All Comments on 'What Are You? Ch. 02'

Even the saturday afternoon matinees had some plot development and character building, before the obligatory cliff hanger ending. With you its just a few lines of fluff and then a manufactured ending to leave us wanting more.

It didn't work for me because there hasn't been anything in these two chapters to build any interest in either of the characters or any hint of a story line.

Did you submit the notes for this chapter instead of the finished chapter? I can see where you are trying to go but you failed miserably. She is having a panic attack and his solution is to finger her. She is licking an ice cream cone and seconds later she is eating french fries. While he's driving she acts like a 6 year old - playing with the windows, radio and being an annoying PITA before grabbing the wheel and swerving the car around. You're trying to make her funny but she is nothing but an annoying child. I've read both chapters and thats enough for me.

This chapter needed a bit more to make it really good. There isn't enough development.

Alex is annoying as hell. I understand she is young and her life has been crappy but there is no reason for her to treat Salt like he has done her wrong. He is a good person for trying to help her out. She keeps saying he is arrogant but she is acting like a spolied child.

Til you can actually com up with a full storyline that isn't in point form.

Alex is the worst character on this site, there is no reason she should treat Salt like that. 1*

I feel like what is here is a bit rushed and only the skeleton of the story it could be bit still it is a good read

i skipped thru this crap cause it was worse then the 1st chapter

I like the idea of your story. Take your time. As a reader, I look forward to your growth as awriter. Enjoy your story telling. lead us to the light.

But this chapter is horrible. None of her reactions make sense, you failed to build his character, and it reads like a bunch of random sentences thrown together. Sad really, because the first chapter started off so well and had such promise. I am done with this story.

Your detractors may be right about small points, but fundamentally, you have an interesting story developing here. Keep writing, please.

love your work - dont stop - please

Please don't stop. I really enjoy how this story is coming out, and how smooth it is as well. I look forward to more of your writings!

what happened its so good