All Comments on 'Unexpected Love'

Really? Using the name of Natalie Holloway? After reading the first line, I shut the story off. You could have come up with another name other than a teenage girl who's life was possibly taken in a gruesome way. Just show some respect!

I enjoyed it all the way. It's a shame skank wife did see her ex and get to feel what she lost. She was pretty nasty.

Damn! I didn't even think of that. I make the names up as I go along, or from people I knew, in this case a composite of two different girls. I don't follow the news much so I had no idea until I googled it.

Having said all that, I don't believe my character had any attributes that could prove embarrassing to the real person.

I'll try to edit it.

Don't beat yourself up about the name too much. Even after reading the story the name didn't click until I read the post about it. If you had intended using the name for gain or shock value it would be different. I believe your statement that it was an honest mistake and I feel no one should get too upset about it. After all, it is a story and even if it is kind of short I liked and enjoyed it.

This is the first story of yours I've read but it wont be the last as following comments will prove. I try to do two things when I leave a comment. I point out the good things I read and then I give a small critique of what didn't feel right. Praise for the hard work and hopefully something that will help your writing.

With this one I have to say you had a good story idea. I also like the dialog between the two girls, it was well written. Very realistic sounding. A father alone for a long time having a friend of his daughter make a pass at him and him being unable or unwilling to not just shrug it off is also very realistic. So like I said good story.

Critique, I felt a little 'name' overwhelmed. At times I was having trouble figuring out who was what where and how because of that. Not a big thing just something I noticed. Also you might want to have lead off with dialog. If the first two sentences where interchanged it would have been a more powerful story hook.

See good and bad. Most of my comments are like that.

Enjoyed this will be reading more

M.S.Tarot

The story and incidentals (spelling, grammar, etc.) were all excellent. My only wish is to rethink mentioning Jill at the end. I thought hat her situation was just sad, although I'm glad that Earl came out of it okay. Thanks.

SO many mistakes.........

Very nice story. It was a picture love and joy.

Just Loved it .

Very good story i love the way everything fell in place .

So loving .