All Comments on 'You Could've Heard a Pin Drop Ch. 02'

As always, Woodie wrote a very enjoyable tale. The first chapter was more provocative and exciting. Thanks.

Needs a bit of editing but I really enjoyed this part 2, actually enjoyed both parts. Hard to believe a pretty chick like Jackie did not move on after 3 years, but obviously we needed that little crisis and plot device for some last minute drama in the pub before our hero proposed to Juanita. Thanks for writing.

This is a love story and awith a ending I enjoyed! Keep it U P.

I normally don't comment about my own stories but I feel the need on this one. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation that I found, actually my wife found, after the story had been posted.

There are several words that needed eds added, there were at least three places that a comma should have been used.

The pub was to serve lunch from 11 AM until 10 PM and close at 2 AM (not 2 pm) and as usual there were some misspelled words. Champagne for one.

I should have waited a few days to post the story and done a final read through and had my wife read the story before I posted.

I usually end a story and leave it to live its own life. " Life goes on" for the characters and the story and the characters become a part of my writing history. This story came to me out of no where as I began to think about Jake and his life after Jackie and this is what jumped out of my head. I couldn't wait to write and post this chapter and didn't edit the story as well as I should have.

This isn't an excuse but an explanation. My mistake was not one of laziness or not wanting to do the work but one of being overly excited by my story.

I hope these mistakes don't keep you from enjoying the story and thanks for reading my work.

woodmanone

I enjoyed the story and appreciate the posting. It was plenty clear enough to understand. Besides, it was told first person from a construction guy... so you kinda' expect a few grammar slips. They actually authenticate the feel of the story (don't take that the wrong way, I'm not say'n... I'm just say'n).

I'm as much of a perfectionist as anybody, but people who come to a free site and nit pick about inconsequential errors of grammar drive me nuts. If it bothers them that much, tell them you'll give them their money back! Sheesh!

I liked both parts. The only omission was Jackie's mindset, but I guess she cheated herself out of their relationship, so no matter.

I love a happy ending without it being too schmaltzy and this one fit the bill just nicely.

Thank you,

Norman D

It was a great story and well written. Thanks for sharing.

Cogratulations, your typical fine writing and, in addition, you have improved Jakes chaacter from alchoholic thug to likeable human being . Nice job.

the Ct. Yankee

The original story was good but not exceptional, with part two you've rounded it out and extended it into one of your best.

I do like happy endings

And yes, I agree with the others, this chapter is a little better than the first. I know the feeling of having an idea and wanting to get it out immediately. Been there, done that without too many regrets. You needn't have any either.

Jake is a great character. He is in love with Jackie and trusting but not baffled by her BS. He sees the crap she is pulling and simply removes her from his life. He very nicely wraps up ALL her actions as cheating, the lying, the kissing, the sexy dancing. In an affair the actual sex is often the smallest part of the cheating that goes on and Jake called it right on the money. And he stick to his beliefs. This second part was just a recovery from the fiasco with Jackie and shows how people can move on. Most people do exactly that, move on. The snake briefly shows up to tempt him but he clearly and quickly dispatches her. Jackie is still clueless. Why would she think he still loves her after what she did to him? She thinks she is going to treat him like a lost puppy and take him in. She's pretty sad. But he brushes her off and goes on with his good life. Not a lot of fireworks, just a good solid tale for this second part.

I love stories with a good ending; yours was no exception. Even though the story line was fairly predictable, you brought me to the ending as smoothly and as entertaining as the best! Look forward to your next work...

Chapter 1 was very well done. Jake gave Jackie every benefit of doubt until he was forced to face her behavior. That is not acting the wimp, it is called love! Once he knew he could not trust her he moved on despite the pain. Chapter 2 was even better. You did a very good job defining the characters and created a very believable story line. Throughout Jake acted with integrity and stayed true to his core values.

should really leave it at that. you can only fuck up in a part 3. great story thanks

Good story in the tradition as great story tellers such as La'Mour and Hemingway.

You should keep it as a two parter as more will only screw it up.

I love a feel-good story. If there's another chapter, you don't HAVE to put "the Bitch" in it...but if you DO decide to do that...keep her a footnote, PLEASE! LOL! I'm a sucker for happy endings!

You've become a good story teller. Excellent story.

you're definately improving in your quality of writing. I would like to see how their relationship evolves. I mean, with children, school, work...things are bound to change and I would like to see more of your characters. Very well done.

Good finish to this story! Appreciate it, also appreciate your understanding of the military!

This excellent story is another fine example of your ability to write. Your extensive knowledge on many topics (e.g., the military) add depth and favor to what you compose. RAG

As long as the story flows well, small grammatical errors are easily overlooked. It didn't seem that "You Could've Heard a Pin Drop" needed a chapter 2 but you pulled it off extremely well. All these big tough noble honorable veteran types just make me want to go out and salute the flag, enlist in the Marines, kill a gomer, and have dirty sex with an LBFM. Ah those were the good old days. As a wise general once said; "Gawd I LOVE the smell of napalm in the morning."

The author is a very good story teller, and has a good tale to spin. It has been an enjoyment to read this story. Thanks

The errors didn't bother me. The characters in this one were strong and had some depth. I liked it.

I really enjoyed chapter 2. I realize Jackie's appearance was a literary device but it seemed unneeded. I will be reading more or your work.

Everyone likes a happy ending. A true loving wives story!

Thanks for writing!

I was pleasantly surprised to see a chapter 2. I loved it! Loved the happy ending--

Thank you for allowing me to be lost in a delicious moment of readership.

Very well written and I love happy endings!!!

finest kind

A big navy "E"! (For Excellence)

Realistic and the right ending. Three cheers for a man with genuine dignity.

for their lifes voyage... Great story and a cast of real people.

Was a warm fuzzy story. Just like the bar. Thank you. Jim

Nice to read a story that could be from real life. Nice work.

I have just finished reading all your stories and have to apologize. I did not remember to give them all five stars and for that I apologize.

You have given me many hours of enjoyment with your good stories. It just goes to show that the best literotica does not have to be erotic in the sense of limited to varieties of explicit sex - not that I mind that occasionally. Many writers forget that there needs to be a story line. You have mastered this art.

Thanks for all the pleasure.

title sez it all, ya done a goodun here.

Well deserved 5 star rating!

of how a story on Lit without explicit sex can be touching and entertaining. There are some other authors here that also do this well but I'm so happy to have come across woodmanone!

I have no objection to, and enjoy the erotic literature here but there is also room for stories such as this. Thanks!

and very well written. As the previous commenter said, this kind of story is very welcome to the literotica stories.

re-check your life and start a wife. TK U MLJ LV NV

he gave her a chance once and she blew it. There wouldn't be another chance to fuck him over. Gave it 25 stars. Woodmanone this is one of the best stories here.

Nice finish.

I went through all your stories, over the last couple of days.

I found them all to be excellent. Really well written and they seem to grab your attention. Your westerns are really good, I hope you write more. Thank you!!!

Really enjoyed it--thanks for writing. Must go thru and make sure I've read all your stories.

Thanks again, tom anon

P.S. Could you give me Jackie's phone number?

gave it a 5 with one and two chapters. did a great job.

Great finish to the tale of Jake and his people. In the end everyone was happy. Nice treat was the old girlfriend rebuffed trying to hook back up with Jake. Great tale.

Finest Kind Sargent Jake!

Chap 2 is better than Chap 1 - something you don't often see.

Well done and very enjoyable.

Thx!

Totally enthralling and engaging extremely well laid out.

I thoroughly enjoyed that little tale.

Sometimes when you decide it time for you to settle down on your OWN timetable after cheating, it's too late. It was perfect in this case.

this was one of those that i laughed at and cry too

woodmanone you have a wonderful way with the word you write

Very good and entertaining story...thank you...

He did well and lived true to his code - it was the right thing to do.

Did the ex ever really learn - probably - fear motivated her and that is understandable - but she lied and betrayed rather than talk to him - what happens next time she feels overwhelmed or unsure?? Maybe she did grow up but she needs to grow past it and live forward.

have read this a couple of times. it is wonderful. cheers up your heart. thank you

But that was more a function of what I like, not the quality of the story.

I read for the drama of infidelity. This had very little to do with that. It was a page about bar scheduling and a page of romance with a paragraph of Jackie.

Since I don't care that much about bars, and I'm a bit low on romance, it's a personal choice.

But please do not let me dissuade you from writing further.

If a bit "soap-opraish" with all the pairing off of the new couples!

But it had a good and entertaining plot and interesting characters.

Thanks and please keep writing!

loved the story. really was "the finest kind".

this one plays out on a daily basis... I was not like Jake... I fell for the bait and still paying for it...

Jackie is everything I think of when I consider the opposite sex. All about me, me, me.

I have my own 'Jackie' story. My Jackie, in this case Jonni, was very much the same. I heard rumblings that although we were about to be married in less than 60 days, Jonni was doing things she wouldn't do, if I were there. What? The love of my life not being quite as in love as me? Truthfully, the idea never crossed my mind and when I heard the first few reports, I never gave them a second thought.

Then I happened to stop by their watering hole, I'd misplaced our house key and needed to get in. Walking in, I looked around and didn't see Jonni so I had a seat and ordered a beer while I watched for her. Soon enough, I saw her walking off the dance floor and the way she was being held and the way she was looking up into his face, I suddenly understood what everyone was saying. Before they sat, she lifted her mouth and the kiss they shared was not unlike her and I together. Stunned, I just sat and watched.

Over the next few hours, I watched them dance/fuck, swap more spit than her and I ever did and saw her allow his hands inside her shirt where her boobs hung unencumbered by a bra. By watching her face I saw each time he twisted her nipples and watched as she did something I thought she did for only me, let her nipples be stimulated enough to make her orgasm. He laughed while she came, enjoying what she let him do. I was able to see it over and over since I first took photos with my cell phone and then video. I wanted there to be no mistake why we were no longer 'we'.

Our house was a rental and we paid it month to month. Leaving the bar, I headed home where I pried open our bedroom window and made it inside. Downloading the incriminating pictures and video to my laptop, I proceeded to run off a copy of each picture and laid them on our bed. Then I packed up my few possessions, I wanted nothing that was 'ours', and headed to a buddies house. After I showed him the video, he just said, "I told you, man." He told me I could stay as long as I wanted.

My cell phone started ringing nonstop at about 2am. I'd forgotten to turn it off and after it woke me up, I took the time to shut it off and went back to sleep. You know how people will tell you it's impossible to shut love off? Maybe there is something wrong with me, but after I witnesses what I did, I hardly even thought of her again. Oh, there would be some explaining to friends and family, but other than that, we were done.

Listening to the 73 messages the next morning, they started out hysterical after she found the pictures, then went wild when she found I'd moved out. She actually begged and pleaded for another chance, it meant nothing, she'd never do it again, we were meant for each other, she loved me like no one else, etc. I deleted them all, then went to work, where I run a front end loader in a gravel pit. It's a huge machine, able to load a dump truck with one single scoop, right at 9 yards of rock. Suffice to say, when running equipment like that, capable of destroying anything if you aren't paying attention, I never thought of my ex again.

At lunch time while I was eating my lunch, after deleting 26 more messages without listening, I had what seemed like a good idea then. I sent most of the pictures and the entire video to Jonni's parents house with a caption reading, "THIS IS WHY THE WEDDING IS OFF." I worked the rest of the day and when we shut down for the day, I checked my phone again and found where her parents not only called me, but Jonni called me more, screaming about 'how could you do that to me'?

I never spoke to Jonni again. She was a stranger to me, obviously I never knew the woman who I thought would spend the next 50 years with me. I did have one talk over the phone with her Dad and he was very nice, although they were both hurt badly by the split. I explained everything left in our house was Jonni's, I wanted nothing to do with it. He argued with me, I paid most of the money but I held firm and said if she didn't want anything, give it to the Goodwill. He was unhappy about one thing, the same as Jonni, that I had burned all of our pictures and deleted everything with me in it from Jonni's laptop. He thought that was a bit overboard, but I explained I wanted nothing left in the world that was Jeff and Jonni.

I heard through the grapevine Jonni moved back home with her parents. She didn't date, only went to work and spent time at home with her family. Our town really isn't that big, less than 30K, but truthfully, I didn't see her again for about 30 months. By then, I had been snagged up by my roommates sister, Alexia, and we became so serious I was thinking of asking her to marry me. Finally the big day came, my chance to put my heart out for everyone to see. It was springtime and my buddy was also a Triple A baseball player. At a home game he and his manager set it up and I just followed the script. She was called from the crowd to throw the first pitch and it was me under the catchers mask, although she didn't know that. She tossed the pitch in and it really had some heat(!) so I ran it back out to the mound where the MC waited with a microphone. I dropped to one knee and instead of handing her the baseball, I pulled the ring out, pulled off my mask and when the MC held the microphone down, I asked Alex if she would marry me. The crowd went wild when she accepted!

I didn't realize it but Jonni had been in the crowd and it was the first time she saw me since that fateful day when she left early for work. Her sister called me up and balled me out for hurting Jonni like that but then laughed and said what I did for Alex was the most romantic thing she could think of. Our wedding was pretty small, only immediate family and a few friends. Alex looked beautiful and had a true reason for wearing white (yes, it's true!) and at almost 5'8" tall and 135lbs, was tall and slender. She was the most beautiful bride I could have imagined.

I knew nothing of Alex's family, only that they were 'comfortable' although they lived modestly. The shock was when her uncle turned over a trust fund that had been set up when she was born by her grandparents who she never met. There were millions in it but she wasn't allowed full access to it, instead there was a monthly stipend. But it really wasn't that tough to complain about a hair over $50K per MONTH! Even receiving over $600K per year, the principal still grew.

We ran across Jonni at a mall where we were shopping for shoes. Seeing us coming, she stopped and waited, appearing to want to speak to me. I acted as though I didn't know her and walked past her. Her sob was clearly heard and that was the last time I saw her, she moved away to her parents hometown where all her other family lived. Alex and I have now been married for 6 years and we have two little girls now, 3 and 1. Jonni? Not sure although I heard she had finally married an old boyfriend, apparently the same guy I saw her with that night....

I enjoy Woodmanone's stories so I usually read them a second (or third) time. Under comments there is anonymous with his story. I'm sure this is the same anonymous who writes stories under comments elsewhere on this site. Hey anonymous, the stories are good, just put them out under you own pseudonym.

I concur with sgt548, please develop and post your stories here. Oh, remember to add your pseudonym to your previous comments so we can find your stories.

Morgan DeWolfe

I publish this Anonym comments in other storycollection. If the author wants to come out to the light I could delete the publication! The Pennname is Commentstory. I write into the preface the stories are not mine!

On another story site online someone is collecting these stories and posting them.

Trust you to read this drivel. 1*.

Beyond good and manages to hit almost every single one of my buttons when it comes to romance, drama, clear and concise plot lines. Character development is excellent and spelling errors and mistakes in grammar are minimal. Damn fine reading.

Yes, you did it again. Another reallllly great story. I enjoy a story where the non-cheater wins and this guy did win....big time. I enjoyed your characters in this story. Thank you for a fine story.

I did not like the 1st story at all. it seemed you were trying to get to what you say you do not write. you did a fine job in writing as always BUT the 2nd story was dazzling and a fun read.

who is the jughead who does not like you? Why does he keep reading your works? seems he needs something to do.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

This is the third time for some of these stories, and the only changes are any that had a score lower then 5 I raised and any I missed I got this time. I probably should aplogise, but I did not comment on any this time through but I did grade them, they all got 5* again. I also got the 2nd part of a story that popped up between reads.

there are only a few writers that I found as good as you, but they are all erotic. if you know of any any one like yourself please help me with a message.

thank you very much,

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

A wonderful happy ending. Almost makes you wish it was true.

and when you go back to retrieve it, its a No Mas. TK U MLJ LV NV

a real improvement.

where were these people in Ch. 01?

What a lot of these stories come down to is the word LOVE. Love is a great word and a totally useless word. It is used, abused and misused everyday by most people. People use the word love to mean: Lust, Like, to exaggerate for effect, and worst of all to lie for the purposes of instilling a false sense of intimacy with another person. Love is simply caring about another person. There are many different levels of love. Love of God, Love for your parents, love for your family, love for your friends, love for your neighbors, even love for your enemies. The one love that is separate from the rest is love for your spouse. That love demands the lovers full depth and total commitment to their beloved. After love of God it is the supreme love, but unlike the love of God it is like the other loves - it is conditional. It is conditioned on the others commitment to the marriage. Both spouses most give 100% to the marriage. Even if a spouse becomes ill or they suffer some other hardship they both most still give 100% commitment of that love to their spouse.

If they have not married, and there is no sign of this commitment, it is best to end the relationship. Life will get harder down the road, it always does. A couple has to start out strong if they want to make it to the finish line.

Great story! I know that it is fiction but it still makes me think what was Jackie up to mmmm interesting? Anyway I love romance and there is that. Pleeeeeeeeze may I have some more? (Oliver) Love you all! Bye. Greg. Oh 10 stars = 100 %. Bye.

Not as good as chapter one. Like two independent storylines only tangentially related.

good story

jtaylor

A good man deserves a good wife. Second chances for both of them was all they needed. Loved it!

I kind of wanted him and Jackie to get back together, not sure why. The sequel just felt boring this time. Jackie was a slut, but the first chapter was exciting.

Good story. Not boring.

This may as well have been a totally different story to chapter 1.

Added nothing and as has been said, boring.

Not your best work

Good Light Read! No real heavy shite! So yeah Thanks for sharing this Fantastic Story with us! ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

I LOVE this story. gets better each time I read it. THANK YOU

These two chapters taken together make a first rate yarn.

And they lived happily ever after. *****

Enjoyed Ch 1. Ch 2 was drawn out with unnecessary detail about the Bar, the Chief, the Brother, etc.

Having Jake meet a woman to love and raise a family is all that was necessary to round out the story. It could have easily been added to Ch 1.

The final scene with Jackie was unnecessary. She was long gone, why bring her back to humiliate her?

I only rate a complete story. If this had ended at Ch 1 it would be a 5. But Ch 2 brought it down to a 4.

Enjoyed the story. Much better than the first chapter, to my mind.

Just by the way, "champagne" is the drink. "Champaign" is a city in Illinois.

Great story about taking control of your.life. Good friends, and a loving wife make everything better.

Found the detail about the bar a lot too detailed but thanks for writing

Straight forward story but needs the slash and burn treatment to liven things up. Thanks for the story.

I made my way through a few of this author's stories and was quite harsh in criticism of his first effort, a three part loving wives story. In that debut effort, he didn't seem to know what he wanted to present to the Loving Wives audience. Since that audience is often divided along the lines of results rather than story quality, it can result in a lot of noise that distracts from the real feedback it offers from the higher number of readers.

That first story was full of errors in spelling and grammar, but you could see that underneath there was a storyteller aching to be heard. The worst part of that original effort was that the second and third chapters seemed to swing back and forth from BTB to RAAC, almost as if being driven by the negative comments of the previous chapters. Because of that, that story did not flow naturally to me.

This story, on the other hand, seemed to follow the author's storyteller vision much better and while there are still a buttload of errors, it is a much better product. Kudos on being persistent and refining your work as you go along. That kind of attitude makes for success.

tangle weed if you want to edit a story instead of enjoying it no matter the errors go to work at a publishing house. I read them for fun & enjoyment . lost the love of my life 8 yrs ago come 3/31/19.

Why do male authors feel the need to write stories where women are the bad guys....when in the real world....its us guys who are usually complicit.

This chapter takes two LIT pages to wrap up a good LW story. It could been done in five sentences in the initial tale. Sweet? You bet. Needed? Not so much! Bringing Sweetie1 back in was useless... do we really believe she would come back from the West Coast just to be slammed again?

Nice little story. 3* because it was adequate, but unnecessary.

...working seven days a week, twelve plus hours a day, then throwing in weddings and receptions for him, he's got to be exhausted...the story came off as a little long winded and predictable. A pretty good wrap up from part one though. 4 stars. Thanx!

Loklie

That's two chapters, and I still haven't heard any pins dropping. I hope you rectify this with a third chapter. And remember, needles don't count, it has to be pins.

A good finish to a good story. Love a happy ending.

If you need not want drink you are in deep shit

Dad, uncle, friends etc had need killed most of them

Thank god not others while driving drunk

I want a drink but want doesn't always get satisfied

Enjoyed it

I was afraid that Jackie was going to fuck things up. I'm glad that he blew her off.

'William's plenty, thanks for asking.'

As she was pregnant she sure asked a dumb question.

Liked the story and the interesting details. Thanks!

Good story. Glad he got rid of Jackie once and for all and found himself a good partner.