by Scorpio44a
I read the first 5 comments and found I have very little in common with them. Life is full of tragedy, sometimes Horrible Tragedy. Love, Respect, ETC are gifts, "Give And You Shall Receive". Some of us need to get outside the boxes that WE'VE created around ourselves.
THANKS !
PS, If you want factual reading, without emotions, Read books on Algebra, Geometry, Etc, ETC, And, Have A Good Life!
1 star - Luckily, I read the first page and went directly to the comments page. I missed all the crap in between. I intend to continue the same thing with every other story on this website, just because of the disturbing mutilation material in this story.
She was obviously schizophrenic. Did the OD or Hypothermia kill her? She did them all a favor by suicide...
but as a last symptom of hypothermia. An EMT told me that once your body temperature falls below a certain point, your [thermostat] decides you are too hot, so you take your clothes off (which will finish you off).
@Anonymous 07/31/10 Using I-25 through Las Cruces adds 2.5 hours and 200 miles.
@VWC 1010/13/13 My family lives in Las Cruces, Alamogordo, and Mayhill. I too enjoyed reading the names.
@Scorpio Las Vegas, NM has only 2 exits on I-25, North and South. I like the town very much. But if I were making the trip, I'd go on to Springer as my half way point.
Thanks for an enjoyable story!
was one of the most gruesome things I have read on this site. Unbelievable, never could happen in this world, thrown in for just some disgusting, sadistic thrill or something. I could have gone my whole life, I should have gone my whole life without ever having that image, that thought, injected into my brain.
Disgusting, mean, vile and disgusting.
But still a little creepy. Made my skin crawl. Then you let Bigbuck and the clinic walk away with no punishment. And why would they sell the house just to get out from under? Under what? Donna bought out his half (he never did pursue her hiding the 50 thousand dollars) so why would the house be under water? Maybe not going to get top dollar, but still. And I can't see Tina being happy with Donna's old car. Too many memories constantly being revisited due to a car. Sell it or trade it in and get another car she might actually like and not associate with her birth Mother dying in it. Ugly ending.
Indian law deems any act or conduct which drives a person to suicide as "abetment of suicide". The offence is punishable wit 10 years imprisonment.
Big buck and the doctor would both qualify.
You need to write a chapter #2 which will have the quack who did Donna's surgery and "bigbuck" get what's coming to them for her death. Please!
It only existed between the caricature Donna and Heidi accepting the emotional, cultural, and social (but not biological) incest of her father with his sister. Yes, sister!
It takes a writer force writing Kathy to be perfect for this to work out. How many perfect women do you know? How many perfect men? Which indicates that the writer KNOWS this is a weak premise at best.
Was it revolting, as HIV said? No. But it was a shark jumper. It felt preachy. "Hey...this very very strange relationship really IS normal....really..."
Are you trying to convince us or are you trying to convince yourself?
If I voted, I'd give it a three.
I like a BTB story like everyone else but I found this one pretty stupid. The writing is clumsy and unemotional. Didn't like it at all.
I loved the story with the exception of one sentence where I almost didn't continue. The following line "Ok. How many letters in the American alphabet?" on page 4, which I thought was dumb. If it is not understood as to why the line is dumb, my comment won't make a difference. Anyways besides that a great story.
I dont want to presume to give the definitive review on this story. Anything i say is very subjective. So here it goes from my vantage point. There were passages that were sublime, some mean spirited , then stretches of great tenderness. There was overkill, poppycock and transcendence. The best and worst of this author is all here, to be found.
Scorpio44a definitely knows how to write an infuriating bitch character. I disliked Donna, but her scenes were electric. Definitely a bit of Deja vu from my own life. This is an overall worthy read- it meanders, but it has always the end in mind- heart.
I like how the narrator exised himself, sister and daughter from a negative environment , focused on positive and set about rebuilding a life and non-dysfunctional family.That part was lovely, in fullest sense of the word. Bravo.
I was born and raised near Alamogordo. Refreshingly to see it in a literotica story.
Enjoy your writing style.
but I wonder: why, when going from Alamogordo to Denver, you went through Las Vegas. Seems to me that it's waaaaay in the wrong direction. The story was fantastic. Keep writing Scorpio. Thanks
your telling of it is compelling. The whole Donna/Buck ending: weak. You have a wonderful and compelling story of people finding love, family and community. Add in Donna and Buck and cheating and you have your life changing event. But, on top of that, Donna was such a train wreck of a mother that I'm amazed the daughters seem well adjusted and loving. Or that the dad, who is perceptive and decisive in so many ways, tolerated that kind of toxic parenting. And giving the suicide care to the daughter? Tacky and creepy.
In general my hope for you as a writer is that you slow down, reread and think through the arc of both the story and each character's development.
I say, masterful.
S44a,
An author writes as they perceive and readers read as they perceive. Each as to their own thinking. Some comments focus on a small area of societal belief. Other readers see perhaps the story as a "whole". Regardless of content the quality of your writing is astounding. Great read. Thanks for sharing on Lit.
x
Back on track now. A great story. Donna brought it on herself and paid the price, and so she should! hace this 5 stars.
Some people crack me up. It is not incest unless the couple are biological Brother and Sister. Read the story Harry! It was wonderful! Oh yes, the part about Donna was terrible, but there are many failures and horror stories concerning cosmetic surgery. Think of Michael Jackson and his nose...
This was truly a very good and emotional story. What makes it even better is that it is entirely plausible and could happen to many families. I saw one comment regarding the "real" operation for Donna. I believe they said something about the operation was in no way plausible. I have to disagree. If anyone believes that facilities such as the one Donna used in this story do not exist, they need to do some simple Internet research. They exist and offer services that seem to be low cost/cheap. You get exactly what you pay for and these people are in it for one simple reason... MONEY. Surely you don't honestly believe they are so reputable and not capable of such a procedure; all for a little more money in their pocket.
A great story till the part about Donna's operation, which was not remotely plausible. What a shame - this one was shaping up to be one of your best.
As Always you think so well and express it well too -
You should get a context editor or some to help with caps and proper word spellings - as well as minor wrong words in the right places lol.
Thanks for a great read. It's what I have come to expect from you.
I've read this story 4 times over the last few months. Each time I read
it, I touched deeply by this tale.
Thank You
I really enjoyed the bits of common sense sprinkled into the story. Got several smiles from the advice on human relationships and how to strengthen them. Nit picks about capitalization errors, but enjoyed the whole story; never mind needing to ignore the bits about bigbuck.
again ive enjoyed one of your stories.. growing up my family always said to me when someone does something bad to you that the best revenge is to do nothing. why because everything that goes wrong they will think you were behind it... their guilt will eat them up sub consciously.. this i have found to be true.. and sitting back and watching in your own home is better then jail time.. when confronted by people who think iam behind things i can tell the truth with a i didnt do it and honestly not lie and i usually add the by the looks of it you brought it on your self.. as for buck paying to have her mutilated i can see him doing that as in his eyes she was going against his wishes to him it wouldnt be a mutilation but him teaching her a lesson to him he probably figured shed get implants not commit suicide..
SO, how does anyone KNOW bigbuck got off free? Pretty good story but I cannot see the bigbuck paying off the clinic to mutilate her that way.
AND, I kept getting lost going from Alamagordo to Las Vegas to Denver back to Alamagordo, when they were moving to Denver. I would have just gone over to Las Cruces and straight up I25 to Denver.
I believe you did a real fine job on this tale. In fact GREAT. I do not get some of the critics on this site, such as the critic before me who said it
was STUPID. Come On. For sure, this person probably has never tried to publish even a paragraph!
To the author; please ignore these people & continue on with the fine work you do
So you win the award for stupidest Literotica story of the week. It's like you just got sick of it and tied everything up in the dumbest possible way. "Her supervillain boyfriend had her mutilated and she killed herself. The end! Herp derp!"
James gets off scott free, and the worst was in the 2008 story the scumbag that marked his wife is not mentioned again.
Do you have a thing for scumbags or something?
Very well constructed story. Great imagination -- something lacking in most Literotica authors. I agree with the comment about "Big Buck" and the absence of retribution against him; and I feel that the anal intercourse scene is both unnecessary and formulaic, something thrown in because that action is now felt to be de rigeur among writers of lesser skill. You are one of the best.
Another good story. Too bad the supposed "big" guy got off scot free.
I disliked the Donna character (as was clearly the author's intent) but she needed a shrink and nobody realized it. Too bad she couldn't have gotten some help. Strange story.
Keep up the good work. I really enjoy your stories
Nothing about James really explained as to why he would go this far. And what happened to James?
But still a good story. You never cease to amaze me writer, you write stories that probably no one else would even dream about. personally I thought this was a good story that kept me reading until the very end. Thanks for writing.
I always pause for a moment when I find myself in COMPLETE agreement with HVA...nope I'm still agreeing with him. C'mon - seriously now, the only plot points missing were winning mega millions in a Lottery and his old Special Ops buddies tracking down bigbuck and filleting him.
What was this - a lost bet, a dare "leave no cliche behind?" The ability to write should never be confused with the ability to tell a story.
really this is just awful. WORDS MEANING CHANGE OVER TIME?
its ok to fuck your sister?
revolting
These last few stories have a familiar theme in them. The LOVE you portray and tell with your words is just outstanding!
This was another beautiful love story that was some kind of emotional candy.
Thanks for Writing!
I enjoyed the story. The only thing that struck as being a bit off was giving Tina the car her biological mother committed suicide in - repainted or not it seemed a bit cold.
I always have enjoyed your writing. Please write more often and thanks!
Well, I feel as if I have been on a long emotional roller coaster ride. It was wild. Thanks for another swell story. I await the next one.