What Women Want From Men Ch. 02

We grew up with Clint Eastwood and John Wayne and men who were strong and kind, ethical and moral and somewhat arrogant and stood tall above the others. They protected us, and secretly saw beneath our outer coverings to the women we all are within. We like polish and insolence, we like tight jeans and curved firm butts, we like bad boys in leather jackets with brooding sultry mouths, we like the soulfulness of the rock star and the sensitivity of the artist in all of you, we like the contrasts men offer us, the tough and the tender, the rough and the smooth, the wild and the tame, we like how men ARE as much as how they look. We aren’t men. What we do is wish we had one who was all man for us. We like the contrasts to our feminity and we like the sense of masculinity that has all but gone out of style. We like men who puff up at us and act strong, we like that they give in to us, and love us enough to change or agree, we love being your princesses and your goddesses and we love being on your pedestals, but we also need to be the whore and the fantasy and the woman you crave carnally. We are attracted to things that are male, but more with all our senses, not just the visual. We are more sensually attuned to males then they often are to us. And men like things like how we look and smell, and it often takes time before they can sense more than just visual attraction as a stimulation for them.

Male bodies are a bit shocking to us, and we’re not even sure why you all like women’s bodies! Our repression runs very deep gentlemen. And you then show us a picture of some perfect lithe teenage model and say wow, this one’s nice and we run and hide in the closet all but in tears, knowing we can’t compete! It may get you hot, but all it does is upset us, that you don’t and never will want us, because we don’t look like her. And we don’t always realize that all you were doing was hinting that you do have school girl fantasies about cheerleaders and pompoms and you just wish us to play that role for you at times.

You men love your penises, even as you suspect we don’t, and in some ways we really aren’t sure what to do about those, we aren’t. You play with them and even as little boys you’re fascinated, but they’re out there for you to play with! Our pleasurable and sexual parts are hidden away and when WE put our hands in our panties, we get our hands slapped and severely scolded and told that’s BAD and DIRTY! Yours were much more convenient to play with for you and we were very sensitive to not just the actions of being corrected, but the attitude that to like those feelings or touch those body parts was a bad thing. Besides, guys are somewhat allowed to play with theirs, women are told not to! So when we first see, the one eyed monster, the snake, the tube steak, your little brain, willy, peter, dick, your mighty cock, your best friend, your love muscle, your submarine, or your towel rack, we’re not quite sure what to make of it. Often fellas the first time we see one, is when one of you “whips it out” so to speak. And we do stare in amazement, we do, as in wow, so THAT’s what that is, huh…amazing!

To us it looks pretty damned big, whether our hands are small or not, and you’re going to do what with it? Put it where, and while you worry it isn’t big enough, we are sort of going THAT IS not GOING TO FIT, OH MY HEAVENS YOU ARE NOT! Don’t you pee with that thing? That’s a little much to swallow, and you want us to do what? Taste it? Kiss it and make it spit? Oh my! And this is what love is? It comes as quite a shock to most women guys, it really does. And we may swallow hard a few times before we ever learn to swallow. And then when you treat us, like ours is a bit strange and nasty, and sort of eye it with a combination of distaste and distrust, we really aren’t sure we even want to do this stuff, do you blame us? So if you drop your drawers and some woman sort of goes, want to play Monopoly tonight, this is why? We aren’t used to things sexual, or male sexuality and you have to allow us to get used to them

Being a girl is a little tough! We’re supposed to be nice and sweet and pure and innocent and clean and pleasant, and unlike boys, we haven’t talked about bumping uglies and doing the deed and getting down and dirty and funky, we talk about shopping and how you behave instead, but then you want us to get down and raunchy with something we’re not sure we even like or may never have seen before, and you name it all these strange things like it is alive, and may do heavens knows what too?

Guys show each other, they strut about nude, they take showers in gym, they laugh about each others equipment and packages, and in all, they’ve had a bit of time to get used to having a penis, so please gentlemen, give us a few minutes to make friends with yours. We do need to contemplate this thing you have hanging out there, just like you once did, and being female means we like to take time to consider it all, but once we figure out it is a source of great enjoyment for US TOO! We’ll like it as much as you do. I promise. Penis envy may not be the result, but penis love and adoration may. Now if this is a bit shocking to you men, and if it is hard for you to accept or if you are frowning going, no this is 2003! Women have seen penises, women don’t think this stuff! And what’s all this crap about they aren’t even sure they like our bodies, this woman has no clue! Well, that’s why we can’t tell you this stuff. Because how you react to it isn’t comforting to us, and we just want some understanding and comfort that’s all, and oh yea this is so what we think!

And we want to appeal to you men! Women all have some urge however subliminal to appeal to males, in some way or another, we do want your attention on us. Even subliminally, sexual attraction is so strong and so powerful that, we still feel it for you, repressed or not, whether we’ve gotten used to your maleness or your bodies or your minds, we still want you, and we want you to not only WANT us we want you to figure it out for BOTH of us, because dumbie, you’re the damned man! You lead we follow, this is like dancing and that’s the rules, someone has to lead, and we aren’t sure how to even! And in all those fairy tales, you lead us to the promised land, and you are our salvation and our pleasure guide, and after we submit to you, we give you our souls and our hearts and our bodies and our minds, so if you want all that, you have to do some work first. And if the answer is I just wanted to get laid, well, fine, we’ll just lay here, and you do what ever it is that feels good to you, like a bad Victorian novel, but you can’t have our sexuality with out doing the work! It just doesn’t happen and we can’t help it! And we’d really rather you did know this, cause great sex is damned FUN!

We do want your attention and your interest, and we want to be sexy! We want you to think WE are attractive, and the ages old dance of the sexes is about attraction and chemistry and sexual attuning, and even if we don’t understand all of it, some has gotten through to us very loudly and clearly. Men like sex, sexy women have more fun. We all know you like sexy and we all want to be sexy for you to enjoy and like and we want to appeal to you, even if just so you’ll open jars for us! So we put on our sexy clothes, and we put on our make up and our high heels and we strut our stuff, and try not to trip and we wear those RIDICULOUSLY UNCOMFORTABLE garter belts (thank the heavens for thigh highs! Amen!) we take off our clothes, we put on short skirts, we do what ever it is we think we’re supposed to do to be sexy and please you guys. But it doesn’t work! We don’t feel sexy, we don’t reach our own sexuality by putting on clothes or make up, and when they say that sexy is a thought and a sense of excitement, it really is, and outfits are only skin deep sexy if we do feel even that, and until we can reach inside ourselves to where that sexuality lies dormant, it may turn you GUYS on but it doesn’t do much for us. And in the end we are at least as disappointed as anyone and we have no clue how to fix it ourselves. We wanted the white horse guys! We want to fly in the arms of the angel, we want to feel bliss. We wanted to feel and enjoy and be? And it didn’t happen, and we aren’t sure why, or what to do and so we often just go to sleep, figuratively, like Rip Van Winklemisses…and smile at you benignly with out passion and only say Not tonight dear, ok? I’m tired tonight, honey. Saturday night, ok? I have a headache. Good night, smooch! Love ya dear, and turn over like the dormant creatures we’ve become and go right to sleep. We don’t even know what we’re missing and subliminally that is a bit of what we say to you at a time like that, you don’t know what you’re missing either. Sleep time, and all us good little peoples are sound asleep in here, you might as well nod off too.

So if you want to know why you aren’t getting any, listen up and pay attention, cause you can fix this, and we so WISH you would! But we’ll never ever tell you that. We’ll tell you your dick is too small before we’ll ever admit we don’t enjoy it like we think we should. And hell yes we blame you, for one, you also blame yourselves, you do, any man out there will immediately say, well I’m a good lover! My woman loves what I do in bed, for another the books and songs do, from I want a man with a slow touch to That don’t impress me much, that won’t keep me warm at night, everything tells you hints of what we need, it does, and you guys do try to figure it out, I know you do…but you don’t understand the size and depth of the problem and it is not simple to deal with, or there wouldn’t be a problem! Gentlemen if you want us to be sexual and open to you, then show us the way, and for a third reason, we’re conditioned to believe you are supposed to handle this for us, from romantic movies to fairy tales, the man is in charge, he rides a white horse, he carries her off in his arms to make her his own, we grew up on that stuff fellas, we want the full meal deal, we do, and you can skip the white horse, if you make us scream for twenty minutes in pleasure, in fact if you make US cum well enough, we’ll do ANYTHING you WANT! and it does say men are supposed to know this stuff, so we agree, and in reality we aren’t sure whose at fault and we are really hoping it is you, because if it isn’t, it’s us. We don’t know how to solve this by ourselves, and we don’t want to be a FRIGID woman or asexual or sexually dysfunctional or have no libido or any of that, any more than a guy wants to think his dick isn’t big enough. And without your help we can’t get there fellas, so…pay attention. We don’t know how to! You have to figure it out and show us, and here is how, if you really want to know. Take a deep breath, be strong, and here goes, we aren’t past the worst of this yet, if you wish to be enlightened, you may find the door to the realm of her sexuality and passions. Just like Raoul showed me where it was, and he was so right, as he always is! Well, maybe not QUITE always. But mostly. More often than I am anyway. Even he admits he isn’t perfect, ALL the time…and I”ll tell you he is most of the time.

It is somewhat simple. Inside us all is a little girl. And that little girl does not become a woman until the man she chooses to be her prince, kisses her awake. Yes it is romantic, and it’s a bit oversimplified but it’s also the truth. To many of us, as we’ve learned to look at sex clinically and objectively we’ve forgotten the absolute magic of it, and we’ve discounted that magic and we’ve lost respect for it, and so therefore it has eluded many of us, because we don’t even know that without that magic, there is nothing special about sexuality, it is just a biological function. And females do not have to orgasm to have sex or to enjoy it. They do have to have the magic to feel that sense of pleasure, and that is the truth fellas. Women guard the magic in the world, we have that thing called intuition and with it we can see into a man’s soul. We need that magic to make his life joyful, it is as simple as that. And yes I will get more specific, before you all start dousing people with fairy dust.

We women learned from stories and reading, fairy tales and church, we learned from other women who knew as little as we did, women don’t know enough to teach each other about sexuality, we whisper and misinterpret and we aren’t sure, so a lot of what we hear isn’t very accurate. We can talk about SEX, we can discuss our bodies, we spend hours talking about monthly cycles and our hormones, but when it comes to things like ORGASMS or pleasure, or fantasies, we don’t talk much, to anyone at all. Not to each other, not even to ourselves and DEFINITELY not to you men. We’ll smile and agree on that subject, oh boy howdy, we aren’t gonna fess up to nuthin’ honey! Who ever believes women can’t keep a secret, is foolish. We have kept the secret of our own sexuality so completely, and so long and so well, we have lost track of it ourselves, and have no clue it’s inside us all. And men don’t know, unless they are told any more than we women do. And because of this, the key to the realm was hidden and lost, and we aren’t even sure where it is, or how to use it. And all men secretly long to have a holy grail to seek and find, well here’s the grail guys! And even Indiana Jones had sense enough to realize it is a gift in itself, more precious than diamond and gold, and simple in construction. And to sup from the cup of sensual pleasure is the salvation we all seek and our reward on earth that makes us believe we are in heaven, amen.

Only men will try to figure it out, and only because at the light of that tunnel is sex. Lots of very hot, erotic, exciting sex. And men will do ANYTHING for that. And perhaps nature did have a good plan after all, for men seek and hunt and think and we women wait and nurture and share, and together we become more than either is alone and better than either can ever be by themselves. It is the holy grail a male seeks and his instincts will send him on the quest for sexual fulfillment and erotic stimulation far more intently than we timid females would ever try to achieve it, we just sort of shrug it off and get a vibrator IF we even do that! So you men are therefore the ones who will happily do the work needed to in fact find the on button for the woman in their lives, for the benefits they will receive, for the joy it will bring, like the gift it is to us all. Gentlemen, if you do this correctly, you will benefit from it, as will we. You will earn the undying gratitude of the woman you do this for. You will enjoy her and she you. And the faking of orgasms will indeed become a dying art.

Women need to be understood and loved and they need to feel safe and relaxed before they can unleash their own sexual beings. This does not mean they have to BE in love, it does mean they have to feel cherished and special. To get her to be the slut she can be, you have to remember, she wants to be a monogamous slut, one man’s slut, not just a common slut. You must prove to her she is a lady you both care about and respect and she has to trust you to allow her to be not only who she is, but can be and that you not only want this, but need it and will love her even more for it. You have to teach her it is ok to be passionate and sexual with you. You not only have to teach her to respect and love your body but her own.

Once, the prescribed theories were, no sex prior to marriage, no sex outside of marriage, and no casual sex period, and when we did away with those traditions in the spirit of moral freedoms or to some it’s defined as moral decay, and lost those customs, we lost something very important. In that were safety limits, boundaries we could trust and lean on, and knowledge that we weren’t going to end up cast away or misused for just loving you as men. And no, I’m not even espousing that people return to a very rigid tradition and repressed societal interference with our own pleasures, I am not. If marriage was all it took to solve the problems between men and women, you men would drag us to the damned alters in droves! But in between the old way and the new, should be a solution, that sexuality can exist without morality restricting it into oblivion through narrow minded prejudices and archaic notions about moral purity meaning the banishment and denial of sexuality and pleasure.

What I am saying is that there was some sense to those traditions, that they were in fact once, based on good theories for human beings, that they gave us good structure and balance and that knowing the rules and knowing people play by them brings safety and sanity to a powerful set of feelings. The magic and respect that human sexual exchanges deserve have been forgotten, ignored and way laid for a very long time, and we pay the price by having meaningless sex, and sexually dysfunctional people everywhere, who really aren’t sure what it’s about, is it pornographic, immoral, or just intensely unusual to have passionate sex with a few creative elements? Or is THAT the norm rather than the prescribed theory that we’ll all get fat at 40 and quit doing that silly stuff, cause we love each other too much to need it anymore? Sex should not be ruled by Middle America, and it should not be dictated to us by churches, who really compete with sex for Sunday morning attendance. And to that I will add, never learn about sex from someone who doesn’t at least like it! Is this such a difficult thing to understand? You don’t ask your minister how to fix your car either! Unless he’s also a mechanic, that is!

Sex is special and as such, should be treated with respect and our sexuality should be treated with dignity and reverence for the beauty and joy it truly is and should be. It should be revered as being the magic it is. It’s the glue that binds two wildly different sexes together into one, and makes them better together than apart. It is more important than the chores or work or any distraction, and what it is is communication of souls and spirits and hearts, it’s primal and basic and animalistic, but it’s also a gift we were given in our creation. It is communing with each others bodies, and it is supposed to be very exciting and very pleasurable. It should definitely rank ABOVE watching television, EVEN football, gentlemen!

And whether your beliefs include marital vows or religious benedictions prior to this union of two people isn’t the point. The point is, it should be meaningful and special and between two people who at least like and respect each other! Sex is more than just a biological function, and the tradition that men will and still do say whatever they have to get it FROM women, is part of why women are taught to repress their own sexuality, so they don’t fall for every line from every guy who hands them one!

Sex deserves respect, and understanding and education and effort, and a lot of us put more effort into learning about which car we wish to buy prior to purchasing it! And every male who uses and discards women like they’re condoms, and treats them with disrespect and a virtual receptacle for their own self involved pleasure and convenience and believes they have no value and are unworthy of respect contributes to this problem over all. If you treat women like they are stupid for liking sex, giving affection or trusting what you say, well, you can hardly blame them for not wanting to be that sort of person. And when one does it to a few, we all hear and we all see how he treats and humiliates her for giving him SEX. And oh yeah we notice! And gentlemen women have long memories and we take notes. SO, it has to be reversed, for women, before they can instantly hit an on switch, as much as we wish we could? We can’t hit that easily or quickly ourselves. And no, we’ll never admit that? That’s part of the problem, because we also believe sex is totally natural and comes to us naturally, and if we aren’t sexual and passionate, we either have a lower libido, or there is something innately wrong with us, for not being “normal” so we swear we’re fine with it, and we all but convince ourselves we are!