by Wire_Master
The story was building intrigue and then the author totally butchered the ending. I cannot see a scenario where both boys would just happen to reverse the intolerance of this whores actions at the same time let alone at all. Half way down the list, the police must have publicized the target letter contents to give the intended target a heads-up. Hearing some of those guys reaction to receiving a notification of eminate death would have been satisfying.
Terrible ending. She is evil incarnate and gets away with it? Nope! Trash story.
No, he wasn't dead.
Green Berets take care of their own. She isn't one of their own. Robert is, and is still very much alive.
Her wait ends one year from the day the unknown sniper "died".
Wait for it...
She so had it coming.
In real life the boys would have not come back.
NOT revealing the sniper was a weak and detracting ending. At the writer revealed who it was I would've upgraded the score to 5 stars.
Anyone who has served knows someone who has been cheated on, or experienced it personally. The person should receive a bullet. THAT would be justice. Few things adult-adult, are morally an emotionally vial than that.
When I was in early flight training, USN, a wise chief told a group of us NOT to get married or have GF, to avoid the distraction in combat that such betrayals inflict. I saw my roommate buy, for just this reason 3 days after her got a dear John letter. I was told his three sister corned the bitch and beat the shit out of her. They loved their big brother and they would not let her escape justice. Further, they "convinced" her to "donate" his insurance money to his parents.
Why does the author use double standards? She's as guilty as her lovers. She's been fucking for over three years, with at least ten studs with big cocks. At that time, her husband was fighting for the country. She should follow her lovers to hell.
That bitch should be on the deadshot too...she must die too n pay for her slutty whore behaviour...!!
Well you can do a lot of guessing. My take?? The sniper wasn't Robert, but he or SHE was; One - very close to Robert, Two - obviously a well trained sniper that was part of Robert's Company, but didn't go on this mission for whatever reason, and Three - several people, probably military, knew his wife was fucking everybody, and their brother, when Robert died, it was time for retribution, not revenge. Great story line. Well done. Keep writing.
XYZ
Ok so I don’t know what kind of ending I would have given this story but I do know that this one sucked. Also, this cheating wife is really the lowest of the low as she’s cheating on a commissioned soldier. How much lowers can she get. True scum of the earth and she gets off Scott free . How about the parents of the dead college kids suing her ass and putting her in the gutter.
You instill in the killer of this story would not be "got". He would just wait it out and take his target later. And just why would someone, apparently an entire team be laying in wait for the sniper? How would they know when to set up? And again, someone so well trained would spot the shooting spots before he set up himself. How is it the kids arrived when they did and why would they show so much respect for their father that they would follow him into the service then forgive the cheating slut that showed so much disrespect for him and his(and their) service? Piss poor reasoning.
Pretty good until the end. Reader needs to know the shooter, even if inferable. Thought she got off easy.
the famed Mind Killer,,,,FEAR,,,,,will make the wait endless. TK U MLJ LV NV
What was this? Not sure what you thought it was, but it sure as hell wasn't writing.
Only leaders of nations get 21 gun salutes
Military funerals 3
but others do not hold the same standards. TK U MLJ LV NV
The man went insane killed everyone on the plane. Secretly snuck home and got his own back. Wonderful plain she knew it was him but as usual too self centered to do anything. (Woe is me attitude) feeling sorry for her whore ass too bad they didn't just shoot her.
A teams are not led by majors. They are not green beret silver wings, they are the parachutist's badge aka airborne wings.
First of all he didn't kill his men it was a PLANE CRASH people. I was in the military not as a sniper or special force agent. Nevertheless, although there were a few inconsistencies with how you portrayed some of the stuff it was still a pretty good story. However as sad as it was, it did make for some good reading. Four stars to ya, and, keep writing just polish it up a bit with actual facts.
This story had severe problems of contentuity. Did husband kill his unit to get back at a cheating wife? Until the ending (?) I thought the two sons were taking out Mom's lovers. It is sad that you brought discredit upon the US Marines and snipers, in general. One pitiful star.
Please talk to at least one Military Sniper or see a movie about non-drug hired Snipers. I'm not a know it all but, for one sniper to kill another sniper they at least are told why the kill. Ten years of planning a shot, then get careless and fail. Hard to think about and not gag I believe you don't care for military people. Your story was working until it was made to look as if the husband killed his unit to get back at a cheating wife.
He must not have had any respect for anyone in his unit to kill them to get back at a cheating wife wow! Kill People he worked and lived with to kill a cheat wife, I keep repeating that he killed his unit ......I"m out.
The cheating slut should have died not the sniper who was getting the revenge denied her husband.
Interesting tale until the end, just left hanging there and...
as much as i like btb tales .
and although the Author leaves the question open , one has to conclude the shooter / sniper is her husband . after all nobody else has cause / reason too.
so we then have a Husband who kills his unit / fakes his own death & then goes on a mission of mayhem & destruction ..
under those circumstances , it's a little bit dificult to have any sympathy for any of the protagonists in this story .
...it seemed as if the idea behind the story was good, until the shooter isn't able to kill the cunt. It was working as it should, with her saved until the last. And then on their wedding anniversary, a joint takes a bullet. First an elbow, the next year the other elbow. Then a knee, the other knee, a wrist, shoulder, ankle, etc. Save the head shot until she is incapable of moving and it's a 2" shot.
She deserved to die.
If you're going to write a pseudo-military story have enough respect for your audience to do a modicum of research. Refer to their Special Forces tab on their shoulders. Refer to the slash on the green berets they wear. Refer to the fact that "her husband" taught her SF soldiers don't refer to themselves as the hats they wear. Make yourself sound less ignorant where possible.
This was the worst type of cheating whore skank slut cunt wife who ever lived. She was married to a war hero fucking college kids when he was away. She should have been the last killed but not before she had to explain to the parents of every fuck buddy she had why they were killed. Fucking cunt.
Why would her sons come back to the slut. Her being a slut didn't change. And since you imply that the husband was behind the sniper shootings and he had been lurking around out there for years, we're to believe he suddenly got careless when his last target was in sight? Not likely. If you think that then you don't know anything about Green Berets.
The slut got away. He should have made her a criple.
Maybe the sons are just waiting their time. Then they will
Finish it...
execpt for the part about another green bret kill one of it own. Not going to happen over a slut. But other than that no bad.
Death would have relieved her of grieving. She has to have sorrow in this lifetime. Nobody said sons fogave her.
I would have had Dad paddle my ass than turn and walk away
living can be its own punishiment
It was a fair story until the ending. Who else but the husband would care enough to follow-up like the sniper did? It was a good premise but needs some work. anon jerry
good idea and fairly good delivery. but... a little rough on the ending. a bit of polish and fill would take it from a 3 to a 4 or 4 1/2. keep writing
You think it's over??? NO BITCH...far from over!!! You and Married Trash like you are found at every U.S. Military base housing across the country. Your man is overseas risking his life for his country and behind his back your screwing everything that looks your way. You really think my fellow Green Berets shot me??? No they shot my (scaraficed) spotter who was moving to another location to feed me wind values. What you don't know is that a High Ranking Officer who shook your hand at the funeral is the one who issued the order! I have my Mission... I still have a green light, you WILL still...WAIT FOR IT !
....we don't know what the motive was? No matter who was the shooter, the motive was to avenge damage perceived done by the frat boy lovers of Mrs. who does this to a Green Beret?
....notwithstanding the fact that in this particular story, at least, the wife now has got her boys back with no sniper worries....what story did you read?
She got worse than death. I don't feel sorry for her or the frat boys, but anybody who thinks living with what she is going to live with has no idea what she is going through. She didn't get her boys back, they got their mother back. I feel sorry for the commenters who would rather have the woman die than the boys forgive and have their mother. Wake The Fuck Up.
I'm sorry you think I wimped out and you didn't like the story. I guess you didn't figure out we do not know who the killer really was or the motive behind the killings. Cheating wives in the military is not a new concept nor is it something that doesn't happen. The one that said the fireball wouldn't consume everything missed the part about animals and insects, they do consume everything and within days.
To the positive comments Thank you
Thanks to all the comments and everyone else that read the story.
....rushed plot devices and inane sporadic cliche rendering.I've tried mixing barbiturates with x too and it just doesn't work. Add a little ether to the mix and maybe it'll all come together.
She got off in the end? She got her boys back and the hero who was cleaning up the crap she had done got killed?
As a story teller you wimped out and saved the slut. So much for revenge. Military wive cheating on their husbands is a terrible crime against good men and isn't at all erotic it's a true injustice. This story says you don't agree.
The ending wasn't what I really expected, but the story as a whole was very good.
Well written and edited, smooth flowing and interesting, but the ending did seem to be a bit rushed.
Thanks for the read.
I liked parts of your story. It was actually well written from an interesting point of view, however the ending was rushed. There was no explanation of why her boys decided to forgive her or of who got the sniper. You were moving along well, and then seemed to run out of gas.
I hope to see more of your stories.
Interesting story, but the ending really sucks. I MEAN IT REALLY SUCKS!!!
a story about nothing , take the pen and stick it because you and your stories stink.
Where's the revenge? The ending makes no sense. The bitch got away with her bullshit. Hated it!
This is so bad on so many levels.
First, the writing is only barely adequate. I'd give it a C. Jumping around between past and present tenses is a real distraction.
A fireball in the air would not consume everything in a plane. Gravity would see to that. There would be something left besides dog tags. Silly, silly, silly.
If you're going to write, at least make it plausible.