Whisper

There it was again, the attitude. She was treating me like I was her fucking gardener, not her husband. The difference was that now I knew where the bitchy behavior was coming from. Peyton was either feeling guilty about fucking Larry. Or she felt guilty about betraying me but either way, I was done taking it.

"Fuck you Peyton," I snapped. She was immediately stunned. In our entire relationship, I had never once raised my voice to her. I had also never responded with anything other than, "Okay, Peyton."

"If trimming the fucking hedges is that God damned important to you, then you do it yourself," I growled.

"Two, we're leaving," I yelled. He came around the garage carrying his helmet, his glove and his bat. We got into the new Mustang I'd bought only a month ago. This car was incredible. It wasn't a fucking Ferrari like Larry drove while he was at home in New York, but it was, in my opinion, the best Mustang ever made. 2013 was also the last year that Ford would be building the Boss 302 as well, so that made the car an instant collector's item.

I backed the car out of the driveway with Peyton standing there with her mouth open. She tried to call me a couple of times during the afternoon but I just let the calls go to voice mail. I sat there watching my son play baseball and feeling like my entire life was going down the drain. I was only thirty-two years old but I felt like I was close to a hundred. It was as if all of the life had simply been sucked out of me.

"Hey there," said a female voice from behind me. "Long time, no see. As I recall it we were pretty special to each other once. Then I did a really dumb thing and you left me for Peyton."

I looked up and saw Kathy standing there.

"Will, you look pretty down," she said. She sat down next to me and tried to cheer me up. When the game was over she was happy and as cheerful as ever while I dreaded going back home. Two's team won the game, but their rivals had also won their game earlier. To determine which of the two teams went to the local league's championship game, there had to be a one game, winner take all playoff.

The coaches got together and decided to play the game the next day. It would be a Sunday so the winning team would have the next six days to get ready for the championship game the following Saturday. Kathy told me that one of her coworkers had a son that had played for the other team. She gave me her card and told me to call her anytime I needed to talk.

Truthfully, I barely remember talking to Kathy at all. Peyton was my whole world and my whole world was in the shitter.

I hugged Two and told him that he'd played brilliantly. "Ice cream brilliant or McDonald's brilliant?" he asked.

I took him to McDonald's and got him his favorites. When we walked into the yard, Peyton had a houseful of her friends. Most of them would be helping with Two's party. Even my mom and sister and Peyton's sisters were there.

"Will, we need to talk," she said.

"Peyton, maybe we should talk later," I said. "You have company."

"But Will," she began. I turned and walked out of the room. In less than ten minutes, I'd threaded my way through the women there and the Boss and I were back on the road. I had no idea where I'd go or what I'd do. I only knew that I didn't want to be around Peyton.

I had to give it to her though. The woman didn't waste time. She was ready to have that talk and give me my walking papers. At least she didn't intend to cheat on me for years and stretch things out. I went and saw a friend of mine who handled a lot of the legal matters for the plant I worked in.

When I told him what I wanted, he ran his hand over my forehead.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" he asked. "Why the hell would you want to divorce HER?"

"Uhm didn't you get the part about HER cheating on me?" I said.

"Live with it," he said. "That woman is AMAZING."

"There's no one that is so amazing that you give up your pride for them," I said.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "You look pretty fucking miserable."

"Just get me the papers," I said.

"Okay, it'll take three days," he said. "It's the standard stuff. Irreconcilable differences. You get half; she gets half, plus child support and probably the house."

"No child support," I said. "And I'm keeping my house. She'll probably be living in a mansion in New York."

He looked up at me then and said, "Larry Miller?" I just nodded.

"Dude, I have to tell you something," he said smiling.

"Save it for next time," I said. He seemed like he really wanted to talk but I left. Just like with the first conversation I'd had with Peyton's father, I should have let him talk to me.

After leaving his office, I just drove around for a while. Peyton called me a couple of times but I didn't listen to the messages that she left or answer the phone. All the time that I was driving around, that nagging little voice in the back of my head kept saying the same thing.

"I told ya," it kept saying. "Why would someone like her ever want to be with a blockhead like you Charlie Brown?"

That whole thing brought me back to the question I was pondering when I began this small tale of love gone bad. Finding out that Peyton was cheating on me and the other things the women had whispered was the most painful thing in my life. As I drove aimlessly around town, I felt like a bullet to the head might be the best solution. And I wasn't talking about the latest Stallone movie.

Once again, the small town thing came up. There were simply only so many places I could drive before I started to repeat myself and it got boring. I kept playing the Evanescence song, "Whisper," over and over again because it really fit my mood. I guess that showed how pissed I was. Peyton, despite the fact that Sundays were usually spent languishing in bed with yours truly, still held on to some of her fanatical Catholic beliefs. There were simply some bands that she, despite having never really listened to them, associated with, "Devil worship." Evanescence was one of those bands.

Finally, when I'd had a chance to do some thinking, I decided that I wasn't doing myself any favors. I was acting like a child. Running away from the problem had never solved anything. There was also the fact that if Peyton had made her choice, there was nothing I could do about it. This was my chance to do what I should have done in the first place. This was my chance to take control of my own destiny.

What I needed to do was to just move on. The best possible scenario would be for me to take my years of experience and finally go ahead and get out of this town. Sure, I'd stayed here and I'd gotten comfortable, but that had only been because I had Peyton and Two. I'm only thirty two years old. It wasn't too late for me to find a woman who loved me for me and have my own kids. Maybe Boston, being a bigger, more modern city might even have a few women that would rival Peyton in terms of beauty. But to tell the truth, I was tired of spoiled, entitled bitches. Maybe this time I'd pick a woman for true love instead of growing to love a pretty face.

I needed to be calm and handle things far better than I had. I needed two more days for my lawyer to get the papers ready. Then I would take some time off from work and just go to Boston to see what I could do there. I'd immediately start my own online job search Monday at work or even tomorrow after Two's game.

I drove up into the driveway and waved at a lot of the departing ladies. I went up to play a few video games with my son while Peyton talked to the last of her lingering guests.

She passed by the room a couple of times and smiled in, but I pretended not to see her. Two was tired from his game that day and I could tell that even though it was still light outside that he was getting sleepy. "You have to play your best tomorrow, Champ," I told him. "So you'd better hit the hay."

Within a few moments, he was asleep. I went back downstairs and into the garage. I got the hose and buckets and all of my car wash supplies out. I had just soaped the car down after rinsing it thoroughly when Peyton came outside. For a while she stood there and watched me and I pretended not to notice that she was there.

She had the biggest smile on her face as she watched me. There was something that was just so sexy about her that I couldn't help but get angry all over again. Why the hell had she picked me to twist to her will. There were probably hundreds of guys in town. I knew that I was being unfair to her. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And at every step of the way, I'd always had the choice to walk away. She had even asked me to marry her. I could have said, "No," at any time.

Maybe she saw this as just another step. Maybe she thought that she could go out and occasionally fuck Larry and then come home to me. I had read about shit like that on the internet. But I just wasn't that kind of guy.

"Will," she said tapping me on the shoulder. "Can we talk?"

"There's no need," I said. "I already know."

"Well, I can tell you're not happy about it but can I at least explain this to you from my point of view?" she said.

"This isn't something, I planned Will. It just sort of happened and we..." she began.

"Tell the truth for once, Peyton," I said, far more angrily than I'd planned. "It's something that you have been thinking about in the back of your for a long time, right? You've probably been thinking about it since the beginning."

"Is it really that big a God damned deal?" she asked angrily. "Does everything we do have to be according to some grand plan that YOU have?" she asked.

"Peyton, I've never been able to plan anything with us. Ever since I met you it seems like I just react to what you want and try to make YOU happy. So I guess this shouldn't be any different from everything else. Just do what you want."

"You know Will, maybe I don't know you as well as I thought I did," she said. She looked as if she was going to cry. "Somehow, I thought that this would make you happy. Somehow I thought that even if you weren't that keen on the idea, you'd see how happy it makes me, how fulfilled I am and that would make you happy too."

The next thing I knew, she was walking away crying and I was even angrier.

I turned the volume back up on my headphones just as Amy Lee launched into the chorus.

* * * * * *

Don't turn away. Don't give in to the pain.

Don't try to hide. Though they're screaming your name.

Don't close your eyes. God knows what lies behind them.

Don't turn out the light. Never sleep, never die.

* * * * * *

When they got to the end of the song, instead of the whispered voices in Latin, I kept hearing those two women whispering about Peyton and Larry. I got even angrier and had to calm myself down. After I washed my car, I went into the kitchen to grab something to eat. Peyton came in while I was looking through the refrigerator.

"Do you want me to make you a plate?" she asked calmly.

"No thank you," I said just as calmly. She looked at me strangely.

"Suit yourself then," she said. "But, I don't want any crumbs in my bed so..."

"You don't have to worry about that Peyton," I interrupted. "I'll sleep in the other room."

"No you are not," she hissed. "Just because we disagree over what I do with my own body does not mean that you get to..."

"Stop Peyton," I said. "I'm trying to keep things as calm around here as possible. So I want you to listen to me for once. No matter how we feel, or how we used to feel. There are more important things around here to deal with. For instance, Two has the most important game of his life tomorrow. If his team wins they go to the league championships next week. We don't need to wake him up because we're arguing. Can we let him have his chance to be in the spotlight without ruining his moment by making this about us?" She nodded.

"You're a good father Will," she said. "That's why it..."

"Peyton, you can't have it both ways," I interrupted. "And that's always been one of your problems. Even in the beginning Peyton, I went along with it because I loved you so much. But in the beginning it was you screwing Larry and me getting to take care of you," her eyes narrowed when I said that.

"But now you come in here and you tell me that we're disagreeing about what you want to do with your own body, yet you want to tell me where I can lay MY body down to sleep. You can't have it both ways Peyton," I said.

"Will, I don't know what's gotten into to you lately," she said. "You've been acting crazy all day. But when you come to your senses..."

"Peyton, you've been treating me like shit all week," I countered. "But I found out why, this morning and..."

"So you understand then?" she said.

"I just think that maybe a couple of days away from each other would put this into perspective," I said.

"Will, I don't want a couple of HOURS away from you," she said tearfully. "But I'll do whatever you want. And she left the kitchen. "Goodnight Will," she sobbed.

The next morning I woke up early and made breakfast for Two. That way he'd be ready for his game. I wasn't hungry and strangely Peyton didn't get up. I couldn't believe that she wasn't planning on coming to the game. But maybe having a chance to sneak off and fuck Larry was more important than her child's happiness. Or maybe it was just a case of Larry getting all of the fun and me getting all of the responsibility, as usual.

We got to the ball park pretty early. We were there about an hour before the game was supposed to start. I grumbled hello to several other parents and sat down in the bleachers to watch the warm ups. Just before the game started, I realized why Peyton wasn't there or at least I thought I had. It was Sunday and Peyton always liked the eleven o'clock Mass.

The game started right on-time. I waved at Kathy when I saw her in the stands. She'd told me the day before that a coworker of hers had a child who played on the other team. We'd beaten that team yesterday. Their season was over. I couldn't think of a reason for her coworker or the coworker's child to be here. I also noticed that she was sitting alone.

I didn't gesture for her to come and sit with me because I just wanted to be alone. She seemed to be talking on her phone a lot anyway. I tried to concentrate on the game, but I couldn't. My mind kept going back to Peyton. I couldn't believe that I'd been so stupid.

By the fourth inning it was obvious that the game was going to be a tough one. The lead had seesawed several times and at the end of the fourth, we had a one run lead that I knew wouldn't hold up. I looked at Two and whistled as loud as I could when he fielded a ground ball and threw the batter out at first and then settled back into position like a pro.

I barely noticed as someone settled onto the bleacher next to me.

"Which one is my kid?" he asked. I thought he'd said which one is YOUR kid.

"The shortstop," I said without thinking.

"Oh he's good," he said. "He's a chip off the old block. He's just like I was at his age. Of course, I played football instead of baseball."

I turned and looked at Larry Miller's smiling face. I was filled with a rage that I'd never known in my life. I had to keep it together I told myself. As we watched, Larry cheered and whistled along with everyone else.

"Hey, why does he have your last name?" he asked. I ignored him.

"Why do they keep calling him Two when his number is eighteen?" he asked.

"Two is his nickname," I said. "Instead of calling him Jr. we call him Two."

"Wait," he said. "You named my fucking kid after yourself. You're a piece of work buddy."

Two's team won in the last inning. They managed in the top of the inning to pound out three runs to give them a two run lead and held it with solid defensive fielding.

"See ya later," said Larry. "I'm going down there to meet my kid."

I jumped down off of the bleachers instead of walking over to the end and going down the stairs.

When Larry stepped off of the bleachers, I move in front of him.

"Larry, stay away from him," I said. He just smiled as he looked down at me. Larry wasn't much bigger than me but he was bigger.

"Why can't I go and see my own kid?" he asked.

"Because he's not your fucking kid," I said. "You gave up any and all right to see him, meet him or do anything else with him, when you ran your ass out of town as soon as Peyton told you she was pregnant."

"I had better things to do with my life than get tied down to some small town prom queen," he said. "But now I'm back and I'm going to be a part of my son's life."

We'd gotten louder and louder to the point where a lot of people were watching us. Larry tried to push me out of the way and I lost it. I punched him in the face as hard as I could. The first punch rocked him. The second punch knocked him on his ass. And I followed him down to the ground, raining punch after punch on him long after he'd stopped even trying to defend himself. I felt arms trying to pull me off of Larry and then everything went blank.

* * * * * *

Peyton

I never had to vomit. I woke up Sunday morning with my stomach tied up in knots as it had been for the past week or so. I reached for Will and then remembered that he'd slept in the guest room last night. I still didn't understand why he was being such an asshole. In the entire time that we'd been together, this was the first time we'd ever disagreed on anything. And it was too late to put that Genie back in the bottle. There was nothing that could be done about it now. It wasn't like I could take a pill and be un-fucked.

As I looked at the clock on the wall after taking a shower, I noticed that it was far later than I'd thought. It was too late for me to even do what I'd planned to do that day. I'd planned on showing up at Two's game to sit by Will in the stands. I love my son. The only thing that comes close is how much I love his father. But baseball is just boring. There is no point to it. I mostly just go to the games to sneak in a little bit more time with my husband. I love sitting there holding his hand. I love to see him jump up and whistle whenever Two does something. He is a much better and much more involved father than mine ever dreamed of being.

It's a good thing that Two has two parents though, because I've missed this game. The only question now is whether I have to be cheerful, "Championship Mom," or consoling, "We'll get 'em next year Mom."

As a car pulls into our driveway, I feel funny. It doesn't sound like Will's Mustang. I walk over to the door and see Two walking into the house with a big smile on his face. But his coach is the one behind him and he looks funny.

"Hey Two," I said. "Congratulations Honey. Where's your dad?"

"He had to do something with the Sheriff," says Two, hoisting his trophy into my face.

"When Dad gets here we're going to McDonald's," he smiled. "We ALWAYS go to McDonald's." He excitedly ran upstairs to his room.

"Ron, where's Will?" I asked. Ron was the coach of Two's team and a friend of both mine and Will's.

"Peyton, Will is in jail," said Ron. "He beat the cowboy shit out of Larry Miller. We're lucky it was after the game and all of the kids were on the field waiting for their trophies. They had to Taser him, Peyton. I've never seen Will or anyone else that angry in my life. It was scary. It was like he was fighting for his life. Nobody around here really likes Larry Miller. He's a piece of shit and he always has been. He's gotten engaged to and fucked two or three of the girls who work around town and always runs back to New York."

"Yeah," I said. "He was kind of slimy back when we were in college too. I haven't seen him in years. God, my son is eight years old so I'd say it was almost nine years since the last time I saw him."