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Click here"I'm so tired of being alone. I can't make it on my own. Please baby girl won't you help me as soon as you can."
I sing the lines of Al Green and stumble along damp stones. All I can see is the darkness as I stand dangerously close to the rivers edge. The blunt in my mouth starts to run on one side when the bitter wind blows across the Mississippi. I blow out smoke into the cold air as Karen sleeps in our bed. I held her in my arms when I came out of the restroom. She fell asleep on my chest as I played with her silky chestnut brown hair. Some kind of Christmas of 2004 was turning out to be. I grab the diamond ring and look at hard.
Karen is my sun if I am the sky. I rise to see another day in anticipants of tasting life between her smooth brown thighs. When she cries I die. Hazel eyes should never look gray. I wish I could handle the pain and just write off her dirty little deeds as just another day. I saw his face and he's nothing like your man. I'm a thick and strong bodied brown skin man with dark brown eyes and trimmed black hairs over my soft lips. Nine inches thick and long, every morning I made you drip wet lips on this. I guess you wanted a change a man to pitch hit. I can't believe you lips fixed themselves to groan from the feel of his thin lips. He was five foot eight with a thirty inch waist and clean shaved face. White as George Bush with tattoo arms and slim fit. I can't believe she disrespect an African King like me for the feel of a thick pink dick.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 11 years agoI realize I am responding to an old post but there is no "black dialect" in wtiting. There are not even typos in this story. The grammar is bad and the writer needs an editor to help with the story. One cannot be a chemist or whatever he was and speak the way the author wrote in the story. It totally takes away from the story and makes it unbelievable. I truly commend the writer for the effort, but an editor is definitely needed.
C_frommnover 14 years agoConsider following this story to its Conclusion. either he leaves her or they stay together and He beats Chris.
or he leaves her and beats Chris anyways.
but leaving it as is would be a Sin.
angiquesophieabout 16 years agothere is nothing wrong with this story.
it shows real emotions and a situation that
is very convincing. there will be more, i hope.
Anonymousabout 16 years agoAgree with many of the comments already posted. You need an editor. Actually, even someone who would proofread your piece and point out the typos, and the little errors. They are easy to correct, but irritating to readers.
Perhaps some of the use of a 'black' dialect is part of your style, and that can certainly work. In that sense, you don't need to be completely grammatically correct.
Don't be too discouraged, keep writing.
Anonymousabout 16 years agoabout bad writing comments. you might get better with time. as for the story itself. there is no excuse for what she did. leave her because this character never will stand for her own doing. she always will find an excuse that it was not her fault. she will pull you down in the end. and you should write that in a story.
