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Sun setting

bytungtied2u©
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Comments (4)
by Anonymous

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by sack12/05/05

This is tighter than your other poem today.....

and all the better for it! Thanks for sharing!

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by Anonymous12/05/05

*you have been mentioned on today's review

this verse grabs the mind with a multitude of images...ty...blue

the harsh orb meets horizon
to take it’s final bow
I see days past more clearly
as darkness soothes my brow

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by TheRainMan12/05/05

I agree.

This is tighter than your other poem above, and has the feeling of melancholy I think you tried to write into it. Suicide is a hard thing to write about without going astray somewhere. It is not easy to keep a proper separation from the words as a writer must. It seems you like internal rhyme, but here i think you should reconsider, since it doesn't seem to jive with the theme and may give some readers a soothing feeling that will hide what you are truly writing about.

Edits:

No comma needed, I don't think, after 'contemplating.'

one's = ones

clouds = clouds'

it's = its

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by dcpoet4412/05/05

though a subject....

that has been written about much, but yet you do a very nice job in handling it. i too like the 3rd stanza......nicely done......don

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