All Comments on 'Desconocido Pt. 02'

because the big bad man had put him away for over 12 years, fucked his beautiful wife/woman, married her, had whole bunch of kids by her, and yet still wants to see her suck that guy off --- thinking to himself, "Oh, no, my beautiful Mariko, you used to hate sucking me; but now you are sucking him like a slut!" and he cries and cries and cries? LoL <p>

'tis a picture of an extreme narcissist wimp pimp! <p>

well written, though.

Its well written crap and it is too short. Kazuo is such a pathetic cry bay wimp... that I WANT him to lose.

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It is 12 years later and all he does is CRY and sob like faggot then he shows up where he is NOT suppose to be and may have tipped off Mike -- the BAD guy-- that He might be alive.

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There is circumstantial evidence from chapt 1 & 2 that his wife was in on the plot from the beginning.

If the real husband doesn't become a hero soon this story will be garbage. Where is the hate? He should be filled with a burning hatred for his ex-partner. Wimps can't be heroes so fix it that he gets a backbone. So less of us will read this.

this crap is what it is.

These are commonly expressed feelings by heroes in the first act. Readers (viewers) patiently wait to see how the story develops. But, when you post it one short part at a time, there is way too much time for reflection and it doesn't flow as it would if you posted it as a single story. The commenters have told you what you are doing wrong.

Instead the story seems to be about a man who lost his life and reputation to a murdering scum bag. but he seems to want to get involved again. Personally 12 years is a long time to be away from somebody. Three years? four? six years at the outset, that is probably how long someone could stll love a dead person.But something,anything would have triggered his brain to get back to normal. But the wife is married and apparently happy with her husband. let her go, find someone else. She isn't yours anymore she is someone elses. Let the 'hero' get his revenge then let him find someone who can love him. He loves a woman who he knew twelve years ago not the mother of four children. LET HER GO.

dead? YOu have a lot of plot to develop. The business and the relationship of the main characters doesnt seem to fit. Clean it up. Why not go to the authorities and report your past and claim attempted murder? What makes the helper so interested in helping that he had already put in cameras and such in the offices et al? Why is he seeing a lawyer, nothing here really makes sense.

Another wannabe writer strikes - where do all these funny people come from?

Some of us mor than not love tojerk to these stories and you do too or you wouldn't read them.

Can't wait to see what happens. good writing. You make us feel his emotions. What a sad, sad tale.

and I never really judge a story until I have read the whole thing and that is the problem of posting chapters. Personally I like to see new writers trying their wings and I really don't understand commentators who go to so much trouble trying to avoid hearing the whole story! So give it low marks but why even bother to open the next chapter if you are sure you won't like it. There are a lot of authors on here that I do not bother opening. In fact, lately it is hard to find someone to open. They all seem to have migrated to SOL or given up the diversion...

I encourage you to keep the story going. Bruce22 makes sense with his concern about stories coming out in short chapters that don't give us enough to really understand the characters and the plot very well. I'll keep reading until you either pull it off as a hero, or the story dies from dragging out in sort pieces that puts it into a time frame that is too long to continue to hold our interest. I do feel that your "hero" needs to have more fire and lust to right the wrong that has been dealt him.

nicely written w/ just enough drama to make it interesting and realistic.

I'll wait till its finished than go back and read it, to hard to deal with this story and short chapt. good witing so far.

Very good. Keep going.

not ANOTHER wimpy cuck!

I hope.he.can take.care of mike, but somehow, I'm afraid it won't happen.