Yours Ch. 02

Derek was pretty funny, I found myself laughing or smiling along with most of the jokes he made. He seemed like a warm, friendly person, although he got a little loud sometimes. Becky seemed a little serious, but she had a real sarcastic streak too.

I slowly realised that I was probably the least attractive person at the table. I didn't really think they were shallow or anything, but it just became apparent to me that Becky, Derek, and Frank were all just attractive people, objectively. Rose and Jessica too, but I already knew that.

What really interested me was Jessica. She hadn't said a word since we sat down and seemed even colder than Frank, barely smiling or laughing at anything. Maybe actually sitting with me and her other friends at the same time reminded her of all the stuff we did together, and it freaked her out. The weird thing was that no one seemed to notice, no one asked her any questions or tried to include her, not even Rose.

But it wasn't long before Rose tried to get me to respond. They were talking about some report they had due in for History. I didn't share that class with any of them, but all the classes had to do it, with the deadline being Friday.

"Did you get it done yet?" Rose asked Becky.

Becky shook her head, taking a drink of coke.

"It doesn't seem that hard though, I'll probably get most of it done tonight." she said.

"Yeah it's pretty easy." said Derek, "It's meant to be, what like 1,500 words? I only did like a thousand, but it's probably fine."

Becky shrugged. "Yeah probably." she said.

"What about you," said Rose, turning to me, "Have you started it yet?"

I immediately felt nervous again, having to talk, but I mentally shook myself. It was just a conversation.

"Well, it's due in Friday. I've got like three whole days, why wouldn't I wait until the very last minute?" I joked.

Becky and Rose laughed.

"Ha ha yeah, fuck it." said Rose.

"Seriously though," I said, feeling confident from the laugh I got, "There are just so many more interesting things I could be doing. And everything's so much more fun when you're ignoring boring shit you have to do."

Everyone laughed at that, and out of the corner of my eye I even saw Jessica smile.

I said it jokingly, but that was actually how I felt about most things. There was always so many interesting and fun things to do, books to read, movies to watch, not even to mention all the time I spent on the internet. Pretty much every piece of homework I had to do, or test I had to study for, was done the night before, if not the morning of its deadline. Probably why my grades were so overwhelmingly average.

"Procrastination is one of life's greatest little pleasures." said Becky sagely, smiling at me.

I smiled back, and the conversation moved on.

I didn't talk much after that, but I was surprised to find I'd enjoyed myself. When we went to get ready for class, everyone said goodbye, and Derek stressed again how "really great" it was to meet me, the same warm smile on his face.

Later, Rose caught up with me at my locker.

"See, wasn't that fun?" she said.

"It was Ok. Your friends seem cool." I said casually.

"Good. That wasn't even all of them, Lissie had some dumb club thing to do today. You'll probably like her." she said.

"You have a friend called Lissie? Is that even a name?" I joked.

"Alyssa. Lissie. You'll like her." she said.

"Oh, and when would I ever meet her?" I said.

"Well obviously you're sitting with us tomorrow too." she said smiling, walking away.

I'd had fun, but I didn't know if I really wanted to be spending all this time with Rose and Jessica. If we started meeting at lunch, and after school, and on the weekends, then I'd pretty much have no time to myself. I'd already been spending less time alone, and as weird as it sounds, it made me a little uncomfortable.

I used to spend all my time alone because I had to, but over the years I'd really come to enjoy my solitude, my privacy. I wasn't really sure if I was ready to give that up.

==

The next day, they met me at the line in the cafeteria again. Rose had an expression that let me know she wasn't going to give up on this, and again, Jessica looked like she didn't really care. I hadn't spoken to either of them since the day before.

When we got to their table, Derek and Becky were already there, as well as a girl I vaguely recognised. It was probably strange not to know the name of everyone other senior by now, but I'd spent so little time outside my own small social groups that I didn't even really have to try to avoid gossip. The groups I hung out with were usually more interested in their own niche hobbies than their classmates.

"Oh hey man, what's up?" Derek said, as soon as I sat.

Becky was reading a book, and didn't look up to greet me. I looked at the other girl. She was very beautiful, I noticed right away. There really was a pattern here. She had sharp, well defined cheek bones and dark hair that fell past her shoulders, and very fair skin. Her eyes must have been brown, but they were so dark they seemed almost black.

"So you're Rose's little brother?" she said, giving me an almost stern, appraising look.

"Kinda." I said nervously.

"What do you mean 'kinda'? Do you not know if you're her brother?" she said, her voice sarcastic and almost accusing.

I felt a swell of nervousness rise up at her aggressive tone, but I met her eye. I was determined not to act as awkward as I'd felt yesterday. Besides, the way she was looking at me was nothing compared to how Jessica had been treating me for years.

"I mean we don't actually know who's older." I explained, trying to sound confident, "As far as I'm concerned, I'm her big brother."

She raised her eyebrows slightly, before turning to Rose.

"You said he was younger than you by like, a few minutes." she said almost angrily, her voice still firm.

Rose just shrugged, smiling. The other girl's almost hostile manner didn't seem to bother anyone else. Derek was just watching with what seemed to be a permanent half-smile, and Becky still didn't look up.

"He is younger." Rose said eventually, her voice full of humour, "He just won't admit it."

They looked at me simultaneously. It was my turn to shrug.

"I don't know what to tell you." I said lightly. "My little sister's delusional."

There was a half-beat of silence before the girl's cold, stern expression melted into a light, sincere laugh. I smiled, feeling a little rush of confidence that I wasn't used to. I didn't often make people laugh, but I seemed to be pretty good at it.

"I'm Lissie." she said, her laugh fading.

I felt strangely like I'd passed some sort of test.

Again, once I'd gotten my introduction out of the way, I stayed pretty much silent, letting the others talk, and content just to react occasionally. I noticed Frank wasn't here, but I didn't question it. Jessica still hadn't said a word to anyone, and again no one thought this was strange.

After a while, Becky flipped her book closed, and looked right up into my eyes.

"When did you get here?" she asked, genuinely puzzled.

I shrugged, mind racing to think of something vaguely witty to say.

"I've been here the whole time." I said, raising one eyebrow.

"What?" she asked, her brow wrinkling in confusion.

Derek quickly picked up on my joke, and added to it.

"Becky, he was sitting there when you got here." he said seriously, as if Becky was missing something obvious.

"Really?" she asked, even more confused, "Shit, I didn't even notice."

I couldn't help but smile, and Derek suddenly gave a short, loud laugh. She rolled her eyes as she realised we were messing with her.

"Oh, whatever." she said, a little embarrassed.

Rose and Lissie hadn't noticed this exchange, and Derek and Becky joined right in with their conversation. It was such a small thing, just a simple joke, a little moment of bonding, but it made me feel stupidly good. It had been a while since I'd had an actual, casual conversation with someone who wasn't related to me, or...whatever the fuck Jessica was to me. No long, complicated history or always quietly worrying about hidden meanings or ignoring old guilt. Just light, simple conversation.

As the other four talked to each other, Jessica met my eye, and again she was smiling. She seemed embarrassed that I'd noticed her looking at me, and quickly looked down at the table. She was acting so strangely.

Lunch passed without much more happening. I still didn't feel exactly comfortable with this group, but I was definitely a lot less nervous. If Rose was really insistent on this, then I thought it would be Ok to keep going along with it.

But it slowly became apparent that I just didn't have much to talk to them about. Most of their conversation revolved around other seniors who's names I only vaguely recognised, or TV I didn't watch, or parties I hadn't been to. It made me a little uncomfortable at first, but I figured I could get used to it.

==

The next day, Rose didn't feel the need to march me towards her table personally, but she waved me over when she saw me looking from the line.

It was just Rose and Derek at that point, but it was only a few minutes before Frank, Becky, Lissie and Jessica had all joined. Again, I didn't talk much, just sometimes laughing or making little jokes.

Unless the conversation steered towards a teacher I had, or homework I hadn't done yet (which was pretty much all of it), I still didn't really have anything to say. But no one pressured me to talk, or mocked me when I didn't understand a reference. This surprised me at first, until I realised that the only reason I expected it was because of how Jessica had treated me. She'd skewed my perception of social interaction, making it seem so much harsher and more judgemental than it usually was. I smiled when I thought this. I was still figuring out ways that she affected my life.

However, that day, Jessica did finally speak, but not to anyone at the table.

My eyes widened when I saw him approach, at least 6'3 and walking with a confident swagger.

Mike. Jessica's ex.

There were two other guys with him, but they didn't seem too interested in what was going on, and were mostly looking around, bored, or talking to each other.

There was a slight break in the conversation as each member of the group noticed him, until Jessica turned to see what we were looking at. Her eyes narrowed as he stepped up to her.

"Hey guys." he said, looking around the table.

There were a few non-committal grunts of greeting, but they were mostly silent. My heart had suddenly started pounding in my chest. I didn't really know this guy. What had Jessica told him when she broke it off with him? Did she mention that there was someone else? Did he know that I was the reason he'd been dumped?

"Jessica, baby!" he said, as if surprised to see her, "How've you been?"

He said it lightly, but it felt like there was a shadow of anger behind his voice.

"What the fuck do you want, Mike?" she said.

Her voice was strong and unwavering, though not exactly hostile. Mike seemed a little taken aback at her response.

"Aw don't be like that. What happened between us, baby? You used to be so sweet to me." he said mockingly.

"Mike, just get the fuck out of here." she said. "I dumped you more than a month ago. This is just sad."

I glanced around the table, but no one seemed to really notice what was happening. Rose looked bored and was staring at her phone, occasionally smiling as she read her messages. Becky was reading, and Lissie was toying lazily with her food. Frank and Derek were both eating quietly. There was complete silence, and it was impossible for them not to have noticed what was happening, but none of them reacted. Did they really care so little for Jessica's problems?

I looked back up to see Mike staring back at me.

"I don't recognise this one." he said, looking me over, "Is this the little faggot you're with now?"

Jessica hesitated for a second.

"You really think you can handle a hot bitch like her?" he sneered at me, arrogance clear in his voice.

"Hey, asshole, I'm over here." said Jessica loudly, pointing to her eyes.

He turned back to her, ignoring me.

"Actually Mike, there isn't anyone else. At all. Just let that sink in for a minute." she said, her tone venomous. "I would literally rather be completely alone than spend even a second more with you."

His eyes widened with anger, but he didn't have a reply. I'd been in that exact situation a hundred times before, and I didn't envy him. His friends were paying attention now, but seemed amused that he'd been rendered speechless.

"Why are you still standing there like a slack-jawed moron?" Jessica asked, as if genuinely confused. "Fuck. Off."

Mike gave one last furious look around the table, but I was still the only one looking at him. He glared at me for a few seconds before he turned and walked away.

I tried to force myself to relax as he left. Looking around, I realised no one else at any surrounding tables had even noticed the exchange. They'd been talking at a normal volume, but for some reason it had felt like they were shouting at each other. Two strong wills rising up and locking horns. Why did I feel so threatened, so afraid of their exchange? I guess I liked the idea of being superior to Mike, but seeing him in person had really put me on edge.

Jessica watched him leave, then turned to me and shot me an almost apologetic look before looking away again. The silence stretched.

"What day is it?" said Becky suddenly.

"Thursday." answered Rose in a monotone, without looking up.

"Shit! That History thing is for tomorrow, isn't it?"she asked me, looking panicked.

"Uh, yeah." I said.

"Fuck! I was going to go out tonight!" she moaned.

"Oh yeah, with who? Or did you forget to ask for his name?" asked Lissie, smiling.

"Shut up, you bitch." Becky moaned, slumping down in her chair.

The conversation quickly moved on, Derek and Rose joining in. I was so confused by what had happened. Had I just imagined that entire exchange between Jessica and Mike? Was it not worthy of some small comment? Everyone seemed just as relaxed as they had before, and the only difference I noticed was Rose shooting Jessica a small, reassuring smile, which was returned.

Pretty soon lunch ended, and we all headed out to our lockers. Becky stopped by mine as she passed.

"So did you get that report done?" she asked, sighing.

"No." I answered, "But then I was always planning to do it tonight anyway."

"Oh yeah." she said, laughing. "Well, later."

She turned to leave.

"Wait." I said quickly. "What was up with Jessica and Mike today?"

"Oh right, I guess you don't know what happened between them?" she asked, smiling.

"Well, I know a little bit. I mean, I know she broke up with him a while ago, but just...I don't know, wasn't it weird how...hostile they were being?" I asked.

She looked confused.

"Not really." she said, as if it was obvious, "I mean, haven't you known Jessica for like, years? She's always like that. Or she's just quiet."

"Well, I know she was always like that when we were younger, but...I don't know, it just seems weird. And why didn't anyone even mention what happened?" I asked.

She shrugged.

"Because it happens." she said, "Seriously, all of Jessica's conversation is like...forty percent silence, forty percent being a bitch, and like..." she trailed off.

"Twenty?" I prompted, smiling.

"Shut up." she said, returning my smile, "Twenty percent being, like, normal. We didn't say anything about it because we're used to it. It's not usually Mike, but sometimes just some guy who won't stop asking her out, or some girl that hates her, or even one us. She's cool and all, but she's just kind of a bitch. You just get used to it."

She shrugged again.

I wasn't really surprised by this news. I'd learned a while ago that her apparent hatred of me growing up wasn't special, but rather just how she acted around everyone who she wasn't very close with.

"How did you not know this already?" Becky asked.

"I kind of did..." I said, "I guess I just assumed she'd be different around her friends."

She shrugged again. She did that a lot. Her eyes flashed with sudden challenge as she looked at me again.

"Wait, do you know why they broke up?" she asked.

"Do you not?" I asked.

"No! She just keeps saying that she got tired of him, but we all think it's something else. Rose said something last Thursday at the party at Josh's, after she'd had a few drinks. They're both being really secretive about it all though." she said.

I hadn't been aware of Rose or Jessica going to any parties, I didn't even know who "Josh" was. As I thought about it, I remembered that Rose did actually spend most Thursdays out late. Our parents didn't mind. We didn't even have a curfew, but if we stayed out too late and couldn't get up for school, they wouldn't cover for us or write us any notes or anything, it was on us.

They occasionally gave us little lectures about responsibility and their expectations of us, and stuff like that. But the most important thing to them had always been developing our independence. Our lack of curfew never mattered to me, and I guess Rose never got home at a crazy late hour so it hadn't been an issue.

I hadn't realised she'd been drinking though.

"So?" Becky said eventually, pulling me from my thoughts.

"So...what?" I said.

"So, why did they really break up?" she asked, excited.

I didn't know why they'd decided to keep the information of Mike's...shortcomings...to themselves, but it wasn't really my place to say, even if I didn't like the guy.

"Oh, she just got sick of him being an asshole. I thought that was obvious." I said.

She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously.

"You know something." she accused.

I raised one eyebrow.

"But," she said lightly, "We're going to be late for class, probably. Later."

She gave a little wave, and walked away. It was strange to think there was more to Jessica's social life than I'd learned about before. And I hadn't realised that Mike was still a factor in her life at all. Going along with my sister's plans was already starting to yield some benefits.

==

The next day I sat with them again. The mood was normal, and I noted that I was already comfortable enough to notice what "normal" was for this group. Lissie and Becky exchanged some somewhat catty and sarcastic remarks, Frank didn't talk much, occasionally making some small comment, Derek was cheerful and funny, and Rose was...well, Rose.

Out of the three of us; Rose, Jessica, and I, she seemed to be the only one that acted the same no matter who she was with. She was pretty much the same when we were alone as she was when Jessica was with us, and it was the same at school. It was cool to notice that. She was just comfortable being herself wherever she was.

I'd stayed up until 3 am the night before rushing through the History report, and we all discussed what we'd put in and what we hadn't. Jessica actually contributed a little to this part of the conversation too, which again, no one but me thought was strange. It seemed that no matter what point any of us made, Jessica claimed to have made some reference to it in her work. She then brought up some points that none of us had discussed yet, or thought about. And then she told us that she'd handed it in a week ago, which was met with eye rolls and sighs, which she didn't even react to.

I knew Jessica got good grades, but I didn't know how hard she actually worked at it. School work and relationships had never come up when it was just the three of us, and I felt myself smile as I thought about this. I kept learning new little things about her, each one adding to the image I had of her, which I realised was actually quite shallow. I knew deep, personal things about her that not even her best friend knew, but I didn't know simple things like which subjects at school she liked, or what kind of food she enjoyed.