by rj228212
reads like a seasoned professional! Good for you!
I thought it was a bit long in some details but overall it was a great piece. It was very realistic to me.
For a first time effort, this was great! And I am now waiting for the next chapter! I could really get into a step-sister like her!!
It was a great start and I look forward to reading the continuing tale. There has to be more of this story!
Loved it and look forward to further episodes of Chris and Laura. Must say, it brings back some memories ...
This story made me long to be (or to have been) Chris with such a step-sister. Beautifully written, I thought, and arousing in spades. Maybe your first erotic story, but certainly not your first writing. Don't stop.
Please write more about these two.
Just a hint: check the difference between your and you're; and between there and their; things spellcheck won't catch
Very well done, and a very arousing story. This may be your first erotica, but I hope not your last :)
Sailor
As everyone else has said, this is marvellous, and reads very well: natural and fresh, conveying the intensity and her sweetness. The next part will be eagerly lapped up.
......."E" for effort...... gratuitous praise...fatuous flattery ......go ahead..write more .....stuff...
well done great start keep up the good work hope to read more of this soon. "jakk"
This may be your first attempt at erotica, but I doubt it's your first at creative writing. You're definately talented. I'll be looking forward to reading more of your submissions.
Well written and most important, it was very believeable. You must continue the new siblings relationship "all the way" to completion!
This story was such a change of pace! It caught the appropriate mood of the participants in a snapshot of youth. The grammar was good and it was a very easy read.
Please continue to write in this manner. I find it very pleasant in style and erotic in content.
Thank you.
Hell of an effort for "1st time", quite believable and very readable. You have a talent for story telling, keep up the fine work.
This is a wonderful start. Your story really conveys the close relationship and natural curiosity of young siblngs. Please continue.
Gotta have chapter 2 ..... this is probably the best story yet i have read....they are of age....not bloodline....and not perverted.... just learning the birds and the bees their own way....now get to writing chapter 2...LOL....thank you :)
Chapter 2 has been submitted. Chapters 3 and 4 are in the works.
As someone else said, this may be your first attempt at this type of work, but it cannot possibly be your first attempt at creative writing. This looks to be a great start to a really terrific piece of work..please continue it soon!
It had everything. There is something erotic about innocent naive virgin, curiously exploring the unknown, that makes for a great story. The connection between them and growth of their relationship was well written.
Wowies! That ruled! And you say you've never written erotica before? *phew!*
I really liked the fast pace, too. I grow tired of stories that drag on and on, and assault you with needless details. But this was a fine tapestry. Rock on!
Good Job! ^.^
I enjoyed it alot. More than a slew of dirty words but it didnt drag on for 20 pages before anythin happened either. Especialy the openeing sentance that immediatly let you have an idea... however... Guy mentions having just his videogames and has sexy brunette sister named Laura... well. Waiting on chapter 2!
what a great start to the series.... i can't wait for the next chapters
Another author sits on the fence and opts for the "step-relative" story. Sheesh. It is undoubtably good, but not incest. Legally, incest needs them to be blood relatives. Therefore this is a taboo story.
I liked that a lot. figured I'd comment, as youasked for it.
I read a comment above claiming this was taboo and not incest; well, frankly, sounds like someone's getting caught up on facts and might use their own imagination a little more. Maybe this is a comment to the literotica community in general, but, well, this is where i thought of it. The important thing for me in an erotic story is the mood, the relationships, not the exact legal nature of the events. Haven't you read a story with a blond that you imagined to be a brunette? Haven't you ever ignored some line that you thought was stupid or unarousing, or even just badly phrased? The reader is never to be idle in reading, and if you're reading erotica, doubly so. Let me spell this out: if you want a couple to be blood-siblings, or younger, or older, or tanner, or skinnier, more demure, less passive, &c, then imagine it! Cheesy catch phrase: You Make It Happen!
Thanks for a great story, and please do continue writing erotica! (I'm bookmarking you.)
Can't believe this is your first attempt, I look forward to the next.
Great work!! Like someone else said... of age, not of blood relation... and fast paced. Keep writing!
I love your style. Very natural, nothing seemed forced to me or contrived like so many of stories. Both Chris and Laura are very likable and I think you do a very good job of keeping your sex ambiguous. Can't wait to read more. Oh by the way very erotic in more than a few spots, not one dull moment and did not skim once. You're a good writer.
great especially for a first try. Im new to the site but i've read many of the stories and i have to say that was one of the best that i've read
One of the best stories I've read on this site, and I've been through a lot! Keep up the excellent work!
This is really fresh approach at handling this oft-repeated plot. A ingenius mix of restraint and plowing-on in the style and approach for the story
People are over thinking the subject......It's a good story and ultimitly that's all that matters.
...do I give out top marks. It takes something special.
I appreciate that there were no noticeable grammatical or spelling errors. The story flowed well. Everything about it was well done. I look forward to reading the rest of your stories.
Hot, sexy, and just a little kinky. Well done.
plot that I have read--
first time submission. I've read several hundred of these stories over the last three years, and this is one of the best I've read so far. Nothing turns me off more than a poorly written story, with bad spelling and grammar, no matter how hot the subject. You.Owe.Me. isn't one of those stories. It flows well, and your characters are believable. I look forward to reading the remainder of the story, and keep up the good work.
Wishing for a sister like you would fulfill the fantasy that I as never able to have.
Dang ,it's really great dude . You are better than some others , and you're only a first timer . Keep it up !
Good plot, story and imagination even though there are some spelling mistakes such as "their" instead of "there" or "you're" (you are) instead of "your", which can be somewhat off putting and for some weird reason most Americans seem to make. Other than that it is a good start and I will carry on reading the rest of the episodes in series.
This was a really good read and a good plot. You get my vote. You're better than a lot of other writers which is very good for a first try. Well done. I look forward to more storys by you. I'll have to look out.
This was superbly done, it wasnt exagerated (i'm aware i mispelled that) and was very beleivable for me.
Excellent work
I really enjoyed this and hope that the rest of the series is as good.
wow. this is incredibly hot and i lost myself in the story almost immediately.wow. this is incredibly hot and i lost myself in the story almost immediately.
very good. i just stayed up all night reading all of them. i just couldnt stop. i hope you write more stories.
You did an amazing job and I plan on reading all installments! I can't believe this is your first erotic fiction post since you certainly are talented... <3
Please continue to write - you have great talent and paint vividly clear word pictures!
Really an excellent story, thank you and please continue to write and contribute!
I laughed and laughed when I saw the FaceBook "Like" button - OMG, if I posted a like to this on my page?! TMI for the fan-damily and friends!
Again, GREAT writing, thank you very much!
I would recommend sticking in some more description on the characters as it is hard to build up a mental image of either of them. I've read the first page and there was some on the female and also description of the male's body but nothing else. I'm not asking for an opening paragraph of description, just more description blended in.
I love this story so much!!!!!!!!!!! U are my new favorite author!!!!!!!!!!
make sure you pay close attention to your pronouns and names. it cxan get confusing when you mix them up, but other than that it was amazing.
I have read most of your stories and this one I loved. It seemed real.
I really loved this. Although, I do think they speak as if they were a bit younger.
Now I'm off the read the next chapter!
This was missing a"closing for the mood. She probably should have taken him slowly in her mouth and cleaned him up a bit.
My brother and I love this story. Thank you for it. I can hardly wait for him to get come home with our/his young girl friend. We share.
Mmmm lovely...wish I had a sister like Laura....now 70 but really enjoyed the story. Had a nice wank myself. Pleae dont think it wrong...me being 70 and enjoying erotica..Johnxx
CONGRATULATIONS. THIS IS A VERY GOOD EFFORT FOR A FIRST START. You may want to include more descriptions of both the girl and the boy. I definitely want to know more about their relationship as it develops. Thanks for sharing.
Your grammar, syntax, tense, etc. are perfect, as near as I can tell. That separates you from the stories where errors are glaring; they cause a stall in the fictive dream.
Oh! And the story is first rate! Keep going.
I enjoyed the read, but I'm confused about their age. They act like young teenagers, but I'm told they are supposed to be 21/22?
"Just recently learned how to masturbate from a friend" and she is supposed to be 21? nah, more like 14.
Their curiosity and how excited they are to be doing this, doesn't match their age at all.
This is a very good story, but it was never finished and the account hasn't been updated in 7 years.
Very good writing thanks. Good flow and erotic description. I love the situation.
For your first story, you've written with great polish, obviously a natural talent. Tender, erotic, expressive, especially the innocent sensuality of the girl experiencing her first time. Nice job!
Very, very nice story...excellent start to your writing career!! Nice and erotic, got emotional; sister and brother obviously care about each other, Laura has been thinking about him...
Laura's 'inexperience' is not necessarily surprising...some girls just hold off, thru training, raising, whatever; and lots of them learn about masturbation from their girlfriends!
**5** Stars...for a most-excellent start...Let's see how the other chapters pan out!
i love the detail u put into it this has inspired me too make on of my own thank you.
Really good! The usual lie lay mistakes were not bad. Only "she laid on the bed" should have been "she lay on the bed" Also why didn't he at least get his hand on her pussy?
This may be the best Literotica story I've ever read. Of course, just like every other, you've put "step" in front of th4eir brother and sister hood. Has anyone noticed that the title of the genre is incest/ taboo. If incest creeps you out, why are you writing in this category? Some of us grew up with very hot siblings and wanted to fuck them. We can identify with them and they stories. So rj228212 it looks like you understand my thoughts. Please write more!
I wanted to ask: Why does everyone write of "step" siblings? But the "Anonymous" ahead of me beat me to it. As a teenager I had a hellishly hot sister and jerked off thinking about her. I would have been all over her like a big dog but our Victorian mother got to her before I could.