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"Must have been good," adding louder: "And then?"
"We took the train back down here," Rick answered.
"Did you know about them?" she asked, looking over at Pat and Trish.
They nodded and then chuckled, glancing at each other. The bottle had been passed during our telling, and now Trish had a drink and passed it to Pat, giving her a nod. Pat drank and then chuckled again and replied:
"Yeah, sounded like they had a good time ... - hm-hmm! - especially when they found out that the girls ..."
She didn't finish her sentence. I glanced at Mary, who didn't seem to understand, but a snort from Jean suggested that she did.
"Did what?" Mary asked.
"Probably slept together," Jean answered in a neutral tone.
"Oh! ... You mean, ... like that?!" and she looked at us again, more surprised than questioningly.
"Um-hmm," I confirmed.
"Oh! ... And that made it ... - what did you say - 'especially' good?! ... I'd have thought ..."
She left her sentence unfinished. The girls all snorted again as Mary looked at us questioningly. Rick picked up the conversation:
"Um-hmm. More variety."
"And 'variety is the spice of life'," Jean added with a snort and knowing smile.
While Pat and Trish and Rick and I exchanged glances that seemed to suggest that we were enjoying the way the conversation was going, Mary looked at Jean as though she were beginning to understand. Jean just nodded.
"Oh, like that, ... all four of you, ... together. Oh! ... Oh, I guess so; a girl at school once asked me in the showers if we wanted to do it together, to each other - we all knew that we all did it to ourselves, ... - hm-hmm! - even back in four-bed rooms. We didn't, but everyone knew that some roommates did, the last two years when we had two-bed rooms, and they sure liked boys. We all did, but they were more ... 'open' about it. All four of you together? ... Hmm! Every which way?"
We all chuckled, Mary more giggling, and I replied:
"I think so," and took the bottle from Pat and had a swig and passed it to Jean, who drank, while Mary giggled again, apparently now from a greater appreciation of what "every which way" could include. She took the bottle from Jean and had a good drink, and then remarked:
"Oooh, that must have been good! ... Did you ... uh ... do that, too? You know. ... We never did that, ... he never did that to me."
We all snickered again, and I replied:
"If you mean what I think, yes. ... But we hadn't done it before, and the girls hadn't either, not to boys."
Jean chuckled loudly, and Pat and Trish looked like they appreciated this admission, while I was thinking that Mary at least knew something about sex and apparently wasn't a virgin.
Whether it was the wine or just her innocent outspokenness, Mary remarked:
"Oooh, I'd like that!"
There was moment of startled silence. It was now too dark to see the others' expressions, maybe cover for Jean's putting her hand on my thigh as she replied:
"Don't we all."
Pat and Trish agreed emphatically: "Um-hmm!"
Jean squeezed my thigh, and I found hers in return, and Pat's, too, hearing her softer "um-hmm" of agreement and one from Trish, and a soft "Oh!" from Mary, and then a muffled giggle and agreeing: "um-hmm."
- COMMENTS
leBonhommeover 11 years agoAuthorYou all know how this started. Maybe I got carried away with my first rebuttal. Someone once said (not here) that anonymous comments don't deserved a response, but it is hard to let some stand unanswered. I appreciated the opportunity to explain something about my style and hope that is understood by not just the person who posted the comment before this one. (Thank you! And stop snickering!)
Anonymousover 11 years ago... the grammar trolls are attacking! Circle the sentence structure elements!!
[barely suppressed belly-laugh]
leBonhomme:
RE: "Let's have fun with this.". Thank you; your teasing apart of the 'wishing' comment was educational -- it explains not only how, but indicates why language works. It shows a mastery of craft.
RE: "Snickering". Well... if 'tenth snicker' is true, Anon might have a point. Your rejoinder that explains the limits of using Roget's was noteworthy. Could this be another area to explore to raise the level of your art? Then all the over-usage-nazis will have to complain about will be your constant use of "he said" and "she said".
RE: "Hmmm?". Sound effects, in an 'ink-on-a-page' presentation, is ...tricky... at best. ReiDeBastos may have a point; to me, sound effects in a story can be a spoiler. It can indicate an author's inability to elicit understanding or emotion by solely using words; the sound effect is a shorthand that the author expects the reader to use his imagination to fill in the gaps [e.g. "'I will spank you now.' Thwack. Thwack! THWACK!!" -- it's up to the reader to fill in the mental/emotional/physical states of both parties. To me, that's a fail.]
RE: "For the sake of sanity!". Don't listen to this guy. He's just telling you NOT TO FEED THE TROLLS. Normally, I would agree with him; but your responses to the comments are intelligent, reasoned, and masterful. They're entertaining, informative, and educational. (No, I'm not using a thesaurus to pad my comment) They give all of us a glimpse into your mind, and an idea of your skills.
I not only read the stories, I read the comments. Sometimes the comments are better than the stories. On rare occasions, both story and comments are praiseworthy. This story and comments is one of those occasions; voted 5.
When I sign up as a member, I'll add your submissions page to my favorites.
p.s. [snicker] Looking forward to your response to my comment.
Anonymousover 11 years agoleBonhomme - For the sake of sanity will you please stop trying to deny and correct the comments made about your work. They are made by people who want to help you make your work more readable and if you can't accept even the slightest criticism - then don't allow comments. For fuck's sake don't be so bloody pedantic - all you'll do is piss your readers off, as you have me!
leBonhommeover 11 years agoAuthorReiDeBastos,
I am glad you enjoyed the story so far and hope you read the subsequent chapters.
As you have read, I enjoy trying to make dialogue sound realistic. I hope you and others get accustomed to that, maybe "hear" the person speaking.
A little glossary, in case it isn't obvious:
"Hmm" is just that, the hum one makes prior to saying something or in a statement while seeking further words: a questioning hum with a question mark; a surprised one, with an exclamation point. In text, "snort" expresses the same.
"Um-hmm" expresses agreement.
"Hm-umm" expresses disagreement.
A longer "Hmmm!" sometimes "Mmmm!" usually expresses appreciation or delight at what someone said or did, but that should be apparent.
"Hm-hmm" is a chuckle.
"Hm-hm-hmm" is a better one, almost a laugh.
That should cover any variations that I forgot.
Thank you for your comment.
ReiDeBastosover 11 years agoAnd found the repetitive use of chuckle, snicker, snort and "um-hmmm" (or however you spelled it) distracting, and the whole device of it being a letter to Sandy (who we do not know nor care about) to be rather off-putting. Otherwise, fairly enjoyable - thanks for sharing!
