by 2Xwidderwoman
Get rid of the slang terms for you penis, it distracts from the story. A little more elaborate would help and find someone to edit. Hope this helps and keep writing.
I appreciate the humor. Makes me want to plunge my erected symbol of manhood into her velvety wetness.
Sexy, hot, hilarious, and totally original. I loved all those humourous terms in there, ignore the others. Let them read just about every other story there is here if that's what they want. I hate baby talk mixed in with sex talk, and definitely wouldn't refer to this as 'cutesy', though it was funny and sexy at the same time. My only disappointment here was the ending: it came too soon! (no pun intended) Would've loved to have kept on reading through the subsequent fucks...hope there's a chapter2 in the near future! Thanks for this and keep writing... PLEASE!!!
I like the story; it was neatly done, with an interesting premise and two interesting, although flat, characters. I loved the plethora of synonyms for a penis.
I was confused by the line because there was no indication anywhere that she undressed, "I looked down at her neatly trimmed pussy."
I thought I should look you up and read one of your stories, after the comments and suggestions you made about my story. When I have time I'll read some others. Right now I'm working on a novel for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo.com) and still have 21,000+ words to write.
Throb knob? Bush beater?
A good thing that I wasn't drinking milk when I read this, or it would have been out-the-nose city. What a hoot. Flex those alliterative muscles, Baby!
This one's a blast!
you hetros are filthy animals arnt you.? women are usefull for two things washing up and breeding to keep the next generasion of gay clubs full.? lol
Why all the stupid kiddie type names ???? Isn't this an ADULT site ???? - only 1 star - I wish I could have given this a negative rating.
Sarah Leather, London England.
This is an author's labor of love.
I am tired of all the lazy, selfish, 'adult children' out there who feel entitled to bash people for absolutely nothing. Literotica is a place where anyone can write, and publish, their sexy-as-they-want-to-be stories (for your free reading pleasure), for others to read and enjoy. If it's not your cup of tea (to turn a phrase), move on. If you liked it, or have some constructive criticism, use the comments section to help the author.
If you feel it necessary to post negative, empty comments about a writer's story - or elements of it - please have the guts to write & submit your own work.
Disrespectfully,
Quinn from Canada
PS - 2Xwidderwoman: Well written, and enjoyable. Nicely done!
I really enjoyed this. Short, sweet and deliciously humerous. Thank you for sharing your writing with us.
PaulFelly