All Comments on 'When We Were Married Ch. 02A'

You've got me hooked!

The first chapter was a bit wordy, but very riveting. This chapter really didn't advance the story very much. He is having a tough time and his wife is banging her boyfriend. That covers the basics. I will keep reading but it looks like it is beginning to lose momentum. You do write very well! I do wish you never mentioned you are taking suggestions from readers and incorporating them in the story. I'd like to read your story. They can write their own.

being good man, and showing off you are a good man are two things, i dont understand why he did not he force doug to be fired. See i dont think it was necessary as a revenge, just but be realistic, someone screwing married woman at work, it is wrong , not only personally but ethically. So I think Bill character is very unrealistic. And a wife could not until divorce is final? how much stupid on can be? in the house? what a wimp he is tolerating all this? if were to find out about my wife, i would prefer finding her screwing around for a year than kissing someone in public, because end result will be same. Humiliation is something no Man would tolerate. I think husband and wife deserve each other. Stupid bitch and wimpy husband. If he had taken right decision at a time he could have saved himself from this humiliation. he could have fired him. At least it would have given them some time to think what they are doing. I think these characters will turn into master/slave for best. Type of decision he takes, and how much man he is i think if she had been smarter, she would have made him her slave/wimpy husband and he would have been living happy life, watching his wife being fucked by real man. Life is unfair, if you dont teach lesson to wrong doers, then they will never learn. Dont believe in what goes around comes around because sometimes it doesn't. This type of man live a lonely life and their wife enjoyed their youth and now enjoying their mid-age life and when she would want him back when she wont have any need for sex. He will refuge, which wont bother her much. She will die. But wimpy for rest of his life, will making list of What if's.

Keep going write what you really want. Everyone has there opinion. I have mine. Some stories tell what should we do, some tell what we shouldn't should this is second one. Good writing,Waiting for next.

I like this....its an interesting read. Keep it coming...i will read till the end :)

I really like your characters. Keep up the good work!

He told his lawyer she's a good mother just a shitty wife. Not so. A good mom does not start a relationship behind hubby's back, talk bad about him to everyone, end their marraige for lust and then bring the boyfriend into the home to spend the night while the kids are there. She's teaching her daughter how to be a whore and asking both kids to lie for her. It looks like it's having a pretty bad effect on the kids. They are staying away with others while mom is fucking bf in the house. Soon to be ex hubby needs to change his tactics and go for full custody, move back into the house, get child support from mommy, put a restraining order on her and her bf and maybe get them fired afterall. Let her and Doug live in the small condo, fuck eachothers brains out and pay for it. Lisa

Keep up the good work. The length you plan is fine with me as long as we don't have to wait months for the next installment. I am hooked on this story.

You have created some very real characters, DQS; they are real enough I have known them and could put names to them. Your sitations are just as realistic. The first trial is an example; a lesser author would have used murder one as verdict and been wrong. The scene in the bar with the woman lawyer in Bill's shoes is also perfect. It fit's his character well.

I will even put up with your chapter numbering convention because when I saw it in the list of stories I had to give a been there - done that laugh. Keep on going, a good long running soap opera is a treasure to read. What you are giving us is first rate writing.

I like Bill and look forward to future chapters. I have the time to wait you out. Thank you for my enjoyment so far.

Good Story....just too sad to see a marriage and a life crash like that. I guess it happens. Keep Writing....

He is a very good man who has a very bad wife and the fact she is using the kids against him is becoming very evident. All she cares about is the fact she is getting sex. To tell the kids not to talk about her and the lover is bs.

the DA is still a pathetic loser a drunk and a a wimp. And the severe plot flaws and inconsistencies in chapt 1 were not even touched.

The Author is still trying to SELL us on the idea that an over working husband/ spouse that is providing for the wife and family middle class easy life is somehow justification for the wife cheating.

It isnt. it never will be .

Based on what we know of BILL the wimpy DA..LOL!!!-- if at some point later in the story Debbie tries to tell him that she has NOT actually physically cheated with Lance... given how Bill's character is developed BILL would of course believe her... and he would probably take her back.

Its pathetic .

Even worse is the Mother in law asking him to "fight for the marriage "KNOWING that he actually DID get into a fist fight (and lost) .

with values like that it is No wonder the wife ended up walking. One has to wonder if Debbie also shares the idea that a husband has to fight for his wife every time she decides to step out on the marriage...

Frankly this chapter -- 2A -- did nothing really to advance the story at all.

how EXACTLY does one make the argument that the wife is a GOOD mother but just a bad wife?

and Bill is a DA right?!...wow......

One of the best stories I've ever read on this site. Can't wait for the rest.

Harry in Va needs to put down the crack pipe. His impressions of your story are

180 degrees from reality

I disagree with the several commentators who argue this chapter did nothing to advance the story. We now know (1) that she's filed the divorce; (2) he's retained his own attorney; (3) she's undoubtedly banging her paramour; (4) he's burying himself further in his work to mask the pain; and (5) though he started self-medicating with nightly bouts with the bottle, he may have received a wake up call to get his shit together. All of these advance the plot nicely. The problem, is most of the commentators don't think you are succinct enough in doing so. Why take three pages when you could have done all of this in 3 paragraphs?

The reason? Because your writing is so damned good that I prefer you take the three pages. Without them, we'd have missed the meditation on what marriage really means at the end of page 1: We'd have missed the point that he and his wife had been through good times and bad, that he'd always stuck with her, that they'd become more than mere physical lovers. And now, she was casting all of that aside for the mere physical pleasure her boy toy offers.

I can't see how you're going to take so much more to finish this story, but I appreciated your comments at the end where you tell us about the multiple other characters you're going to introduce and partially flesh out to use in future stories. This is a fantastic idea, and it gives us more to look forward to.

So please keep posting as your schedule permits.

P.S. You may want to take a bit more time editing before rushing to post. This story had more editing errors than all of your previous posts combined, so much so that I thought it was one of mine!

Please dont make the husband to a wimpy man

I thought this was well thought out and a quality read. Better than many here. I can't wait for the third installment! And I do not say that often!

regards,

Chagrined

I agree with everyone who is telling you that this story is GREAT! Extremely well written, tremendous character development, realistic detailed background that rings true (other than the case that was only 100K....probably closer to a million, I think). While I like tightly edited stories, given how interesting this story is, I am for sharing it with us as soon as possible, then editing it, lol. Man, am I sure looking forward to this ride! Thanks much for your fine efforts as a writer, and for gifting us with the privilege of reading such exceptional stories! Best wishes for continued inspiration!

it ain't so. It appears that you are leading to a reconciliation as an ending to this story. You are an excellent writer, so far. If this occurs, then I will place you in the infamous catagory of wimp, balless gay writers association. Infidelity plus humilitation is the most henious thing a spouse could inflict on another spouse. Even during his presentation to the jury in the case of little Amber, showing the picture of the little girl and telling the jury that they would have to live with their decision and would recall her face during the remaining of their lifetime. Think of the times he would recall the blatant humilitation she cast on him in the presence of many highly educated professionals in academia and the fact she subsequently, before the divorce is final openly living with another man in his home and in the presence of his children. Forgive her - bullshit.

Thank you for this fantastic writing piece. It is an excellent and well written story. I certainly enjoyed the part where Sergeant Hastings had a chat with Mr. M. and also it was O'Brien who also got involved and giving him some good advise. I also like where he did not take advantage of Jessica and he explained the why's quite well. Please don't stress out about producing this story so quickly, I for one find it entertaining and interesting and just enjoy how it is developing. I just want to thank you for sharing this wonderful story with us. Thanks again for sharing.

This series I not only read but went back and reread the first chapter to keep it all in context. You offer a depth of emotion, success and failure, torment and even...hope? It's not an easy thing to pull off well and you do that.

Those of us who also write know it can take days for any one submission to actually post, I have a couple of stories hanging myself.

Sometimes I am even lucky enough to have a fan ask for more, that makes the effort to write worthwhile.

There are lots of ways to go with this, this old man waits to see the rest quite eagerly.

Thanks,

MGM

Fantastic!

I can't wait to read more!

Thank You!!!!

The story has some commonality with other stories, but when you write about the human condition and what happens when people's lives together suddenly falls apart, it all starts to sound alike. The difference in this story is your ability to bring clarity and life to the characters. I know and can easily identify with the husband, I want to know more about his wife, but I am not going to like her, probably because of my first wife and divorce after 18 years. I am particularly intrigued about Jessica, who cannot commit to marrying the man she wants. It sounds like there is a story in her that would stand on it's own and it ought to make for some good chapters.

Like others, I will wait somewhat impatiently for the next chapter, but don't rush to please your readers until you are satisfied with the story line.

Not just the destination. These kinds of stories can end up a number of ways, and there's always some that side with one or the other of them. You write a helluva story, very entertaining, and I'm with the group that can't wait for the next installment!

Thanks for the excellent read!

H-

Please give him some, let him work out, get a life, reconnect with his kids and burn the bitch and her lover at the stake. You have painted the picture of a woman gone selfish, mean, and with total contempt for him and his family. Don't change the facts, let him loose, he's a tiger at heart, let him out. Great writing, I wish I could do as well, thanks.

I agree with HDK - please keep it your own story - and Rehnquist - the 3 pages of this episode was necessary to establish certain things about the marriage and to give it the gravitas it deserves. This is a great story and it's YOUR story. I remember reading GaryAPB's magnum opus "Back to Bristol" 3 years ago (I've since read it twice more) and although it was long (novel length) there was so much to tell and describe it really couldn't have been any shorter and been as good.

Please, take all the time you want - I'd rather have the excellence of your writing than something rushed.

You are very imaginative and certainly bring something new to the 'loving wives' genre. Actually, given the intended length of this story it will be a novel when it's done.

I don't care if it's another "War and Peace" as long as it has your unadulterated writing qualities, your superb grasp of emotions and your sheer instinct as to what keeps an audience hungering for more. You DO have that, in spades.

Well done and please keep going.

Thank you.

I like your story - it leaves us with many imaginations.

That's what's writing a story is about. Good job.

Keep going :)

You are writing a very good story. And don't worry about us readers, it's your story and so far it has been very good. Thanks for writing.

I agree HDk,

You shoud not mention to readers that you are taking their suggestions, which hint us that your story is totally fiction. as you know we readers, when read any story, are in our own fantasy world believing it is true, every emotions written here are really experienced by someone, and it is something author had experienced or seen someone else gone through. By telling you are taking suggestions from us make it totally unreally. If we read fiction/thriller it should be output of single mind, which keep us thinking it might be real. because there is no proof of ti being untrue. See it is complex but, it reduces interest. So you should not have mentioned. Nice going Please tell us next release date.

And please give him some balls. If readers are angry they are not at author, because if they are they would not be reading. We always give some rude comments to characters, which let others know if they have same qualities as in story we hate him, or whatever we think of him. So keep going you are doing great job. Everyone appreciate your work here what i can see.

I've actually enjoyed it thus far.

His mother-in-law was wrong. It is not just a fling. When we enter into relationships with others, even short term ones, it changes us.

I really liked his insight with his co-worker at the end, but you forgot to tell us why she couldn't marry him?

Thanks,

Ttom

heh, this just makes me wanting to read 2b, NOW! but take your time. and no more addendums.

I found myself waiting for the rest of it. Don't let us readers push you to hard. Its better for you and the story to take the time you need to write. So far I can't wait for other chapters. Good work and keep it up!

-Rayne

Now, he knows that she is having sex with that guy, in their house, in their bed, some months before divorce is final AND with her kids present in the same house.

As a tough prosecutor as he is, he still thinks she is a good mother for his kids ?

I wonder for your logic author if you insist on that.

I feel that you have chosen excellence. The story is compelling, to the point that I nearly missed a morning appointment when 02A was published.

I often tell my students to concern themselves with excellence, not forgetting that speed can become essential, depending on the desired end result.

When story composition is forced, excellence is lost and we are all the poorer for that fact. Do not allow yourself to be forced beyond what you envision as the proper development of your story. Such development is what has so far brought so many into your readership.

When writing a report, thesis, or other non-fiction work; it is important to acknowledge the input of others. When writing fiction, the only acknowledgment necessary is to those who have aided your research and made the path more smooth in plot development. Specific instances of aid should only be acknowledged when that aid is easily recognized as a public entity.

Keep the development process as you have started, it makes the entire story more believable and gives depth that is rarely found in on-line fiction.

I wish I could write like you. What more can I say? Keep them coming and I'll keep reading them.

My theory is that you should not post anything until you have reread the whole novel two or three times. Many times the final chapter leads to a need to change what led up to it. Oh well I have never written a story, only scientific papers.... To each his own... But with a finished product it is easier to control the posting rate.

At first I felt that the story went no place in the first half of the present chapter, but Jesse and the sergeant turned things around and suddenly led to the realization that we had learned a lot more about Bill and his marraige. One thing that surprised me was BJ's change in posture.

If I could I would read the whole novel in a couple of days but take your time and get it right.

I may not agree with everything your characters do, but I love the way you tell a story.

I am glad you have elected to continue the story of Debbie and Bill in a series of installments (or chapters) much as in a novel over perhaps a period of a year. You write will and your characters are believable and understood by the reader. However, while I you did state in your postscript statement that the story of the couple will continue as per a novel, I still should remind you that we readers do not understand what resulted in Debbie picking a colleague in academia from you, her husband and lawful protector of society. Oh, she says something about her devotion to his work; his not taking care of himself, etc. But please allow her to explain herself. What factors led to Debbie's unloving Bill. Your stories are all greatly appreciated. RAG

Well written and interesting, but so far not enough has been laid out to run this out into an interesting novel, unless it just continues on with a long list of emotional scenes -- then you might have a novel length soap. Or something dramatic must happened to give this story enough juice to truly to turn this into a novel. But so far it is moving slowly and shows no signs of a dramatic upturn in events.

Why make the posting so complicated? Submission #1= ch1, sub#2= ch2, sub#3= ch3, etc. seems much easier than "submission #15= chapter 2, section 724, verse 18, fourth edition." I know thats overkill, but I've seen it done before when a particular chapter drags on through multiple sub-chapters.

I have been checking, about twice a day, for the second installment. It's very good; and, though many of us are impatient to read the next chapter don't rush it and have the story suffer as a result. Your writing is top notch (2 five stars already). Thank you for your contributions! I have enjoyed all of them. I am a reader, not a writer; but, I hope your story gets this ADA into the gym, in shape, and back on track. Part of a good retribution LW story is having the protagonist coming out better; physically, mentally, and spiritually (maybe financially- though that might not be realistic).

This was a good chapter especially with the inclusion of — boxer O'Brien, Sergeant Hastings and Jessica Stephens. Now that you have mentioned that they’ll play a major or “supportive” role — this is going to a great story.

This story is so finely crafted; you have given so much time to each character. I must congratulate you for writing this successful story.

Now about this chapter — Like I said earlier this was a good chapter, I liked few things that Bill’s mother-in-law said, I mean this — "Because flings don't last, Bill. It's not love. Its fantasy and lust, but those burn out. The day will come when she sees him and what she's doing in the light of day. She'll remember what you two had and what she's got with him won't be able to match that."

"I'm gonna miss you, Bill. You have been a good man, and a good son-in-law and a good father, even if you could have spent more time with the kids. I'm crying for myself, and for Debbie. The day will come when she'll realize what she threw away, and then she'll be the one crying. Trust me on that."

It’s SO true. Debbie doesn’t know what she’s up to. She’s just blinded by the “attention” she’s getting from Doug. But a day will come when Doug will get bored with her, and then she’ll realize — she threw away “the best” for few “minutes of pleasure”. What Debbie and Doug are into is just a “FLING”. Debbie wants to feel young and all, while a stud like Doug wants to sleep with his hot older colleague.

What Bill needs now is — motivation. Maybe, he should have his share of “fling” too. This is the BEST novella I’ve read on Literotica. Take your own time because readers are not going to forget this story. Also, I’m guessing that there’ll be a chapter or two from Debbie’s point–of–view (POV). I’d love to hear her share of the story.

~Kelly~

You need to type faster, that is all I really have to say. I can see this story going so many different directions. Therefore, I am anxious to see where you take it. The writing is good and the character development is better.

Time to go to the whip...faster, faster, faster. :)

Your writing is very good and reading flows enjoyably. However the underlying plot is too plain. Lots of words about nothing interesting is going to grind down after a while. This is his self destruction chapter, crawling into a bottle. This is such a trite stereotype of the guy whose marriage falls apart. A night drinking, OK. Weeks drunk every night. Boring. Further, the hints of the plot direction that you have given seem to be working to some type of reconciliation. He has clearly stated and given good reasons why that isn't possible. It's part of who he is as a person not to accept the behavior of his wife. His wife is cruel and uncaring. It doesn't matter if she "wakes up" later and he has stated that. So to get them back together will require that he give up his strongly held beliefs. In essence, he would have to become a different person than the one the author has spent some time developing. Let's look at the possible progression. Wife changes, doesn't love him and behave cruelly to him , hurting him terribly. He suffers through the separation and loss of his family. For him to reconcile he would have to swallow his pride and give up his principles. Does any of this sound anywhere near fair to him? We'll see where it goes but the author has created a character of a certain type. The story needs to progress with the character as created OR give compelling and well defined reasons for change of the character. I just can't see how that is possible in this case. It feels like the story is already painted into a corner and the only way out is if the character learns how to fly over the wet paint.

and still among the best-written stories here. Thanks for your imagination and care. Above all, you will never hear from me what your characters should do, and I hope you'll ignore anyone who tells you "throw the bitch out" or "kill the boyfriend" or "forgive her" or anything else.

It's your story--do it the way you want it done. And we'll read it--and those of us who aren't ungrateful SOBs will say thanks!

Thanks, ohio

Now you have me guessing about where this story is headed.

That is a good thing!

But I do have to wonder why he thinks she is still a good wife? After bringing her BF home to bang him while the kids are there and her telling them not to talk about it whilst they are still married. Even setting her course for this wholesale destruction of the marriage in the first place her thinking and her character is seriously flawed.

The meeting at the bar with the cop sergeant was a good fit to this story.

So lets see where it leads.

Him turning down Jessica was a class act. And I am sure every reader is wondering what her story is.

I await the next installment of this classic!

Thanks for Writing!

Damn, I wish I would have known sooner, you were taking requests. I have a bunch, everything from character development/storyline to some ideas on retribution and reconciliation. Joking aside, I agree with HDK. I would hate to think you are pandering to your critics. <P>

I love the serial type posting, anticipation is half the pleasure. “Back to Bristol” is my all time favorite! Your initial chapter left me very curious. I felt it could have stood on its own and had no idea where you were going. I still don’t, however I’m enjoying your writing immensely. Post at your own pace, everybody will still be here anxiously waiting. <P>

TY for writing.

I, for one, can definitely see what the possibilities are. We already know from your own comments that we will be privileged with Bill and Debbie's perspectives.

The courtroom sequence and the synopsis of the drug dealer trial lets us know that Bill is far from being a wimp. In fact, he is quite philosophic and regarded nationally as a formidable foe. He most certainly is allowed his time of mourning for his marriage, but as many in law enforcement know, he has many allies. He has already called in the cavalry with Lew. I have a feeling that Debbie's attorney is reknown regionally (or perhaps a well thought of Professor of Law), but Lew is a foe of a much grander scale who loves to win. Bill also has the resources of the police. Debbie and Doug have had a devastating lapse of judgement, because they have obviously drawn the attention of many people who deal with Bill, professionally,on a fairly regular basis. They have been held in scrutiny for quite awhile, although their observers were reluctant to say anything to Bill without knowing further details of what was going on in their relationship. I doubt seriously that Bill is the type to forgive such a serious transgression by Debbie. He will rise to his own potential and will be far ahead of Debbie in his career and personal happiness.

What will happen to the characters in this saga? Excellence breeds excellence, and deceit propogates deceit. I can see Bill rising like a phoenix. Debbie's actions are under scrutiny and the fallout will not be pretty. Doug will self destruct, because his ego will not let him concede defeat, nor is he aware of how the real world works. He is only twenty nine and was in school up to the age of twenty six to attain an MBA unless he was on an accelerated curriculum. I do not believe that Debbie will learn her lesson for quite awhile and that only bitterness towards herself will be her ultimate reward. Bill and Debbie's paths will cross fleetingly, but only their children will bind them, and that loosely. You can see that the families of their friends are already trying to intervene obliquely because of their discomfort with Debbies actions regarding the children. Once Bill moves on, Debbie will merely be a distant memory and no longer a person of any real significance in his life. His indifference towards her will be her testiment as to how thoroughly she managed to destroy their relationship.

and a hypocrite. One minute he's blasting his soon-to-be ex wife because she cheated on him (when she didn't) then we hear about him and some DA's law school intern? WTF? And the rape scene with him and his wife and he still feels sorry for himself? He was never there for his kids, his wife or anyone. else except for himself. He even admitted to it in the previous story that he was a lousy husband and a piss-poor father.

. . . and I know it's gonna be a long one, and I'm looking forward to it. You tell a story very well, so regardless of length it holds my (and other readers) interest. I feel the telling of a story is the most important part, because even a well told crappy story will cause the reader to read the whole crappy story, rather than just putting it down and never finishing it. The downside of this, of course; is that you get readers like zed0 lambasting you when they don't like how your (well told) story turns out. But HEY! GOTCHA! They read the story! At this point I would also like to throw in my vote for smaller chapters posted more frequently. Due to the many postings on this and other web sites, it is often difficult for the reader to follow a longer story, especially when there are long periods between postings.

Please quit your day job and work day & night on finishing the story! LOL! Thanks for a great read. Looking forward to the next installment.

I have to agree with Ohio (who is also a very accomplished writer) this is your story do it your way. So far, that has been immensely successful; don't fix what isn't broken. I have some good ideas about stories but am unwilling to share them in an open forum for a myriad of reasons; so why listen to someone such as me when your story is receiving rave reviews?

Thank you for sharing your talent.

I have to admit, I like long stories but I hate waiting. I always wait and I am usually rewarded for it; so take your time and your audience will appreciate your efforts!

A really engrossing story,which is keeping me interested the whole way through.You are one of the best writers on this site.

I don't leave feedback often enought - ill admit - but this deserves praise from every reader. WELL DONE!

Very good read still. Pity, we all have to be so patient! You still make it worthwhile! What can I add to the other commpliments? Well done! I know you are enjoying it too.

the shorter chapter . it's well appreciated.

and now for the waiting time. please do your story , write it the way YOU feel it has to go and line up the plot way ahead. there is nothing worse than without a guiding line through it and rush a couple chapters that slowly don't make sense anymore.

I'm really curious what you make out of that story because I for myself can't see anything else than he starts to make a new life and stops having pity withhimself. because there is no going back, once you know the charachter of somebody and the attitude he/she is having you can't lie yourself anymore. kids still have the chance changing, adults can't really.

waiting for next chapter :-)

It is good see SOME intelligent folks that see the issues I see here with this story. This author seems to have some sort of reconciliation course hinted at already.

so far it IS rather cliche...

I do care if Bill still thinks his wife is a good mother while she is bringing home her boyfriend to fuck with the kids there and the marriage has NOT yet ended.

I do care WHY a District Attorney would think that

I dont care WHY the wife has shaved Pussy that Bill didnt know about but I do want it explained

I dont care that Bill is acting like a DA from Candy land-- I just want to know WHY.

for the record Back to Bristol is the most overated pile of shit EVER posted in the LW genre at lit

The story is progressing well, the characters are being fleshed out and the details that make it seem real are coming together. Like most people on this board I want more and I want more NOW! Sooner or later I must learn that instant gratification is not always possible.

Despite my anxiousness to read more quickly, I urge you to take your time and ensure that it is your story and no-one else's. There are a few idiotic comments, as usual HIV did not disappoint with his. Ignore him and others similar to him. He's not worth your or any one else's time.

Keep up the good writing and keep this story coming please.

I actually wasn't going to dive into the comment wars going on here, but when Harry In VA started kicking around "Back to Bristol," what could I do but jump in and tell Harry that as much as I respect him, "smile when you say that" about "Bristol." Harry's entitled to his opinion, or 10,000 of them, and I've defended his right to vent and I think he is good for this site for a lot of reasons, but by God, when he starts ripping "Bristol" he has to be brought back to reality! :) There are a lot of good stories - not sex stories but STORIES -on this site, and Bristol is right up at the top. GaryAPB is apparently one of those writers like myself who tends to think and write at longer lengths. "Back to Bristol" is a classic, like High Noon which is also very simple, but an archetype. The story is simple: a guy, his ex-wife and the man who seduced her and took her away from him, and the plot focuses on how a man's return from exile throws three lives out of the paths they've been on for years. I gotta tell you, there are some really good stories, and stories that have moved me, but for it's length, "Bristol: is as good as any of them. And the second one he wrote, or at least the first half, to my mind is in the same ballpark as "Bristol." So Harry, much as I respect your opinion, you're wrong about "Bristol."

And since I have the floor for a moment, I have to pinch myself sometimes to make myself believe my stories are really getting the response they're getting from so many people. Those of you who like "Married" so far, I hope I hold your interest. Those who have problems, check in from time to time and you might find them answered or addressed.

For HDK and JennyBear, I'm not saying that I'm writing this story with reader input to curry favor. So far I haven't written anything on this site to make anyone in particular happy, as the scores of my stories show. I've written what I wanted to write and I'm going to keep doing that. But because "Married" is serialized and not carved into stone, I realized after reading reaction to the first chapter that there were a couple of things I really hadn't thought out. And this method of writing means I can clean up loose ends without posting a whole new story. I don't mind anyone making suggestions as to how I should write my stories, I just don't follow any of them that don't seem better than what I was originally going to do.

There are a lot of other comments, points about the story where I think there are misunderstandings or readers haven't quite gotten the point I was trying to make, but as an old newspaper editor once told me, you can't follow every copy of every newspaper to every reader to make sure they get it right. A story has to stand on its own.

Really nice to see godd writing by an author who remembers his own plots. Readers are overdue for a guy who betters himself in the face of adverse conditions and wins the wife back in a pool of remorse. One query though, why aren't the kids raising he'll for her?? Loverboy overnight and dad isn't cold in his grave yet. Personally I'd assault him, defile his car, yeehaa!!

but really enjoying this. Agree with you on 'Bristol' and would be be thrilled if this series turned our=t anything like that (and so far so good). Appreciate the work...

well we disagree about that story.

I liked the 1st one --TGI chronicles --but B2B.. I could not stand. I KNOW I am in the minority about that story..so be it.

I made it clear back when the stories came out

Tell your story and forget the snippy comments. Both chapters are well written w/ well developed characters, a solid plot yeilding a story which can only be told "just so." Really appreciate your attention to detail, the use of cameos, and sparing use of subplots. Rather sit down for a good read b/c your lengthiness allows for a richer, fuller texture to the storyline. Like Boris Karloff - choose well and tell 'em its a "Just So Story." Nice to see writers of your caliber returning to the site. Work abit more w/ the editor(s) and keep up the good work.

average soapy little nonsensical "story"

I hated "Back to Bristol" as well.

Sorry you don't agree with me either on that, and please tell me you're not going the same route?

I didn't read all of the comments but let me say this, my personal biggest problem was this with that story, the husband was brain dead. The main villain was called a predator as an excuse to forgive the wife. The wife cheated on the husband, divorced him, married her lover, kept him from the kids (to a degree if I remember correctly), found out the lover was only after her money (with her mother's help), was going to divorce her lover but he was killed while drunk, and the husband couldn't wait to take her back and remarry her after everything she put him through, while he now pretended that it all never happened, all because he loved her. Yeah right!

Did I miss anything?

And I hate that the term "Sexual Predator" is the most over used term in stories to blame someone else while cutting their other partner in crime, usually the spouse, a break so that they don't have to really blame them.

That term was coined and was supposed to be use when "Children" who don't "know any better" are taken advantage of. When a 25+ year old woman (or man) has sex with a smooth talker either he/she's at fault or she needs to be taken into protective custody because she isn't any smarter than your average teenager. Yet usually they are allowed around children in their diminished capacity.

But anyway, so far I like this story in part.

You are giving the husband some insight into what's going wrong in his life and how his wife played a major role in it by not even trying to save her marriage, all while claiming she was. He's starting to realize that his wife threw him out for a younger model, like what most women complain happens to them later in life, and as he looks back he realizes that he put up with her for the same things she wouldn't cut him any slack on.

That was a good use of reverse mid-life crisis that usually happens with most women.

I just hope in the story eventually calls everyone who keeps telling him he married above his station and because he let himself go he lost her. Sorry but that is getting grating to read when he just lets it go all the time.

=)

-Risq

Risq_001 made the following comments which I completely agree with! I only hope that when you do end this story that she is forced to realize her mistake ( read she is made to "pay" for her decisions ). PLEASE give the husband some retribution/revenge so the male readers like me can feel there is some justice served upon his adulterous wife ( I know this is the typical male point of view but it gives your story a realistic finish )!! ........."I hated "Back to Bristol" as well. Sorry you don't agree with me either on that, and please tell me you're not going the same route? I didn't read all of the comments but let me say this, my personal biggest problem was this with that story, the husband was brain dead. The main villain was called a predator as an excuse to forgive the wife. The wife cheated on the husband, divorced him, married her lover, kept him from the kids (to a degree if I remember correctly), found out the lover was only after her money (with her mother's help), was going to divorce her lover but he was killed while drunk, and the husband couldn't wait to take her back and remarry her after everything she put him through, while he now pretended that it all never happened, all because he loved her. Yeah right! Did I miss anything? And I hate that the term "Sexual Predator" is the most over used term in stories to blame someone else while cutting their other partner in crime, usually the spouse, a break so that they don't have to really blame them. That term was coined and was supposed to be use when "Children" who don't "know any better" are taken advantage of. When a 25+ year old woman (or man) has sex with a smooth talker either he/she's at fault or she needs to be taken into protective custody because she isn't any smarter than your average teenager. Yet usually they are allowed around children in their diminished capacity. But anyway, so far I like this story in part. You are giving the husband some insight into what's going wrong in his life and how his wife played a major role in it by not even trying to save her marriage, all while claiming she was. He's starting to realize that his wife threw him out for a younger model, like what most women complain happens to them later in life, and as he looks back he realizes that he put up with her for the same things she wouldn't cut him any slack on. That was a good use of reverse mid-life crisis that usually happens with most women. I just hope in the story eventually calls everyone who keeps telling him he married above his station and because he let himself go he lost her. Sorry but that is getting grating to read when he just lets it go all the time. =) -Risq"

Let me start off with you are very talented writer and the story-line and characters are being developed nicely. If I were to say anything negatively, it would be that sometimes these novel length stories maybe go into too much detail. That for me bogs down the story because there are too many things to think about. Your story is terrific but for me it's a bit wordy. I do hope in the end we see the the main characters work out their differences and the husband gets to know his family rather than just co-exist with them. I'll be waiting for your next submission. Thanks...

I'm enjoying this story due to the good writing and the suspense -- i.e., will he or won't he -- Bill, that is -- grow some gonads? But I've been on a jury and I looked up the info about the number of jurors in a criminal trial, especially a capital murder trial -- it's always 12, all states, from what I was able to find out. Now I'm not a lawyer, just reasonably informed and educated. Maybe one of the attorney readers can correct me if I'm wrong on this, but I don't think I am wrong. Another problem is the way our hero Bill has just fallen apart. Surely he is intelligent enough and informed enough to know he needs some counseling, maybe some treatment for depression -- instead he just keeps going to bars to get drunk. This lacks plausibility. I also agree with the objections in many, if not most comments, to the idea of calling Debbie a good mother considering her behavior, not the least of which includes sleeping with her lover before she is divorced, right in her marital bed in her home in front of the children. Finally, it is illogical that Bill would not share the copies of the emails with his attorney. With attorney-client privilege, it would be confidential if he so-desired. But how is his attorney to help him if Bill fails to give all the information and proof regarding Debbie's behavior? It's like failing to tell the doctor that you did not take your blood pressure pills when he/she finds your blood pressure is too high, or withholding other vital information that could affect the safety of your treatment. Surely those emails are not protected for Debbie and her lover -- Bill was in effect a part owner of the computer, and he examined it in his own home. Even employees don't have protection of their email privacy when using workplace computers. So why withhold the emails from your lawyer who is trying to help you through your divorce? I hope these questions are answered in forthcoming chapters. Please get more episodes out soon. Thanks for writing.

....but agree with lance it's not worth a novel (at this level of cliche-my words)- and that is because Harry makes very salient points. But the level of writing and fact that it can take a long time for a complex plot to come into focus and really percolate will force me to sign back on but personally I don't have the patience to read long pieces in installments on the net .I'll read a book at my pace if I need to read that much about any one stupid human being. Just for once I'd like to read about the guy(or gal) who had ALL the bases covered, and STILL got screwed. But that is absolutely not to be compared with a plot insertion request.Ughhhh!!!

Looking through these comments I've read about Bill being described as braindead and self involved among other things. Self involved yes. Who wouldn't be dealing with such a crisis. Braindead, not at all. He's confused, and slowly working his way out of this, who wouldn't be. This chapter showed him making some progress in that area. He's moved from feeling responsible for the situation to understanding that none of his actions relieve his wife of her betrayal, which is why he has grown so angry with her. Harry completely got this point backward and needs to reread the chapter. As far as his comment on his wife being a good mother. It's obviously a wrong, perhaps based on her having been a good mother. Perhaps based on the vain hope that she will be, because he feels that he was never a good dad in the best of times and during the present crisis he feels he couldn't deal with the kids problems on top of everything else, and perhaps he is just hoping and praying that the marriage crisis won't completely fuck them over. I'm guessing it will, and he will be forced to deal with them, and I'm hoping that his developing a deeper relationship with his children is one of the plot complications that is going to be developed in future chapters. In any case, so Bill isn't perfect. Bill is not god. He's not going to be right all the time. He's going to be fucked up about this, and he's going to make mistakes in judgment. And I feel pretty confident in guessing he's not going to reveal that when he was younger, he was a navy seal, and he has amazing capacities for dealing with traumatic situations while remaining completely in control. Also I don't imagine he's going to solve this crisis through a neatly plotted series of stunts reminiscent of Oceans Eleven. That's the point. He's going to stumble through all of this in a messy way making lots of stupid mistakes along the way. It's called being three dimensional, and its why 99 percent of those of us who are reading this story now, will still be here in 2012 when in chapter 33z we finally come to the amazing conclusion for which we are all hoping. To Daniel, I just want to add my voice to those who think you are one of the best if not the best author working in this genre. The first chapter was so moving, and I loved this follow up.

So far very good and you have me hooked! Just make sure you keep track of everyone, and where they fit in and where they are going.

Maybe you can add some more friends of our hero from and in low places..for plot movement or comedy relief.

Daniel there are some loose ends...

The children look soo much distant from the father.And believe me, in real world, no son will EASILY sided with his mom bringing a young lover to home before the marriage truly ends(and if the father isnot a thug ).If he has ANY feelings for his father, it will be easy for him to determinate the motive for his departure from the house and confront his mother.I saw that in real life, and got BAD, real BAD... the son never talked with his mother again.

JennyBear,

you are cute!

(Mr. NDRDIII)

I watch daily for stories just like this. The depth, description, emotion or lack thereof, style...I'd like to think I could go on but I'm not one of these great writers. To see so many of 'my' writers commenting on this says so much about this story.

One of the signs of good story tellling is the picture it brings to mind. I SEE these people. I FEEL what they are feeling. A story doesn't just tell you what is happening, it lets you live it. For me, that is what development is about; to like, love or hate the characters; to agree or disagree with the message or conclusion; to entertain or be entertained. To make the story short removes the journey, and I love that journey. I want the smells, good and bad, I want the tears, the nausea, angst, happiness and anger that is felt by all. All of this takes time to tell, so bring it on. I've got trust that DQ1 will not ramble because I've read the other stories he's written.

I don't understand why anyone would hate this guy. Not everyone has the discipline, metabolism or need to keep themselves in great shape. Life gets in the way. You look at your kids and think you have time. You look at your wife and think, "I need to say more and do more to show my love," or "why didn't I get that flower for her." The job needs you there. It's a necessity, it pays the bills!! So much of what is in the job is important and you work so hard at being good and successful that it takes on a life of its own. Now he should realize that to be good at that work he loves, he needs some time away from it, he need to round out his time. He no longer has the excuse that the family needs him to work, they've decided they don't need him.

And then I hear the wimp word. That's just dumbass stupid. Sure, she looks great and has great tits, but a lot of bitches have that. Why, in god's name, would you try to keep someone in your life who looks down and pity's you? Sure, you both could have done more, but for her to be led down that path by some younger guy...hasn't anyone said anything about the fact that most men aging better than women. He may not have started out great, but he can get it together and last as he ages. He needs that kick in the ass, true, but when he gets it, look out and of coarse there are little blue pills. This guy is smart and tenasious, hell, he takes apart criminals and puts them away. If Debbie had really thought this through she might have realized he wasn't some soft wimp inside, she would have been a lot more careful about lighting his fuze.

I'm anxious to read more. I want to hear more about things the kids are thinking and doing. I want to know what the fuck Debbie married him for if he was such a small dicked wonder. I want to see this guy man up and I can see some of the fire in this last partial chapter.

Bring it on! I love it.

I originally wasn't going to make many nor long comments yet, but Harry has peaked my ire as it seems all he likes is short dirty stroke stories so he can sit in a corner, drink his beer, and play with himself as it doesn't seem from his comments that anyone else wants to play with him.

I enjoyed "Bristol" very much, and have been looking for a story which I could enjoy as much, for some time. Being a newer member of this site, I have been reading much and enjoying some.

So far this story has broken my heart. I have sympathy for the husband, and wish he were more forceful and there lies the conundrum.

The husband is supposed to be a tough prosecuting attorney and is supposedly taking his wrath out on other people, but is willing to wimp out on destroying the cheaters careers.

This is a real dichotomy (another twenty five cent word I learned in high school) as the husband has told his own attorney not to go after the cheaters because she is a "good mother, and it isn't his fault".

In my opinion I would like to see some of the backbone the husband shows in court transfered to his personal life, and crawl out of the bottle.

Being a drunk never solved anything.

And Harry I still liked "Back to Bristol".

The shaved pussy surprised Bill and set off warning bells. Why would she shave after all these years, out of the blue, hmmm? It was his first warning, other then the Freudian slip, that he was missing something important.

Second, Debbie did not try to fix the marriage in any way shape or form. In fact, she assisted in sabotaging it by playing up Bills rage and paranoia culminating in a retraining order. A very unfair characterization.

DQS, you haven't left much ambiguity here. Debbie's behavior far far outweighs Bill's flabby middle and lack on engagement.

I like the honest way you portrayed Bill's distant relationship with his own kids. You hinted at it in the first chapter and in this one, you seem to be setting it up for Bill to take some steps to rectify and reconcile that relationship.

I wish you would make Debbie less revolting in her callous behavior. I'd really like to see you resolve a dilemma where there is huge ambiguity in the blame game. Perhaps if Debbie had tried to reengage her husband, if she had demanded more attention, if Bill delivered only partially then went back to his slovenly ways he would share in the blame more equally.

The relationship between Bill and Debbie must contain evidence as to why their lives together degenerated to the level that a divorce is now about to occur. But, until that morning when Debbie slipped by saying "When We Were Married, " Bill described his married life as normal. With Debbie and Bill you have two people with diverge professional lives: he a top Florida attorney and she climbing the academic ladder at North Florida University. Now I'm not acquainted with the Florida University System. If it's like the California one than there is a State University System in which faculty do primarily teaching and have little or not time to devote to research; and there is a University System in which the statement "publish or perish" reins and requires that faculty conduct original research, obtain grant funds to do their research, and become experts in their areas of research in order to successful climb the academic ladder. This in addition to having teaching responsibilities. If Debbie is doing primary teaching, i.e., in addition to guiding Assistant Professor Doug Baker, then North Florida University is part of a Florida State University System; but I could be mistaken and she may be engaged in research as well as doing teaching. I don't recall what Debbie's field of study is nor whether she has a Ph.D. (or masters degree, etc). I could see that if Debbie's field of study is in the behavioral sciences, she might be involved in a research project in which she is studying the behavior of American husbands, and Bill is, without his knowledge, part of this study. Not being in the behavioral sciences I am not sure if he would have to be informed that he was in fact part of a research study. But assuming that not to be the case, the situation in the story could actually be quite different from what is seems to be. DQS you are quite a superb writer with great capacity to develop personalities in your stories. You have very successfully done so with Bill. However, you have as yet not done so with Debbie. I do put weight in the fact that Debbie's mother believes her daughter to be having a fling and that Debbie really loves Bill. Is the Debbie/Doug perhaps just an act, and Debbie (and maybe along with Doug?) is examining Bill's reactions to Debbie's actions? RAG

The husband's socalled paranoia (this, readers, is all a dream!) is gonna cause him to have a real heart attack, and at the last minute, before he goes out (no, he doesn't die; at the ER, they have too many sophisticated and expensive machines), he screams tenderly for his wife, moaning, "No, Debbie, don't fuck him... Stop fucking him, in our bed, I still love you no matter what?" <p>

And the wife comes over, soothing his damp hair, sitting and leaning over him, "Honey, you're just dreaming a bad dream. I never fucked him, of late. It's all a mistake and realizing you're in trouble, I stopped what I was doing with him and sent him packing a few days ago." <p>

The idiot has a smile on his lips, and the machine next to his bed goes crazy, and then it goes quiet, and the wife says, "I love you, too! I am so sorry all this misunderstanding happened and now you're gone, and I will never have a chance to hold you and tell you how sorry I am, again." <p>

She gets up slowly from her chair and gets out her phone and does a quick dialing, and says, "Yes, it's me... Can you pick me up where you dropped me off an hour ago. Thanks, love you, too. See you then." <p>

The End.

I know when I find myself searching each day for the next enstallment and then sighing when I don't find it, that I have been hooked. Well done. Thank you.

What killed it for me were these lines.....

"I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't help asking, "He's staying there overnight now?"

" I can't....just...sometimes."

Well, Jesus H Christ....she was fucking the asshole in our house with our kids under our roof.....that's it!!!...As far as I'm concern...it is definitely over.

"When we were married....she would not have done this".

If Doug and Debbie were social scientists, i.e., doing a psychological study on Bill, and possibly other husbands, then Bill would need to be informed and would have to sign a consent for him to be included as a participant in the study. Both government and private funding sources (i.e., grants) require this type of informed consent. So there is no study going on and the author is not going to use that as an excuse to get Bill and Debbie back together. I imagine it is some other excuse, but were I Bill, even after getting over my mad, I would never take Debbie back, period, not if someone paid me a billion dollars. I guess I'm a "nail-'em-to-the-cross" kind of guy. The nails from my forge never rust, BTW.

So many people who talk about “Bristol” obviously didn’t read the story properly.

The lover turned 2nd husband didn’t marry her for her ex-husband’s money but really fell in love with her. The wife, whilst definitely guilty of a fling, was appalled at what she had done and didn’t initially get back together with her husband because she thought she wasn’t worthy of a 2nd chance.

The sheer number of comments from people who obviously didn’t read/understand what the story was all about appalls me.

Now I understand why some of you can’t understand life/stories – you can’t read, or at least read AND COMPREHEND. You ‘speed read’ without understanding the plot. If you really understood the plot you may still not grasp the nuances but, hey, you’re regular guys right? You’ve become the ‘entertain me now’ generation whose attention span is akin to a gnat in spawn.

Welcome Harry acolytes (not Harry himself, in this instance) – the floor is yours – and the floor, by the way, is going to be the highest level you achieve, because your grasp of plot and substance is so ineffectual and impoverished that I fear for your continued existence as reviewers.

It may gall you but the ‘idiots’ who oppose you have a similar view of you and your views as you have about we ‘wimps’. “PistolpissingPete” can stick his pistol up his ass and shoot his brains out as far as I’m concerned. “Harry in Va” is actually a moderately successful reviewer, once he loses his tantrum (about the 3rd post he makes on any given story) and I do prefer his views to the “trolls” (not my description – just authors who’ve moved away from this site because of their disgust at the comments and insults on here against authors).

I have no axe to grind against people with honest opinions, but I do hate it when people who should know better insist on insulting authors by calling them ‘morons’ or such. There is absolutely no need for that kind of insult against people who are providing you with free entertainment – which you then abuse.

AAAARGH!

I'm talking about the number of posts for a story.

I'm only going to mention this once because I have no intention of artificially inflating the number of posts for any given story. I have morals.

Of course, I happen to know of an aqueduct in need of structural restoration, or at least a well heeled buyer.

Daniel, you have done extremely well.

Thank you - superb entertainment.

"Curiass---How bout I stick the gun up dqs's asshole and blow YOUR brains out, you self-important sycophant. Stop taking yourself so seriously pussy. Maybe if I need help interpreting the immense complexity extant here I'll call you so you can dumb it down for me. I'm sure you're adept at that.

DanielQSteele`s stories are well written (major kudos) but very provoking and somewhat unrealistic from a male viewpoint, at least this is my opinion and I suspect that the majority of men share this opinion.

Throughout all his stories (except for "Moments of Clarity" and obviously this story since we don`t know the outcome yet) the the husband takes back the wife despite blatant transgressions. I would like to ask readers on this site to (1) look into their own social circles, (2) recall situations where one of the spouses (whether male or female) acts in this way and (3) count how many of those relationsips that ultimately lead to reconciliation...the reconciliation rate is pretty low, right?

As I`ve stated above, this author knows how to write stories, he masters that ability, but I can`t shake away the fact that there is some absence of reality in the stories (once more, this is my opinion and I respect those who have other opinions). Both husbands and wives have a sense of pride and self-respect, if one spouse pisses on that the other spouse will leave permanently, right?

Life is too short, why share it with someone who has a bad track record? If you live in a city/urban area (like the majority of us) it is not that hard to find a new partner who is more suitable. It`s pretty simple: (1) you go out on social activities, (2) you show yourself from your best side, (3) you don`t drink too much alcohol and (4) you will find someone new pretty quick.

Lastly, in many of the stories on this site the feeling of LOVE is overrated (e.g. thecelt`s stories were the cheating wife waits for years for the cheated husband to return). How far from reality isn`t that? I really do believe that love is pretty replaceable in todays society. Of course, I know that a story is fiction and it`s the authors choice to segment it in reality. I also know that there are different kinds of realities. Well well, good stories Daniel, they stir up a lot of emotions, keep it up!!

Its pretty clear, at least to me, that most of you who characterize Bill as a WIMP have never experienced the kind of divorce Bill is experiencing, Debbietook steps to alienate, isolate, and belittle him with yte kids, relatives, friends and colleague. By the time he figured out that something was amiss, it was too lake. Debbie probably started grafually separating herself from the marriage two or more years before she filed for divorce. Doug seems to me to have been s very atteactive convienent opportunity.

Bill proaably experienced a sense of foreboding, but did not have enough information to realize what was about to happen to him. His sense of uneasiness crystalized to suspicion when Ddbbie maade that comment about WHEN WE WERE MARRIED, and he noticed she had shaved ger gennitals. His reactions to what he discovered about her activities are about what I would have expected. Losing his wife, kids, and home in an instant is extremely painful, and its silly to think he should have reacted rationally instantly. I read chapter two as implying that he is slowly realize the challlenges he will face to put his life back together.

Have you ever known of a wimp who physically challenged some one who was younger, taller, faster, and stronger than he. Bill did it, and although he did not win the fight, the basic point is that he gave as good as he got.

The best way to charactrize Debbie is to simpy note that she is a predator and a developing slut. I mean how else would you describe someone who wantonly brought her fuck-buddy into her home and fucks him in the marital bed with her children being present.

AUTHOR: AS OTHERS HAVE INDICATED THIS IS YOUR STORY, SO LET YOUR CREATIVE JUCIES FLOW. pERSONALLY, i LIKE LONG JUCY STROIES, AND YOURS IS ONE OF THE BEST,

RrEGARDS,

dela.now2@live.com

I'm pretty sure about this.

Too strange for a teenager(and a teenager boy!), to let his mom brought a boyfriend to home and don´t do nothing.If was my mom, i´ll disown her.If he doesn´ t know who are at fault in the divorce, with a mom bringing a boyfriend to the house aswers all.It was a perfect story till that part.

Teens(principally male teens) fight all the time for territory.A third party out of nowhere will be burned.

Daniel, is obvious you don´t have children...

Hey Pissquick, I’m not sure I could dumb down anything far enough for a mono-cellular cretin like yourself. You spout such shit that I wonder if I should pity you for having a reversed digestive system – false teeth in your ass as a starter. Don’t forget to wipe your mouth.

I don’t take myself so seriously that I can’t see the humor in all this crap (in your case literally), but I just wish you wouldn’t actually insult the authors on here when presenting your views.

Before this gets too stupid, and I just know you have that within you, I started this with you, so give it your best shot smegma breath (I WAS going to call you a cocksucker but I know just how hard you’re trying to give it up).

Really good writing. I like it and want to read more. You have created real people with real problems and you make us care about them. I can do that and I know what I'm talking about (LynnGKS). I FEEL the problem you have created for our minds and emotions. He failed her - she didn't fail him (technically) until he forced her to. She enjoys her stud - he remains faithful. What will be her punishment for being unfaithful and his reward for faithful? We know! You have set it up. But how will she evert repay him? You will miss this question amid all the useless crap but if you happen to see it let me know at y1028y@aol.com. LynnGKS

Love your stories. I am addicted and will devour each one. You have a real talent and I look forward to anything you compose in the future.

Yeah Bill Jr. kind of irks me. I know if I were in his shoes I'd be saying a lot more to mommy dearest and planning the demise of Doug. But she brings some dude home, her FAMILY'S home that she shared with her husband, and the kid says nothing? Just acts like it's okay? At least kelly has shown some care and love towards her father, Billy Jr. acts like an ass.

But I love this story and can't wait to read more. My man Bill needs to take the Sgt's advice. Join a gym, make contributions to society, and find a woman who will appreciate him.

This is best story on here. That the commenter (Easyliving) might be physic. With the authors advising you stay with your story plot. With taking some useful ideas to better your story overall... I have grown to not mind having to wait for each chapter because each chapter is like a new story using some of the same characters, along with new characters. Kind of like a Soap Opera, NCIS, or other serials on TV.

I can't seem to pull myself away. You have done an excellent job of cultivating sadness within me. Fantastic writing, too. Some of he best I have seen on here.

Awesome I am really torn as well. Maybe he should have spent more time with kids. Wife still sounds like shes an ungrateful btich am many of them are. But kids are different.

at 1st i thought it was too long but now im reading it and thinking that could be me in 20 yrs reading these 1st 2 chapters has made me think i need to put my mrs 1st a lot more but most of all remember this was something that blew up cause the guys insecurity and i dont wanna do that as im sure any guy reading this is feeling looking forward to reading more

Hi thanks for this story - I am loving it have already had a cry even can't wait to read the rest:)

You mention the elderly BLACK juror, but then you don't mention the races of the other jurors. Did you really use "Japping" in a sentence?

Get a life youliberal fuck. You dickheads and you PC bullshit are ruining western life. Great story so far DQS!

crap

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