All Comments on 'You Could've Heard a Pin Drop'

Very nice story. Always read your work and enjoy. Thanks.

You dont wait until your face is smeared in it. A slut is a slut and he had the worst kind. One that smiles and says she loves you to your face, and runs around on you behind your back. Such women usually wind up dead and the husbands in jail.

This had a nice, Louis L'Amour, down-to-earth cadence that is the mark of a good story-teller. This sort of thing could happen in real life, probably does in fact. I enjoyed the story and would like to read more like this one. Thanks for writing.

Any woman who would say ""But I didn't cheat. I didn't sleep with Bill; we just danced and fooled around a little. Maybe I did let things go too far that night, but I wasn't going to sleep with him. I wasn't Jake," she told me." is mentally disturbed, it would show in ALL of the other aspects of her life. It is a sign of LAZY writing when you completely distort behavoir to conveniently fit into a story. You presented an amazing women that he was in love with, then decided at the last minute that she would be a wacko, and unbalanced. Doesn't wash, all this story does is PISS OFF READERS. Take your time, re-read your postings, catch your grammer and spelling errors, and decide if YOU even come close to believeing the story, BEFORE YOU POST.

A lovely,but sad story. Thanks

Dr Jekyl could be Jackie's alterego. The idea that people capable of doing these things and still behave normally and even believe that they were within the rules of game. Look at Mr. Clinton.... Still nothing is worse than the deliberate lie in order to have a bit of fun.. He was lucky that he met someone that he had to believe. The lady was way over any type of boundary. Well written and convincing. Thanks.

Overall, this story is like most others by this author: top-notch. Why not Rose to repave Jackie? Rose seems more suited for him? Whether the story is to be continued or not, I like it. But it just does not seem complete and is only 2 pages of text. RAG

The characters were consistent and Jack was someone who we could identify with. Remarkable achievement in this category. Most of the stories recently have been about stupid jerks that create the story tension through idiocy. Congratulations for a pleasant change.

So he takes on a 3rd degree black belt and wins because he is so tough? What-the-fuck-ever! 3rd degree means 15 years of training, damn near 6 days a week and some "construction worker" is gonna fuck him up...right...NOT! So this bully, yells that his ex can't go to a public building because he's gone there for years and it's his hangout? And everyone is ok with that? Furthermore, he antagonizes a volatile situation and insults some guy because he's a tough guy and...what? Help me out here, why the fuck would anyone want to be near this loser. Sounds like he needs some anger fucking management. And that's not even the first page. Shit like this is boring.

The story was well written, But booooooring!!!!!!! Storys like this should be enter in a Readers Digest type contest."Good Luck"

thanks it was a good read. Mike from Texas

sad story but just too true. women always want more than they have. it's sad that you have to control them like little kids, otherwise they just get out of hand.

Jake is kind of a dick. The outcome is about the best that could have happened with his attitude.

Too much macho posturing! Jake may have suckered the black belt once, but not twice. In the real world Bill would have just walked up to Jake where there were no tables/chairs (whatever)and cleaned his clock. As a matter of fact in chapter two, after Bill beats the crap outta Jake he should make him watch while he fucks Jackie, now THAT would be a good read.

You don't walk into a guys bar with his woman and come out of it O.K. Bill is a asshole and pushed his way into their lives, like they say talking a knife to a gunfight, don't fuck with a guy in his house. Thanks.

Well done,fast paced and a good story line. Thanks

I normally admire your writing, but in this story Jake sems to be an alchoholic thug who thinks he can beat everyone into his way of thinking.

the Ct. Yankee

yea, im giving this a 75 because it sounded like jackie really screwed him up for women. im so glad he didnt take her back because the whole time i was thinking "no, hes not! is he?" and zed0? you are retarded. i third degree black belt doesnt necessarily mean that person is a badass or can fight. in fact, it sounds like you or someone you know got their ass kicked and you're still smarting over it. you also prob have a little dick and it makes you feel "macho" to act like a ass. back to the story, the suspense was great and while it was somewhat short, it had pretty much everything. only, i still cant get over the way you portrayed him as somewhat bitter-he couldnt find a woman that cut it, he hurt his knee, etc. however, i liked how you made it a point to say fuck you to all the nay sayers out there. to the people who say hes overreacting, acting like a child or thinking about his pride. so many people here seem to believe thats its pride that causes a man to overreact, to get upset when someone they love and who is supposed to love them, haves sex with other men/women. its like they think just because you love that person, you can forgive anything. well, shouldnt that work for the other side too? shouldnt they love them so much that they dont do anything they wouldnt do normally? like, oh i dont know, play tonsil hockey with another man after lying about where they're going?

....management but wish her motivations were fleshed out more-

"marital" arts doesn't do a guy much good in a bar room brawl!

I read chapter 1 several weeks ago. I was left hoping to see the finale. Just discovered it and will be reading same shortly. If it is half as good as chapter 1 it will be an excellent read. Keep up the good work.

Very good read with a lot of background and character development.

I know there is another chapter And I will get right to it after I hit the submit button!

Thanks for writing!

Well written. Good Story Line!

IIIIIIIIIIIIII LIKED IT a great read and a great story. R.T.

Thank you gotta love a story about man with his balls still attached thanks very much. KEEP WRITING

that so many commenters have a bad view of our hero. He's called a bully, macho (presumably with a negative connotation), and a man who resorts to physical violence. He IS a tough man's man. He's been seriously wronged. But, he shows restraint-more than most men in his shoes, especially when he is a big, strong, tough guy who knows he can win a physical confrontation against the vast majority of men he might come across-by not taking a swing at a guy who is taking a run at his fiance. He only fights after he is hit, repeatedly, first.

As to the realism of a big, strong construction guy beating up a 3rd-degree black belt? The only unrealistic thing about it is that he did it after getting his nose broken-that will usually incapacitate someone. I took two years of karate (not much), and by that time I could whoop my black belt instructor in sparring-size and athleticism (and youth) can beat the hell out of technique and experience. I think about the early days of MMA-all these karate and kung fu "masters", and I remember a big tough-guy brawler named Tank Abbott with no marial arts training who just whipped the shit out of them. In real life a fight ain't a forms competition.

I do agree with one commenter who said that the fiance's lame excuses and explanations were so stupid and nonsensical (I didn't have SEX with him!), that one would have to assume she is mentally retarded or seriously mentally disturbed. Perhaps her most stupid behavior is in running around repeatedly with this guy when she is using the 'girls night out' excuse. She's with her work friends, she's in the town they live in, she's going to places where other people they know frequent. She's begging to be discovered.

Maybe the sequel will explain this level of stupidity. Perhaps it will end with "And then I saw the results of her IQ test: 79. Below the mental retardation level. Now I get it."

It happens, I liked the story despite the excessive violence.

drawing the line and keeping it unbroken, TK U MLJ LV NV

This is a great story. It is plausable that a construction worker/ex Army Engineer would easily drop one of those primma donna martial arts pansies in a heartbeat. She failed the boyfriend test. If he would have married the trollop she would most certainly have failed the "husband test". She was a slut and Bill the martial arts douchebag was her accomplice. I liked it BECAUSE of the violence. Too many men these days, especially on this web site are shit on by their female partner and her boyfriends. Its about time we got a real hero!

MAYBE a Mixed MMA professional could deal with it but the Military teaches a MIXED form of martial arts that is EFFECTIVE at HURTING and STOPPING quickly.

And that is the difference.

If a man who doesn't have the guts to throw the first punch when he is clearly looking to pick a fight and is actually a big enough pussy to hit a woman under the "right" circumstances, is your definition of a hero, thank god there aren't more of them.

Seriously, this guy has no balls. He turns into a bitching simp when he and his girlfriend aren't exclusive just because she wanted to help out another of her boyfriends and he couldn't wait for a "date", and then, despite the whorish prima donna he turned into over THAT incident, he takes her back and decides to marry her. There's a word for that. It's called "spineless".

Would have loved more character development on the part of the woman. Thanks.

Can I have some of what your smoking?

Jake did what he had to do. The only violence was initiated by the ex-girlfriends friend and he defended himself. She might not have had sex with her male friends but the potential was there. He ended the engagement and went on with his life. Sounds like a real life incident to me. Well done. Ch. 2? Why? We'll see...

Not another illiterate 'huedogg' ! 1*.

Not another illiterate 'huedogg' ! 1*......fuck that asswipe pussy whipped moron. We love huedogg, Irondragon and woodmanone.

he is. Why not just leave it alone dumbass, no one want or cares what you think.

When a gal cheats on you, if it gets to the point where you have to check on her, she isn't for you. Cut her loose, married or not. Walk away and count your blessings.

Any one with an IQ over 60 wouldn't have continued with her after she showed him he was number ( insert number of friends boyfriends here) which she did early on.

So it's a tale of a whiny stupid cuckold who brought it on himself.

not the alcoholic abuser who doubles as a bouncer.

We all need to know exactly what she was doing and why - we only know what it looked like and that it was wrong - he did the right thing at that point - now what??

She cheated while they were dating, why would he take her back? I firmly believe that a cheater is a cheater is a cheater. Very, very rarely would her spots change. Everything that happened after the first time is his own fault. Love is a strong emotion but it cant go only one way. Thanks for an interesting story.

Boy the cream pie crowd came out on this one. Alcoholic abuser and bouncer? Really? He defended himself, girls. Men don't fight with words and sometimes their fingernails like you girls do. She cheated, whether she fucked or not, she lied, she slipped around. No respect, no loyalty, no fiancé after all of that. That's how it works outside of soap operas Nancy. So, un-wad your panties and have your Mom heat up a hot pocket and pour some chocolate milk and bring it down to you so you can calm down. Good night, babies.

why are your main characters all childish thugs with a drinking problem?

Why are Wimps/Cucks allowed to comment anonymously? Jake wasn't a drunk (lol, drinking problem..chuckle), far from it nor was he a creampie eating wimp. He didn't start the fight but he sure as hell ended it. I suppose a Liberal, PC, Metrosexual would find a Man standing up for himself repugnant and really scary Hmmm?

For me, a excellent 5 STAR down to earth story of a guy with principles he wasn't willing to devalue for a cheating Fiancée.

Normal people are on their "best" behavior when they are in the probationary period of a relationship. The fact that she cancelled a date with him to date someone else tells you all you need to know. She was using him. She was still casting about for something better. He was the back up plan. Deal with it, get over it, and move on. You do not have to wait forever, you do not have to find the "perfect" woman - most never do. You have to try to find a good "wife". Someone who will do her job and respect you for doing yours. Someone you can love and respect, and someone who will love you too. Loyalty is the ultimate test of love. What she looks like does not matter. I have seen beautiful women turn into ugly beasts in a matter of seconds when their true nature is exposed. I have also seen plain women grow beautiful as the depth of their character became known. If you get married, have children and really learn what love is all about you have succeeded! Even if the marriage eventually ends in divorce, if you have learned how to create love and share it with others you have made it!

and those sharp points can stick. TK U MLJ LV NV

fuck the critics !

But I like my protagonists to have a little more smarts than a squirrel. Jake was just a big, dumb construction worker that let a woman crap all over him numerous times until he saw the light. What's to like about that?

"It wasn't a peck on the cheek but a full fledged, stick your tongue down the throat kiss."

I have an ex-wife because I happened to catch my wife in a make-out session with an old high school boyfriend. He was the one who popped her cherry and I never really believe she got over him. When I caught them, they were having the same sort of kiss, with one tit hanging out and his hand down her pants.

It seems they must have been reliving days gone by because I found them parked out behind the school where kids went on the weekends and cherries were popped left and right, sometimes with an audience, such as my ex-wife. His car window was down and before either one knew I was there, I grabbed her left wrist where her hand was wrapped around his neck and pulled her half way out. It gave me a good purchase on her hand and I was able to tug the ring off her finger.

She tried to call me, stop by, send notes and even send friends but I refused to have anything to do with her. The best thing that ever happened was when I had done a little recon and when she was at her boyfriends house (Oh, I'm suuuure it was platonic) I had her served with divorce papers. She tried to fight but neither of us had any money and she ended up signing and we went out separate way.

I heard through the grapevine she married the ex I caught her with. It lasted until she ended up with Herpes and Chlamydia and then married again, but that time to an abuser who beat the hell out of her. I can't abide a beater of women so without anyone knowing about it, I drove back and waited for my chance. It came when he was coming out before daylight to start his truck to warm up before leaving for work. When he stepped out of that truck, he ran right into my fist. When I left him laying there he was in no shape to beat anyone again.

She divorced that guy while he was in the hospital. I hoped he ended up with her fucking crotch critters while they were together. Once Saturday afternoon, she surprised the hell out of me by showing up at my house. Surprising because I didn't think anyone knew where I lived and it was 600 miles away from where we had lived. She apologized for everything and said she hadn't fucked her ex at that point where I found them, but she had planned to and had no explanation as to why. She went on to tell me how bad her life had been since I divorced her and was there anyway I could see us getting back together.

The car pulling up put an end to our conversation and she waited for me to talk to them so we could continue with our talk. Instead, when the woman walked up on the porch, I had the opportunity to introduced my ex-wife to my present wife! My ex hadn't known I had remarried. Priceless!

She didn't have sex but she was betraying her fiancée by fooling around with her asshole boyfriend. Now she left the area, alone. Fuck her.

was the only nice guy in this sad story

This is second time I've read the tale. Really enjoy your stories and they are good reads. Do you publish?

coneger2

This is another great story, sad in some ways of course, but still a great story. There are lines that can't be crossed in any relationship. The line is drawn in one place while casually dating, redrawn in another place when agreeing to be exclusive, then moved to another place when they become engaged. The line moves again when finally married, but won't move far from where it was during the engagement period.

There's never any argument about where the line is drawn until someone decides to get as close to it as possible. And even though there may not be a concensous about where that line is actually drawn - everyone seems to know when they've crossed it. So glad Jake didn't compromise his values, it saved him a lot of heartache later on.

Thanks for the story, keep writing.

But I don't get it.

Is wrong with you thinking a guy would have a slut cheat on him twice and still all hung up on her. If that is how your brain works she a shrink.

A great beginning. Five stars.

by Anonymous

08/09/16

what do you mean diffrent lines ??? if she agrees to be exclusive theres is only one line do not cheat its as simple as that what kind off bullshit are you on about?

You're so right to end the entire sordid affair ... the engagement! She would have married you and cheated from the beginning!

well if a girl is fucking you before she is sure you two are exclusive she's not marriage material. Enjoy the sex, avoid love or pregnancy.

Thanks for a rare story about a man with principles and his balls.

Good story but sort of anticlimactic. I mean it was good reading, interesting, right up until the ending, and then it just kinda fizzled out.

It's hers. She might give it back if you ask for it, but it's hers to keep (and sell) is she wants. Courts have so ruled, over and over.

but didn't explain to me why she was always with Billy and did what she did when she admits it was wrong? I missed it.

Agree engagement ring hers once you give it to her too bad

Brother went through 3

What he got he deserved

You are completely wrong. If an engaged couple don't get married, the courts always give the ring back to the man. An engagement ring is seen by the courts as a contract to marry. If the marriage doesn't happen, the contract isn't fulfilled, the ring goes back. I've known several instances of this happening including with my own brother. His fiancee wanted to keep our grandmother's ring after they broke up, and a judge told her that she had to return it as the engagement contract was broken. He explained it as a business contract where you take the money, and then don't provide the service. Same thing. Not romantic, but how the courts see it.

On this story, I feel no pity for Jake. She showed her true colors time and again, yet he still proposed. She dated multiple men while dating him. He accepted that by not objecting, until she broke a date with him. And he still took her back. He set a precedence for her. When someone disrespects you, and you constantly let it slide, then you are more or less giving them permission to disrespect again in the future.

Also, I'm getting tired of hearing the same cliche from authors on this site. "You can't just turn off love". Of course you can. If you can fall in love in the blink of an eye, then you can just as quickly fall out of love. It goes both ways. Love can turn to hate in a moment, given the right (or wrong) circumstances. Romantics don't want to believe that, but it's true. The hurt may last, the sense of loss may last, the regret may last, but the love can be replaced by resentment and anger, or apathy, very quickly. I suppose it depends on what kind of person you are. If you let your emotions rule you all the time, then maybe it takes longer. If you tend to be more rational, then you tend to get over things far more quickly.

This is a really good one. I can read this again after a while. It's that good.

At one time the engagement ring was considered proof of ability to support a wife and children. If the man broke the engagement the ring was the woman's. He was taking away her promised financial support. If she broke the engagement he took back the ring. In the case of a family heirloom he bought the ring back for the price of the gems.

However breaking the engagement for just cause changes the rules. Make was right to take the ring back.

Never heard of the idea of the ring being a contract. Cool though.

I enjoyed this one .. Keep up the Good work .

I think I get the MC. He is brutish because of his upbringing, has anger management issues, is self destructive in his dating patterns, is too stubborn for his own good, and probably isn't all too bright. Other than that, he seems like a good man, with a fine moral compass.

But I just don't understand Jackie. What the hell was she trying to achieve with her behavior? What exactly was it that she wanted? She seemed to want the MC, but everything in her behavior showed the opposite. What was her motive? Why did she act this way? I just don't get it.

I also did not understand why Kelly would allow Jackie to be in his bar with Bill. Kelly seemed to like the MC, did not want trouble for his business or for the MC, but still invited it willingly. What was that about?

Again, this is one of the author’s best, and an all time favorite.

It would look "funny" if he went alone? It would look like he "didn't care enough" to get a date? He couldn't tell them (if they cared!) that his date got sick?

It doesn't matter that it wasn't a "romantic" date, she broke a date with him for what was definitely NOT an emergency.

As he said, doing something behind his back that she wouldn't do if he was there, was cheating.

Standard LW plot. Dumb macho male. Dumb slut female. The end.

LIIFE DOES INDEED GO ON...DAVE'S A GOOD MAN. CINCO ESTRELLAS!

Norcal, if you don't like this type story there are 50 new cuck stories every week for you to enjoy.

Good start, looking forward to seeing if Part II brings something to make me cheer for Jake.

Good story. Hope it continues. LP

My second time through this one, Woody! Good story! On my way to read part two, again! Lol!

Nicely done. He came through it in the best way possible.

That is a good story well told.

A very good story, I like it a lot. AAAAAA++++++

Lousy, short, and uninteresting ending. But smacks of reality.

Let’s count this up:

She was obviously VERY sexually experienced before they met.

Most women push the relationship forward, she wasn’t making noise about being exclusive.

She prioritized another man over him.

All those warnings, and he still proposed. Difficult to find any sympathy for him!

ZK

Another great tale! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The story tries to dress him up as a tough guy, but the main character was a wuss who got what he deserved when he took her back the first time. Maybe that was supposed to be the writer's point in the story, but it was hard to keep any interest when he took her back.

Realistic. Unfortunately too many LW readers can’t handle realistic stories.

You get all five.

Sad. Good story.

A very good story. I think jflinders missed the point. He is a tough guy and will take on any guy that he needs to. That is not a wuss. When your partner cheats on you, you have to decide whether to try to forgive her or cast her off. You compare each option to how it will effect your life and go with the one that you think will make your best future.

I do enjoy your characters and how you build them up. I am looking forward to the next chapter ssssoooooo....

🙉🙈🙊💨🧟‍♂️

I really like this story as it is. The MC didn't find a new girlfriend immediately nor did he end up a lonely old man. It is hopeful but not a cliche ending. I see there is a chapter 2. Hope it doesn't ruin things. This author writes well. Too bad he no longer posts on this site.

KMN! :(