lia and her children in my opinion, though. They are best fit for each other.

Maybe they sould have Bubbles on the side as a "friend of the family"...

You wrote that your girlfriend significantly influenced this latest chapter and it shows.

Ch. 01 has been the best so far with it's subtle nc/reluctant overtones such as the seedy lawyer harassing the waitress etc. Since then it has evolved from an erotic to a romantic themed tale. Tits and ass, not hearts are the commodities of strip clubs.

Those seeking love should get a puppy not a stripper. Maybe your character should sell the club and open a pet store or perhaps have the girlfriend write the ensuing chapters.

Junk food for the insecure man's broken ego! Some therapy would be much more fulfilling, but how can you translate that into an erotic story? Ha! Thank your girlfriend for me, loved the chapter. Straight up power and ownership through coercion is nice, but tossing a little romance and gratefulness is just as good. Heroism is great way of inflaming the ego while retaining some morality, a good choice. Reading the chapter required some mental blocking on my part though. This guy who was so intent on coercing desperate and vulnerable women suddenly fancying himself as a hero does not compute, at least not without a mention of a change of heart. Not much of a problem, but maybe for your next series you can have consistent morality for freaks like me who care about it.

As for Lia... can't you just throw her under a bus? Eh, I guess not. There's no way you can get Bubbles out of the picture now, her position in the series is secure. Might I suggest Bret helping her in paying for a decent apartment to clear her up a little? She can continue playing the part of loving pet for the rest of the series. As for Lia, having her gradually accept that her powerful boss is going to fuck everyone is a good way to go. You can have some drama with her being jealous, some intermittent fun with other strippers, then end the series with them being in a loving open relationship.

Cheers for your feedback/constructive criticism. Not a bad idea at all, and I'll certainly give it some serious consideration.

As for the morality problems, I'm afraid I might not have let Bret's character shine through enough. As I see him (which is of course open for interpretation), Bret does not consider himself anything but a good man. Sure, that business with Monique was skirting the edges of what's morally acceptable, but all in all, I view him as a guy who 'wants to do the right thing' (but whose dark side may overpower him from time to time). Just because power corrupts does not mean he'll become evil right away, eh?

But of course, that's my view of him, and if you read something different from the text, that's just good. It'd be boring if we all read the same into every sentence.

P.S. My girlfriend says, 'You're welcome'. She agrees with your view of Lia, by the way. ^^

This is a great story, i like the idea of him ending up with lia and bubbles as well...and put them two whores stacy and christie in their place.

Don't rush this story to a conclusion, there's a lot more room to go. Lia needs to be marginalized for a while longer (would like to see you bring the waitress Wendy back into the story to council Lia). Also, I see you setting the seen for Bubbles to beome overly attached, that will need to be dealt with. Still think Bret needs to get some Tina action (would be interesting if Tina offered her slave Trish to Bret as a way to make right some offense she comits at work). As the other dancers are solidifying their roles, Monique is going to feel marginalized and she's going to have to step it up to "remain on the team." Bret should fire/let go of one dancer (perhaps a marginal character not yet introduced) to prove that the girls do need to be worried. You've got a long way to go here. This is great stuff! Keep it up!

bring things back to the club and the stage more. less love, more horny stripper

I definitely agree that you can't get rid of Bubbles now. She quick literally slept her way into the story to solidify it. I do think that Bret at the very least thinks and acts like a good character. Nothing says that he has to be a white knight. I think watching him struggle to find a balance in his new life will be good to see. He starts as pure good, but with all the temptation around he is bound to be dragged down a few pegs. I do like that he thinks of the place as his and he needs to protect the people there. So finding that balance, maybe clear the air between what will be a love triangle (unless you throw more people into the mix). I do agree with your girlfriend that this was a great story arc and does at more complexity to the story to give you options to work with. I think over how ever many more stories, which I hope is many, we should see Bret to become a stronger character. Not saying commit to one girl but take charge more and bring the store into line to how he wants to and maybe bring the girls into line with the boundaries of their characters in the club. The more major ones outside the club as well.

I do enjoy reading this chain of stories and look forward to more.

The first three chapters were a wonderful intro to the story. This story has the potential to be great and could go many ways. You could have Brett be with Lia and have Bubbles be the not-so-innocent girl that everyone sees her as. Her possessiveness could lead her to do many stupid and backstabbing things to get what she wants (Brett, that is). However, I'm hoping to see his commitment to one of the girls sometime later in the story. Once he chooses one of his girls, he should at least refuse to sleep with any other girls regardless of how seductive they are. With that said, it doesnt mean he cant have hot, steamy sex with the woman that he chooses :)

I agree that Monique needs to "step up her game" and I really do feel a pang for Lia. She and Bubbles come off as really human and sweet. Maye they could learn to share Bret? Also I'd really like to see him do more "interviews" with the girls. Could you get Wendy on her knees somehow? Still hoping he gets sucked off while he's in a meeting or on the phone.

great story!

But I don't see Bubbles as the possessive girlfriend so much as a girl who would be happy to be Bret's possession. She's more than happy to let him have fun with whomever he wants so long as he still wants her. I see her becoming his maid/servant/toy. Just my opinion. please keep the story going..

Not girlfriend material for brett.

He should make up with Lia and turn Bubbles into his slave.He should start to gain more confidence in his ablity to take charge.

The neuroscience student/waitress who doesn't give it away or indeed sell it. Lots of potential here.

i really like this story you need to work on chapter 4 5 and 6

Great story. Bret needs to hook up with Lia AND keep Bubbles at his place, too. How about a moment of truth between Lia and Bret, in the manager's office with the manager and Bubbles in the office and other girls present. Lia expresses her jealousy of Bubbles and how Bret is just like all the other men of their lives. Bret defends his actions, expressing his love for Lia AND his desire to protect all his girls. Somewhere, he needs to buy the apartment building where he lives so that he and all the girls and the bouncers can live (bouncers live on the ground floor, Kurt on the top floor, girls on the 2nd + 3rd, w/ Lia and daughters and Bubbles in the other apartment on the top floor). And Bret lives happily ever after!

First off, Bubbles is a submissive and very needy, she'll do whatever Brett says, as long as he tells her what to do and think and keeps on fucking her.

Lia is the older (slightly) woman who is looking at Brett as the man who will make her an honest woman and care for her children.

You've got a good supporting cast of characters; Tina and her bi/lesbian lover, the backstabbing, duo who are just in it for the sex, the sexy latina with a good for nothing husband...

What's more, you have a potentially good story here that's taking on a life of its own. It's not the first time a minor character has rewritten him/herself into a major character. I'd suggest you go for it!

Obviously, you need to get Bubbles un-attached from Bret, while getting Lia re-attached. Try this: Get Bubbles previous boyfriend to come looking for her with a Saturday night special. He's waiting in the alley when the girls come to work, along with Bret and the bouncers(at least the one that clobbered said boyfriend). He's high, and when he sees Bubbles he calls her out and waves the gun at her. Bret pushes Bubbles out of the line of fire and gets hit in the back of his thigh when the scumbag shoots. The bouncer (I can't recall his name, now) shouts "You tried to hurt Bubbles! You can't do that! I love her!" He advances on the scumbag, who points the gun at him and tries to shoot him, but the cheap pistol explodes spraying the bouncer with the scumbag's blood, metal fragments and powder residue, but not hurting him. The bouncer clobbers the scumbag with one punch and smashes him into the dumpster, either killing him outright or putting him into a coma, then he goes over to see if Bubbles is hurt, ignoring Bret who is surrounded by women crying. Bubbles has seen and heard everything and suddenly realizes that the bouncer is her real hero and loves her enough to risk his life for her. Bret spends that night and the next day in the hospital, being discharged early the third day. His wound is minor but painful. His time in the hospital gives him a chance to think with his head instead of his gonads and he grows up a little bit. Lia comes to see him in the hospital and he begins to understand that it's just the life she has to lead to take care of her kids. When he gets out of the hospital he calls a meeting of everybody before work and explains: (1) While he appreciates the attention he has been getting from some of them, he is planning on getting married and doesn't want to endanger that. (2) He really needs to devote his time to managing the business so everybody can stay employed; (3) Nobody is being laid off or fired as long as he can make a go of it. (He milks his gimp for all it's worth before and after the meeting.) Later he calls in Lia and tells her he lied. She's getting too old for this business and should retire. When she wails "What am I going to do to take care of my kids?" he says "You're going to marry me so I can take care of all three of you." And they live happily ever after:-)

Even better than the last.

I do think Bret needs to admit he hurt Lia and try apologizing. Once gets past that, other possibilities open up.

riding a mainlining junkies girl bareback? not the wisest thing to do.

you want suggestions? How about giving this moron some brains to go with his dick?