All Comments on 'Jack and Diane Ch. 11-14'

God what a wait for this unreadable pile of crap. The change from Diane in THIS portion of the story...compared top earlier chapters is laughable and makes no sense.

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Jack got the shit beat out him... thrown in jail... slandered... and almost had his kids taken away from him ... all because of Diane.

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she ended with a few points on her Drivers Lisc?? what a huge letdown

Story wandered all over the place. It started out Peter suduced Diane, she felt guilt and had second thoughts but he convinced her she was doing the right thing. Than Peter is the good guy and ole Diane is the evil coniving bitch than everybody is O.K. Pluss all his friends are now gay. I hope you write again but next time write it all than submit it and I think it will make more sense, Thanks for your effort.

As someone said the story was all over the place. But on the whole I thought it was quite good. I think probably the wifes final reaction to what she did is probably more real than most story endings. But I still think more revenge could have been done to her. Anyway good read in the end I look forward to your next story.

Interesting story and character develop was good but not consistent [I.E. Diane]. Diane suffered no real consequence for her actions and Jack's tough but determined character went soft and unpredictable in the end. Nevertheless, the effort put in by this author was outstanding and that is definitely worth at least a 75.

This last part was not up to the first part. It is not very

tightly done and seems to lack clarity in presentation.

pacing between chapters was such that few of us really care much about the story or characters, from one posting to the next. that's a shame, as it was a very decent story.

I still think you deserve a good rating. This is much better than most of the gay husband cuckold trash that seems to be prevalent on the site these days.

The comment from Harryin someplace was actually pretty mild. Redundant redundancies of needless, rambling obfuscations concerning Jack being caught up in the social service bureaucracy because of Diane's scheming and cheating. Then they almost all turn into flaming limey homos. WTF!! At the hands of Diane and Peter, Jack is betrayed, cuckholded, almost loses his money, home and kids, and is falsely charged with battery, resisting arrest, child endangerment and/or abuse, and is beaten severely by the police. Did I forget anything? Oh yes, Diane finally tells Jack she so disrespected him and their marriage she though she could betray him, walk all over him and take him for all he had. But she's in a bit of a funk now cause she misjudged her ability to emasculate him and failed. No sorry, just her selfish plot failed and she had it way better than she'd realized before she blew it. And in the end Jack says he gets along Cheerio with Diane and says he still LIKES Peter cause "he's a NICE guy." (MAYBE THEY HANGS TOGETHER IN THE STEAM ROOM AT THE GYM. WHY NOT, VIRTUALLY EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS THING GOES FAG.) I know its only a story but Jack is an asshole.

they know not their own minds - Especially da Va. guy.<P>

A new Author in the learning curve - doing his new best in an entertaining way - has puter problems - has the courtesy to apologise and tell us why the delay - and a few take the opportunity to crudely try to rain on his parade?<P>

Shame on youse louts. Really.<P>

This was a solid 2nd effort Author - you will get better if you wish and I am prepared to wait as you do as you show promise, imagination, humor and sensitivity. You paint scenes with care and characters people traits clearly.<P>

The rest is all about growing, making mistakes and going on stronger for the experience.<P>

I look forward to your next which I recommend your write in total then release each chapter 1 day apart to avoid some of the issues this effort displayed. Less stressful is also a key value to any writer.<P>

Lastly, closures / endings are the largest challenge to any writer - especially in a longer effort. And it is the last possible opportunity to complete a good start and middle story impression. Its how the story is remembered and ultimately judged by your customer readers. Give the ending the same care and time or more as writer focus does lapse towards the end - its just human nature in most cases or lack of experience in the balance.<P>

Thanks Author<P>

With High Regard

Many are trying to figure out why Author made Jack such a wimp to the extent of being a doormat, with virtually no recriminations for the people that wrecked his life. Author has Jack take sooo much life changing crap from Diane and her accessory Peter that we are mystified. After it all he's stiil on friendly terms with Diane and more amazingly Jack feels Peter "is a nice guy." Unless Jack really has a soft spot for Peter. After all they still get together at the gym. Jack apparently is able to sabotage his ex-wifes pipes to wreck her house but oddly feels sorry for Peter's bad business luck. Jack hangs with fags, did get beat up by the butch gal, could never bring himself to dislike the guy who cucked him, and was in the navy (VP's didn't sing that song about the marines, army or air force did they. Was that Jack saying, "What am I going to do on a submarine?" LOL)

Thanks for reading and commenting. There is a story feedback section in the forum. I have a thread there, that I check quite often, http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=554748

I have posted a couple of explanations of some points that have been raised.

I really think Jack let Diane off too lightly. She should have gotten all 9 points on her driver's license.<P>

Perhaps you might consider making future stories tighter and the characters more consistent in their actions?<P>

Thanks for sharing.

I loved this story. Thanks for writing a WIMP-FREE story. When Diane was written as a good mother then "torching the bitch" means torching the kids. Diane falls on that spectrum of non-loving wives from Golddigger to Martyr and just like men who script out their lives women do also. Diane's buyer's regrets about dumping Jack sounded self serving and it shuld have put more distance between them. Thanks for a realistic story and I await future submissions.

SleeplessinMD

I thought this story was pretty good. Certainly, I wouldn't respond to Diane quite the same way as Jack did, I think I would have been a little more aggressive. I also had a lot of trouble coming to terms with Jack's relationship with Peter. Personally I probably would have wanted to stab him... Still, the tale was creative and entertaining and I thought it was written quite well. Thank you author.

Thanks for your story. You have talent and have already produced 2 fine stories here. Until I got to your wrap up I'd have given this story 100 - it was there that your careful writing slipped. You brought in items such as the gay/lesbian switchero that just didn't belong in a conclusion, unless it was part of the story too. The house story was cute but, in my humble opinion, was a detail that did not belong in the epilog. Actually, your conclusion reads a little like the outline for another couple of chapters.

I love the range of comments your story generated. I especially liked the one about how Dianne should have received the full 9 points - very cute.

I re-read all the chapters and feel that Dianne was not consistent throughout, especially at the end. Rather than realize what she lost, she should have been greiving that her timing was bad. "If she'd waited a few more months ... if she had a better attorney ..." I have worked for attorneys for years and have met women like Dianne. However, your version as you see it was fine.

Thanks again, I look forward to other work from you. Ttom

Basically you had a good story but the final points are in the details. Have no notion at all why your nick is torchthebitch so far it seems to be smooth the waters with oil. This ex wife of his is a real fruitcake, god knows when her next mental overdrive will occur.

You had written an excellent story but your attempt at a somewhat humorous ending fell very flat. It took the story from a 5 to a 4 and a 100 to a 75. Close, so very close, but the ending was a bust.

I agree with whoever said the ending seemed a bit rushed. I personally found it a bit anti-climatic myself. I believe if you ever re-publish this story, edit the ending to be a bit less hurried. (LOL! 11/2/09)

This FABULOUSLY well written. Jack takes the high road. BUT an awful lot of really BAD things Happen to him and NOTHING to Diane.

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3 points on her liscence really does NOT seem to be remotely fair

Especially the ending. Saae and reasonable, self-respecting Jack triumphs over bitch.

what a bad ending.. she's just covering her ass, trying to stop him from getting her in trouble. please please don't reconcile them XP well i guess you already written the end but i'm hoping i don't read that haha XD live up to your name! ;)

Just tell the crazy bitch to fuck herself and leave. The fucking kids were the only ones who had it right....leave...don't come back. But you even had to screw that sentiment up. Whoever gave you the moniker burnthebitch must have been cofused and not know what it meant. IMAPUUSSY would have been far more appropriate.

The sentence below has to be one of the worst and is the first sentence from page 2 of this installment.

I nearly exploded, both Milla and David held him back.

I like the story but the 1st person/3rd person flip drives me crazy.

He is having dinner at home with his ex wife, while there is a police investigation of spousal abuse.

That last bit left me scratching my head. MAYBE the lack of emotion in their marriage wasn't his fault?

In chapters 05-07, was it not revealed that Diane never really loved Jack, and had been using him the whole time? Was it not revealed that her plan, from day one, was to wrap him around her finger, then take him to the cleaners in the divorce after the kids were on their own? So why is she acting like her marriage was lacking, when she herself regarded it as nothing but a means to an end and a "hiatus in her life"? No shit it was her fault.

Are we to believe Diane experienced some sort of epiphany? Seems a stretch, given what's been revealed about her so far. Oh well. Time to press on.

You have done a great job with Diane. She wasn't some mindless bimbo. She knew what she wants and set about how to get it. Do we ever really know what lurks in the heart of someone? Diana's is obviously a bitch.

Onwards and?

It's good to have friends who are high-powered lawyers. --- Oh, and what's with this line: "I did not need any guidance from his friends; I nodded my assent."

In these circumstances no lawyer would let her client have a private talk, or even few moments, with the wife who had falsely had him arrested for assault and no intelligent client would even consider it.

Constable Graham is being made out to be a complete and utter moron, making it clear she is both too emotional and too stupid for her job.

Absolutely no way a competent lawyer (which Milla and David are) would allow their client to meet with Diane, who has already (falsely) accused Jack of assault in a still pending case. This is a badly failed plot point and a drawback from the overall story.

Getting annoyed. Lawyers act like law students, and your MC is a pussy. If you don't torch the bitch I'll be deeply dissapointed.

Author really needs to sort out the lapses from first to third person

Is like torchthebitch a clickbait name to get the BTB crowd to read this maudlin helpless cuckold caught in the system little male pacifist thumb sucker or is this your idea of torching the bitch?

With solicitors like he has got, he would be better off defending himself, no one mention, neither the MC or his solicitors his assault by the ex wife, one of whom witness him being assaulted but no one mentions this to the police in his defence? Wtf? Starting to be to stupid to be enjoyable ⭐️⭐️

The (quasi) upper class English politeness is irritating in the extreme. The ex-wife is a bitch; she assaulted the MC, filed a false police report, was clearly planning to get full custody of the children using her false claims as a lever to do so the MC was assaulted for no reason by a malicious Police Constable, Child Protective Services

gets involved because the wife's and the PC's actions together call into question his fitness as a father, and she fucked around with her personal trainer before she started the divorce. All that and more and his lawyer friends still keep counseling that he not try to take even aggressive legal action to cause the wife some (legal) difficulties? And he goes along with it? Why? This story has gone downhill fast.

What can you say about Jack and Diane? They were just doing the best that they can.

Jack is too nice to the bitch.