Why Did She Hate Me?

As Grace cut into the cake and cut a slice for every one James wondered why Rachael was still behind Grace. As James took his first fork full he thought he could see Rachael hold her breath, after he chewed and swallowed then he delivered his verdict that this was the best cake he has had in over 4 years. "Well son I wish I could take credit for it but Rachael here slaved over that cake all day. I have never seen anyone place such care in making a cake but your right it's even better than mine."

As James spoke he saw Rachael features relax and she looked more relieved and then she went back to her normal that he had seen since he had arrived. A small smile on her face as she walked around the table and sit down and started to eat some of the cake as well. James decided that since his mom and now apparently his cousin made this meal they would get to rest while Frank and he washed the dishes.

James got a look of pain when he voiced his opinion and his mom and cousin agreed. As he started the hot water in the sink. He gave his dad the job of drying the dishes they had just finished putting the last dish away. When both women entered the kitchen to review the work they had just finished. Grace voiced her approval to Rachael and added that Frank should help in the kitchen more often instead of hiding out in the garage when dishes need to be done. Frank just chuckled and admitted "what can I say she's got my number."

Now the dishes were done they all retired out to the living room Rachael taking James's chair and Frank and Grace on the couch James elected to sit in the chair opposite of Rachael. There was some more small talk and jabs handed around. James sit and listened and watched Rachael out of the corner of his eye. As the night went on it was soon decided that it as getting late. James stood and said that his 4 hour drive took more out of him than he realized decided it was time to hit the shower and then get some sleep. As he headed to the stairs he heard his mom and dad agree that it was late and they should get some sleep. As he walked up he noticed that Rachael was still sitting in the living room and had turned on the TV.

James walked into the bathroom and picked a towel out of the stack as well as a wash cloth. While showering James replayed the events over in his head over and over. And he found himself fixating on Rachael. He hadn't seen her in 4 years and she had filled into her figure very nicely from what little he was able to see her breast had filled out as well as her hips. She didn't have the full body hourglass figure but it wasn't far from it. From the talk at dinner he knew she was in college and was impressed that she didn't gain the freshman 20. He noticed that her pretty red hair was still as dark red as he remembered. And that her brown eyes seemed to be as hypnotic as he also remembered. He figured her for atleast a c-cup maybe a d-cup and had grown another inch or two.

As he finished he turned the water off and picked up the towel as he started to wrap it around his waste he realized that he had an erection. This disturbed him greatly, after he left so long ago he questioned his feelings about Rachael. Even though they couldn't be he wondered if he could still feel that way even after what she had done to him. Well now he had his answer, but he couldn't decide if it was lust or love that he felt for her.

James cracked the bathroom door to see if anyone was in the hallway he didn't want anyone to see the erection he had. Seeing no one he turned to turn off the light and when he turned around and opened the door he almost ran smack into Rachael. Shocked he jumped back as did she.

He felt his face turning red over the embarrassment of being caught with a hardon. James apologized saying that he didn't see her there. Rachael quickly returned the apology saying that she didn't know he was still in the bathroom she saw the light was off and wanted to get her shower. As James walked passed Rachael she said his name and he stopped and turned towards her. " Did you really like that desert or were you just saying that you liked it."

"No Rach I really liked it, it was very good." Rachael slowly started to smile and told him thank you.

In his rush to get to his room James didn't realize that his towel wasn't secured to his waste as well as it should have been then when he jumped back that just helped loosen the towel now that he had turned which caused the towel to loosen more he felt the knot give and his towel start to fall exposing himself in front of Rachael. Reaching for the towel was fruitless.

Now he did it, due to his haste and not tying the towel as tight as he should earned him being nude in front of his cousin, with his erection straining. Embarrassed he grabbed the towel and dove into his room shutting the door. As he walked over to his dresser he pulled out his sleeping shorts and shirt. As he put them on he couldn't believe how stupid he was. Not only did he ruin his chance of talking to Rachael but she had seen him with pole at full mask. What next was his dad going to come in and tell him that he found James old play boys and hid them in his closet? James turned off the top light in his room and reached for his desk lamp. As he turned it on he noticed something on his bed that wasn't there when he had unpacked. It looked to be an envelope as he walked over to his bed he picked it up with nothing written on the front as he turned it over to open it he noticed that it had a single peace of tape holding the flap down.

As James opened the letter he laid down on his bed taking the letter with him. As he held it in his hands he began to read the letter.

Dear James

I think we should talk about what happened 4 years ago. Rachael

p.s. look at your door

James looked up at his door to see that Rachael had snuck into his room without him realizing it. James immediately begin to get apprehensive. Since his return home he hadn't spoken a dozen words to her and she is now in his room. He had hoped that any interaction between the two of them would have occurred when Grace and Frank were nearby. But now here she was he setup in bend and set on the edge he offered her a spot but Rachael gently shook her head.

"James can we talk. I would really want to talk about what happened the last time we saw each other. I know I was wrong I was hurt and that I had said somethings that had hurt you, but 4 years. I don't think that I deserve that, and mom and dad practically having to beg you to tell them what was going on in your life they defiantly don't deserve that."

James listened to his cousin talk he couldn't believe it. Here she was asking why he hadn't contacted her and why he had kept his parents at arms length. He had thought about this moment for 4 years. What he would say what he would do. He was hoping it wouldn't have been tonight he really was tired from his drive not to mention the stress he felt all night. Well now was the time he was going to tell her everything. His feelings for her and about how he felt after the last fight they had he was going to let it all out in the open and if she wasn't ready to accept it or didn't accept it he would be leaving and going home at 6:00 in the morning.

As James started to speak he realized that she wasn't at the door where he had last seen her in all his mental preparation he hadn't notice that she had taken the spot next to him that he had offered.

As James turned to look at her he realized that his face was just inches from his and that made him feel very uncomfortable. James stood up and faced Rachael, looking into her eyes and she looking into his. "Do you know how I felt when I left 4 years ago. How I felt when the little cousin I loved like a sister yelled at me calling me a big dumb jock for trying to keep her from being known as the sophomore slut to the foot ball team, or how I felt when I was told that mom and dad were worried that I might screw my scholarship up because of my grades. How about this one when I was being told I shouldn't take the scholarship that I should let someone take it that I wasn't worth the time and effort. Here was another one that was also my favorite why I had to endure the looks my dorm mate gave me because I wouldn't tell him why I had a hand print on my face. I only wanted to protect you and you slapped me."

"When we were growing up I didn't mind you hanging around because I loved you. I always wanted a baby sister and you were that sister to me."

As Rachael listened she understood how much she had hurt him. But he said something that surprised her and he had said it twice he loved her. How did he love her was it what she was hoping it would be? Her vision started to get watery as she listened to how badly she had hurt him in her fit of anger. She felt she could just barley understand how he felt when he left those long 4 years ago and how he had felt up until this point.

"And what really hurt Rachael was the look on your face. I knew what it was and it hurt the most. It was a look of total finality that you were done with me for the rest of your life. So when you told me to get out of your life and stay out I did. I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I knew you were hurt when I threw Rickey out. He never came back did he? Did he even tell you I called his coach and told him that he was trying to force him self on some sophomore? I didn't say any names the coach removed him from the team. He was tired of how Rickey treated the girls he was with and didn't like what it was doing to the other players." At this point Rachael started crying. She was crying for all she was worth. James couldn't believe that he had made her cry he was just trying to let her know how he felt.

Rachael stood up and started moving for the door, as she reached for the handle she left James hand grab her wrist, as she looked up at him James did something surprised her. James pulled her into a hug, which she eagerly accepted. As James hugged Rachael he stroked her hair and rubbed his hand up and down on her back and whispering that he loved her and that he was sorry that he made her cry that he just wanted her to know how he felt. And then he said it again "Rachael I love you. That's why I have stayed out of your life. I didn't want to hurt you again. I have missed you. I just hope you love me as much as I love you. I only wanted the best for you. Please forgive me for hurting you."

Rachael stood there with her cousin he was hugging her and telling her that he loved her and she wanted to know how he loved her. As she struggled to get ahold of her self to slow her crying she felt so touched at even while trying to express how he felt that he cared about how she felt. All she wanted to do was stay in his arms and be close to him but if she didn't make her move now she never would be able to. Rachael looked up at her cousin and looked into his eyes and then she made her move she grabbed the back of his head and pulled him into a kiss.

James was shocked at this point when his cousin looked up at him and looked into his eyes he couldn't understand what he was seeing in her eyes. And then he felt her hands grab the back of his head and pull him into a kiss. It wasn't a short sisterly kiss. It was a kiss that he had seen but never felt. It was soft and tender and in that one kiss she had opened her heart to him. James was over whelmed his mind was trying to comprehend what was happing. When Rachael pulled back from the kiss James looked into her eyes what he saw was fear. She was sacred how he would respond to her kiss.

As Rachael looked into James eyes her only thought was he said he loves me show me how you love me. She felt James hand that was rubbing her back stop when she pulled him into the kiss. His hand was at the small of her back. As Rachael looked up into James eyes trying to decipher what he was thinking she felt his hand begin to move up she felt James arms pull her closer to him and his hand go to the back of her had as he pulled her into a kiss. This kiss like the one she had given him was gentle and answered her question of how he loved her. She felt his lips begin to part and his tongue tentively touch the front of her hips. She instantly responded by opening her lips and allowing his tongue to enter her mouth. As their tongues danced with each other she felt his other hand slide slowly down her body until it reached the small of her back hesitant to go any lower.

When James pulled back from the kiss he looked into her eyes the fear was gone replaced buy the same look he saw at dinner. He looked her right in the eyes "Rachael I love you, I love you more than a cousin, I love you more than a sister. I have fallen in love with you.

Just as Rachael starts to open her mouth to respond a loud beeping blocked out her words. James startles awake soaking in sweat he looks over at his alarm clock the digital display shows it being 7:30 am. He shuts the alarm off and lies back in bed. As he lays there he thinks about the dream he just had.

He has had this same dream for the past month ever since his parents called and begged him to come home. It was 4 years ago that he left to go to college. He has barley spoken to them since he left and he hasn't spoken to his cousin at all since she slapped him and told him to get out of her life. He tried his damnest to do as she wished. Now he is going back home for the next three weeks. Of course Rachael will be there and he will have to face her now. James sits up in his bed and turns so he is sitting at the edge with feet on the floor.

He realized for the second time in his life that he loved his cousin he wanted to be with her he last words he said in his dream ringing in his head. Rachael I love you, I love you more than a cousin, I love you more than a sister. I have fallen in love with you.

As James walks out the door of his bed room and headed to the kitchen to get himself a cup of coffee he wonders how Rachael will feel and if she will even speak to him.

Rachael opened her mouth to respond to James declaration of love a loud buzzing blocked out what she was trying to say. Rachael started awake as she looks over at her alarm clock 7:30 she had to get ready to leave soon. She had asked Grace to show her how to make pineapple upside down cake James's favorite desert. She had a 2 hour drive. As Rachael slowly climbs out of bed she feels a unexpected chill from the air she realizes she is covered in sweat. When Rachael called Grace and told her she would be home for Christmas last month Grace told her that James would be there this year. Ever since then she has had the same dream over and over. It ends with him declaring his love her. His words echoed over and over again in her head "Rachael I love you, I love you more than a cousin, I love you more than a sister. I have fallen in love with you."

Rachael reaching for the door knob knows when James will be getting to their parents house even though it was only a dream every detail of the dream seemed real. Even though they aren't her real parents she calls them mom and dad and considers them as her parents. As Rachael heads to the shower she recalls 4 years ago when she said those terrible words to James "James I want you to get out of fucking life and never comeback."

It was only after he had left did she realize that she loved him, missed him, and needed him. After he had left things changed she couldn't find a reason to be happy she ditched her friends as they only wanted to know how James was doing. After James left she thought about what had happened over and over again. And realized that her love wasn't that of a cousin, or a sister it was that of someone that wanted to be his lover. As Rachael starts to shower she started crying again only thing she could keep on her mind was that she loved him and she had told him to get out of her life. And as she finished her shower she forced a new thought into her head one she heard every night in her dream, but this time instead of just thinking of the words she says the words.

"Rachael I love you, I love you more than a cousin, I love you more than a sister. I have fallen in love with you."

To Be Continued...