All Comments on 'Who You Calling A Butch!'

Kind of a short story, but written like it really happened. I just wish it was all a bit more descriptive is all.

man g yo storie wuz off da hook, cuz ya know ya hardly eva read a story about black women bein lesbianz, and all you hear is sum white bitchez fuckin. but yo storie dayum g it had me hot n ready to fuck. man g yo story wuz tight fa real!

first of all, can a clit leak semen? do women even have semen? I dont think so and im pretty sure nothing comes out of a clit. lol. Oh well, nice story.

This entire piece was grammatically incorrect....was proof reading included in your writing process???

well, it got me off,(thats not the point) but the grammer was shitty. was this written by a kid or what?, like i had to read it differently just to understand it... this person should take more literature classes, then write stories.

http://community.livejournal.com/weepingcock/425034.html

Just. Clits. Semen. What.

There are a lot of grammatical issues with this piece, most notably the quotation marks in this paragraph:

<i>“Looking at me with those red chinky eyes Naisha,” said what’s up Ty! “You want to share some of this smoke with me? “Hell yeah ma, I replied!”</i>

It's very unclear who is speaking, or even what is meant to be spoken and what isn't. Also, you should probably introduce the narrator's name earlier, or make it more clear, because for most of the story it was unclear who 'Ty' was.

Also, GIRLS DO NOT PRODUCE SEMEN. They just. Don't.

Seriously, you need to learn a few things about storytelling and writing erotica. Who'd you learn grammar from, Terra Gilesbie?