by WillowMegan
confusing to read because of the poor writing quality...the plot started out rough and just dwindled away with no promising ending.
It really seems like it could have been a very nice story, but the mixing of tenses, typos (or misspellings) and sketchy grammar kind of spoiled it. Too bad!
Megan my dear, it ws a beautiful story. You could have spent a little more time on the love making and spelling. But i loved it thank you. BJ
I thought it was a good story. I like stories that have a base behind them, not just a steamy sex scene. Hope to read more about this adventure. Keep writing :) J
This story made hot ... but i want you to celebrate the female body more. You do a great job of building the sexual tension between the two of them ... but then rush the realization of their mutual attraction.
(so write a sequel ... and don't sweat the grammar and spelling ... you can always clean that up)
if you correct the grammar a little more, it can be really good.... plus you need to work on your transitions... and it would be hotter if you actually emphasized the accent of the italian girl by using a sentence structure that is more tipically italian...
If you genuinely want to be a writer, then you need to pay some serious attention to your spelling, your grammar, and your choice of words, all of which are quite poor in this story.
Please, I couldn't get past the second paragraph with your poor grasp of the English language.