You Jackass!

"But, you moved here with us as my wife and I'm never here!"

"Yes, you are. I'm not Donna. I've been taking care of me for many years. Everything I do for you is like you're right here. I washed our clothes yesterday. You don't know how intimate that is. I love bringing dinner to the company and seeing the other wives loving it too."

"Every man on my crew thinks you're an angel, including me."

She kissed my arm. She looked up at me and asked, "What would you like for dinner?"

"Spaghetti, meatballs and a green salad."

"The little meatballs or the giant one's Mom used to make?"

"Big ones!"

"You're so easy." We sat for a little longer and I was sure life couldn't get any better.

When Kathy went inside she said I should stay and enjoy the view. She went to the kitchen and started cooking. I didn't hear Tina come home but shortly after she did she came out and sat with me.

Just like Kathy, she sat close, wrapped her arm around mine and rested her head on my shoulder. She said, "I'm so glad I came here."

"I'm glad to hear that. I worried about having you leave all your friends at home."

"I have new friends. Friends different from the kids in Alamogordo. Most of them were so ambitious they were looking to get a job at Pizza Hut. My new friends talk about college almost every day."

"And?"

"And I'm thinking about maybe going to CollegeAmerica in Cheyenne. Maybe Heidi and I could share an apartment?"

"She'll be here tomorrow. Take her for a walk and talk to her. I'm here for both of you, whatever you decide."

"I know that. I feel it all the time."

"Do you stay in touch with anyone back in Alamogordo?" I asked.

"The Campbells. No one else."

"Any news I'd be interested in?"

"Mrs. Campbell told her son Josh that she saw Donna going into The Wagon Wheel Roadhouse last week with someone who wasn't James Buck."

"Any news about someone else?"

"Atty Nelson is pregnant. She hasn't told her parents who the father is."

"Isn't she your age?"

"Yup. Turns eighteen next March. Two months before she become a mother."

"Thank you for not being her."

"Don't you really mean thanks for not getting pregnant?"

"Yes! That too."

"I'm still a virgin. I know sex is fun, but I'm not ready. Not even close."

I kissed the top of her head. The sliding glass door behind us slid open and Kathy said, "You two want dinner?"

We got up and went inside. Tina made mention of the huge meatballs. Donna always served the small meatballs that came in a package. Tina decided the big ones were better. I already knew it.

The next morning we were up and well rested. We did what we could to get ready for the movers. They said they would be there between nine and eleven. At nine-ten I answered a knock. It was three guys from my crew with their teenaged kids. They were dressed for work. They had gloves with them. As they came in I saw the moving van pull up and back into the driveway. Kathy gave the boys the tour and then we all went out to the truck.

Things moved into the house. Kathy stayed on the porch and told people which room to put things into. Three more families arrived and the flow of boxes and furniture was constant. When the senior guy from the moving company handed me the papers to sign it was twelve-thirty. They backed the empty truck out and I watched them leave. Two SUV's pulled into our driveway. Two more families got out. They brought everything they needed.

In five minutes tables were set up, food and plates were on the tables and an ice chest of beverages was open. Folding chairs came out of the second SUV and we were ready.

I asked, "Who organized this?"

My supervisor's wife raised her hand. I said, "Thank you. Thank you one and all."

We sat and the food was passed. Thanksgiving was the next day and they had made tons of food anyway. There were tablecloths on the tables, good china, not paper plates.

All the food was wonderful. Even better was the touching, the laughter and the love around the tables.

Mrs. Browning sat next to me on one side. She said, "Thanks to your wife, I'm still married and life is better now than ever."

Kathy looked up and started to protest. I put my hand on her arm. Mrs. Browning said, "I started believing Bill was working all those hours to avoid being with us. When I got the call about what Kathy was doing it made me mad. Then I started thinking about all the things Bill does so our lives work. He sometimes works seventy-five hours a week, and drives almost an hour each way so we can live where I want to live. He doesn't bitch about it. I did. When he wasn't home I got angry and when he was home I was a bitch. Then I made dinner, got all of us dressed and we at dinner with you in their break room. It changed our family. I think I speak for every wife here when I say, "Thank you Kathy Peterson."

Kathy was crying. Tina was sitting down near the middle of the table and she was crying too. Bill said, "My wife's right. I was starting to wonder why I worked so hard when it wasn't appreciated. Then the new guy's wife shows up with a tablecloth and his favorite casserole. She's beautiful and she and her daughter were dressed up! I was ready to get a divorce! But someone tipped my wife off and she brought me dinner. It was the best meal I ever ate."

I asked, "Who called you?" and Mrs. Browning said, "I don't honestly know. It was an anonymous email, with a picture. A picture of your family having dinner in the break room."

At a little after one a Toyota parked in the driveway. Heidi got out and ran to Kathy. They hugged and Heidi said, "Hi Momma! Am I too late to eat?" Introductions were made and a plate heaped with food for her. She waved at me and sat next to her Mom. I was so touched I thought I might tear up.

Two families cleaned up lunch and the rest of us went inside and started unboxing our home. Empty boxes were flattened. When Kathy, Heidi and Tina came in they split up and the work went faster. By three everything we could be helped with was done. Our friends were getting ready to go and two couples came to us and one of the wives said, "No one should need to move in on Wednesday and cook Thanksgiving on the next day. We've decided we're doing a combined Thanksgiving tomorrow. We want you to join us. Just come. Don't cook, don't buy a bottle of wine or flowers. Just come and be family." She handed me a map of how to get to their house. We were hugged by all four people and they left. We stood in our yard and watched them go. My arm was around Kathy and hers around me. After they were gone we were still standing there.

I said, "I've worked for the company for fifteen plus years and for the first time I feel really connected to the people I work with, other than Jack."

"Hmmm." She squeezed me a little tighter.

"You made it happen. You've improved everything about my life."

"Daddy, can we talk to you?" Tina called out from the front porch. We turned as if we were one person and walked inside. The living room actually looked like a living room. Tina aimed us at the couch. Heidi was already in a chair. Tina sat on the floor.

"You called?" I asked.

"I have some questions." Heidi said.

Kathy and I nodded. She continued, "Tina told me about how this came to be, this family. I want to know how it happened and why it's Ok with both of you." I heard the edge in her voice. The edge was disapproval.

Kathy squeezed my leg and I took a breath. She spoke, "It works like this. A long time ago our parents adopted me. Pete became my big brother and I loved him. I followed him everywhere. When he played sports I learned how to keep score and cheer. You know all this. We've talked about our childhoods all your lives. We grew up and he went away to college. Mom and Dad wanted me to get married and I did. I knew on my wedding day I was settling, he was not the man I wanted and I was getting married because Mom and Dad expected me to. He wasn't as good as the man I wanted. In fact as time went on he wasn't even as good as I had thought he was."

Heidi interrupted, "I know all this. You've had the hots for your brother all your life. So Mom screwed around and you pounced?" Her eyebrows went up as she asked.

"No. If Pete had stayed in Alamogordo I'd have lived right there and never told him how I felt. Too many people knew both of us in Alamogordo for us to live together as spouses. The outward expressions of affection would not have been possible. I want them."

I said, "And I want them too, now. I've loved, cared for and tried to protect Kathy all her life. When she called me and asked me to love her it damned near dropped my jaw to the floor. I thought, 'I can't! She's my sister!' Then I really looked and came to the conclusion that we can. We aren't hurting anyone, except maybe you. Did you see all the people here today? They were here to honor my wife! Kathy. She gave them something they treasure. She's teaching me things about love I didn't know, didn't think about before the Saturday we moved here."

"It isn't right." Her voice was flat. It wasn't angry.

"Can I ask why?" I asked.

"It's incest!"

"Incest is universally wrong. Every time, under any circumstances, forever and ever, amen?" I asked.

"Last Sunday I went to church with some friends. The young adult class was about marriage. I asked a question and the teacher said that incest was condemned by God. Why would he say that if it was Ok for you two?"

"What did he say incest was?" Tina asked. "I always thought it was taboo for a biological brother and sister to marry and have kids. Dad and Kathy aren't biological brother and sister. They aren't having more children"

I could almost hear the gears turning in Heidi's head.

After a few moments I said, "Sometimes we think things around us are black and white when if we look closer we see it might not be true all the time."

"Like?"

"Ok. How many letters in the American alphabet?"

"Twenty-six."

"How many vowels?"

"Five. A, E, I, O and U."

"Leaving how many consonants?

"Twenty-six minus five is twenty-one."

"Is "Y" always a consonant?" I asked.

She stopped and then said, "No, sometimes it serves as a vowel. It isn't a vowel and it isn't always a consonant either."

It was quiet a moment and Tina said, "The Sunday school teacher was right about incest, depending on what he was talking about. Is incest having sex with a relative? Dad and Donna were related, by marriage, and you and I came from them having sex. That could be incest if you bend and twist what the word means!"

Kathy said, "Words have meanings and those meanings change. The rules in American law say one man, one woman is a marriage. Fly to the Middle East and in some places a man can have three wives. In the Bible your Sunday School teacher reads the law is clear, if a brother dies, his living brother is instantly married to the widow, even if that brother is already married. Different times, different interpretations of what the scriptures mean."

I stood up. I held out my hand to Heidi. She stood and I didn't let go. I said, "I need to walk. I think pretty well as I walk. I haven't seen you face to face in months. Would you walk with me?"

"I'll need a jacket." I let go of her hand and she went to the guest room to get it. I hugged Kathy and Tina. Kathy whispered, "Just love her." I nodded.

Heidi and I walked for an hour. We saw kids playing outside. We heard laughter from some homes, yelling from others. We watched the street lights come on, house lights come on and smelled smoke from fires in fireplaces. When we got back to our house Heidi and I hadn't said a word. She stepped up on the curb and put her arms around my neck.

"Daddy. The guy at Church was wrong. It made me angry to call Kathy Momma when I got here. I wanted Mom to be Mom. Mom can't be Mom. She quit. She quit you, Tina and me. She turned in her badge and left the building." She let go of the hug and said, "I'm going inside and apologize to Momma. I never called your first wife Momma. I'm calling Kathy Momma."

Must have been dust in the air. Some of it got in my eyes and they teared up to get the dust out. I kissed her forehead and we went inside. Tina and Kathy were sitting on the couch. They looked up and as Heidi stepped past me I gave the thumbs up.

Heidi plopped between them and said, "My Dad is really smart. He had his say and took us for a walk. He knew if he let me think it through, I'd come to the right conclusions. Dad's first wife never wanted to be called Momma. Even when we were little she said it sounded wrong. I'm in college and sometimes I need a Momma. I need a hug even through the phone. A Momma can give it to me. Will you be my Momma?"

Kathy was crying long before the speech ended. They hugged and after a few seconds Tina joined them and said, "Can I call you Momma, too?"

When the hugs ended I asked, "Do we still have any Doritos?"

The three women I love most laughed. Tina went to the kitchen and got the Doritos and a diet Coke.

As I took a good swallow Heidi asked, "So where are you going for the Honeymoon?"

I came very close to spewing the mouth full of diet Coke on all three of them. I looked at Kathy and said, "I'm sorry. Heidi is right. I want to take you on a Honeymoon. I already know you know where you want to go."

"I do. The big question is when?"

"I can ask the boss on Monday. Does when make a difference as to where?" I asked.

"Weather makes a difference. If I want to go to Alaska Christmas time is not going to work, but winter here is summer in New Zealand."

"Ok. How soon do you want to go?"

"Let's you and I talk about this a little later. All I'll say now is to you two. Don't make plans for spring break, yet."

Tina and Heidi got a snack and went to Tina's bedroom for some sister time. Kathy and I went to our bedroom.

"Ok." I said, "Tell me where."

"I want us, all four of us to go somewhere warm and that isn't filled with a million drunk, naked young people. I've always thought it would be romantic to go on a cruise to the Bahamas, Jamaica or the Panama Canal. The girls will have sun on the islands and on deck and we'll have the romantic cruise evenings."

"Most people don't take their kids on their Honeymoon."

"Most people don't have adult children when they just get married."

"We aren't most people." I said. "Ok. Start planning for it. We'll do it. Tell me when Spring Break is and I'll get the time off."

We undressed like old married people and headed for the shower. In the shower I became inspired to be nineteen for a little while. We got clean, dried off and into bed. Kathy was still clean shaven, neckline to toes. I nibbled, kissed and caressed everywhere she liked it and very soon she was moaning. I held her clit between my teeth and flicked my tongue on it and she screamed into a pillow.

As she rested, enjoying the aftershocks we heard Heidi asking Tina in a loud voice, "Are they noisy like that a lot?"

"Every night!" Tina answered. "You think they'd give it a rest sometimes!" Then they both laughed.

We laughed too, but not very loud. A couple minutes passed and I heard Heidi ask, "Momma, are you Ok? We heard you scream!"

They laughed a long time. Somewhere else, in some other time, some other family it might have been different, but in our family at that moment they were telling us everything was perfect.

When we woke up it was morning. We had a light breakfast and got dressed for Thanksgiving dinner with friends. Heidi asked questions about the proper answers to the question people would have about our family.

Just before we got in the truck to go Kathy handed me an envelope. On the outside it said, "Mr. Pete Peterson."

I opened it and read, "As of 10:00am the morning of 29 November Your DIVORCE is Final."

I said, "That's today, isn't it?" Kathy smiled. I kissed her and said, "Wait right here. I almost forgot something."

I ran to my truck and got what I needed from the small lock box behind the back seat. A small rectangular box covered in velvet.

Standing in front of Kathy, Tina and Heidi I pulled the box from my pocket and opened it. "Kathy will you wear these rings to signify that we are linked together in love for all our lives?"

"Is that the same as will you be my wife?" She grinned.

"Yes."

"Yes!" She held out her left hand and I slipped the engagement ring and wedding band on her. She took the band for me and asked, "Pete, do you agree to wear this ring as a symbol of my love for you and as a reminder that we are a partnership, forever?"

"Yes!" She slipped it on, not easily, but firmly on. I kissed all three women, Kathy first.

I drove. Kathy sat between Tina and Heidi in the back seat. They complimented me on the choice of rings I made. They oohed and ahhhed in the back seat all the way to Thanksgiving.

We were warmly greeted at the door and I was pointed at their family room where the football orgasm was in progress. The family room had eight men and eight boys and one girl in it. A good seat was reserved for me. On a TV tray near my seat was an unopened bag of Doritos and a can of diet Coke. As soon as I sat a big mug filled with chunk ice appeared next to the can of diet Coke. I thanked the female arm that set it down and got a kiss on the cheek. At that moment a field goal was kicked and when I turned to see who kissed me, she was gone.

One second after the time ran out for the first half a woman stood in the doorway and said, "I need four strong men to move some chairs and tables."

I started to get up. Hands pushed me back in the chair. The owner of one of the hands said, "Sit. You've done enough already." Four men and all the boys old enough to carry a chair left. The remaining girl in the room, the only girl in the room, moved closer to me. She looked to be about the same age at Tina.

She asked, "You're Pete?" I nodded.

"Beth. Elizabeth really. Can I ask you a question?"

I nodded again, offering her some Doritos. She didn't take any.

"How did you know you were in love with your wife?"

"Tell you the truth, I never didn't love her. Loving her, protecting her, helping her was my job. When I first met her she was new and didn't have friends or much family. My Dad said, "It's your job to protect her, love her and help her." I guess I've been doing it ever since. How I love her, protect her and help her has changed but that's the basis of everything in our relationship, from my side."

"I think I love Scott..."

"What does he think?"

"I'm cute and fun. We love dancing together and going places together."

"Does he defend you to his friends, help you with decisions and working through problems?"

"Not really. He's not very good at listening."

"Can you picture being his wife when you have kids your age? Will you be able to solve problems together?"

She opened her mouth and I help up my hand. I said, "Don't answer today. Be with him and all of us today. Are Scott's parents here?" She nodded.

"Watch them. So far they've been his teachers for how men and women get together. Does Scott's dad listen to Scott's mom? Watch how your own parents are together. That will influence how you'll expect both Scott and you to be ten years down the road."

"Thank you." She touched my arm, got up and left the room. A Dad who hadn't left the room said, "I wish my kids had someone to ask questions of."

"They do. You. Listen to them. Bite a hole in your tongue and they'll talk. The major complaint kids today have about parents is that they don't listen. I've been really blessed. My Dad listened when Mom talked. They talked together. Kathy's Mom and Dad were like that, too."

After a few seconds he saw the teams out of the field and called out, "The game's back on!"

I finished my diet Coke and set the big glass mug on the tray. Two plays later I looked and a fresh frosty mug was fizzing with a fresh diet Coke.