by drawer
The story concept wasn't bad, but the writing is pathetic.
-- KVK
Not a bad story line, but please proof read your work or get someone to do it for you. I would like to read this over again after a re-write.
Proof reading would be very nice in this fantasy story, changing "arse" to "ass". When you go back into the house where she needs you again, perhaps you can fix her up with a growing belly as well, so she might need you more than just for sex? Which could very well mean more on the job, such as promotions, etc.?
I know I got a sneak preview of this, but the second reading is even better. I would just like to point out to other people that the use of the word "arse" is common in Australia...not all of us are American and say "ass"...when writing we need to feel authentic and I can completely understand your usage of the word. I don't think the very few typos detract from what is a hot and well conceived story. Certainly got me going! I would love to see Jeremy and Rachel in another compromising position. Well done and keep it up, I would love to read more!