What Just Happened? Ep. 03byglenlover©
Apologies for the late submission. I've had this in my computer for ages and I forgot.
Dear diary, you're not going to believe me when I say, it finally happened. Even I don't believe it myself. I'm still in a whirlwind, so to speak. The confusion and panic have died down now, and I've had ample time to reflect on things. I feel guilty. I also feel ... something else.
Ok, let's go back to a month ago. Or maybe further -- years back. I got dumped my ex husband. We were mired in financial difficulties, all because of his fucking gambling addiction, and one day I woke up and he was gone. He had taken most of his stuff with him too. I still remember that day, how much it hurt me and my kid, Jason. How I put on a brave face for Jay, and then cried in the privacy of my bathroom.
Yeah. Sucked that bad.
Lucky for me, I had my best friend and next door neighbour, Debra, to lean on. She had gone through the same thing last year. God, men are such filthy pigs.
Unlucky for me, the experience of losing my husband, no matter how full of shit he was, slung me into a terrible state of depression. On the outside, I was fine. I got a new job as a nurse, got a bank loan with Jerry's help (Debra's brother), and got my son enrolled in a better school. I even sorted out my financial problems. On the inside, I was complete wreck. I was dating worthless men and having one night stands with idiots I met at clubs. The only person who knew what was really going on was Debra, cos she's my best friend and I tell her everything. Even when I don't tell her stuff, she knows.
Debra tried to help me. She didn't judge me. She knew what it was like to walk in my shoes, and understood all too well how I felt. You build a life with someone, have a kid for them, and despite their shortcomings, you stick with them regardless. And how does that person repay you for your loyalty and love? By kicking you to the curb. It makes you feel unwanted. Insignificant. And then you start jumping from man to man, seeking some kind of approval; trying to prove that even though the asshole you loved so much left you, there are still a million other men out there who want you.
Debra's patience and hard work paid off eventually, and I became a whole new person. The good thing is Jay never found out about my noxious, immature behaviour. Thank God for that. The bad thing is my encounters with these men aided in the growth of a rather unhealthy attraction for black men. I'm not saying black men or black people are bad or unhealthy, just that I've become desensitised to sex with white men. Reason: I don't know. Maybe it's because during my state of madness most of my sexual partners were black men, or maybe it's because my ex husband is white and I'm taking it out on the entire white race (lol j/k).
Honestly, I can't say for sure why I've become this way. A while back Debra introduced me to this white guy and we dated for a while. He was a really nice guy, a keeper, and God knows he was well-endowed. But nothing he did in bed pushed the right buttons for me. We broke up after three months. I dated another white guy, and the result was the same. All this time I found myself ogling black men on the street or at work.
I'm single now, and I haven't tried dating a black man. Why? I mean, if I'm so attracted to them, why not date one? Because whenever I look at a black man I think about sex. I don't think about a productive relationship that could lead to something special, like marriage. I think about raw, hardcore sex. That's not what I want. I'm a mom, remember? I've got a kid. I should be thinking about what's best for both of us, which is a stable, happy family: me, Jay and a great guy.
Well, guess what? Yesterday, I fucked up every chance of that happening anytime soon.
In case I didn't mention it before, Debra's black and I'm white. Debra's son, Chris, is black too, obviously (duh). Chris and Jay are best friends. Their tight relationship mirrors mine and Debra's. They're the same age.
I've been an aunt to Chris since forever. I remember taking him to parks and pushing him on swings. I remember taking him and Jay to Disney world. Those beach vacations, babysitting sessions, birthdays, school visits -- I was there. I've been a constant in Chris' life. You can say he's my second son.
So it was a little alarming when I began noticing him as more than just a kid. It started about a month ago. One afternoon I looked at him through my bedroom window and I saw a strong, lean muscled, attractive boy. I wasn't that drawn to him, in a manner of speaking. I didn't think about sex with him or anything like that. I just saw him as a handsome young man.
One day Chris and Jay went off to camp and Debra and I celebrated our momentary freedom from parenthood. We drank wine, watched chick flicks and gossiped. We gossiped about a plethora of things, but the main topics were dating and men. Somehow we got to talking about boys or men significantly younger than us. Debra said she was so frustrated with today's dating scene that she wouldn't mind getting a toy boy. I laughed at this and told her she could have Jay if she'd loan me Chris.
I know it sounds like an inappropriate thing to say, but that's how Debra and I talk. Ever since our boys hit puberty we always chatted about how handsome they had become and how many hearts they were breaking at school.
Anyway, I told her that and she said she'd gladly take me up on my offer. She said Jay was smoking hot, and confessed that she'd caught him staring at her butt a couple of times. (Yeah, Debra's got a nice big ass. I've got a one too, but not as big as Debra's).
It was good comedy. Or maybe we were being serious. I don't know. We started gauging how amenable Chris would be if I came on to him, and how amenable Jay would be if she came on to him. We made bets on which one of us would be the first to bed the other's son. Debra argued she would win based on the fact that Jay had already been sneaking looks at her butt for a while now.
I won't lie. At the time of that discussion, and for the first time, I was turned on by the idea of Chris and me in bed. I mean, he's black, he's young and he's hot. What more could I ask for?
The next day I barely remembered our wager. The boys returned from their trip and life reverted back to normal.
I work at the local hospital. Used to be from late nights to early mornings, but I wasn't happy with that schedule. The only reason I put up with it was because it was good pay. About two weeks ago I requested a change in shift. I took the option to work from four in the afternoon to eight at night.
On the day I completed my first new shift I came home to Chris all by himself in my living room. I asked him where Jay was and he said Jay had gone over to his place to get some stuff. I didn't ask what "stuff" meant. Didn't feel I needed to. Jay goes to Chris' all the time.
I told him Jay might take a while before returning, because he and Debra were best friends and loved making the most of each other's company. I suggested we adopt the same approach. Chris agreed, smiling.
I teased him about his girlfriends and we got into this funny conversation about the rules of dating in high school. I laid out the rules that were in effect in my days and he told me the rules of today. (Yeah, things haven't changed much).
It became a recurring event: I'd arrive from work, meet Chris alone in my house and we would talk. The more this happened, the more I looked forward to it. At first I thought it odd that I wasn't coming home to Chris and Jay, but then it hit me: Chris was sending Jay off so he could spend some time with me alone. He always had that expectant look on his face whenever I arrived.
Why dangerous? Cos every time I was around Chris I thought back to the conversation Debra and I had about how receptive Chris would be to the idea of me and him having sex. I thought about our wager, and in doing so I felt, you know, aroused, just like the last time.
I didn't act on it, though. I knew whatever Chris felt for me was harmless and fleeting. No need pushing it and scarring the poor boy for life. And even if there was ever a chance of taking it one step further, this was Chris, my son's best friend and my best friend's son. I highly doubt Debra and Jay would be pleased about Chris and me fucking.
Still, I was glad. I didn't feel left out anymore. My son had a crush on Debra, and hers had a crush on me. Awesome.
Ok. This is it. This is the reason for today's diary entry.
Yesterday, I came back from work expecting to find Chris waiting for me in the living room, and all I found was an empty house. I was disappointed, which was ridiculous, because Chris was my best friend's eighteen-year-old son who had a life that involved hanging out with people his age, and here I was upset that he wasn't available to talk to. I slapped myself mentally and went off to my room. I changed from my nurse uniform to a white babydoll sans panties and went to the bathroom.
Somehow, in the process of trying to fix the shower curtain, I slipped and fell. I yowled. I was lying on my back when the door opened. Chris stood above me. It took me a while to realise my flimsy attire had bunched up my waist and my crotch was exposed. I blushed and struggled to adjust my outfit.
Chris didn't turn around or run off. Concerned, he helped me sit on the toilet lid and checked my ankles. I insisted I was fine, but he refused to go until he was certain nothing was broken.
Really, I was fine. I should have been adamant in my claim, maybe pushed him out. Instead I allowed him hold my ankles and flex them. My ankles felt funny, weak. In fact, my whole body felt weak, and it had to do with Chris touching me. I wanted him to play with my ankles. I wanted him to do more.
Well, you know what they say: be careful what you wish for.
When Chris was satisfied with the state of my ankles he looked up at me. I think he was going to say something but it got caught in his throat. I was silent as well, just staring at him. Panic overtook me. Confusion followed. Anticipation pounded in the background. His hands left my ankles, trailing up my calves, past my knees, and paused on my thighs.
Foreign emotions bubbled inside me. What was he doing? I was itching to ask him that. God, my heart drummed so fast. He leaned up. I squeaked something, probably asked him to stop, I don't know. It's all still a blur. Whatever I said had no effect on him. His lips covered mine. Captured mine. Moved against mine. His tongue teased my lips apart, counted my teeth, and then tangled with my inert tongue. He's a great kisser, that boy.
Chris did most of the kissing. Me, I just sat and let him have his way, wondering what the fuck was going on. Wondering how I would explain this to Debra and Jay if we got caught. My task was clear: I had to put an end to what Chris had started before we crossed that invisible line, cos when you cross that line there's no going back.
I was wondering, and then his hands grasped my breasts and his fingers tweaked my nipples, and I stopped wondering. That single action shattered whatever resistance I had left. A soft sigh broke from my mouth and my tongue moved with his. My lips moved with his.
Our kissing grew more demanding. At some point we were practically eating each other's lips and sucking each other's tongues. I instigated these actions; Chris learned quick and adopted them. I shrugged the straps of my lingerie off my shoulders to give Chris more freedom over my tits, and Chris yanked my lingerie up my thighs to my stomach, exposing my pussy. We did all this while still kissing and grunting.
Chris unbuckled his belt and his undid his jeans zipper. He pushed me back, spread my thighs, lifted my left leg into the crook of his arm, and drove into me.
Lord, have mercy. My pussy sang. It had nothing to do with how endowed he was, though I was impressed with his size. For whatever reason, Chris penetrating me pushed all the right buttons. Just like that. I was stunned. My body shuddered. My eyes watered. I crooned.
Then he started fucking me. I don't mean slow and steady thrusting. I mean fast and furious pounding. Like I had done something terrible to him and this was his way of getting back at me. I didn't mind. It didn't even matter that I was a tad uncomfortable, perched on the toilet lid, back curved to accommodate him. My hands gripped his shoulders from behind and I rocked my body to his crazy rhythm.
Two or so minutes in, I came hard. Now, when I cum hard I squirt. Nothing bizarre. Just a moderate amount of expelled jet fuel (that's what I call it -- jet fuel lol). It's an amazing feeling, squirting. When it's about to happen I feel like the wiring in my pussy has crossed and sparks are flying all over the place. When it does happen I feel like my pussy has exploded into a billion sparkling bits.
I wailed my announcement, nudged Chris out of me and gritted my teeth. As the colourless liquid spurted forth and washed over Chris' thighs, my face twitched, my body convulsed and my legs flailed. See what I mean?
This excited Chris. I saw it in his eyes. The second my pussy was done expelling cum he shoved his dick back in. He didn't care that my pussy was at its most sensitive state; he began fucking me as fast and as hard as before. I didn't care either. I wanted him to fuck me harder and that's exactly what he did. Each time he thrust in the nerves in my clit sizzled and burned. Excruciating pleasure.
Chris rode me to multiple orgasms, and when he climaxed, bursting and gushing inside me, I was both relieved and saddened our fuck-fest had come to an end.
My bathroom's tiled floor was a slippery mess, thanks to my incessant squirting. Chris was nice enough to clean it for me. We were a bit shy around each other afterwards. Downstairs, I asked him how he felt and he said he felt good about what we'd done. He assured me he wouldn't tell Jay or Debra, and left for home just as Jay arrived.
Thank God Jay hadn't come sooner.
I know I should have been responsible and told Chris what we did was a huge mistake and a one-off. It was a huge mistake. Believe me, thinking about it right now gets me all confused and terrified. I've betrayed Jay and Debra. God help me if they find out.
But a one-off? Who am I kidding?
Anyway, it's the weekend and Jay's gone for the day to visit some friends. Chris excluded himself from the trip, claiming tiredness. Then he called me and asked if he could come over and help me clean up. I have nothing that needs cleaning up. The dishes, I can do on my own. Yet, I said yes to him.
I'm digging myself into a hole, and I can't seem to stop.