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The Magic Number

bysaucyvox©
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Comments (5)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous09/08/05

WOW

WOW!!!

Sounds much like slave and me this morning. A very good story well written with such a ring of truth (or desire/need in it).

I will have slave read it as soon as she completes dinner. I hope she will send you feed back.

stetsonmes@cox.net

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by saucyvox09/09/05

Thank you. :)

I hope you both enjoy the story. :)

Saucy

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by Anonymous09/09/05

i love rough sex mmmm

I love a girl who likes it rough mmmmm

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by oOScarletWingsOo09/09/05

Tense and POV

I'm not crazy about the tense you've chosen to go with the POV. It really turned me off from the story even though the subject matter was erotic.

I think that you should go into more specifics when your charater has her battles with whether she likes what is happening and whether she doesn't. What about it does she like? What about it doesn't she like? Saying: "I love this game. I hate this game." doesn't bring the reader into the story and help them to gain a connection with your character.

I didn't like the areas where you allowed the narrator to refer to herself in this manner "I am a helpless thing" or something like that. It would be much more effective, if this is something that you want to keep, as dialgue. Use it as something for her to say to her Dom/Master.

I think with the addition of some more sensory details, like the "whistling through the air" - "musk of my pussy" this could be much better.

Thanks for sharing it.

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by Extreme Bohunk09/14/05

Great!

Loved every part of it, POV, the emotion/inner conflict,
not to mention it was hot! Will be looking for more from you.

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