by Mandy01
Your story had merit, but it came across to me as being overly complex in scope. I read all three chapters and I got lost quite a bit. I think the story would have read better if you simplified it a touch. Keep it up, look forward to future stories.
except for that God crap. You answered most of the questions very well with the biggest one being WHY kelly would risk all this when she could of had a lot more simply by walking away,... the fucking anyone she wants to.
answer... Kelly is the craziest wife since the wife in WHEE WE WERE MARRIED story.
When James asks Kelly why at the beginning of the scene outside the court room ..she goes on about how it all became about WINNING and CONTROL for her.
To which James says "What Kelly had said actually made sense."
It does? I was going to explode over that but then the author quickly came back with james brillant deduction that her entire concept of love was crap.
Much better than I thought.
I loved the story.It was great and I love the fact it all worked out for them in the end even if it wasen't what they had in mind,and second as a top I might do it anyway because it would be fun lol
Well, I am very pleased this story turned out this way. Thank you for writing this story. I know you have worried about this story. But I think you have done a fine job.
You are a good writer and you will I am sure write many more good stories so keep them coming.
Thanks for your time and effort. And no your bum is safe. No caning here.
Regards
AW
It's nice to have people who look out for you. Kelly lives in a constant hell of her mothers making. She deserves it. The way things turned out for James will eat her alive. Lay off the Trans ams Mandy, it is a sin to destroy a classic hot rod, even in a story. I choose to think a wonderful man like myself saved it from it's terrible fate. Next time you will get the cane! The whip too! I liked it. Need more.
I liked it. I'm amazed the story was written by a woman, because it ends with a nice male fantasy. I'm not complaining! ;)
but still entertaining, i skipped the part where it was explained how she was ruined. other than that very well writing.
Thanx
Mandy, this is an excellent story. I am very happy you finished it and I would tell you not to pay your detractors any mind, but I can tell you do not.
I had not intended to leave a comment on this story. Then I read the comments on the first part of this story and I felt I had to post something after that. Indeed I felt I needed to stick a name to it and not have it simply be an anonymous posting.
I would never take a cheating spouse back.....once a cheater always a cheater.....looking forward to your future stories....
Yes it held Interest, there were a few minor word-choice flaws but nothing to worry about.
I recall reading a comment about Chaptering (my invented word) of Tales, and it's a point well-made. The Damn Dog Ch 01 The Damn Dog Ch 02 The Damn Dog Ch 03 ... yes well you Could have done that, and readers after next week would be better served by chaptering.
What you could also have done is Alphabetise (my spelling) the chapter names eg ..
The Damn Dog - Beginning
The Damn Dog - Discovery
The Damn Dog - Finality
That way would obviate Chapter Numbers because the titles are alphabetical, and if you ever had a mind to, you could add chapters before, in between, or after, by careful selection of title.
Cheers, and Thanks for the Tale, your Feminine Insights, non-Heterosexual insights, and more than the others, the Australianisms.
Don't you ever let a chance go by, oh Lord, Don't you ever let a chance go by.
AND . . . I am very pleased that you are not so elitist as to allow comments by Literotica Members Only.
AND . . . Why Does the word " Literotica" trigger the site's Spellcheck ..
Cheers again,
Kilroy.
...story. Had quite few chuckles. Thanks, looking forward to some more from you in the future.
I liked the plot of this story. Logical resolution. What is interesting is the dialogue and commentary hanging off the plot - a male author would have had maybe a page and a half or two pages of writing for this story. Even though M01's lead character is male, her portrayal of him and his thinking yields much insight into the significant differences between the sexes (long live the difference).
Great story! Brilliant resolution of all loose ends, especially the $15,000 retail therapy. I was kinda looking forward to administering one stroke for each $1,000 James did not claw back, but he got full value and you should get some aloe lotion.
Well written and extremely entertaining. Though sometimes hard to follow I especially liked the stream of conscience style from James' POV.
In stories as in real life when you are at your lowest you quickly find who your real friends are! I look forward to your next effort.
The portrayal of the protagonist's state of spirit is well done. The external aspects are torch the bitch positions, but naturally, internally he is always a bit insecure. This may have misled some of us in the first two chapters.
D'ont let the hairtriggered wimp bazookas bother you!
A very well written story and I loved the male character told from a female point of view, well maybe it was?
Delightful story of an one-sided unfaithful, and eventually failed, marriage. Thank you!
I told you everyone(nearly) would like it. Well done ---- Hope you're feeling better.
By the way AW, I wasn't aware that I took swipes at you. I like most of your writing and normally give them good marks. In fact, I think you're quite a nice chap!
It was a very good story,it was good to see the baseball bat was used to put Kelly down, and sticking her with the bill was a nice touch. The little talk in the pub, between the three women, and Kelly's ex-husband was the icing on the cake, about giving him his fantasy, that stated it all in the first place.
I think it was because it was on the computer screen and not a written page on paper. It makes a lot of difference in how one processes information.
Not that I didn't enjoy the tale, I thought it was a well done and a smartly written piece of work.
The storyline or theme of the work was well thought out and the end result was a fulfilling tryst between author and reader...
Thanks for the good ending and good read.
I've been following this saga and enjoyed the closure at the end. Quite fitting! "C'est la vie" , indeed!
Thanks for this very interesting read. I liked the main character's wry humor balanced against his pain and angst; I'll be on the lookout for more.
But muddled through and wound up liking this story. Keep writing and I will keep reading and hopefully keep liking what your furtive imagination produces.
LOL: Tom
Good story, very nice. And, like Harry said, no loose plot ends. Kelly's explanation, and James' deduction of her explanation said it all, really. We know why she did it.
Although I still think it was a bit hard to read, it was much better and "tighter" than the previous chapters.
The ending certainly makes this fall into the "male fantasy" category. Going from a cheating wife to two beautiful women who are into threesomes with him? Pure, unadulterated male fantasy ending.
Not that that's BAD, mind you. The tone and tongue-in-cheek style of the story lends well to such a, in my opinion, rather humorous ending.
A good story.
I enjoyed the story and it got better as it went along. It sort of felt like the author was getting her feet under her with regard to the characters as it went along.
I so enjoy a good torch story and dear Kelly certainly deserved what she got.
I do think if she ever developed the ability to feel for others and see them only as things to use that perhaps she would feel deep remorse for the hurt and suffering she brought him and their marriage.
Giving him two great, sexy, and faithful women was a nice bit of icing, thanks for that.
Also thanks for not making him a wimp who gets excited by his wife cheating. That affliction needs treatment not literature.
Finally thanks for the codicil and the toasted girl!
You got there with this one ... fantastic. I thought I would be in the morgue before you got your groove (I think I got the spelling correct this time).
My stomach heaved at the air tight scene and then I stopped reading for a bit after "Oh fuck my blue dog!" Where the hell did that come from? I started to think about sheep dogs in the outback for some reason.
The almost cat fight scene ... brilliant ... so catty. I discovered some time ago that when it comes to sledging women are the champions and you just reinforced my view!
The bed room scene made me giggle with the aside about getting a life. Bugger! I was really enjoying that part. Ok so now I am a yobbo as well as a dirty old man.
Loved the IQ points ... yup women can really do that to a man!
Low blow with the multitasking though, some men can, not many though :)
Humour, feelings, accurate observations on how men react to infidelity (not always getting back in the saddle) and an intersting finish ... thanks for a good read ... you nailed it.
Oh by the way ... I think of describing God as 'that which is and that which is not', yeah its translated from Chinese but one way of using it is "God is a woman and God is not a woman" or "God is a man and God is not a man". In other words, God is beyond a persons comprehension.
Mandy01 is a virtuoso at humorously portraying the intimately oppositional male and female psychology in a marital dispute about fantasy vs. fidelity. She writes in the male stream of consciousness, but is clearly able to define the female side through the male's motivation, misunderstanding, and confusion. The story is a rather traditional LW theme that is a vehicle for the author's very enjoyable psych and social portrayals.
The Aussie idiomatic and colloquial style enhances the humor.
The Best.
I have to admit that I sit here with a feel good tear in my eye. I derive pleasure from my writing; it gives me a chance to put my view of the world out there for others to read.
I have to admit also, to having help in putting forward this view, for those who helped are truly my mates and they are...My father, for his wonderful insight and sense of fair play, not to mention his ability to allow me to be the person I truly am without prejudice.
I’d like to thank Otto, for his council and his ability help me understand James and my fellow man, without his view on marriage and Loving Wives, then most of the material would be missing from this story.
To Gary my bartender, I hope you enjoyed your minor role in this saga. Your humour has been well received. If it weren’t for the mini record I thoughtful took with me, our humorous conversation would have gone out with the dregs, and disappeared with the asprin I took to get over that night of drunken ramblings.
To Britease as my editor, for your help in making me look a little more like I passed English at school. Thank you mate, for holding back and not putting your two cents in, I know there would have been times that it frustrated you to hell and back, many thanks.
Last but not least, to all you authors and readers out there who have given me constructive criticism and encouragement. I thank you all and hope to be putting a smile on your face in the future
All my best for the Christmas season.
Amanda
I really enjoyed the story ... I read the three instalments all at one time.
I suspsect that most of the writers of stories such as these are men who have been "done wrong" at one time or another. Perhaps they are not true women haters, but at least some of the stories have very unsympathetic tones in regard to women in general and the cheating woman in specific. Thus I find it suprising that a Lesbian, even a Lipstick Lesbian would create such an unsympathetic female character such as Kelly!
I liked your allusion to "Independence Day" so I will offer you one from my favorite chick flick, "What happens in Vegas." Therein, the title character comes home to find two hotties requesting sanctuary while awaiting a locksmith. Later, they have a bunch of their friends come by. Sensing a set-up but hoping to convince himself he is in error, he calls his friend/lawyer saying "this could happen." The reply given was "this never happens, get out of there."
The three way with the dectives was a bit much. Even a one-off with a 10+ like Sarah would be hard to believe in real life, but much easier to accept within the scope of the suspension of disbelief necessary to enjoy fiction.
That was my only even slightly negative comment. I liked the plot; the writing in general and the characters in specific; and even the little subplots with the relationship with the boss, and the revenge on the party participants.
Thanks
pretty good overall, but i found the dialog hard to get at times. not really sure what it was exactly, though it did seem to be a tad jumpy.
Loss of Consortium with no demonstrative loss ? One sided Pre-nuptial agreements or alimony under the family law act ?
I'm afraid legally your stretching the truth of the Australian Family Law act quite a long way .... as I have practiced it.
However .....that said.
I thought your story was a refreshing, entertaining and engrossing read.
I enjoyed it quite a bit indeed.
Whilst some may find your style in this series a little off putting, I rather enjoyed it. Maybe because that is how I think. A little license is always needed in any story. If we stick rigidly to all the realities of business, the law, and relationships, there would be no resolution of our tales. Good job M, Mand, Em-Oh.
Of course. Personally? I'd torch the bitch.
Mandy,
I just finished reading all you work. This is your best story so far. Please keep up the good work
Mendon
You gave James a very strong character, and, then in the third from last paragraph, you deny him that character by letting Michelle's pre-nup make him a cuckold (all the joy of sharing Sarah doesn't make him any less a cuckold or breaker of his marriage vow or a hypocrite, as Kelly had accused him of being).
Love YOUR character, it shows in your choice of words, definitions, vivid detail of scenes and in your meticulous flow/transition from thoughts/activities and directions as you moved the story along.
Read your bio, think you must be a fun friend, intellectual, witty, amusing and absolute great Company. I am a guy, (heterosexual) think you would be good best friends - of course - without benefits.
Great story, great read, keep going and do join the screen actors guild, you just might be headed in that direction. By the way, most of them are full of themselves so you would probably really enjoy sparring with their illusions of greater worth and intellect.
You go girl...like your style!
I just reread this story and found it better the second time. You really are good at this. I really like your humor and the construction of this story. I hope you decide to write more stories.
Another fantastic story where the cheat gets punished! Congratulations Mandy01
There is virtually no structure to this, and apart from many grammatical and spelling errors it sounds like a collection of 20 different stories cobbled together badly !
It looks like this writer have a problem with original thought .
Please, when you are critical of others grammar and writing, would you proof read your comments.
Someone said "It is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
don't pay any attention to the gripers. they should get a life or quit reading your stories.i loved this series and most all your works.better with each offering.keep writing for the rest of us.
I love the story line and the characters. Please continue I think you are a great author!
MANDY shows why there is an 01 in her title. The writings, stories, characters, plots, themes and the ability to tie them altogether in a clear, concise and lucid manner. TK U MLJ LV NV
Being an American, I have to struggle at times with your Aussie idioms, but you're still in my list of favorite authors on this site. I love your work for character development alone, but you are a wonderful storyteller as well.
Please keep up your wonderful work. I'll be waiting to read it! G'Day!
You are a very good writer. Your stories are light, humourous and very entertaining. You also, are very adept at seeing the world through the eyes of a straight man. Way to go girl. Keep up the good work. I gave you a 5 star.
Seriously I really enjoyed this story you are very talented thank you for sharing.
Much Love - Legions
Definitely among the very best! And that applies to all three parts.
OK mate, you did it - absolutely the best, very, very witty, excellent plot, lots of action, nice colourfull language - you get 10 stars!
Oops - sorry, I should have read your bio before commenting :-). I'll take the "mate" back. I won't call you Sheila but "Mistress with the gift of the gab"!
I enjoyed you stories. I only gave it a three (3) because I got SO distracted by all your little "asides". I kept losing track of the main story.
Your personal perspective may have helped - your research certainly seems to have been worthwhile -
great story - now wondering where cpht 4 and 5 will go??
All over the place and STILL no real ending. I hate lazy authors. If you can't finish a story, don't post it. BAH! You're arse should still be blistered.
Have you noticed that the trolls never sign in, they just flame a story that they obviousely could not follow or understand.
You haven't posted in a while, keep writing your stories are humorous and deserve better scores.
I see. You live in Queensland and are a female. You haven't written in a couple of years and wonder why you stopped. For a young person you are amazing in your detail ,you really know how to write.
It would've made my heart smile seeing Kelly, broke, homeless and lonely. She didn't deserve another husband.
He fends off Kelly's friends as if they're lepers and the very second he gets divorced he jumps into a three way relationship with Michelle and Sarah that he carries into a marriage with Michelle? I suppose Darth Vadar forced him to do it. And even if she had an IQ of 10 I don't see Kelly signing the post nup and a good attorney would probably have been able to throw it out. Too many holes in this story to vote it more than a "2".
this trilogy was an excellent work, It has been 2 years and 7 months for your dry spell. I hope you are healthy and in good spirits, You have too much talent to be on a writers block dump. RESPECTFULLY TK U MLJ LV NV
It started out as a pretty decent story. Writing was easy to follow. About half way through it found passages that were difficult to follow and who was "talking". Couple of jumps here and there until I started to lose interest. Sorry that's how I see it.
Thanks for the story though. At least you tried.
There is an expression about "going down rabbit holes" - ie, all the diversions that you make in your story. "Google, this "or that and many bits of writing that have nothing to add to the story at all except for annoyance value.
Writing should crescendo and all the asides take away from this.
Think orgasm. Imagine you are on your way to what you imagine will be a great orgasm when the person you're with decides to stop for a brief minute and get a drink, Then, after getting you going again, makes a brief call. Then after getting you going again, uses the loo. Then get a snack, etc etc. After a while of this, you simply want to stare the person in eyes and tell them to finish what they started!
Same here. Way too many rabbit holes (asides) you went down.
As far as your cute little caned bottom, that's another matter. )
Mandy01, I want express how much I enjoyed this series of your Hot Dog special. I see you followed up with a couple of more chapters old chap so now we get to have lemonade with our weiner.
As for the whiners, just cut the cheese at them with a rear-end Bronx cheer! I adored how you flesh out your writing with realistic internal monologues and external declamations.
You've proved you can be an excellent writer but I'm afraid with this series you let yourself , the readers & more importantly the story down. There were just too many cutesy asides & trivia that added nothing & in fact usually hindered what was often a very good story, pity that you, the author spoilt it. 3 ***
and, did I mention the dog?
not even Google translate could help me understand what this sentence meant.
" As you know, Conroy is my third husband and Kelly's father and your mother is your father second wife." huh?
could I buy a comma please? or at least an apostrophe?
The development of the characters was just right. I can tell a story is good when I can see the action in my mind. Not just a dialog on the page. 5 * and I would have given it more if I could. Thanks so much for such a refreshing point of view.
Not with all that run-on verbiage! Story? Spot on. You tell a mean story. I have to come back for more. Which means I'm choosing your writing style. Mea culpa. Sigh. But damn, if, it doesn't, get, exhausting.
James would not have allowed Sarah into the equation even when he was single; definitely not once Mikki was his wife. It would not be right and what you don't seem to get, is the point of principles which is to live according to what you believe is right, and James is an extremely principled man.
Thank you for sharing your stories with us. I hope you'll consider writing more stories since it's been so long since you last wrote.
Brujay
I'm a big fan of Michelle and Sarah because they're wet dreams come to life. Always fun to have them in a story.
.....got to give it to them - when they're good - they're Damn Good !!
Just like this story !!
Loved it - funny as well - long life ya bludger - and keep on, keeping on mate.
Cor, the insults just went on and on and on and on and on and....
Was like 2 whole pages of it. Or was it 3.
I just couldn't handle it any more.
Ok, here is what it breaks down to.
If you had just toned down the exaggerated sluttiness and all the insults and all the attempts at clever dialog,
This would be a very very good 4 1/2 to 5 page total story.
An easy 4 to 4 1/2 stars
But, the story as written was just so tiresome that it made a 2 star.
A slow start, I actually started to wonder whether anything exciting was going to happen, but I kept reading and I'm glad I did, I think perhaps it was because of your excellent writing.
At first James, although a nice guy came across as a bit of a pompous twat, but I grew to like him, maybe it was because a lot of his thinking struck a cord with me?
I guessed Kelly was going to be unfaithful, and I thought perhaps it might even be a lesbian affair but I never envisioned her being quite the slut you made her, and such an evil bitch as well.
There were a few parts that need some extra work ie. James working out Kelly's plan to set him up so easily, also how quickly and easily he got proof of Kelly's cheating and why he suddenly found it acceptable to have threesomes with Michelle and Sarah but not with Kelly? Maybe that could be answered by the ordeal he had been through but much was made of him sticking to his principles, would he abandon them so readily? There were a few more minor niggles but the good far outweighed the bad and I was eager to read right to the end.
Whether you meant it or not, to me, Kelly came across as quite a weak person regarding her so called friends: easily led and influenced, and I think a lot of the blame lies with them. Kelly's mum obviously realized what they were like!!! So for that reason I would have liked to see the other men and women punished more. As it was, and maybe it's the softy in me, but I felt a little sorry for Kelly, especially after James, Michelle and Sarah tore her apart.
All in all I thought your story was very good and well worth five stars and I congratulate you for understanding the male psyche so well :))
I see that you have another couple of chapters regarding what happened to Kelly so I'm going straight there hoping they are as good as this.
One other thing: ignore the trolls, as you say right at the end: you are the author, you write whatever you like, some people might not like it but only you know what's right.
I know it’s a cliché here, but why are these wives so incapable of hearing what their husbands are saying? Starting with something as simple as just hanging around people who disrespect her husband, and disregarding his feelings about it.
I love how these cheaters are always so sorry and weepy! Not always just at getting caught either, some seem somehow sincere in the loss of the husband that they didn’t seem to give a shit about!
“it only took her six months to tear it down” – That was only since she tried to seduce him into their “games”, they had apparently been playing long before then!
“If my stupid daughter knew and signed something as blatantly obvious as that, and she still went ahead and played around on you, then she deserves everything she gets." – Not only that, but she was trying to trick him into violating his part, and was damn well going to enforce it!
Edits: “that's surly torn it” – “surely”
“I'm certainly interest in” – “interested”
“last ditched” – “ditch”
“kneeling before an alter” – “altar”
"So you now are a hypocrite!” – LOL, first, she only threw the threesome at him to try to pull him into her little swinger group, second, he isn’t married or in a committed relationship anymore, so if he wants to play with two willing females he is well within his rights!
While it was a neat trick with the check, it really would have already been cashed before services would have been rendered.
“I never would have used the prenuptial if the roles were reversed.” – LOL, she’s on tape saying that she would have used it!
I don't understand why so many commenters have an issue with the James/Michelle/Sarah threesome: James explained all this to Kelly back when she was trying to fool him into having one. James had a fairly wild past, he did things like this when he was single, but wouldn't consider it while married because of what it would mean. Remember the whole "hypocrite" discussion? If he participated in a threesome with Kelly and another girl, then it would only be fair that he allow Kelly to have a threesome for her with another man - and James would not, could not, see her with another man. Therefore, there would be NO threesomes for either one of them, at least not while married. After the divorce, James eagerly jumped into the sack with Michelle and Sarah because he's no longer married and could do what he wanted.
Also keep in mind that the only reason for Kelly to offer one of her girlfriends to James was to pull him into the "sex sharing" aspects of her group. It would have first been the threesome, then another with two guys this time, then so on and so forth, slowly escalating, until swinging with the whole group was the norm - which is ultimately what Kelly was after.
I liked the first three chapters, 5 stars each, but have to agree with those that brought up the asides, rabbit holes, and tongue-in-cheek anecdotes. Most were cute, but they're a bit cumbersome to read. I enjoyed the story though, please keep writing. Thanks.
Wow!! I cant believe I actually sat here and read the rantings of a lunatic. AlI I understood is him gloating. If he´s as smart as he proposes himself to be, why then was his dumb wife able to pull the wool over his head for six months. Apparently the way the story reads she´s nothing but a bubblehead. Just didn´t get it. Was hoping to read some retort on her part.
.....apart from the crappy bits ( Kelly's misdeeds ) - you Aussie's have a brilliant sense of humour !!
Terrific story - but a trifle long-winded, especially when you go off and have a chat with yourself - but highly enjoyable.
Keep 'em coming.
Thanks for cheering me up !
I said it was written by a woman because who else would have a continuing story with different names
A good read but for those that haven't yet realised. This isn't the final part. There are a further two, titled 'Lemon to Lemonade' describing Kelly's punishment and rehabilitation together with the gangs comeuppance - wrapping things up nicely.
To @Anon troll 10/28/16: why do you think people are interestead in your repeated descriptions of what you are? Personally I think you are being too modest and you should give yourself a 5* rating - I'm sure most people will agree.
Charming, self-depreciative narrative that manages to convey a fairly evil plot and consequence without coming across as mean spirited. Entertaining, to say the least.
I thought it was interesting to read a story where a woman writes from the male perspective. There is plenty from the reverse but I think this is pretty remarkable job. Much better than many of the man writing from female perspective. A lot of side bars but that didn’t bother me too much. I don’t remember reading this series before. I’m going on to lemonade now and we’ll see how well Kelly moves on.
at that time collect or pay what ever options are at hand, TK U MLJ LV NV
I'm not a fan of infidelity, but James is such a pompous, self-righteous, vindictive and unlikable anal retentive that it's a mystery why it took Kelly so long to seek greener pastures elsewhere. From the opening salvo, James doesn't talk, he rants - he lacks humour, empathy and social skills - he's mean minded and vindictive - and yet we are supposed to believe that everyone (even Kelly's own mother) thinks he's a wonderful guy and a husband to be cherished. This is a BTB macho fantasy, as imagined by a woman, at it's most superficial and unbelievable - but will no doubt appeal to readers whose main interest is the vicarious pleasure of witnessing women suffer for their transgressions against even the vilest of men.
LA
Hi, Timriv. Put that 'adulterer sympathizer' cheer outfit away already
In the last chapter it seemed you had run our of story, but then dragged it out. When Jim (ok, James) first met Michelle I knew they would end up together. The way the girls tracked Jim down was a little contrived.
I loved most of the author interjections. They were funny and intelligent. I shall definitely read more of your writing. Keep up the good work.
Good series here. Went kind off course at the end, but that didn't detract from overall enjoyment of the entire story.